I'm freaking out.

[lynnalb15]

This lady who came in the other night just passed away due to overdosing on methadone. She snuck it in and me and my roommate found her lifeless in bed. I've never witnesse death. And now I have. I'm shaking as I write this and remember her face. I want to snuggle my daughter and never let go. That could have been me. I'm traumatized to the point that I don't know if I'll ever be the same. But this had made me so scared of the drug. She was on subtex trying to come off
Methadone and mixed too much for her body to handle. I've never had to deal with this and feel like it just set me back a lot. I should have had to see that here. I'm supposed to be safe. Theyve had me in grief counseling all day. and it's gunna take a lot to forget what I witnessed. In scared to even fall asleep. Life is so short and unexpected and we waste it on a pill that we never kno if it's our last. How crazy are we. All for a High we chase. Never again. I have been risking my life. I could have died and never saw my baby again. This is so life changing and im just sick right now.

[Gasten]

Lynn,  I am so very sorry for the suffering you are going through!  That must be such a devastating thing to witness that there would be no words to describe.  Just know and be comforted by two things, though, and these are actual facts:  People here CARE and are always here for you when you need us!  Secondly, despite how ghastly an ordeal what you have just been through is, and in no way am I trying to diminish the horror of it, the flip side is that YOU will (and already HAVE become) stronger from it.  I say "already have" by reading the intensity of your wording as you realize the shortness of life, the foolishness of risking it on drugs, how much more you appreciate your baby now, etc.  Sometimes,  horrific things like this happen that do in the long run change us in a positive way.  So try to focus on how this has and will change YOU for the better--even though it will still be quite some time to "get over" the memory of such an incident.  Actually, it will be more "getting through" it, than "getting over" it.  Remember, we are here for you,  I personally believe this will make you stronger in your recover and perhaps even hasten it.  It certainly will change your outlook on life in a positive way.  Hang in there.  Reach out for help when you need it and you WILL  make it through this and be a better and stronger Lynn for it!!!   I promise!!!  God Bless you!!

[Silk2197]

Never told anyone on the forum this before but, I was married before. I'm a widow and my husband died from a drug overdose! Heroin and cocaine. I was 26 yrs old....left alonewith our 6 children at thetime! Yes 6! 3 months later my mother died! No drugs involved. I had NO idea how bad addicition is....that is until now! I wish I could go back 11 yrs and help him! It tok my husband a short 3 months to kill himself with drugs! He started....well I found out in March and he was dead June 25th 2001. Our youngest was only 9 months! So, I feel your pain and especially Sharlola's. I think that's when I started to think needed a break from my reality and started my own nightmare. However today is day 60 and eventho things aren't perfect in my world....I'm sober! I don't post much but I'm on here reading at least 5 times a day and even more at night.  Please continue to pray for me and I will do the same for you all.....GOD Bless<3

[littlebit667]

Lynn, if it is the reason you continue on the path of being drug-free, then her life was indeed not in vain.  Sometimes it takes a sharp blow to the head to finally get the full picture.  I am so sorry for the girl and her family.  It sounds like she was not really ready to stop and lost her life before she had a chance to really live a full life.  It is a cautionary tale told by a very lost person.  Please use the grief counseling fully...perhaps it will help you learn why the drugs have taken over your life.  I am still learning that one myself   One step leads to another and another and another!  You have made some tough choices and as you look back on this, I hope you will do it with a smile on your face as you realize what a detour you took and the path you made for yourself and live for the one that did not get that chance.  Peace

[gnarly_1]

how you holding up Lynn ??

[dominosarah]

Sending you a big hug, Minnesota style~~~sara

[lynnalb15]

Her death will not be in vain.

[snakejones]

Oh, Lynn! I'm horrified to read this. Poor lady, and poor you and the other residents. And you'll never forget the experience--and shouldn't. That lady gave you a priceless gift. And in the long run, she possibly will save several lives---one of which I hope will be yours.

[lynnalb15]

Thank you everyone. Still hard to believe what I saw but I'm not taking it
Lightly. It could be me if u pick up and use again. And I refuse to let that happen

[lulu747]

Lynn..
Wow.  I am sorry you had to go through the trauma of that...But as the others said- this is the reality of addiction.  It can certainly be a wake up call and make us realize just how fragile life is.  Keep treating yourself with love Lynn.  I am happy to hear they have grief counsellors to speak to.  You are surrounded by support, there and here.  
Much love...
Lu

[lynnalb15]

Sharlola gosh I am so sorry to hear that. Are you sober now? I hope you are dealing as well with that ad you possibly can. And thank you I know I'm where I should be. And honestly I thnk what happened was for a reason. Because I've never seen death. I've never even came close to it until now. And yes it scared me sober cause I don't wana even think of using. To thnk that's what it can and will do to us is terrible. Cause for most it won't scare them one bit.

[minn66]

Dear Lynn and those of you who have been through these traumatic experiences, I can't begin to fathom what you have seen and feel. My heart breaks for you. I just wanted to share my support and pray that somehow this will not be in vain. That some way what you have been through will help someone who is struggling with this horrible addiction. I hope that you find peace. For what it's worth, I really care about you all.

Much love and hugs,

Minn

[sharlola35]

My brother was found dead in his bed 4 years ago now.  Toxicology took about 6 weeks.  He had a blood alcohol of 0.344, high levels of both fentanyl and cocaine in his system also.  He was just 36 years old.  He left behind a 9 year old son.  He had been really struggling with our fathers death 6 months earlier.  My dad was a raging alcoholic.  He was only 57 when I found him dead in his apartment.  This disease of addiction is ravenous, I am also an addict and it scares me to think I could end up like them.  Cant tell you how many times I mixed xanax and alcohol (like Whitney).  Scares ne sober thats for sure.  Lynn, you are exactly where you should be right now.  I am sorry you are going through all of this, but you will come out stronger in the end.

[lynnalb15]

Thank you all for being here fr me thru everything. I couldn't do it with out your love and support!

[lynnalb15]

Help414: I'm so sorry your son is going thru that. If you would like you can post your own post and people here WILL help you. This board is amazing. If you go back to where you found my post and look at the top of the page there should be a post new topic button. And hopefully you can get the support you need there is also another board called  addiction living with an addict. Here is the link for you. I'm sure there will be many helpful people there!  


http://www.medhelp.org/forums/show/1176

[lynnalb15]

Yes this morning it happened. I'm thinking she had a visitor sneak it in. We are
Allowed visits twice a week and they must search the visitors and they are supervised but from the visits I've had so far they aren't on you  the whole time. I'm just sick. I can't sleep and I'm trying to read a book and just think of my baby girl what a day. We are having group tomorrow to talk of what happened. I now have to do grief counseling daily. There are no words to say how this has effected me. I'm almost mad that they let it happen to her. It scares me. When we went to wake her up for morning group she wasn't moving ad we just thought she was hard to wake up so told our leader she was sound asleep. Later to find out she had passed away. Please day a prayer For her family and kids tonight everyone. I will not sleep tonight I know that.

[help414]

hi if someone can help me understand this please help my son is addicted to pills he really getting bad he denies it but i know he is he lost so much weight besides i been trying to help him for 2yrs he has 4 children 2 ihave raised he does not provide for them well at all i do that he really has a bad attitude he not the same pearsoi no his wife wont leave him  i dont no what to do any advice

[help414]

is somebody there who can try to give me some advice

[gnarly_1]

WOW Lynn im so sorry for all the drama but that is the risk everybody takes using methadone off the street they just dont understand how powerful a drug it is........im sorry you had to see that but it is the brutal truth of addiction it is especially sad for it to happen at a rehab  now ant you glad you getting help this so could have been you I will keep you in my prayers...............Gnarly

[GA_need_help]

Oh Lynn,
I have wanted to post you again and again during this situation you are in, and now___wow!  I witnessed something absolutely terrible years ago.  I was in such shock.  I remember it so well.  I still get a terribly sick feeling from it!  
     Last weekend, my husband was at the party Witney Houston was suppose to be at (in LA).  The next day at church a good friend of ours, who brought me to church while my hubby was still in LA, told me he feared for my life, esp. as he saw what had happened to her!  He said that the addiction is out to get me the way it was out to get her.   Something inside knows he is right.  That has made me all the more likely to go to rehab.  I am leaving my 8 year old daughter, and it is killer.  I left her two years ago--for 24 days.  And am about to do it again (in a week and 1/2).  I have a feeling you won't have to leave your daughter when she is as old as my daughter.  But, I pray that if you needed to, just as I need to, you would be able to.  But, if you do this, and stay totally into aftercare (I am going to 5 AA meetings a week already), you won't have to leave her as she is older.
   But, with what you are dealing with......I AM SO SORRY.  WORDS CANNOT EXPRESS HOW SORRY I AM.  I just want to give you the biggest hug, Lynn, and not let go.
    Just know how much I love you, and everyone here at Medhelp loves you.  You have shown yourself, so vulnerable, and precious time and again, especially through this.  I try to grasp that we are here for each other in the spirit world, which is more real than the physical world.  I am just sending all my love, telling you that no one should have to go through that, but that God will not use that in vain, and He understands that precious girl's struggle, as He understands our struggle.
    I will be tapering until I go to tx. And writing you from there.
All my love, Marie

[eaw102]

OMG that must have been horrendous for you. The way i see it is yes this will be life changing for you in a good way. You can see now what youve been risking head on. You dont want this to happen for you. This surely can only aid your recovery, your probably feeling emotional as hell yourself at the minute so this of course wont help, but ive been watching your story and you can do this. Your amazing for going to rehab and your doing this!
You wont be like this girl, you will come out of this a better person.

[bama88]

wow Lynn that's intense...amd this happened just now in rehab?

i know your tramatized right now but that just shows you how addiction kills.wow the girl was trying to get help and died..oh my i have no words...except how did she get them im? where i went the searched us...all the way down and went the our stuff.....

im so sorry Lynn...bUT uses this to your advantage...get clean and don't let her death be in vain....again wow i have no words

[dominosarah]

I am sorry you had to see what you did today Lynn.  You saw the reality of this addiction.  It is very hard to get the visual out of your head.  Keep talking about it. I do think that this will make you even more aware of how important it is to get better.  You were given another chance my friend~~sara