Avatar universal

I'm done!!!

I'm so sorry to my family and friends but I can't take this anymore I'm going to just end this because I can't keep going like this .with draw is to much and staying ****** up is not where I want to be and things are out of control..
63 Responses
Avatar universal
Take a deep breath and post more information about what you are experiencing.
4341997 tn?1514588688
give us some more info on what you're taking and what's going on....i promise it gets better....just let us help you.  
Avatar universal
I don't know what to do I'm falling apart.. And the worst part I don't have anyone to talk to and I don't even know how to work this site... I'm sitting here with my shot gun and a picture of my son's and twice have almost done it but I don't want my wife to have to find me or this mess. I wish I was not so sick and was back to the way I use to be.
917815 tn?1377498254
Hey, u can't give up now. That would be so selfish of you. Think of your wife and kid and family and friends...can you grab your wife and talk to her?

If not call this number - 1 (800) 273-8255. It's a place where they can help you right now.

I'm here if you need to talk - just put the gun away.
52704 tn?1387020797
i hope you don't do that.  it really does get better on the other side of active addiction.  in fact, most people find in sustained recovery a life that is better that anything they had before . . . even better than anything they thought was possible.  

i know lots of people like that and i'm one of them.  every single one seriously considered (and came very close or attempted) suicide.  i know that for the longest time in my addiction, suicide seemed like the only way out . . . somehow it seemed like the only rational choice.  once i came as close as possible to letting four weapons-drawn members of the metro drug unit do it for me.

find some help.  there's more help out there than we realize when we're in active addiction. just google  for your area.  find an NA or AA meeting and go TODAY

whatever you do, don't give up on yourself just yet.  when we arrive at the point where you are now, we're finally ready to start getting better.

come get better with us.

Avatar universal
I agree with Catuf......it's your time and you're ready for help!  Keep talking and you'll be amazed at the help you can get here.  Don't give up on yourself and your family.  Tell us your story......

Avatar universal
Why????? Why??????? How did this happen???? Where did it all go wrong??????? I don't understand I'm such a good guy and had everything going for me but now it's all falling apart:-( if I stop now how long will I be sick??? And after I'm done being sick will I want more? I'm such a bad person for letting myself get here. And the worst part I have no one to talk to about this because everyone in my life is a good person and does not get fd up and does not understand where I am.
917815 tn?1377498254
What you're feeling, I've felt and many others too. Where did info wrong? How did I let myself get here? Why did I allow this to happen? Etc etc etc

I've been there and I am now 111 days clean. I never thought I would make it but I'm making it. As catuf said, you can get help thorough NA and other support systems.

What are you taking? What drugs, how much and for how long? Let us know some more so we can help.
Avatar universal
Ok I'm 35... 10 years ago my l4 l5 & s1 got real bad and the doc started giving me pills and I took them like I should then not soon after I need to take me to deal with the pain and the more I took the better I felt not only with my pain but the high was great!!!! Then two years ago I had 5 back sugary's and with taking all the pain med's scor so long I tryed to stop and got very sick and could not sleep walk eat talk nothing I was or felt like I was dead or going going to. And I keep taking the pills and now it is soooooooo bad and I'm so done I really want to stop I'm ready I'm my mind heart sole and body. But I can't deal with the with draw its real bad because I take so much and I'm so sceared to go through that. And I have let everyone down in my life and I'm not sure if they can ever forgive me. And if I don't take pills I can't start my day or even take a shower it's real bad.. Lol but what is screwed up is I really want to stop I don't even like it anymore but I have to have them to just function... HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ME:-(
Avatar universal
I'm taking perk 30's and 15.and to be straight with all of u I'm taking anywhere from 8-10 30's a day.
4522800 tn?1470325834
PLEASE PLEASE Give it to a HIGHER POWER ANYTHING OTHER THEN YOURSELF. I agree with them above. I wish I would of a long long time ago. Trust me I am only 5 months into a long ride of addiction. I have found a NEW WORLD and a NEW WAY OF LIVING. You can find the4 help you need professionally or at the NA/AA meetings. You find people due care and that some our early in recovery and feel like you others have lots of years and have been there. Going threw the withdraws our shot compared to the long use. We all have different experiences but are the same in a lot aways. EVERYONE will tell you IT DOES GET BETTER just hang in. I can tell you many ways that helped me and I am very strong not to do this again. I do not have a choice at 56 Keep in touch with us here .
I will pray for you. You are a great person Its the drug mind talking . when you get clearheaded you will see. Watch some videos on the disease of addiction, Search and you will find out that the pleasure brain takes over and that is why we get Out of Control. HANG IN
917815 tn?1377498254
Your story sounds like many of our stories - we start taking them for legitimate reasons and then it spirals out of control.

Towards the end of my pain pill consumption, I was taking about 200Mg Percs per day. You are about 240-300. I've seen a lot of other folks with a lot more and they were able to quit. So, it's not going to be easy but YOU CAN get your life back. It IS possible - it seems like you are "sick and tired of being sick and tired" so decide a quit date and quit. Tell your docs, your family and go to NA. That's what I did and I'm 111 days clean today.

1508698 tn?1360215710
Withdrawals are very hard but you should get to feeling better soon. If the withdrawals are too hard then go into a detox clinic. I went & it helped so much. You will get better.
Avatar universal
Can you call your doctor today and tell him everything you told us to get some help. You can take a drug that helps with the withdrawls and also helps to not take any other opiates. That would be a start to stopping the pills and then also see what he can do to help with your depressions and anxiety don't be ashamed to tell the doctor he will help and you sound like a great person that just needs a little support! Please please don't give up!
4341997 tn?1514588688
we want to help you!  just please make that call to the help line....you will be surprised at how much help you can get out there.....you can also call the NA 800 number as well....if you want to talk to person versus here....just please please take that first step.....we have all done it and are here as proof.....it's hard, i know as know one knew of my addiction as well....and the WDs can be lessened with otc meds...we can help you with that as well....the hardest part is reaching out that first time.....you can do it....just remember, you are not alone, we have ALL been right where you are...the WDs will be over in a few days and you can concentrate on taking your life back....just get help! it can be done!  
52704 tn?1387020797
when i was near the end i kept looking up to a cool neon coke clock that i had bought on e-bay in one of my many hydro-fueled late nights (back when the drugs still worked).  i'd look at that clock and say out loud "HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?????"

and i had no idea.  somehow i had gone from a respected professional, father of four, etc., to a hopeless drug addict.  everything was so out of control and there was just no way to fix it . . . or none that i could see.

keep talking here and find help where you are.  what's the closest city to you?

2065212 tn?1334584906
I haven't read all the comments, but....I just have to say.....

THIS IS ONLY THE SMALLEST BUMP IN YOUR ENTIRE LIFE!!  A FEW days of feeling like crap and then it's all uphill!  Don't give up!!   I've been almost right where you are......then I remembered how much I"m loved and how much, more importantinly, I LOVE those around me.  I couldn't imagine not being around the ones that make my life so beautiful.  Look back at those kids that are going to grow up and need you more than you can ever know.  

The fact you came here....means there's hope.  Hold on to it...stay on this board as much as you can or want.  See a doctor or therapist (which is ALOT less money overall than ANY drug habit), and maybe rely on one or two close people in your life so you have physical suppot.

You are amazing and the world, your family, friends and everyone here, but mostly YOU...deserves the amazing person that you are!!!

You are in my thoughts, heart, and prayers!
3688816 tn?1358475297
Hi and welcome!!! I kno EXACTLY how u feel!!! I'm 27 wife and mother of two I started taking pills for legit reasons after 3 years on the pills a "friend" introduced me to heroin I tried it and couldn't get away from it. Everyone and I mean everyone of my family and break friends knew nothing abt this but then it started to show. My appearance changed so much I weighed 90 pounds and was spending 1000 dollars ever two weeks sometimes more on this. It got so bad I was stealing from my family to get high then after about 5 months on heroin it wasn't about the high anymore it was about not being sick! My husband is such a WONDERFUL man. I couldn't ever tell him what was going on even tho I wntd to quit more than anything I was scared to ask for help. One day he found out and I told him everything and let me tell u, tht was  SOO SOOOO freeing. Bc I was using sooo much I couldn't go ct it was just too hard so I chose suboxone and it saved my life. ( I'm not saying to go on suboxone) but there are options to help u with WD weather it b the Thomas recipe or suboxine or methadone U HAVE OPTIONS TO GET UR LIFE BACK!!!!!!  Please DONT GIVE UP!!!!!  We are all here for YOU!! I feel like everyone here is family thts how great everyone is. Please put the gun away and chose to change ur life. Start by saying to urself or out loud I CAN DO THIS AND I WILL GET MY LIFE BACK!!!!! I found if I'm positive it makes it sooo much better.. if u was u can message me and I will help u!!! We all will. Oh Btw I'm 180 days clean. I didn't think in a million years I'd b saying tht!!!! It is possible =]
Avatar universal
Hi and let me tell you everyday will get better Iam on day 7 and I fell better then ever. It's all due to this site everyone on here can and will help just keep posting letting everyone know how you are and put the gun away it will get better. You do have some one to talk to we are all listening we are here for you.
4804873 tn?1360162537
Please hang in there! You are not alone-as you can see!!!! Keep coming here to read if you cannot post it helps ! Your wife and especially your children need you!  I know how you feel, But as everyone had said you can get through this! And when your ok back you will be so grateful you stuck around! Please keep posting and let everyone here help you!
495284 tn?1333894042
Please come back and talk to us.  This is your safe place.  We know how you feel as we have been there.  Let us help you~
Avatar universal
Please let us know your ok
2107676 tn?1388973859
Please talk to us and know this is not your fault.  These pills are HIGHLY addictive and many people from all walks of life have fallen into their trap.  Yes, they ruin our lives but we can climb back out of the deep dark hole they put us in.  They make us feel so depressed and like there is no hope but there is hope.  There is always hope.  Please, please talk to us and let us know what you are feeling.  We can help because we have been there too and we care very much about you.
Avatar universal
I hope you are still reading these posts of support. I know the feeling well and it was always when I was in the depths of using, not my real self buried in there. Maybe we feel cruddy when we first stop, but it does lessen each day. I like the flu comparison. The thought of my kids and husband being without me was too much. And no matter how terrible things are or seem now, that means they can improve, even in small ways. Remember, you never have to decide anything NOW. You've reached out here for help, please take it. And reach out to whomever you can in your life or town. Please check in...
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