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2107676 tn?1388973859

I want to feel good

Ugh, I just want to feel good.  I want to get back into that life that is out there somewhere but I am still having stomach cramps and  no energy and really feeling sad or sorry for myself.
This has been going on so long. I have been detoxing on and off for months it seems. The longest i have made it was 10 days.  This time I made it 3 took 6 pills and now have gone another 3 days.
I really want to live pill free but I would love to wake up one day and feel good even more.
Any idea when I will start to feel strong enough to get the hell out of this house.
I have been going for short walks and taking lots of vitamins.
I hate the sadness.
23 Responses
1697690 tn?1329123638
Hey
I hope you can hang in there!! I know how it seems when you are in it that the depression, anxiety, lethargic feeling, and all the other sh*it that comes with detoxing will never go away. I was in the same cycle as you for so long, a few years really. I'd stop my oxycontin/heroin habit, feel like death for a week and then start thinking well this ***** im never going to feel good and then start using again. And that process just went in circles forever. All I can say is you have to be patient and give your body and mind time to heal. It is in shock right now having you go cold turkey and for all the amount of time youve been using you have to give yourself time to heal. It is not immediate but it gets better. The bad days become less and fewer far between and the good days become more. I am almost 8 months sober and it took a few months to really start getting back into "normalcy." Even now I still have bad days and days I don't want to get out of bed but the good days outweigh it all. I am back in the world, I live life, I feel good, excited, scared, nervous, passionate, and all the other life feelings. I have oppurtunities opening up for me,and the longer I stay sober the better things are getting. I could have been you 8 months ago writing this EXACT post, just wanting desperately to live life again and to feel GOOD whatever that was, but it took a lot of work. Working on personal/emotional stuff, fighting through cravings, outside support, getting back into work, but it is so worth it. You can do this!! You can be sober and feel good but it will take some time. Try to find some things you like to do, maybe try and get some fresh air and excercise even if its just for five minutes. But if you're struggling and depressed and tired and can't get up, then dont beat yourself up with all these expectations of how you should be feeling, just resign to a day of movies and TV and no that you ARE SOBER TODAY and that is enough and by doing nothing today but staying sober you are setting up a whole future for yourself, just be patient and let go of the expectations, you will start to feel better in time and life will pick up again but you have to stay off the drugs! Good luck to you I hope the best for you I know you can do it!
Avatar universal
Come on pat you can do this!. Maybe you should look in to therpy they can tell u if . An anti depressant. Is in order for u. I know i needed it n i am feeling great. I have done this before make it to day 8 and just couldnt deal w the crying. Hiding. Crying. Hinding. It took all i had to get out of bed in the morning just to be late for work day after day after day. I refused to believe i needed an antidepressant. But i sdid i do and i am going to rebuild until i dont ne more! Keep you head on stright n fight ..  see even us soliders are allowed to be weak sometimes. So have your pitty party and when ur done n ready to fight the biggert fight of ur life only then will you do it! I m shooting for u. You already helped me out sooo much and even if this week isnt your week please pat your self on the back for sticking around and for helping so many. And i guess i wont hold it against you about the flyers comment. Hehe
2083449 tn?1381354708
Hi sweetie Pat, I've been looking for you all day! Glad you checked in! I know how you feel! Physically, I feel a little better, but I'm also sad & depressed! Just hang in there! Should be better soon! Hug your boo boo kitty! I'm hugging you for strength and support! This will pass! I've got to believe in this! You too! We walk together my dear friend! We've been through a lot together, with everyone else here too!
2107676 tn?1388973859
I am taking 150 mg of Effexor.  I know that depression goes with this but I just want to get back into life but feel too sick and tired to join yet.
Avatar universal
lot of things you can do to help PAWS if you can stop taking the pills long enough for your brain to start to give off its own healthy feel good stuff... you have to stop completly. what i did is made a promise that i would not put that crap in my body, then did it. are you going through withdrawals? cause im knowin that ***** but you already know what ive been doin! just tell yourself if you are WILLING to that death comes before i take one more pill/patch/shot/line or what ever ur into... bottom line if you keep putting the opoids in your body your body will not be able to adjust and help itself on its own... Note to self: i am NOT weak. i WILL win. i feel bad *** i just did a CT fentanyl kick!  thats what got me through it!!!! i told myself those things and i meant it!
Avatar universal
I know what you mean about the getting up and feeling good. Yes, I am at the point to where I don't have to have a pill first thing, yet I either wake up anxious (sometimes mild, sometimes not), in pain, or both. Some days are such a struggle. The answer in my case is that I just force myself to get up. There are times when I don't even think I have the energy to shower and get dressed, much less put in a full day at work. I told hubby one day I would give anything to have just one "normal" day, but then that would be just enough to tick me off ;)

My life is better without the pills, no question. I'm not saying I want to go back. Well, maybe I do in a sense... Back to when I was younger and my body didn't hate me! I'm not trying to be negative at all, though I guess it sounds as though I am. I just wanted you to know I understand. The quitting is hard enough without all that extra. That's where the coping strategies and alternate pain treatment comes in. I just take it day by day and make the best of it I can.

Hugs,
Minn
1416133 tn?1351123217
Great post harper.
Avatar universal
Agree, very well said, Harper.
Avatar universal
Pat have you had this problem before you took pills? I am not a doctor but maybe you can see your doc tell them whats going on. Maybe you need a change in meds. Or maybe you just need to get a few more days under your belt. I am sorry you feel so down. I haven been there. Its a scarier place then addiction.
Avatar universal
Fake it until yyou make it. May be my plan c
Avatar universal
Hi pat!!! How are u. I've been waiting for u. Girl u can do this. I do think a therapist would be a good call for u.   I know I have issues I have to work out as well. The sluggish feeling??!! Well I thought I'd be past it. I have good and bad days. I think we should expect that for a while anyways til our bodies fully adjust... But look. U did just say ur walking and etc.... Right. We gotta keep moving. I joined the gym. It was closed today so hopefully with my Hubby gone at work again I'll make the time to go. Baby steps right??? That's all we need right now is to take baby steps towards the big things. Hang in there ok. Big big hugs. Good job
2107676 tn?1388973859
I think I'm afraid that my clean life is going to feel this empty.  I know I am the one that has to do something about it.  I just miss my husband today and I don't want to slip back into that big black hole of depression that made me start taking these pills.  It just feels so empty right now and so sad.  I went to an NA on line site and they were all laughing and talking about nothing to do with drugs so I left quickly.
Hopefully this is just a bad sad day.
Avatar universal
Oh Pat, so sorry your feeling so crummy. The physical and mental torture we put ourselves thru with this crap is awful. What your feeling as you already know is biz as usual with detox and you just have to hang on tight and ride it out. If your like me, I didn't mind being off pills, just wanted someone else to do it for me ha! Time is not your friend right now, but it is the sole thing that will break you free. Write down all the reasons you need to be done with these pills right now when your feeling low. Re read it whenever you get tempted to take "just one" to make you feel better. You would not have spent this amount of time chipping away at this if you didn't mean business. You are a strong, witty, amazing lady and deserve to live a beautiful life. Go put some lip gloss on, look in the mirror and say "H-E-L-L YES I CAN DO THIS". Chin up girl......tomorrows another day down!
Avatar universal
Awe pat!!! I'm sorry. I know it's hard!!! I'm trying to face a lot of my demons that are hitting me square in the face.   It scares me $hit£ess to think what is going to happen now if something hits. Now I have no pills to throw back to hide from it  I'm sorry u miss ur Hubby. My heart goes out to u!!! I can't imagine doing this alone... But ur not alone. Were here for u. U can always private message me if u want to talk about stuff. I'm here for u!!! Big hugs pat. I'm sending prayers ur way!!!!
2083449 tn?1381354708
Pat, Ditto what Dixie said!! I understand how you feel! It's ok!!
Avatar universal
I'm here, too. I can't post much during the day on weekdays but I do check in when I can. I wish I could reach through the web and hug you. One thing, your feelings are normal. I felt alone while going through wd even though I wasn't. I am so sorry you're feeling sad.

Big huge hugs,
Minn
2107676 tn?1388973859
I took a shower and went to the store for gatorade and cat food lol.
I sat on my deck for a few minutes but my tenants were partying.  I did get a big hug from a friend I hadn't seen for awhile.  Boy did it ever feel good.
I had a few tears flowing but who cares.
Sad s u c k s
2107676 tn?1388973859
Oh and happy Memorial Day to all my American friends.  We celebrated last weekend. It was Victoria Day or as we now call it the May 24 weekend.
I think the Queen was born on that day or died on that day or something like that.  I think her name was Victoria or Vicky or something like that.  I am pretty sure she could drink a 24.
Avatar universal
Haha, that sounds like something I would have gone shopping for! Hugs do feel good. My mother used to say that everyone needs at least three hugs a day. Let those tears flow! After a good cry I may look like crap but I somehow feel better.

Here is another of your daily requirement of hugs ;)
Minn
2107676 tn?1388973859
I am at a point now where i know that if I do take a pill my depression will deepen.  I think that is why I am depressed.  I have let this detox gone on way too long.  I was so excited in the beginning and then for one excuse or another I kept taking pills.  
You can't just snap yourself out of depression but you can say NO to drugs.
The only person I have to say no to is me.
It's true if I get through today without taking a pill, I will have made a big accomplishment.  I have this vision of me saying I don't want to, I don't want to with my hand wide open for someone to drop a pill in. I'm not going to take a pill today.  
Avatar universal
Theres that sense of humor! Tear flowing are good! That means your getting further along in this detox nonsense. I swear when I started to cry a lot (howl actually) , I felt like it stirred some endorphins and made me feel better. I would go for car rides listening to country music and wale like a banchee. Wouldn't even put mascara on cause I knew it was going to end up on my chin. Better days are right around the corner!
2083449 tn?1381354708
Now, your talking! Sounding better & better! Take it a small step at a time!! You in Canada? I didn't know! Darn good thing I didn't set out to drive to your house to help you find kitty! I would have been in shock and driving for days & days! LOL
2107676 tn?1388973859
You would have needed your passport too.  Yeah, I am feeling a little better.  If it hits me hard again, I will go out for another walk.  I am annoyed that I can't sit on my deck but I don't want to listen to a bunch of drunks say the same thing over and over.  Also I know they aren't just drinking.  Sigh........I can hardly wait to feel well enough to have a couple of glasses of wine.
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