I shouldn't have told my husband

[againnot]

I know a week ago I encouraged some people to come clean with their spouse.  I have now lived to regret that move.  This morning, during a minor argument, my husband threw it in my face..."well, YOU are hooked on vicodin".  ok...............not that I didn't already know that..,...But I have to say for awhile it made me feel like a total 2nd class citizen.  He later apologized, but the words already came out of his mouth...know what I mean?
So ok.  I just wanted to vent.  I am on day 8 of tapering.  Down to 1/2 today.  I realize it's like pulling a bandaid off very slowly, and that 1/2 really isn't going to do much good.  I've been having a really hard time with anxiety thru this whole process, even tho I take xanax.
Thanks for listening. (reading)

[FAITHFUL74]

I DID "NOT" START DOING THIS UGLY HABIT FOR HIM AND I AM NOT STOPPING THIS UGLY HABIT FOR HIM - ITS ABOUT ME AND MY LIFE AND WHETHER OR NOT I AM HERE TO LIVE IT!

[FAITHFUL74]

Hey I know what your going thru REALLY!!! My husband is a recovered and completely clean cocaine addict. He has been clean for 4 years now and I was completely supportive of him. Well, guess what... It was laid heavy on my mind keeping my pill addiction a secret from him and really felt like I was ready to kick it head on and that him being a former drug addict he could help me!!! That went great... the first day! Well, with all of the major mood changes I have been having for the last two days d/toxing we have had some pretty ugly fights. The first thing he calls me is a F'd up Pill Head! Not supportive at all. I cried for two hours straight last night. BUT... THE MORE I CRIED THE MORE I REALIZED AND KEPT TELLING MYSELF I DID START DOING THIS FOR HIM AND I AM NOT STOPPING FOR HIM... I AM DOING THIS FOR ME AND THAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT REASON IN THE WHOLE WORLD. I hope this somehow helps you too!

[againnot]

I did agree before that honesty was the best policy...but I'm still not so sure.  This is only the FIRST time he's thrown it up in my face, and I only told him less than a week ago.  I really didn't even go into the gory details of how many I was taking a day, etc., other than I've been on them too long and now my body was dependent on them and I had to get off of them.  Period.  That comment from me is what led to his statement of "you are hooked on vicodin"..blah blah blah
Maybe it was the pointing out the obvious, AND, ME never hearing that statement OUT LOUD ever.  hmmmm.  
So, traveladdict, I agree with you.  Pure honestly with yourself is enough right now.  Tell others maybe a watered down version for now.  

[traveladdict]

Remember first, you are not a disappointment.  Your are struggling with an addiction as we all are. He doesn't need to know all the details. I was on Morphine and vico for 12 yrs, but I did not give all the details to my wife only enough to let her know we needed to work though this together and I need her there to help me. Maybe a "I slipped a little bit" with him and pure honesty with yourself will be enough for now.  Time will heal this.  You are going to pass over some rough water but if you want this over once and for all you can do it!  Your family is worth the effort.

[hydro4life]

Before I ever had this pill addiction my husband was an addict. He had stopped many times only to start right up the minute he had some "extra" money. I never understood how or why he had a problem with the pills. I would threaten leaving him and always throw his addiction in his face. Now being on the other side I realize how damaging my words/threats were to him and his addiction. It just made him want to use more. At one point I remember him telling me that if I wasn't always throwing pills up in his face maybe he wouldn't be thinking so much about them all the time." Until you walk a mile in an addicts shoes you truely have no idea what a strong grip addiction can have on a person."

[northernstar30]

Thanks for the advice.  He comes home on Friday, and I might just tell him.  We've gone through this so many times and I just don't want to be a disapointment.  It started with pain killers, I did a lot of extacy for about 8 months, then went back to pain killers.  Since it's hard for me to get the percs/norcos, I use the trams.  It's been 3 yrs all together.  Again thanks for the advice.  It really does help.

[Greatgreebo]

People always say horrible things when they are angry-if that was the only hurtful thing he could think of you are doing very well!! I'm sure my Honey could find a billion things to throw in my face if he chose to during a fight. Don't take it personally-it sucks it happened though...I'm sorry

Greebs

[traveladdict]

We all are on the razors edge between opening up to our spouses and hiding our demons.  I am on day 17 of c/t. She knew I was taking pills but did not know what or how much.  Sometimes the details of what or how much we are taking are too much for them. My wife was very supportive when I "came clean" on a Friday night had a good cry, you know the drill.  However the next day it was why did you not tell me sooner: "I am your wife".  She has just started sleeping in "my room" again. We all know how many times we try to quit, try to taper,and try to hide the truth from the ones we love the most just because we don't want to look like a failure to them. Only to "fail ourselves" our goals, our will and our dreams to be  free from the demons that we are haunted with from within. I think the point I am trying to make is we need understanding from the ones we love the most and the pain of "hiding" gets to be too much.  Only you know know your situation and how to approach it.  But whatever you can do, however you can do it you must try to save your family from distructing from within because of pills.

[bandnmom]

I read these posts and i have to double look to make sure i didn't write them. I to came clean to husband a few weeks ago and first he freaked out but then became supportive. Sometimes 2 supportive! But know he keeps throwing it in my face and when i say those comments hurts he just gets pissy and avoids the comments. Its so frustrating. Northernstar30, b4 i told my husband about my pill popping addiction i always had a picture in my mind: me standing in the front lawn with him throwing all my belongings out the window and telling me to leave while my 2 kids crie and watch. It wasn't like that thouh. Sometimes your worries speak to loud. good luck to you all!

[northernstar30]

I want to come clean to my hubby, but I think he would take the kids and leave me.  He thinks I've been clean for a year.  My sister has been taking pain meds a lot lately and he's always saying, "I'm so proud that you kicked that habit".  But here I am.  He works out of town for 2 weeks at a time, so It's a easy to hide it.  But I'm sick of all my lies.  I'm afraid he's going to come home and find this site on my history and freak out.  He told me the last time that if i used again that he would leave.  You guys on this site are the only people that know.  I have felt alone for awhile.  Good luck to all.  We can do this.  

[Spooked]

I feel you. Its amazing how ignorant most folks are about this stuff.  I find myself trying to explain to those whom I love why such comments are so counterproductive. The problem is that I don't want them to understand but I don't want them to think so differently of me.  It seems that it is scary for them to recognize how little they understand our condition. I want them to believe that its not impossible for me to beat this thing on my own. But it seems like when they begin to realize how little they understand it, they start to look at me like some kind of monster. Honesty is definitely the best policy. I guess we just have to tough it out and see who sticks with us.

[SotiredIcantsleep]

A lot of people will be supportive at first when you tell them, then bash you later for it at their convenience, I've found

[GoingToMakeIt]

I still think it is a good idea. Sorry it blew up at you. For me, part of the recovery is admitting a problem. It takes a big weight off. If they have a problem with it. It is their problem, not mine. I don't necessarily tell everyone I meet, but I don't try to hide it.

[dove3053]

What's done is done. The most important thing is that you are working on getting better. You seem to be doing a good job at it. There is no way you can tell how people are going to react when you tell them something like this. It took courage to tell him and I respect that.

Dove

[BlotOutTheSun]

i havent never told my wife shed probably do the same thing, im on day 10 c/t and not feeling to bad, ive found support helps alot, but also its completely up to you in the end, just keep trying, ive been trying for months before i was finally successful, there are alot of terrible withdrawal symptoms like anxiety, you just got to tough it out eventually theyll go away, and your husband oviously doesnt understand this addiction as much as everyone in this forum, it is very hard to quit especially when someone is downing you about it, keep posting youll make it through