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I need some insight!

For once this isn't exactly all about me! Us addicts can be very self involved, don't you think? :) Let me give yall some background.,  My husband and I have been together for 14 years. We have done pills together off and on that whole time, however he can do pills for a month or two, walk away and wait a year to do anymore, we obviously have a different chemical makeup! So last night after the kiddo went to bed, we were talking about my situation, using this site, and getting aftercare. I have never spoken these words out loud before but I said P, Im an addict, I need to get some help, and that's that. So very hard to say that to this amazing man, Do you know what he said? Carrie, you are not an addict! This man has seen me f*** up SOOOO many times, he had to carry me to ER over an unfortunate Klonopin/soma OD, he has seen me disappear and go on a crack binge for 3 months when we separated before, plus many many more shameful things. So here is where I would like some insight: Do you think he is ashamed to have an addict for a wife? Does he not understand what addiction is? Does he just want to sweep it under the rug so we can go back to our normal life? I just really don't get it. Let me state that he is a great guy, extremely supportive during my withdrawal, he is a wonderful provider and Dad. Any thoughts on this would be greatly appreciated. XOXO Carrie
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Avatar universal
Thanks for checking on me! I agree with everything you said, Getting him on here will be impossible this I know. He was raised to not talk about mental illness or addiction, you just suck it up work hard and get over it! I may be able to convince him to go to a meeting with me, but my best chance is to have him go to my therapy appt, so a professional can explain things. I have a lot of childhood trauma I need to still work through, and remember taking my moms seizure pills to commit suicide at 7 years old. This has everything to do with my constant self medication. Im not looking for pity, this is just cold hard fact. He will come around, and if he doesn't I am a strong intelligent woman that can make it on my own, in a much better place than this cesspool! So I found a meeting and 3 addiction specialists, and I still have to call our insurance because they have different ones that they use coz its free. So,   email me, tell me about your day, and see if you can guess the lyric, I went easy on you this time! much Love C.
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Avatar universal
I think he is on his way to accepting it, Im sure it isn't what he really wants to hear , he also has a very demanding and dangerous job. He is supportive of therapy so that's a start. He never understood when the pills were gone , he was like no biggie, and I was a freaking basket case scheming, lying ,hustling to get more. I agree, its just our chemical makeup, he has no depression, no childhood trauma, no panic/anxiety disorder, He is mentally healthy and Im not, but hopefully I will be one day. Much Love, Carrie
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4810126 tn?1503942735
Oh yes, Congrats on day 13, doppleganger! :))
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4810126 tn?1503942735
Mornin' Carrie Anne! :)

This is why I was asking you whether or not he Truly knew what it meant to be an addict. His resistance to seeing you this way may be due to any of the following or a combination therein:

1) He's an addict in denial himself.
2) He's been around addictive behavior a lot & simply isn't educated as to what it really entails & what will be required going forwards.
3) He's in denial that you're an addict b/c he doesn't know how to handle it, it frightens him & he doesn't like to think about you that way.

One thing is certain: This means that he (at the very least) it 'co-dependent' & will be enabling you until he understands. I'd suggest that you get him to the site so that he can read, read, read -- maybe talk to us -- post or whatever -- so that you can do this as a family. We also have a 'Living w/ an addict forum'. If you go the meetings route, there's also the possibility of Al Anon for him.

Maybe you could explain how important this is to you, that you're not misguided in this, that you've known it for a long time & that it's been hard for you to talk about it.

I'm proud of you for spending your time here yesterday productively & for listening & thinking about what folks here are sharing w/ you! :) (Yup, I checked on you during my break @ work ;))
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Avatar universal
my husband and I are the same way too Carrie, I get sick without the pills, he takes them also but when we run out it doesn't bother him a bit. I am being to think are chemicals must be very different, Glad to see you  on here !
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Avatar universal
OMG Carrie!!! Your situation is just like mine!!!!! My husband was the exact same way!! He has a very demanding business job and for years he took a few of my pills every day and could walk away like it was nothing!! He never ever understood why I couldn't do the same! I think it's just a different chemistry. Now, that was years ago before my back surgery when I had a heavy problem. Today, he is so very supportive of me. He has been taking care of our girls! I think it is most certainly the chemistry. Some can simply walk away like it's nothing! My husband has since accepted that I can not.
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Avatar universal
I will try! Overthinking is my downfall! You are right, I am extremely fortunate to have this man in my life. One Day at a Time. Thank you all, I feel much better. XXOO
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Avatar universal
That was my first thought too, that perhaps if he admits that you're an addict then he may have to face his own demons. Most likely though he is just incredibly supportive and wants to make you feel normal. Thank God he is there for you. Take it one moment at a time and don't over think it
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Avatar universal
He used to use a lot more years ago, but hasn't taken pain pills in over 2 yrs, he doesn't drink alcohol or anything else, Do you think there are different levels of addiction? Like Im at one end of the spectrum and he is at the other? Maybe you are right, he would never admit a weakness like that, He is a mans man, never had depression or anxiety like I have. Thank you for your insight
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Avatar universal
You said he uses to sometimes?  If so I would say it's his way of not having to admit he may have a problem,  too.
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