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Avatar universal

I thought I'd made it

- and then I didn't. I relapsed today. I went through w/d and my at-home detox 6 days. And then 60 Vicodin fell into my lap. And I took 1. And hid the rest in the house.

How could I think this is a good idea? I had a terrible w/d experience when I went cold turkey, a milder but miserable w/d experience last week - I finally started to see the light and... I popped a pill today. REALLY?!

Does this EVER get easier? I don't want to be dependent. I don't want to be looking for my next fix. So how could I fall so fast?
180 Responses
Avatar universal
because we are addicts that is why, but please get rid of the other pills, the one you took won't set you back but if you take more it sure will. We are addicts and can't handle one. I am not sure who says this on this site but it goes something like this: one is to many and a thousand is not enough. I hope I didn't butcher that one buy you get the idea. We just can't take just one, so get rid of the pills you hid and stay on course and I wish you good luck and prayers to you
Avatar universal
HI I agree with 0421 get rid of the pills they will only call your name and the guilt and shame you feel is enough to drive you to say f/it and do a handful FLUSH THEM NOW.....addiction is cunning baffling and powerful it will take you places you dont want to go 1 pill physically will do little more then mess up your brain chemistry ....your brain in on the hunt for endorphins again ....with that comes cravings and the pills are back on your mind again.....best to just pick yourself up dust yourself off and start over at least now you cought it b/4 you ate the whole bottle so you dont have to face down withdrawals.....its moments like this that we push aftercare so hard it ez to slip especially in the beginning look up N/A mettings in your area you can google it go out of your comfort zone and go to one you dont have to say a word just sit and listen it will help you threw stuff like this as adicts we need to change the very way we think and reason....our best thinking got us here....good luck and God bless.......Gnarly    
Avatar universal
Wow, they are so right, one is not the problem, we are. It will empower you to flush them, I know its hard to do. Been there, done that. It will give you strength, and like you said the wd is horrible, you don't want to do that again
1695559 tn?1311907028
get rid of them! it will bug you and bug you if they are there you will probably end up rationalizing a way to take some of them and then on and on and before you know it you will be in the same boat you were in! please dont go backwards! keep going forward! hate the pills hate them and get rid of them! i hope you check in soon so we know how you are doing. i am new to this site and just sitting here reading posts like your story the other night gave me the courage to get my story out and at least think seriously about kicking this crap. so thank you for that... please dont go! =]
Avatar universal
Thank you, All, for your comments and encouragement. I will be honest - I haven't flushed them yet. In fact, I've taken 2 more - - - chasing that feeling that I know won't come without a fistful. I'm planning to go to bed tonight, get a good night sleep... and plan to flush the entire bottle first thing in the morning.

I should do it now. I realize. But I just can't make myself... The pull is too strong. I'm concerned I won't be able to tomorrow, either, but I'm going to try and focus on all the negatives and just DO IT first thing.

I actually feel nauseated... GOOD. I'm draggy and sleepy.... GREAT. There is very little enjoyable about how I feel. I don't feel guilty - I realize this is a disease. But I don't feel empowered either.

So. Tomorrow. Immediately after my husband leaves (he has no idea, and while I think it would be great if I could tell him - I'm not ready to do that yet). Flush. Before work.
Avatar universal

Sorry about your slip up. Best to put your best foot forward and start again. I find myself better prepared for journies in life if I take them in pieces. It's the finality of it all that's tough, so you made it 6 days so you can know you can do that...Do it again. Please DUMP those pills it is just to tempting and I don't think anyone could quit with those pills laying around.
Tell yourself I'm going to go it alone ONE more time and if I slip I NEED to tell my husband. He is your partner in life and probably will suprise you. For better or worse right.
Think about this.  Telling my Wife was the best/worst decision I ever made.
Best because I knew she would give me the strength and support I needed to quit
Worst because I knew it was the beginning of the end of my little hide away. I had someone to be accountable for (god knows I wasn't to myself)  and had to face my addiction and let go.
Maybe some rings true??? I hope the best for you and buck up and get right back on the horse!! YOU CAN DO IT!!!
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