Aa
Aa
A
A
A
Close
8143091 tn?1399049284

I relapsed again, is anyone there?

Relapsed again and went on a binge, I'm so disappointed in myself, I was so ashamed to even log in to this site, I am really trying to put my life together, I want to be clean, I know relapsing occurs during recovery but I can't accept it, I really would give my left arm to get clean, and I seem to be abusing rohypnol to fall asleep more, like I'm replacing my usage with kat (Methcathinone,Jeff), but no matter how horrible I feel about myself, I managed to muster the courage to login, it feels like I'm going insane, someone please grab my hand, I don't want to slip into this dark pit again, I just get so impulsive and forget how it makes me feel when I come down, I'm crying out for help, I don't want to feel sorry for myself, I want to do something about it, I admit I got a problem, just it feels like no one understands me, I was almost sexually abused as a kid, I suffer with major Depressive Disorder and I also have herpes hsv2,
20 Responses
Sort by: Helpful Oldest Newest
8143091 tn?1399049284
We have the motivation, by being here we have taken a step towards the beginning of a new life, a better outlook, new coping mechanisms with problems, no one has made that choice by force, you did, you joined this community, you have that fight in you, yeah at the lowest times it may seem that our backs are up against the ropes, but you now have an army at your back to keep you moving forwards to a better life!!
Helpful - 0
8143091 tn?1399049284
I do have my up and down days, but I try to focus more on the positive, sitting and feeling sorry for myself sometimes but I reiterate and have this fight in me to face the demons head on, I know that this road isn't easy but dammit I won't go down without a fight and leave no man behind
Helpful - 0
8143091 tn?1399049284
Well let's light up that dark neighbourhood of yours, I see a lot of hope and support, a community of people, and as long as we have one another we are never truly in the dark, sometimes we have to go to that place to get to a better one, take a stand and let's all get out together
Helpful - 0
8143091 tn?1399049284
As long as we have the strength and the light inside of us, we can make it, I believe that we can beat anything with the right motivation and support,  
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Slim, you can do this!! You gave me hope and support when I needed it so let us help you. God Bless
Helpful - 0
8323481 tn?1405705654
I have relapsed both with drugs, and alcohol.  I was sober for 5 years then picked up a drink.  I know it was because I was only kicking the bottle ahead of me.  I didn't plan to change.  If nothing changes, then nothing changes.  My sick mind couldn't help me.  I reach out....My mind is like a dark neighborhood that I can't visit sometimes!!
Never give up hope, EVER.  Sharing is a great start to your first time for the last time....praying for you.
Helpful - 0
8143091 tn?1399049284
Hi, I have tried od'ing once on roofies, I took over 50 with a half bottle whiskey, was my second suicide attempt, but got rushed to the emergency room in time, I'm on the citalopram because of my depression, at times I stayed off kat for months, but just been going through a rough patch and started abusing weekly
Helpful - 0
8143091 tn?1399049284
Wow, thanks, you have certainly have given me a lot of insight, a lot to keep my free time occupied, as they say an idle mind is the devils workshop, also about the relaxing advice, I am trying out new coping strategies to avoid any familiar triggers, but thanks, thanks to all of you, I see hope
Helpful - 0
1742220 tn?1331356727
slim, you sound despondent, but man I think you can do this, like some of the others said you need to get off the methamphetamines as I understand you are using these?  and I agree with d/s the MJ drug is really dangerous (roiyphnol?  sp), that is not stuff to mess around with.  you need some one you can trust in therapy and a good support system, mh is good but you need more.  lots of people in the world deal with viruses that recede and emerge, its ok.  keep posting for support.  relapse is common, ive done it a lot and I mean a lot.  good luck.  :)
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Slim, there is no way I can say it better than MSDelight just said above. Everything that was said was spot on with Love and Concern. Although many people relapse (I did 4 times before I got it right) at least I hope I've got it right. 16 months free from utter bondage. Anyway you don't have to relapse and none of us should use that as an excuse. Relapsing does not mean failure. Failure isn't falling down its staying down. Don't stay down Slim. Peace
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Oh slim my heart goes out to you because you are fooling around with some very dangerous drugs. The kat you take is a very strong amphetamine combined with an anti seizure and antidepressant. It is highly addictive, dehydrating and has no clinical use here in America because it is a bad drug. The rophynol or roofies that you take to come down is the date rape drug! This can kill you especially in combo with alcohol so please don't drink. Slim I'm not sure if the above is your doc or if you're using it to get off something else but I can tell you that if you continue down this path you will surely die! Please get yourself into a detox facility ASAP. Please honey, take our hands and climb out of the ditch! You must. I offer you support. You can do it!
Helpful - 0
495284 tn?1333894042
COMMUNITY LEADER
Are you using the stuff that killed Michael Jackson?  What do you think of your psychiatrist?  Do you like him/her?
Helpful - 0
4113881 tn?1415850276
A Relapse Prevention Plan: The Tools of Recovery

The Stages of Relapse

Relapse is a process, it's not an event. In order to understand relapse prevention you have to understand the stages of relapse. Relapse starts weeks or even months before the event of physical relapse. In this page you will learn how to use specific relapse prevention techniques for each stage of relapse. There are three stages of relapse.(1)

    Emotional relapse
    Mental relapse
    Physical relapse

Emotional Relapse

In emotional relapse, you're not thinking about using. But your emotions and behaviors are setting you up for a possible relapse in the future.

The signs of emotional relapse are:

    Anxiety
    Intolerance
    Anger
    Defensiveness
    Mood swings
    Isolation
    Not asking for help
    Not going to meetings
    Poor eating habits
    Poor sleep habits

The signs of emotional relapse are also the symptoms of post-acute withdrawal. If you understand post-acute withdrawal it's easier to avoid relapse, because the early stage of relapse is easiest to pull back from. In the later stages the pull of relapse gets stronger and the sequence of events moves faster.
Early Relapse Prevention

Relapse prevention at this stage means recognizing that you're in emotional relapse and changing your behavior. Recognize that you're isolating and remind yourself to ask for help. Recognize that you're anxious and practice relaxation techniques. Recognize that your sleep and eating habits are slipping and practice self-care.

If you don't change your behavior at this stage and you live too long in the stage of emotional relapse you'll become exhausted, and when you're exhausted you will want to escape, which will move you into mental relapse.

Practice self-care. The most important thing you can do to prevent relapse at this stage is take better care of yourself. Think about why you use. You use drugs or alcohol to escape, relax, or reward yourself. Therefore you relapse when you don't take care of yourself and create situations that are mentally and emotionally draining that make you want to escape.

For example, if you don't take care of yourself and eat poorly or have poor sleep habits, you'll feel exhausted and want to escape. If you don't let go of your resentments and fears through some form of relaxation, they will build to the point where you'll feel uncomfortable in your own skin. If you don't ask for help, you'll feel isolated. If any of those situations continues for too long, you will begin to think about using. But if you practice self-care, you can avoid those feelings from growing and avoid relapse. (Reference: www.AddictionsAndRecovery.org)
Mental Relapse

In mental relapse there's a war going on in your mind. Part of you wants to use, but part of you doesn't. In the early phase of mental relapse you're just idly thinking about using. But in the later phase you're definitely thinking about using.

The signs of mental relapse are:

    Thinking about people, places, and things you used with
    Glamorizing your past use
    Lying
    Hanging out with old using friends
    Fantasizing about using
    Thinking about relapsing
    Planning your relapse around other people's schedules

It gets harder to make the right choices as the pull of addiction gets stronger.
Techniques for Dealing with Mental Urges

Play the tape through. When you think about using, the fantasy is that you'll be able to control your use this time. You'll just have one drink. But play the tape through. One drink usually leads to more drinks. You'll wake up the next day feeling disappointed in yourself. You may not be able to stop the next day, and you'll get caught in the same vicious cycle. When you play that tape through to its logical conclusion, using doesn't seem so appealing.

A common mental urge is that you can get away with using, because no one will know if you relapse. Perhaps your spouse is away for the weekend, or you're away on a trip. That's when your addiction will try to convince you that you don't have a big problem, and that you're really doing your recovery to please your spouse or your work. Play the tape through. Remind yourself of the negative consequences you've already suffered, and the potential consequences that lie around the corner if you relapse again. If you could control your use, you would have done it by now.

Tell someone that you're having urges to use. Call a friend, a support, or someone in recovery. Share with them what you're going through. The magic of sharing is that the minute you start to talk about what you're thinking and feeling, your urges begin to disappear. They don't seem quite as big and you don't feel as alone.

Distract yourself. When you think about using, do something to occupy yourself. Call a friend. Go to a meeting. Get up and go for a walk. If you just sit there with your urge and don't do anything, you're giving your mental relapse room to grow.

Wait for 30 minutes. Most urges usually last for less than 15 to 30 minutes. When you're in an urge, it feels like an eternity. But if you can keep yourself busy and do the things you're supposed to do, it'll quickly be gone.

Do your recovery one day at a time. Don't think about whether you can stay abstinent forever. That's a paralyzing thought. It's overwhelming even for people who've been in recovery for a long time.

One day at a time, means you should match your goals to your emotional strength. When you feel strong and you're motivated to not use, then tell yourself that you won't use for the next week or the next month. But when you're struggling and having lots of urges, and those times will happen often, tell yourself that you won't use for today or for the next 30 minutes. Do your recovery in bite-sized chunks and don't sabotage yourself by thinking too far ahead.

Make relaxation part of your recovery. Relaxation is an important part of relapse prevention, because when you're tense you tend to do what’s familiar and wrong, instead of what's new and right. When you're tense you tend to repeat the same mistakes you made before. When you're relaxed you are more open to change. (Reference: www.AddictionsAndRecovery.org)

Physical Relapse

Once you start thinking about relapse, if you don't use some of the techniques mentioned above, it doesn't take long to go from there to physical relapse. Driving to the liquor store. Driving to your dealer.

It's hard to stop the process of relapse at that point. That's not where you should focus your efforts in recovery. That's achieving abstinence through brute force. But it is not recovery. If you recognize the early warning signs of relapse, and understand the symptoms of post-acute withdrawal, you'll be able to catch yourself before it's too late.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hey Slim was reading you post  for me I tred every thing a phyicatrest a substan abuse comslor church  I could go for a wile but in the end I use  now one thing is for certan you still thing like a addict and so do I  but I was able to arest my addictin and now I got recovery I owe it all to N/A this should not be concidered oppitional it is a critical part of recovery for me and many others  time to swallow some pride and do the next right thing you cant keep on going on like this your liver and kidneys will recked I wish you all the luck in the world but without a recovery plan you probably going to use again
..................................................Gnarly......................................
Helpful - 0
8143091 tn?1399049284
I don't do any meetings, I have become an introvert, I prefer the company of my music and solitude, yes I am seeing a psychiatrist, I'm currently on citalopram, by being here, deep inside me I know I don't want to give up
Helpful - 0
8143091 tn?1399049284
I accept that relapsing is apart of the recovery, I just got despondent, I know that the road to a substance free life is long and hard, but by us all being here, we have already made that choice to lead a better life and as long as we have the support of the amazing people here, we are not alone, walking this road together through the storm
Helpful - 0
8143091 tn?1399049284
I have accepted the fact that a normal life is out of reach, however I am stronger, more committed to making the best of my life and helping others out of that dark path we were on
Helpful - 0
1235186 tn?1656987798
good for you for posting. we are here to continue to support you.
we are holding your hand. keep trying. don't give up on yourself.
you need to get counseling to deal with your pains, wounds and scars.
are you going to meetings?
stay away from the people, places and things associated with your use.
do you have someone near you that you can be accountable to?
going to church, having a exercise regiment. these are all things that can help you to stay on the road to recovery.
do you see a psychiatrist?
praying for your peace and healing
debbie
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Please don't give up on yourself.  I read your post and my heart reaches out to you.  I know your pain, and you are not alone. You are going to be ok, just breathe in that you are a cherished human being who is struggling  the fight of your life.
I am doing it, and there are times so dark I think I can't go on, but I just WON"T give in.
We relapse to get back that euphoria, that sense of well-being and power, the energy, and the ceasing of all discomfort, mental as well as physical.  It's a total sham, and here we are again, crying out for help.
You can do this.
Take baby steps.  Find something you can do right this minute to save yourself.  (You already did one thing by signing in). Please hang in and realize there are so many of us out here struggling just like you are.
Helpful - 0
8548587 tn?1426132056
You are not alone. Forgive yourself and keep trying. From what I've seen very few of us make it without a few hiccups. Don't let the guilt win. Let go of that guilt and try again. If you just keep trying, you will succeed. I am pretty new to this. Only six days in and it is the hardest thing I have ever done. I'm here if you need to chat
Helpful - 0
Have an Answer?

You are reading content posted in the Addiction: Substance Abuse Community

Top Addiction Answerers
495284 tn?1333894042
City of Dominatrix, MN
Avatar universal
phoenix, AZ
Learn About Top Answerers
Didn't find the answer you were looking for?
Ask a question
Popular Resources
Is treating glaucoma with marijuana all hype, or can hemp actually help?
If you think marijuana has no ill effects on your health, this article from Missouri Medicine may make you think again.
Julia Aharonov, DO, reveals the quickest way to beat drug withdrawal.
Tricks to help you quit for good.
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.