So, I've been on Suboxone for 1 year and 5 months now, and it has been getting old for a while. I have grown tired of the daily routine: waking up and waiting for that pill to dissolve before I felt like doing anything. I have headaches most days, and I still get nauseous here and there in the middle of the afternoon. I have been scared to death to begin tapering, because of all the fears that go along with my addiction. Mainly, I am terrified that the addiction isn't my only problem, and that once I am vulnerable again, I will revert back to the horrible, crippling anxiety I had. But another part of me is curious and excited that maybe this time will be different, and that I will be better equipped to deal with it. Well, I lost my job a few weeks ago and was approved for unemployment benefits, where I will be making just about the same amount of money I was before. So I thought to myself, what a perfect time to focus on quitting. I will have nothing to do every day except focus on my recovery, and if it doesn't go well, I can just curl up in a corner in the comfort of my home. Before I even started tapering, I began having these waves of nausea every day. (By the way, I was taking one 2mg pill every morning, and perhaps a tinys sliver at night before bed.) It would happen at around 11am, 3 hours after taking the pill, that I would become flushed and feel like I was gonna throw up. A few times I did, but mostly I just have to lie down until it passes. This happened every day for about 4 days. So the next day I took a little less... I broke a 2mg pill in half, and then took it with half of the other half, so about 1.5mgs. I had the same nausea even with cutting my dose, so the next day I only took 1mgs. I felt totally okay all day, and not sick. The only drawback was that it began to wear off in the evening, at around 9pm, and I found myself getting anxious just sitting on the couch, and praying that the time would go by so I could go to sleep. I have a few Ativan from a while ago, that I broke into little pieces, and one tiny piece seems to take the edge off when it gets really bad. But for the most part, it is not unmanageable! I don't know if Suboxone has "healed my brain," the way that doctors say it should, or if it is all just a fluke, but I decided to listen to what my body was trying to tell me. I figured what's the worst that can happen? I still have plenty of pills, and could always go back on the medication, so I felt like I had a safety net, and it was easier to jump! So I've been taking 1mg every morning, and yesterday I even felt nauseous on that! I am really trying to be optimistic, and tell myself that I don't need it anymore. If it is making me feel sick, it may be because my receptors are "repaired," my body is producing its own chemicals again, and it doesn't need the outside stuff I am putting in it. I have been so negative for the past 9 months, and have not believed a word of what they say this medication does. But I have realized that it may not matter what it ACTUALLY does; it matters what I THINK it does, and this is what I will tell myself. I will stay on 1mg for another few days, then drop it some more. This is the first time that I have felt like there may be hope for me.
