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1567353 tn?1358876855

I'm 17 and addicted to hydrocodone.

I haven't been taking a lot in comparison to some people, but I just need help... Even if this is nothing compared to some things, I'm really at a loss. I've never felt anxiety so bad and there's nothing that can get rid of it. I'm so desperate for anything to work. I thought about taking temazepam for anxiety but I don't want to get tired.
I wish more than anything I could go into a hospital and do the detox thing but.. I'm 17, and I'm trying desperately to keep this to myself.
Someone please answer. I just need people to talk to.. Please. If anyone's available..
Best Answer
1416133 tn?1351123217
It's okay - we all make mistakes (boy do I know about mistakes! lol).  But like I said, you're reaching out for help and that is a great start.

And I understand what you're saying about your Grandma being too busy at work.  Addiction (and anxiety) are very complex issues to deal with, so it's not her fault that she's at a loss about what to do.  But I have to say I'm really glad that you at least told her what's going on with you.

And I remember (well, sort of) what it was like at 17.  I don't think your friends mean anything bad about not being able to help.  It's tough growing up, especially in the world we live in today, so they are all probably just trying to figure out their own way in the world.

That being said, it's true - you haven't really abused too much for too long.  But it is a problem if you have to rely on any drug to get through.  You have your whole life ahead of you, so better to address this problem now, than to have it become a huge problem down the road.  Taking drugs is not the answer!

I think it would be a good idea for you to find a counselor to talk to - I'm not sure how it works at your school, or if you have that option under your parents health insurance, but I think it would be a great start.  You need to get to the real reason why you need drugs to cope.  There are many things you can do to cope with life's ups and downs and I think the right counselor could show you how.

Talking about your feelings is one of the BEST ways to cope.  Life can be so confusing sometimes and it helps if you get another point of view, or another perspective.  Are you being prescribed these drugs by a Dr. or getting them off the street?  I ask this because if they are prescribed, the Dr. would be the best place to begin a dialogue about your addiction and anxiety.  Please let us know.  We are here to help in any way that we can.  :)
56 Responses
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1567353 tn?1358876855
No, I've never had anxiety like this ever before. I have depression, but NOTHING like this anxiety. It just started once I was off hydrocodone. It was the same thing that happened last month. So despite what my grandma says, it isn't my head and it IS just the pills.
My anxiety's quite a bit better. Not gone yet, but better, bearable. It's hard to deal with my pain, both physically and emotionally, because I got used to masking it. So every time I feel the throb of my head, or muscles, or pain in my heart, I think to take one, then remember everything. I associate my withdrawals with the other stuff that I'm going through as well, so it just swamps me when I remember.
But it's getting better.
Helpful - 0
1567353 tn?1358876855
I have chronic pain and headaches, which is why I started taking it in the first place (without my doctors knowing because they wouldn't help me at all with it). I've been to several doctors and they haven't been able to figure out anything that works. I was once prescribed hydrocodone by the dentist and it worked to help take away my pain, so I started getting it for myself. Now all my pain is back now that I'm off of it and I don't know how to deal with it. But it's certainly better than going through with withdrawals. I don't know how severe your pain is so I can't really suggest anything, but your pain is worse once you start depending on it.
Helpful - 0
1047946 tn?1332608029
It is the withdrawals. I've never heard of anyone not experiencing anxiety after stopping the pills. But I can assure you that it will go away. Our body is traumatized while going through withdrawals and it lets us know it with all kinds of feelings we've never felt before. These horrible feelings will pass over time.

Hang in there. The first week is always the worst.

Did you have anxiety before you ever started taking them?
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I have to take lortabs for chronic pain, I'm also afraid of becoming addicted.....and I will say, from firsthand experience, the more emphasis you put on thinking about the pain--or anxiety---the more you will have. The more you stress and obsess over the meds and what they are or are not doing for you, the worse your symptoms will be. Before I got injured and then sick I worked at a hospital, the doctors are there to help you. Don't be afraid of going to your doc, there are HIPPA laws preventing them from disclosing anything to anyone. You don't have to tell your doctor whom you got the pills from, so don't hesitate to talk about your problems w/ medical professionals.
I wish you luck.
Helpful - 0
1567353 tn?1358876855
I did.
I don't feel much better today. My anxiety's back and I feel so uncomfortable in my skin. Like I have to get out. My skin's crawling. Someone please tell me it's the withdrawals and I won't be like this forever.
Helpful - 0
1047946 tn?1332608029
Hey...hope you had a great day.

I noticed you put your # up for everyone to see. You really should take that down.  Anyone and everyone can see it whether they have an account with medhelp or not. I've personally came across some crazy ones that I had first known for a few months. After earning my trust we exchanged numbers and that's when I found out they were crazy!!..lol There have been others on here that had similar problems. You really don't wanna leave it up for complete strangers to see.

I'm glad you felt better after telling your therapist. You are doing all the right things.

Hope you have a wonderful weekend!!
Helpful - 0
1567353 tn?1358876855
So far at LEAST 2 completely clean days and I'm not going back. I did talk to my therapist and I feel better. Like I told her, the hardest part is that it was a habit, and now it's like missing a habit. I'd have one in the morning, two at lunch, four after school. Now it's blank. But I'm coping.
My internet's out so I can't reply to the extent I want to, but I will Monday.
Eye is VERY insightful. I like reading your ramblings, and I read at least a book a day.
I'll post little updates til Monday.
Thank you all so much.
Helpful - 0
1525404 tn?1291914516
Thanks for that Gary. I tend to spend a lot of time composing my posts. Write, erase, write,erase on and on it goes until I've let 30 minutes to an hour elapse before hitting "post comment". Everything I say is from the heart. I'm truly warmed when someone else decides to quit. I feel genuine joy when someone declares thier 10 day, 30 day or 90 day clean time or whatever the length. Shoot, I'm thrilled when someone makes it through the first day.
Helpful - 0
1563022 tn?1296332599
Hey Arsia -  The Eye is some kind of sharp, huh? I wish I could express myself so eloquently. He gives some darn good advice too. We are all here for you, don't ever forget that. I hope your evening is going well. Talk to you soon.

Gary
Helpful - 0
1525404 tn?1291914516
As a parent it kills me to see someone so young suffer so much. Too often teenagers are dismissed as too young to have any real problems and adult always fall back on the worn out lines of " Problems, what do you know about problems. You don't have a job or a mortgage or bills to pay. Be thankful all you have to worry about is school".

I'm not sure I'd survive being a teenager in this day and age. The peer pressure, the constant demands for excellent grades and the thought that any misstep no matter how big or small could wind up on facebook or spread like wildfire via texting and email. No thanks!  Todays teens shoulder way too much...more than they should have to I think.
When my daughter was in high school we talked all the time. I think she shared with me (more than her mom) because I never made her feel like she or her problems or concerns were trivial. I always stayed calm even when hearing details that made me want to go beat the crap out of somebody. She didn't want me to jump in and get in the way. She just wanted someone to bounce ideas off of and maybe a little advice.  The problems in her world were just as big to her as the problems in my world were to me.

Arsia, you've suffered much in your short 17 years but rest assured life will not always be this way. You're remarkabley mature for your age and that makes it even harder to find people that you can relate to. I would think especially so in a small town. I bet you're an avid reader too. I love to read, it's takes me away from here like nothing else can.

Sorry, I tend to ramble sometimes. I would love to hear that you opened up with your therapist and shared your addiction story with her. You said your mother was an addict and alcholic, then you already know you're predisposed to have inherited that addictive gene. Your therapist will likely touch on that a lot. You can have such a wonderful and fulfilling life without these pills. As an addict you'll never be able to take them recreationaly even if you think you'll only take one or two every other day and have your grandmother dispense them for you, I mean what's the plan here? go through the rest of you life finding people to hold your pills for you and dole them out sparingly? Of course you can't and as an addict you can't do it yourself either. Addiction is progressive. I started out taking a couple here and there, then it was one or two a day and before I knew it I was taking 15 Vicodin every three hours. I started buying them in 1000 count bulk bottles. I was stunned when I realized that I had consumed two of those bottles in a 3 week period. That's right.. that works out to 100 a day. That was when I set my mind to quitting. I tapered down and walked away from them after that.

So there you go. Not much help but at least I've given you something boring to read to help with sleep.  Quit the pills Arsia, please! You've got too much going for you to go down this road any further. No human being was meant to see what's at the end of that road. I came close and it scared me straight. We all want to see you succeed in life and in sobriety. We'll help you all we can. Eye of Horus has your back.
Helpful - 0
1481358 tn?1288295091
secrets will keep you sick. Set yourself free. You have nothing to loose and your life to gain. Youll be very suprised how much better youll feel letting it out in the open. People who may judge, dont think they dont have something they are hiding. Pride kept me using, when I let that go things got better for me.
Helpful - 0
1567353 tn?1358876855
I just know I have more potential than this. I'm stuck in a small town where I am pretty much alone, because of my own stupid decisions, mostly. I've been stabbed in the back and made a fool of in front of everyone but I know it's my own fault, my own fear, that I can't overcome this and open up again.
I have one person left and she's busy a lot, my best friend. And I'm thinking about telling her today. She's never ever judged me.
And I'll tell my therapist Friday.
But that's about it.
And everyone here.
But really, everyone here has been a HUGE HUGE HUGE help.
And I'll be moving to another state next year, starting over.
I can't wait. I hate this place.
Helpful - 0
1481358 tn?1288295091
I feel so bad for the young people like you that have nobody to talk to. Your here posting and thats a huge step. Be glad you didnt just ride it out. Trust me, youll be looking 30 years old in the face faster than you think. Just never give up on yourself. Ever. We are  all here for you. Please try and find someone you can talk to about this. Your so not alone. You gotta kick this thing now. Your young and have your whole future ahead of ya. Ive wasted alot of my life chasing the pill high. Ill never get those days back. Keep posting but also find something else to do. Get your mind of drugs.
Helpful - 0
1567353 tn?1358876855
I know that exercise is good, I've heard that exercise makes you feel a lot better, but it's just so hard for me. Check out my exercise tracker thing on my profile and you'll see how I feel from just walking home from my bus stop. I'm just so horribly out of shape. I was planning on just bundling up one day and walking but then the anxiety started and it killed me.
I'll be with my friend today, but I'll try walking this weekend. No promises 'cause I always say, okay, I'll walk tomorrow. This summer. Next year when I move. I'm horrible haha.
We have a gym here but it's 40 bucks a month, and it's not worth it for just a treadmill. But I'll try to walk, I will. Maybe I can get my grandma to go out with me.
And it's really comforting to know that I'll be naturally feeling again some day. And yeah, the anxiety just isn't worth it. I'd rather be naturally sad than feel that.
Helpful - 0
1563022 tn?1296332599
Hey Arsia - Glad you are having an OK day. This takes some time, you know? ;-) You are on the right path. Have a feeling that tomorrow is going to be a really good day for you. You have made your decision. Stick with it. We are all here to help, you know that, so keep us posted. I'll be thinking of you.

Wishing you a peaceful day and evening and a GREAT tomorrow.

Gary
Helpful - 0
1047946 tn?1332608029
Glad today wasn't all that bad. You're doing great!

Lethargy is one of the main symptoms of withdrawal. It seemed to be the symptom that bothered me the most because I am normally a very active person. If you can exercise it will really help. I know it's very difficult to muster up the energy to do so but you have to try and force yourself. I quit last February and it's cold where I live also. That along with the chills associated with withdrawals makes it even more difficult to go out and exercise. I just bundled up like crazy. But I enjoy the cold so it didn't bother me all that much. Do you have access to a treadmill or exercise bike? Maybe a friend has one. If not you could walk stairs or do some jumping jacks. I know I seem to be over stressing it but it literally does make all the difference. At least in my opinion. There are many others on here that will agree.

Real happiness will comeback and you will appreciate it even more. It's not going to come back overnight but it will return. I'm happier now than I've been in a long time. I know it sounds cheesy but I have a new zest for life. I'm sure you will too. The pills make us not feel both physically and mentally. Sure, it can be great to mask the negative feelings in life but when mask those but the pills also mask the good feelings. The make us think we are feeling great but it's such a false sense of well being. Once you get through this you will realize how great it is to actually feel true feelings. I've learned to appreciate even bad feelings because at least I know I can feel.

Your life will be so much better once you get through this chapter of life. I promise!


Brian
Helpful - 0
1567353 tn?1358876855
My day's been good so far. I'm feeling alright. The anxiety was pretty minimal this morning, and now it's pretty non-existent. But I'm pretty sure that it'll come back. My body just has to realize I'm not getting a pill in my system. I was pretty freaked out this morning because I was wondering, does real happiness ever compare with the warm euphoria I get from the pills? It scares me to think it won't, that I'll always want them.
I wasn't nearly as bad as other people, so I know my withdrawals won't really last, but it's going through the first few days that are the hardest. I'm so grateful for all the help. It's helped so much. A few days ago, you guys were saying that this site helped you, and now I see how. It keeps me calm, reading and replying to these (as calm as I get :P).
I've always had insomnia (well, since 11, when everything else started) so I have sleeping pills and that mostly helps. It didn't help on Tuesday 'cause I was freaking out, but I took a hydrocodone that night and I got to sleep. Last night I slept fine.
I have barely eaten at all. I've been trying really hard but it seems like everything is like cardboard. I want it, but when it's in my mouth it's so hard to get down. I'm really thirsty though, so I'm drinking a lot (in comparison to how much I usually do; bunch of orange juice and water). I just can't seem to get food down. Also, I can't seem to do pretty much anything. The anxiety just kicks my ***, haha.
I've been doing a lot of reading to help keep focused. That's one of the few things that I really get into (that and videogames, but my computer needs a new hard drive. D:) I've tried walking but my body's extremely weak because of things that has happened in the past. I'm not overweight or anything (actually told I'm the perfect weight, but being a teenage girl, I don't believe it) but it's just so hard for me to exercise. Especially when it's so cold outside (11 degrees right now). I definitely see what you mean about it's hard to do stuff.
I crave the hydrocodone, but I remember how horrible the anxiety felt, and I'd rather be my natural melancholy self than feel that again - not even for an hour of euphoria.
Wow, that's the most I've written so far.
Thanks for the help!
Helpful - 0
1047946 tn?1332608029
Hey Arsia....How was your day today? Hope you are hanging in there.

You did do somewhat of a taper which will benefit you. Normally the worst of the withdrawals last about 5 days or so. For me days 3 and 4 were the worst and when I woke up on day 5 I started feeling much better. I knew I was over the hump and on the downhill side of it. Normally the last symptoms to leave are the insomnia and the anxiety. But everyone is different. My anxiety was fine after about a week. The insomnia is what lasted the longest for me. After a couple of weeks I was sleeping a little better but it took me about a month to get back to great sleep. At the two week mark I was still probably getting 5 hours of sleep which is pretty good for me since I have always had some problems sleeping.

You don't have to take any of the vitamins or supplements to make it through this. You can get the same vitamins in the foods you eat. I'll see if I can compare the vitamins that are listed in the "amino acid protocol" with different types of foods and see what we can come up with.

What helped me the most during withdrawals was exercise. I would grab the mp3 player and go for a jog. I'm sure you've hear the term "runner's high". It's no myth. When exercising endorphins, serotonin, and dopamine are released and it gives us a feeling that is comparable to opiates. The good thing is it's all natural.

Also be sure to eat healthy and push the good fluids such as juice and water. The more you put into your system that faster it will recover.

Try and stay busy! Do your best to keep from laying around and waiting for the withdrawals to pass. You want to keep your mind occupied. The more you lay around the more time you have to think about the pills. When we lay around we tend to constantly look at the clock which makes time drag on. The more you can stick to your normal routine the better you will end up feeling. It can be difficult because all we want to do is lay down. Sticking to our normal routine will help with sleep too. The first time I went through withdrawals I couldn't work due to my back injury. I would lay around all day and take cat naps here and there. I could never fall asleep at night. Sure, some of this had to do with the withdrawals but most of it had to do with being lazy all day. Kinda like if you sleep in on a Saturday. Come Saturday night it's almost impossible to fall asleep at a decent time. I realize that you have school so you won't be able to lay around during the day but even after school try and stay up and stay busy.

You want to do all you can to keep your mind off of everything. Watch some funny movies, pick up a good book, do a jigsaw puzzle, just do anything that you enjoy to keep your mind from wandering.

You're doing a great thing here. You can be the one to make sure you never have to go through this again. You will learn so much from this forum. The advice comes from people that have been there and they know what they are talking about. We are like one big happy family here and none of us could do this alone. It's not over once the withdrawals are over. It's a lifelong battle. If we all work together we can make sure we stay in recovery.

Be sure to open up to your therapist. That's what they are there for. Don't be ashamed about talking to her about this. There are so many out there in the exact same situation so it won't be some big new surprise to the therapist. She will be able to give you ideas on how to deal with the anxiety. Just getting stuff off of our chests is sometimes all it takes to put a cease to the anxiety.

Just keep going strong and know that the feelings you are feeling will go away with time. It takes some hard work and motivation but all of this will be in the past before you know it.

Be proud of yourself for seeking help.

Best of luck to you!

Brian
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Good luck. I am trying to get help her too but noone has talked to me on my post. I am starting to get scared but I am trying not too. I also have kept this very secret. You can do it but if you start feeling bad I am here waiting for people to talk with to help me.
Helpful - 0
1563022 tn?1296332599
Hey - WE CARE! Your probably going to go downhill today, but hang in. Maybe get yourself a journal and write down what you want to say to your gal tomorrow? I bet you that you'll feel MUCH better after you have that talk at 1PM tomorrow. Stay strong and PLEASE come back.

Gary
Helpful - 0
1567353 tn?1358876855
Just woke up. My internet's still not out, but I'm still going to a friend's house after school.
It'd still be great if I came home to some posts..
I'm alright right now. I hope the tapering is this drastically helpful for the anxiety but I'm not sure. That last pill I took has never lasted this long before, so it can't be that.
It'll probably get worse as the day progresses.
I'll let anyone who cares know.
Helpful - 0
1567353 tn?1358876855
I'm gonna head to bed 'cause I have to get up at 5 tomorrow and I'm still feeling okay.
I know I'll feel pretty bad tomorrow, but unfortunately I can't reschedule my appointment. It'll be at 1 on Friday and that's as early as I'll get.
Maybe I'll feel better 'cause I'll have gone a full day without a pill but maybe not, 'cause I've heard it gets worse for awhile, then better (I've done a LOT of research about it - that's how I already knew about the flu thing).
Thanks for talking.
I'll probably be at a friend's tomorrow, but I'll try to get on on mobile.
Helpful - 0
1563022 tn?1296332599
Dang it. Typed out this reply w my fat fingers n *poof* gone..not logged in. Lol. You shouldn't have any prob talking to ur therapist. That's what she's there for. How u think ull be feeling come Friday? Probably not so hot. Any chance u could push 4 tomorrow? Kno its late 4 that but you may be a little more "under the weather" come Friday. This is a talk u need to have, sure u realize this. Just trying to figure out a way to do it when u will b at your best. Still all ears (eyes) in Fla for you. Just got home and sleep will be a long time coming..if ever. BTW, Cye. Keep talking,  ok?
Helpful - 0
1567353 tn?1358876855
I'm sorry I kept changing the subject. I really didn't mean to. Yeah, I plan on trying to tell her, as long as she promises she won't tell anyone else.
I forgive your fat fingers. :P Don't even worry about it.
I am trying to make my life better, have been, but really, I'm one of those unlucky people that ridiculous crap happens to. :[
Helpful - 0
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