Addiction: Substance Abuse Community
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1047946 tn?1332611629

I screwed up...I feel useless

Well, I had about 50 days clean except for 2 days of taking 5 norco due to steroid shots in my back that caused some pain. I have been having excruciating pain due to my back and sciatic pain. I also have spinal stenosis and arthritis in my back. I should have known better. I have been down this road far too many time. I feel like I shouldn't even be giving advice since I am not clean. I love helping others with some of the knowledge I have due to going through withdrawals in the past. I once even had over a year clean and have learned a lot along the way. I know I have to learn more though. My wife doesn't deserve this. My kiddos don't deserve this. But I DO deserve the pain that lies ahead because I did it to myself. I know that I can no longer take my pain meds since I take more than prescribed. I just can't, no excuses even considering my pain. I do know what I have to do and I will be starting it soon. I have been laid off but will be going back to work here soon hopefully so I need to get through this quick so I feel cold turkey is the way. I have worked through ct in the past and know I can do it again. I would much rather be through the worst of it before work starts though. I have tapered in the past and it does help but I don't want to drag it out. I know many say sorry for letting everyone down but I know I let myself down also. I feel like a useless piece of human flesh. I would much rather live with physical pain than the mental pain that addiction brings. It's time for me to man up and end this once and for all. Any added support for motivation would be great.
Is it okay to still give advice even though I am not clean myself? I'd still love to help others but not sure if I rate to do so.
Thanks for listening and best of luck to all of you!

29 Responses
495284 tn?1333897642
I just wanted to let you know i think you are great Brian.  I am heading out the door and will be back after a bit so cant write much....Dont you dare go anywhere......sara
199177 tn?1490502134
Its still  fine to give advice just be honest with yourself and us .You know how it feels to both be clean and use there are going to be relapses idea is to get threw them back on track ASAP did you stop or are u still using ? Did you abuse them or take them as directed ?
Avatar universal
Brian you are not worthless you are a great guy who gives great advise,so dont you be so hard on youself. I have relapsed and you tell me to get back on my horse. So now im asking you to do the same. You know what its like on both sides so you can still help. I still try to help and im only 7 days clean. So you can do the same Brian you are a great guy with lots of knowlidge. we need you here my friend........James
Avatar universal
HI bmdad.. we have never really spoken before (well as much as you can on the computer :) but I would like to take this opportunity to Thank you for all the good advice you have given.. some has even benefited me :) and I hope you continue.. I have received the steroid shots in my back and have not had the need for pain med.. I think a lot of this is our addiction talking and our aversion to pain..  when it comes to sciatic pain. pills do not help anyway.  we share a lot of common aliments.. I have found that I use excuses for why I use. any Dr. would prescribe me meds. one look at my foot x-ray in my pics speaks volumes.. but the mental anguish of addiction is far worse then the physical.. the loss of pride. respect. self worth.. just does not add up to us chasing what ? a high we will never achieve again.. It is good of you to come forth for only through our secrets are we at our sickest.. I wish you and your loved ones the very best. lesa
1047946 tn?1332611629
Thanks for all the kind words. I know I sure need them right now because I am disgusted at myself!!..lol...Nothing worth laughing about but I do know I have to keep a positive attitude to move forward to reach success, and I will. I did end up taking more than I should up. I am going to cut down for a few days and then make the jump.
Lesa, I know we haven't talked recently but I know we did in the past. I was bmc1976 before. I lost my password so just started a new account. I'm not sure if you  remember me. I think the first night you were on here there was some young kid coming on here making fun of us all. We ended up hammering him pretty hard!!! I think that was you. I remember you saying this forum was great!...lol
James, thanks for being here for everyone. I feel we are one big happy family! And like you, failure is not a option!
Avisg....thanks for the encouragement. I value all of your advice!
Sara...I'm anxiously waiting for your return so you can set me straight in just a few words!!.lol...Just kidding...I love reading your responses.
Thank you all so much. I already feel a bit better which I know will help. Have a strong mental attitude and staying positive is key in my opinion.
There are times I think I should re-enlist in the Marine Corps, go back to Iraq, and then I wouldn't have the temptation! But I have a wife and kids to take care of so that's out of the question!
You guys are wonderful and I consider myself lucky to know you all.
Thank you!!!
Avatar universal
Brian...good to hear from you again and how many pills are you taking daily.If it was just those 5 narcos what are you fretting about.That was how narcotics are best used.For short periods of time so tolerance and addiction does not develop.
I do not consider 5 narcos in special conditions a relapse.IT show strength of character to take that few and not continue.Even if you did continue for some time as ltaken as prescribed you did OK.
Gosh darn its good to hear from you and that you will probably get your job back.
I have had a dental abscess and pulled muscles in my back and only took ibuprofen and it helped OK.Opiates were not even an option for me.I just made up my mind.It seemed funny not to pop 2 pr 3 tylenol#3 for the pain ,but to take otc meds.
Keep posting for your advice is treasured around here.
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495284 tn?1333897642
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