Aa
IM SORRY
I CAN ONLY SAY SORRY FOR NOT FOR A WHILE. AND I CAN NOT SAY SORRY ENOUGH. I DID NOT THINK I WAS WORTH A LOT I REALAPSED ONCE AND FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE I DID NOT ENJOY TAKING MY DOC. INFACT IT MADE ME ILL AND SICK I LET MYSELF DOWN MY WIFE DOWN AND THE PEPS WHO CARED ABOUT ME.SO I GOT IT INTO MY HEAD THAT I WAS NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR THE FORUM.ALL OF YOU GREAT PEPS DONE EVERYTHING IN YOUR POWER TO HELP ME AND I LET YOU ALL DOWN . SOMETHING I AN ASHAMED OF AND CANT GET TO GRIPS WITH IT ALL I CAN SAY IS I DONT THINK IM WORTH THE TIME OF DAY . YOU ARE ALL WONDERFUL PEPS AND I LET YOU ALL DOWN IT ALL STARTED ON 221 JAN WHEN I LOST MY DOG THAT BROKE MY HEART .I ONLY WANTED TO NUMB THE PAIN BUT SHOULD HAVE WENT ANOTHER WAY ABOUT IT FACED IT LIKE A MAN BUT IV ALWAYS TAKE THE EASY WAY OUT SO IM SORRY FOR THAT THE ONLY GOOD THING TO COME OUT OF IT I ONLY USED FOR 3 DAYS AND HATED IT. SO I CAN ONLY APOLIGISE FOR MY MISTAKE AND WOULD UNDERSTAND IF I WAS NO LONGER WANTED ON THE FORUM. HOW CAN I HELP OTHERS WHEN I CANT HELP MYSELF. IM SO VERY SORRY GUYS .......JAMES
You coming on this forum shows you really want this bad. Addiction is such a difficult disease. It takes so much willpower to overcome but EVERYONE has it in them. You have to dig deep James. You know you have it in because you already proved that. You had some clean time under your belt. You have to want this more than anything. You need to grab the devil by the horns and force him out of you. If he tries to get back in, you have to fight even harder. You want this bad and you can do this.
I remember Avisg listing a bunch of NA meetings in your area. I remember you saying one was so close you could even walk if you had to. You have to make it to a meeting. Sit down and write down everything that you have down to overcome this. Look at the list good and and add to it with things you have to try this time around. I know you were seeing a counselor. Are you still? Have you checked in to a addiction specialist? The Na meetings? There are just a few things that you can add to the list. The thing is, once you add different ideas to the list, you have to follow through with it. I know Worried always says, nothing changes if nothing changes. That means you have to make some changes. You have to take a different approach. When you feel like using have you ever talked to Kim before hand? She might be able to help you fight the cravings to make it another hour without using. That one hour will turn to two, That two hours will turn to two days. Just take it a hour at a time. Or even a minute. Don't look towards the future just waiting for a relapse, Live like at the present. If you don't use for a hour, think of it as a accomplishment. Reward yourself each hour you don't use somehow. If you have to, put up a hour chart and check off each hour you don't use. Before you know it that whole chart will be loaded with check marks. Try anything. I know the chart might sound like a dumb idea but you have to remind yourself about every hour you don't use.
Just keep fighting James. We know you want this so bad. You deserve to live a clean life. You just have to do the work. No one can do it for you. We can encourage you every step of the way, but it all boils down to you. You can do this James!
Now get on that list. Start making that chart. Start researching the location of the NA meetings. Give us the town you live in and we can help. Get to a meeting TODAY! They are out there and they are everywhere.
Keep fighting this and you will come out on top.
Best of luck to you and keep posting. We will all help you through.
Brian
I remember Avisg listing a bunch of NA meetings in your area. I remember you saying one was so close you could even walk if you had to. You have to make it to a meeting. Sit down and write down everything that you have down to overcome this. Look at the list good and and add to it with things you have to try this time around. I know you were seeing a counselor. Are you still? Have you checked in to a addiction specialist? The Na meetings? There are just a few things that you can add to the list. The thing is, once you add different ideas to the list, you have to follow through with it. I know Worried always says, nothing changes if nothing changes. That means you have to make some changes. You have to take a different approach. When you feel like using have you ever talked to Kim before hand? She might be able to help you fight the cravings to make it another hour without using. That one hour will turn to two, That two hours will turn to two days. Just take it a hour at a time. Or even a minute. Don't look towards the future just waiting for a relapse, Live like at the present. If you don't use for a hour, think of it as a accomplishment. Reward yourself each hour you don't use somehow. If you have to, put up a hour chart and check off each hour you don't use. Before you know it that whole chart will be loaded with check marks. Try anything. I know the chart might sound like a dumb idea but you have to remind yourself about every hour you don't use.
Just keep fighting James. We know you want this so bad. You deserve to live a clean life. You just have to do the work. No one can do it for you. We can encourage you every step of the way, but it all boils down to you. You can do this James!
Now get on that list. Start making that chart. Start researching the location of the NA meetings. Give us the town you live in and we can help. Get to a meeting TODAY! They are out there and they are everywhere.
Keep fighting this and you will come out on top.
Best of luck to you and keep posting. We will all help you through.
Brian
i need help im killing myself slowly please help im willing to try and help myself or im going to die or od ..........james
COMMUNITY LEADER
I agree worried....i forgot to mention that i am glad when you were using it wasnt enjoyable too. That is a REALLY good thing.........
agree with domino....we go on..it is u who took a step back...but the forum is here
Most everyone here has taken a major step/or steps back/know i have...most of us more than once...it is good u did not enjoy using again...tis a good thing i think anyway///just isnt any fun anymore...and that is a good thing
Most everyone here has taken a major step/or steps back/know i have...most of us more than once...it is good u did not enjoy using again...tis a good thing i think anyway///just isnt any fun anymore...and that is a good thing
COMMUNITY LEADER
James, you havent let us down at all, you have let yourself down. You know what we say on here, "nothing changes if nothing changes". What are you going to finally do to change this? Remember we are family here James and we take the good with the bad cuz thats how we roll and you know that.....Get back on here and talk to us....sara
James.... You have not let anyone down...we care about you and your safety only. I am just glad you are alright..I know its hard coming back after a relapse, please dont feel ashamed..mant learn through ones relapse...at least you were big enough to come here and share with us your relapse, that says alot in its own, you feel acountable for your actions, that shows that you have grown--you will always be welcomed here-we are all only one fall from a relapse--it could b any of us at any time. Take care man, Lee
Hey,
Followed your story for some time. You guys have been an inspiration to many. One of the first people to reach down to me here told me she would always be my friend, using or not. Most here feel this way because we've ALL fallen and know about the shame and guilt and everything else that comes with a relapse.
We know how bad it ***** to have to get back up. It ***** worse to stay down though my friend. Don't stop stopping.
"What we call failure is not the falling down but the staying down." -- M. Pickford
You know what it takes. Go get it. You're worth it.
bob
Followed your story for some time. You guys have been an inspiration to many. One of the first people to reach down to me here told me she would always be my friend, using or not. Most here feel this way because we've ALL fallen and know about the shame and guilt and everything else that comes with a relapse.
We know how bad it ***** to have to get back up. It ***** worse to stay down though my friend. Don't stop stopping.
"What we call failure is not the falling down but the staying down." -- M. Pickford
You know what it takes. Go get it. You're worth it.
bob
Gosh we all missed you while you were gone....It was kind of like a member of the family left.
Good to see you back and good to see you still trying.
Lots of love to you and Kim and keep posting.
Good to see you back and good to see you still trying.
Lots of love to you and Kim and keep posting.
I'm very Happy to see you post James.. Give Kim my love.. you know how I feel sooo.. I do not have to get mushy on you :) No judgment here.. love ya letakos
James-I'm new here only day 2 (after 10 days clean, I relapsed) so I know how you feel, so let's do this together. We ARE worthy of being here, yes, there are so many kind hearted beautiful sharing people here to help - and that's just what we need. It looks like you have a fan club - which is good, lots of people worried and concerned for your well being - remember that,no matter what. I'm so sorry about your dog - I am a dog person, I lost two last summer within 3 months of each other and I'm still hurting. But I just know they are in heaven, with no ailments, frolicking and running and playing and having a ball - I miss them terribly, but I know I'll see them again! Be strong, you CAN do it! Sharon
James my friend our addict brain loves secrets it can keep a foot hold in our lives that way. We pm each other earlier in the week and it was great to hear from you. Being rigorusly honest will be just the foundation that you need to start with a new clean date. You still have all the tools that you accumulated while you were clean , maybe you just forgot to use them. So Hit Me With Your Best Shot! And watch me and others still support you! Welcome back my friend.
Accountably yours,
Becca
Accountably yours,
Becca
((((((James)))))) So happy you're back~~Please don't beat yourself up.This is a lifelong struggle for ALL of us and there will be a trap in the forest for many of us.
Love to you both~~~
Vicki
Love to you both~~~
Vicki
tHANKS EVERYONE FOR YOUR CONCERN I HAVE BEEN WANTING TO COME BACK TO THE FORUM BUT FELT I LET YOU ALL DOWN AVISG kIM IS STILL CLEAN SHE AMAZES ME ALL THE TIME SHE SO STRONG THATS kIM 4 YOU SWEATINIT IV FOLLOWED YOUR STORY FROM THE START AND YOU MY FRIEND HAVE INSPIRED PEPSS THAT IT CAN BE DONE WAY TO GO GIRL I JUST FEEL LIKE AV LET EVERYONE DOWN .......JAMES
Love you! Glad you made it back~ No apologies necessary.
Get back up and knock the dust off, k?
Love
amy
Get back up and knock the dust off, k?
Love
amy
Relax, breathe. Your ok, and you have this..
I found this forum after I relapsed. No one is gonna judge you here man. You just know what happened and now ya gotta drag yourself back up again. I'm sorry about your dog too, honey. I know what thats like. And you just had a blip in your radar..you recognize it for what it is and your stopping the nonsense-thats all you need to do.
Everyone here is always on your side. I wish you all the best dear.
Lots of Love and Luck, my heart goes out to you, Lori
I found this forum after I relapsed. No one is gonna judge you here man. You just know what happened and now ya gotta drag yourself back up again. I'm sorry about your dog too, honey. I know what thats like. And you just had a blip in your radar..you recognize it for what it is and your stopping the nonsense-thats all you need to do.
Everyone here is always on your side. I wish you all the best dear.
Lots of Love and Luck, my heart goes out to you, Lori
We just care that you are OK ...the rest we can help you with .When was that last time you use ? Are you still seeing your couscelor .I know you were both finding aa.na meeting is your area how is that going .how is kim?
xxxxooooxxx
avis
xxxxooooxxx
avis
James! I am so happy you are back. We really dont know each other well, but you helped me so much wehn i was new here (30 days ago). You are so worthy and believe me you add a lot to this forum! I knwo that many have missed you too! No need to apologize to me. We all fall short and make mistakes. Whats more important is that you are here and not using. It takes a lot of courage to come back and admit your relaspe and that I admire! Keep pluggin away and please dont leave here. We need you around. Kathy
PS I am so very sorry about your dog. That was the hardest thing for me to deal with a few yrs ago. I know sorry isn't enough, but I am.
PS I am so very sorry about your dog. That was the hardest thing for me to deal with a few yrs ago. I know sorry isn't enough, but I am.
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