Aa
Aa
A
A
A
Close
Avatar universal

I relapsed!!!!

Theres some new names here but I still recognize a few.Some of you know me well,for those who don't I was addicted to pain pills and chose the methadone route and became addicted to that.I went c/t off of 25mgs of methadone and was closing in on 2 years of sobriety and a few months ago I let my guard down and picked up the pills again and began a huge downward spiral.I am on day 3 of w/ds and it stinks.I never thought this would happen to me again.What I know now more certain then I ever have before is NEVER say NEVER!!! I fell fast and hard and was up to using more then I ever had before within a matter of weeks.Chasing that high that I was never going to find,in the end just trying to not be sick.I'm ashamed and I am disappointed in myself but it is what it is I can't let that guilt get in the way of whats important here and thats my life.I made it through and I'm fighting like he!! today,the cravings are through the roof,so I contacted and old friend(I love ya Sara)and I'm pushing through.For those of you on day 3 with me or close to the beginning,we can do this and life is so much better clean and sober.Keep fighting the good fight...We're worth it!!!!!!!!!! Peace....Kim
19 Responses
199177 tn?1490498534
Sorry to hear but the important thing is you are back on the wagon .What were you using and what recovery care are you going to do .
711224 tn?1344771687
OMG Kim, I'm really sorry about all this :( Hang in there Sweetie, you are on the recovery road again and that's the most important... Rooting for ya!
sending you tons of love Mwah's and hugs.
xoxoxo. sophie.
Avatar universal
Welcome back Kim, we have missed you. I agree with you, don't let the guilt get in the way of what is important. Relapses are painful, but your back on track now and will make it through this. The second we let our guard down, we are ******, so make sure that don't happen again.

Have you thought about aftercare? May I ask what triggered you to use? Good to have you back now, you helped me in the past and we will help you through this. You will be ok Kim, stay strong. I still get to kick ya in the a s s though, haha.
Avatar universal
Hi Kim~~  I wondered where you went!!   I was hoping it wasn't a relapse...I'm so sorry.   This pill thing is soooo haunting...even after months and years of clean time!
I know,for me,I don't have any of those "tearing the house apart" cravings BUT I think about the pills everyday because I dream about them!!   I know I walk a very fine line
everyday and I've never worked so hard at anything in my life!!    So,I understand...
You'll get through this...you know what to do...and we're all here for you.
Vicki  xo
Avatar universal
i was sober for about 3 years i hurt my back and went to the doctor i told him about my addiction and that i didnt want anything i could get addicted to. he prescribed me ultram in about 2 days i was taking more than ever. this is my 4th day clean still cant sleap and constant restlessness. But we can make it through did it before do it again just really *****.
Avatar universal
It is good to see you Kim. sorry it is under these circumstances.. You are right when we let our guard down and think we have this licked.. our addiction will rear its ugly head and swallow our lives whole.. Congrats on day 3 !! Whoo Hoo on the road to recovery... You and I both know you are strong enough to get through the wd's so drop your "friend" and do what needs done.. i send warm hugs to a old friend :) lesa
Avatar universal
I understand. I had 10 years and because of medical reason began to take pain pills. Currently I am in day 8 of suboxone withdrawal feeling very crappy. My resolution is starting to weaken.
229538 tn?1300377767
Hi Kim , we and I are all with you ! Don't feel so bad look how long I have been here . Back and forth . clean/relapse . I do remember you well and all your help and now we are here for you and always will be . I have no doubt this will all me a distant memory one day for all of us and until then we have each other ! Your friend Jimmy
Avatar universal
I Kim715..nice to meet you :)...

Sorry you are having to deal with this all over again. I don't even have it in me to stop for more than two days. The fact that you went as long as you did is great and so you slipped and are in the process of pulling yourself back up... so my advice is just to take one day at a time. Don't think about tomorrow until tomorrow comes. Live for each hour and each hour for each minute and you will be back on top again. Try hard not to focus so much on the relapse (easier said than done I know) but more on each hour of progress. The only way I was ever able to make it a whole 24 hours was to look at the clock and count the hours it had been since my last pill and focus on that. Learn from this mistake. I admire you for your hard work through this addiction. I only wish I had your strength.
Avatar universal
It must have taken one heck of a lot of guts to come back here and admit to your relapse.
You are brave and I am glad you are back and fighting your addiction
You go girl and we are all behind you
Avatar universal
Thankyou all for your support.This is a rough day.To answer some of you I relapsed because I let my guard down,obviouisly.I take full responsibility,no one made me do it.Working with a bunch of addicts didn't help any and stopping coming here and going to meetings was what helped me to spiral down so fast.I forgot what day 3 feels like...OMG this stinks but I'm holding on.Peace.....Kim
495284 tn?1333894042
COMMUNITY LEADER
I am so glad you came on here and posted this.  You and i have much to be grateful for my friend and today that all came to light didnt it!!  You are a wonderful beautiful person both inside and out and you will get thru this.  You know i am only a phone call away any time day or night.........We have to protect our clean time as it is the most sacred thing in our life.  These next few days will be tough but you are tougher.  You are in control of you now, not your addiction.  You know i love you to pieces and will always be there for you........sara
495284 tn?1333894042
COMMUNITY LEADER
How are you feeling today?  Hopefully better both physically and mentally.  I am thinking of you and will be home most of the day if you need to talk.

Went baby shopping yesterday afternoon.....I will need 3 jobs by the looks of it!!  The baby girl clothes are WAY TO CUTE!!!
Avatar universal
HI Kim ...sorry to here of your relapse....you where one of the first to congratulate me
by messaging me on my first day clean off methadone it was like day 600 for you if I remember right...it was and still is very inspirational to know it can be done..don't let this fall bring you down its just one bump in life's road and you caught it b/4 it was a total disaster ...now just fight your way back to where you need to be...im sorry you have to go thew withdrawals again....after doing that I wouldn't wish it on anyone...and I must have said this a million times in this forum but "you just got to be ok without being ok for a wile" this to shall pass..all I want to do is encourage you to hang in there...you beat this demon once you shale slay the beast again...I will always look up to you for you have been an inspiration to me when I just wanted to give up....its because of people like you taking time for people like me that I got 168 days clean now....we work as a team to lift each other up...in a lifetime this will just be an unpleasant memory ...in your lifetime you will concur addiction once again this time for good....if anything good can come out of this let it be that I know now that you can never let your guard down no mater how much clean time you have...this will always be a life long battle for each of us...with Gods help I am winning the war and so will you....good luck and my God bless you abundantly......Gnarly          
Avatar universal
Ahhhh Kim,

So glad you are back! A good lesson for everybody here. It dosen't matter how long you have been clean if you use just once.
I will always be here for you.

T
699217 tn?1323438700
hello Kim.  I do remember you too, you really helped me a couple years back when I was going through my first w/d.  I know now that our addicted minds can trigger use so easily and we just think it won't hurt us to just have a pill, or a couple won't hurt us.  Boy are these minds wrong!  I quit counting how many days clean I have now, maybe 126 or so, but I know every morning when I wake up that I feel good, very little pain, and the world doesn't look so bad, that I need to cover anything up with drugs.  This is what gets me through a day...but I also know if there were a pill here, I betcha it would be in my system.  That su__!!  I do realize that I need aftercare, and am working on finding a way to get some...
Great luck to you this time Kim, keep posting, it sure helps me to stay on course...I will be rooting for you to feel better very soon....:)
495284 tn?1333894042
COMMUNITY LEADER
Kim....get back on here sister
Avatar universal
Hope your ok. This is day 5 now right? Hope your feeling a bit better now? Let us know how you are Kim.
199177 tn?1490498534
I hope you check in again soon and let us know how you are
Have an Answer?

You are reading content posted in the Addiction: Substance Abuse Community

Top Addiction Answerers
495284 tn?1333894042
City of Dominatrix, MN
Avatar universal
phoenix, AZ
Learn About Top Answerers
Didn't find the answer you were looking for?
Ask a question
Popular Resources
Is treating glaucoma with marijuana all hype, or can hemp actually help?
If you think marijuana has no ill effects on your health, this article from Missouri Medicine may make you think again.
Julia Aharonov, DO, reveals the quickest way to beat drug withdrawal.
Tricks to help you quit for good.
For people with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD), the COVID-19 pandemic can be particularly challenging.
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.