If I can...

[pinkzoo]

I've been reading some posts here. I've been through it. 10 or more Lortab  a day for 7 years. I even figured out how to cook the acetaminophen out so I wouldn't damage my liver. Guess I never thought about the pain meds and how much damage that was doing. As an addict -- its crazy what you talk yourself into believing. Its all about motivation. I have three girls -- and a grande life. A life most people never get to live. There was a comment made by my husband -- the father of my girls -- about how he would get my kids if we split up because I was a drug addict. I guess that was my biggest fear. Because I realized after 7 years of wearing that ball and chain around my neck of pill addiction that he was right. I dumped the pills I had that night and went cold turkey. Around day 2 if I would have been able to get my hands on a painkiller -- I would have sold my soul. Lucky for me nobody would give me any. You just have to keep telling yourself that it wont last forever. At some point its going to stop hurting so much and you're going to make it to the other side. Its and hour by hour ordeal. Sometimes I would just be thankful I got through the last 10 minutes. You WILL stop puking and you WILL stop having the runs. The mental part -- I'm 10 years out of hell and thats a day by day struggle. I want a pain killer EVERYDAY. I just always remember how much it hurt to stop taking them. That nightmare has so far been a far greater threat than the craving for the high from the pills. First -- like a baby -- you go minute to minute and you progress from there to hours, days, weeks, months, and years. You just have to start with that first minute. And remember the reasons you're where you are and the reasons you don't like it there.

[VICourageous]

Hi yes are u 10yrs clean? wow yes the brain keeps wanting to play that tape back over and over Right? I just take it min by min and try to redirect myself from out-of-myself. If it gets real bad for me I call a clean friend or jump in my truck and go to any meeting...Or even let the bible fall open and I get a mesage. That is what happen to day....
Thanks for the inspiring post.
vickie
Hey ks I see u r floating around today a bit...

[clean_in_ks]

Welcome to the forum!  And thank you for sharing your experience, strength and hope with all of us.
Could you clarify something for me?  Did you say you are 10 YEARS clean & yet your struggle is still day to day and you want a pain pill EVERYDAY?

[selfinduced]

Great post and powerful reminder of the hell cell these pills confine us in. Many high fives for digging your way out. At some point our conscious kicks in and will no longer let us enjoy the daily pill use. Not a matter of if but when.

[BlondeChick10]

Addiction has no boundaries.. Many have a "grand life" and succumb to the pitfalls of addiction..Congratualtions on your clean time.

[dominosarah]

Feels good to no longer be romancing the devil~

[ricart70]

Hey !  Great story  very helpful and glad you are free from this.
You said you still want a pill every day  but do you still want a pill ALL DAY everyday ?   or is it more like  just a fleeting thought that passes when you ignore it?  One of the things I do in my recovery is I run 3-5 miles every day.It really helps to boost the natural endorphin levels and reduce the want for artificial endorphin,i.e. opiates. I think it's important but for us former opiate addicts I think it's even more important to boost endorphin.
Great job  on getting your life back !!   :)