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Avatar universal

I wonder

I wonder how much help I can actually be for all and not be so selfish here and use what I can get  just for just myself to stay clean but as I know and I am sure you as well know I don't trust myself around them and know I will use if I give myself the oportunity to do so for which I am definitely doing all I can not to within my capablities. Kinda makes me feel worthless but and trying to keep my optimism level high right now. I can however empathize and sympathize with you all of how you are feeling both physically and emotionally as well. I don't really know my intentions of posting this but I hope it makes me feel a bit better. See there is that selfishness. LOL I can however thro in a smile or two a prayer what that is worth to you to try to return the help so many of you give me. My purpose for this could be that I feel so bad and weak at how I fell yesterday under the pressure and gave in mentally if not for you people here would have not been able to do so and I want to rreiterate how much I am thankful to you all. THere is my reasoning for this to thank you great folks here. You guys are  my entire support system for the time being until I gain enough courage to enter a meeting support group somewhere. I cannot understand that though as I put myself in so many dangerous situations to stay high and to get higher but on the other side of the spectrum I am scared to go in a meeting. Search me????  Michael
19 Responses
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460948 tn?1232302122
You've always been right there to respond to my post when I've been in need, which just happened this past week!! Don't feel bad about what happened yesterday, but focus on the positive side, YOU DIDN'T USE!!!
I read your posts and replies often and they always touch me in one way or another. You''re a strong man with a big heart and we all love you!!
Keep posting and maybe one day soon you will decide to "try out" a meeting and just see what you think. I won't be two faced though because I personally use this forum as my support system, but I also know that I should start going to meetings as well. Maybe we could go together??? J/K I think the airfare would prevent us from attempting that one, LOL!!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
You didn't fall Mike..You fought it..and you posted. If you would have given in physically then ok..you had a fall..BUT you didn't..no matter how much you felt mentally..You are not weak by asking for help or admitting you need it..That takes strength. When I first was going through this I felt that I was of no help to anybody either..But have been told over and over that just by reading my struggles etc..that it has helped others..The same is true for you. I think we all have a natural fear of rejection if we don't get it right the first time or we fall..You are much stronger than you think. When you feel able you really should try and find some meetings, I think they would help you alot. Just knowing your not alone is helpful..You are a great friend Mike..so as Llardo said...no need to ask why..
u know?  ttyl my friend..Lisa
Helpful - 0
401095 tn?1351391770
It is confidential....they dont feel any better about having to be there than u do most likely...tho most have accepted it and it is very peaceful...it is a close group and after the first one the fear is gone...i am in the medical profession so i was afraid as far as my job...no problems so far and have seen 2 doctors from the hospital there...we are all cool with it////wear your mask on your icon and the sunglasses mike...slide on in there!  LOL
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
What is stregnth?      A person who knows what others want to hear, but has the courage to speak the truth.   Someone when their words are not enough, recognizes their shortcomings,  and provides a quote from a great philosopher, for you to read and the strong one encourages you to read the entire book.   Only a strong person can gloat when they are right,  and more so when they are wrong.   They lend a helping hand when others need their stregnth to stand  , altho they too need help getting on their feet, but may be to weak to ask.       A person is judged by their deeds, and life experiences, and how they respond to those difficult times.     One that is not so naive to ask for help when it will make them stronger for the next day, is one admired for not trying to be perfect.  Confident in all we do,  whether weak or strong, aking for help,  always in honesty and sincerity has the respect of many that wish they could be so do the same, yet lack the courage.

For all of those reasons Mike,  you need not ask why.      


Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
selfishness is good sometimes, especially when you need help from other people. You cannot be there for others if they are not there for you. It works both ways. [= You show a lot of strength by things you say. even when you are talking about yourself.  You  may think you sound selfish, but to some people it may be an inspiration, something that they may be able to relate to.

:)
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
You were one of the main people who carried me through my first two weeks,and I'll never forget that.If I would have slipped back then I don't know if I would have had the courage so many of you do to get back up,but you never let me fall.You always gave me what I needed to keep going.I've always gotten wonderful support from everyone here ,but there are a few of you that just hold a special place in my heart and made a huge difference in my recovery.In 11 days I will have 60 days free of methodone.Thats not just my success thats your too,I couldn't have done it without you.Much love to you my friend. Peace.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
In short, just keep doing what you do, Bro. You really have no idea of the number of people you help, daily. This forum is about holding each other up. That means leaning on each other, quite often.

cj
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hey man, your just having a bad day, don't get bummed out. This is the first good day I have really had since I quit . hang in there tomorrow will be a better day for you I hope.

I'd give you my day, and take yours if I could but, we both know that is not possible, so keep up the good fight.   Luck to ya!
Helpful - 0
502050 tn?1243602535
Hey man don't kick yourself so much. I am a liscensed nurse that got away from coke and alchol 14 yrs ago and suprise I now find I am addicted to tramadol. So see falling is not the important thing here it is getting back up and I will add all to my prayers. Like you this is my support for now.
Helpful - 0
489042 tn?1211420377
Just you being here on the forum and behind everyone and I think everyone can relate to what you post on here in more ways than one everytime.  We couldn't do it without ya buddy.
Helpful - 0
451343 tn?1256250831
so i said to my self..."self, do you want to be and stay clean?" and my self said to me, "yes i do" so i said to my self....."well then, stop appologizing, get off your *** and post your feelings!" so i did and i felt much much better. "C"
Helpful - 0
435658 tn?1257805781
Mike you are not weak, remember yesterday?????? you didn't take anything did you!!
and you are always helping ppl you are one of the family..you are stuck with us lol..
Don't ever think you are selfish there has been times you have helped me and always helping others, oh i already said that lol...you get the message.
love ya
bobby
Helpful - 0
500589 tn?1224456386
Mike - I have read what you have struggled through, just yesterday would have been enough for anyone to cave, yet you didn't.  You give me strength in knowing that it is possible to stay clean.  You are not selfish you are very helpful.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
your story is enough to help others mike, it doesnt have to come in the form of medical advice, how to fight w/d or how to do whatever. As long as your heart and feelings are written in the text for someone to read and consider, your helping them, whether you fail or not. The words are forever on the board to help someone get past there threshhold. Remember that.
Helpful - 0
340590 tn?1290952141
MIKE, YOU HELPED ME SO MUCH.  remember when i was struggling  with my surgery issues??  you were one of my main support system.  and since those days you have been with me through the good the bad and the ugly.  i see you so often come to the rescue of a friend in need.  you are just the kind of person that makes this forum what it is.  AWESOME!!!!
love ya,
cathy

ps  you can call me now.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Broknbck - Excellent post and well said.

Mike - What this forum gives you is freely given, with love and affection.  Also, as you know, giving gives one satisfaction, so please don't feel bad about all of the satisfaction obtained by all of these good people when they support you.  

In addition, strength comes not only from within, but from others.  You are not selfish, just strong and smart, and you are giving back as much as you receive.

My best to you,

Friend999
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
You feel like you are selfish?  Are we suppose to not ever want anything for ourselves?
Ha, how could anyone ever be happy again then? There is nothing wrong with wanting something that makes you happy. And if helping others out does that, how can that possibly be selfish?

The selfish part comes in when things that make you happy are at the expense of other people's happiness.

This forum was such a huge help to me. Just hearing that other people were going through the same ordeal. Some have a harder time than others. It is ALL so encouraging just to know that you are not alone.
Helpful - 0
454371 tn?1221297385
Meeting are really don't bad. there are some really GOOD ones out there. I went for years. and it keep me clean. After a few years I did not need them any more. Find go, you do not have to say a word. they are good about that. If you do not like that one. ask some one there. they will know where other meetings are. I have been to a few that scared me.. Cuz I am a women, and there are some ruff and scarey people out there..lol.
At least to me. And even if you run into one of them somewhere, in town whatever. They will not say anything that would tell someone eles you are in meetings or recovey...

            Good luck to You...

                       Lady
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495284 tn?1333894042
COMMUNITY LEADER
You showed INCREDIBLE strength and courage yesterday.  Be proud of that.  Look at the outpouring you had yesterday and today.  That isnt being selfish.  That is what this place is for to spill our guts good or bad.  Stay strong my friend.  sara
Helpful - 0
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