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Addiction: Substance Abuse Community
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Avatar universal

I really need someone to talk to

So i have been taking pills everydaay for about a year, i have taken them before that, but once my script ran out it was no big deal....my dad passed away last Nov. and that is when i really went downhill....i also have Fibromyalgia so i started taking them when my doctor started giving me 120 5mg percs a month...then that didnt last so i would have to buy them on the street...then that started lasting me only like 4 days....so i would have to buy for almost the whole month....then i turned to methadone, dilaudid, morphine, vic, perc, OC, whatever i can get my hands on...then on july 5, i decided i had had enough, nothing was really working the way that it used to, and the money was killing us., i had a 2 year old daughter, and a 4 year old son, not to mention my husband whom i lo9ve more than anything...i am 27. So july when i decided to stop i wanted to go to the hospital and do a medical detox, i was already to go, actually on the way o9ut the door and they called me back and said that my insurance covers absolutly no alcohol or drug ttreatment...and they wante4d 4000 down...so i could not go i went 2 days and finally had to go to the ER they gave me clonidine and ativan and sent me home...i last 2 weeks clean and it was awful, even with the drugs to help me i was so emotional, and cried all the time, sometimes for no reason....so on day 14 of being clean i baought some percs...and that was just the begining...i actually did ok for a couple weeks, sticking to only perc 5s and vic 5s..taing about 30mg a day....compared to 200mg before. I have pain that is realy so i thought i could handle only taking that amount. but, one day i couldnt find those, so i had to buy oxycontin, 80mg pills. that was about a month ago now and i am totally hooked on that, i take anywhere from 80 to 220mg a day, and i am freakin sick and tired, i wish that i had never messed up my chance and started again, we had my bro in law some up during my detox to help with the kids when my hubby was at work and i dont want to ask him to do it again, my mom thinks i am sticking to vicodin, my boss thinks i am still clean.....i hate this, it is running my life, every moment and everythought is about oxys...if i have enough, can i take more? i feel like such a loser, my kids should be enough resaon, but i feel like i cant quit, i cant be in bed for days, i cant afford detox or treatment...plus the pain, im stuck....in a veryveryvery bad spot....i have started smoking them, first to try it, and know the habit of getting it ready it addicting itself.....i rail them also....god, forgive me....what do i do, should i use methadone to get off so i am not sick??? please help i need all the answers i can get
10 Responses
Avatar universal
  I think I would consider going back to the Dr. who prescribed the percs for you in the beginning.  Tell him that you would like the Clonidine to help get you off the opiates.  Just say that you have been useing too much and need to get off of them.   Or, see if you can get in to see a Dr. who prescribes Sub and who will help you tapper off of that.   I don't see a real good outcome with the way you have been useing,  snorting ect.   this is a bad deal for you and I hope you will find help somehow.  And to heck with anyone who says anything snidey to you abt. seeking help,  don't care if it is family,  they should be esp. suportive.  You need to get your act together for the kids and get clean.  The opiates are for real pain and if addicted to them, they do have a tendency to cause more pain.  A good detox and some significant clean months will help you see where your pain (real) pain levels are.   Sometimes it is hard to know when there is long term opiate use.    I wish you and your family well and hope that you will find a way to be free from the prison these drugs have you in.

Ella  
1029436 tn?1256690764
your story sounds so familiar we all have been there.  You need help and we are here for you honey, your sick and you need the support of family to get through this.  I'm not sure if I would go cold turkey on that dosage but you have done this before consult your doctor come up with a game plan, YOU KNOW WHAT YOU NEED TO DO, THE TOUGH PART IS DOING IT.  You have already started your journey to your new life by reaching out and realizing your sick.   Read the health pages so you have all your supplies Vitamins, Melatonin for sleep, Epson salt for hot baths.  Everyone is different but I ran a pole when I started asking what was your worst day of wd's almost all said day 3 and 4, You still have loved ones around you I'm sure you have a beautiful family, that's your hope, your inspiration, lean on them be honest, keep us posted there is hope you can do this.  Hate the drug not yourself, cry when u need to cry and thank god you have so much love around you.  We will be with you all along the way!!
Avatar universal
I am not saying that my act is together, but as far as my kids and husband go i am a good mother, my children are happy, we go fun places, mwe read my home is clean, we always have good food, we play etc.. my husband gets the attention and love he needs, we still make love, he always always always gets what he neds, like clothes and boots for work, gas, gets to go hunting...etc.but i am the one who is not happy on the inside, my husband hates this for me, and the money part is killing us, we no longer have cable, our cell phones are shut off....etc. i have to do this before it gets worse, i just have to do it in a way that it wont take a toll on my kids and man, i cant be in bed sick, or grouchy..last time it really upset the kids when i was in bed sleeping for 5 days straight, thats the part that i need advice on.....i just want to be able to wake up in the morning and just be thankful for what i have, instead the way it is now, my first thought is do i have pills??? if so do i have enough?? or where am i gonna get more....how much can i spend, this is tearing me apart and everyday a little bit of my self worth gets chipped away.....i want to be me, free of drugs...i would rather have pain, bad pain than be the way i am now...if i were to get on sub would i feel ok???
Avatar universal
Hey, YOU are worth something,!!!!   don't ever think that your not!!    You mean the world to your husband and the kids too!!    

See if there is a County agency that can provide numbers for free clinics,  there are for mental health agencys, and if need be, go to one of those and tell them (or phone them) for some information on addiction recovery agencys.  Tell them your situation and tell them you need some help getting off opiates.   There has got to be other ways and I pray that others will come and give you some advice/info.
Hugs to you

Ella
Avatar universal
hey, i feel your pain totally. i was doing the same thing, i just posted my story on a different board (not sure, go look at my profile and look at my 1st two posts since i just joined today) but ive been there before....how many pills do i need today, where to get more, how to get them, everything. its not fun like people think it is, its the most painful thing ever. esp when you have kids and a family too that you have to provide for, i was doing the smae thing. my kids are 3 & 5 now and dont remember any of it.

my ins coveres mental health inpatient so i asked my psych dr to admit me there so i could detox medically (not ideal conditions, but at least i was being watched & didnt have to deal with the family at that point) it took 10 days to fully detox, but i had nothing other than them weaning me down...i was taking at least 50 pills a day (norcos at that point 10/300) plus lost of psych meds, and the first day i was there they only gave me 8 pills, which was a joke, so basically i went cold turkey.

pm me if you want to talk some more, in detail, i dont want to bore everyone here with all the details, but just know i was a heavy user, and i stopped unconventionally, and pretty much have been clean off pills now. it all happened after my mom died in 05.

YOU ARE WORTH IT NO MATTER WHAT!!!! dont give up, please. there is hope, and people whove been in your shoes and understand...take care honey!
1029436 tn?1256690764
I'm glad that you hate the drug it sounds like your a great wife and mother.  Your correct that you need to take action before it gets worse eventually the pills won't work if you don't quit and you will end up in a dark place.  Your breaking the law it's a felony and if your caught you will go to jail.  The part you need advice on in regards to you getting over this as soon as possible again the worst COULD LAST A WEEK OR MORE.  Go to the health page section read the detox articles and the Thomas Recipe, if you use the info on this site it will help you keep the yucky feeling to a minimum.  
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495284 tn?1333897642
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