Addiction: Substance Abuse Community
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Avatar universal

I'm here. I suck at life.

Well here I am. I am back. Obviously relapsed again, not terribly but took Vic again. I'm so so sad. I'm angry and seriously feel defeated. I'm crying as I write this.  I ended up in the ER Monday because of a debilitating migraine-I need meds for these.....because of my anxiety meds, I cannot take the maxalts, imitrex, treximet, etc.
I KNOW I can handle only taking them as needed when I have a severe migraine, but I always end up becoming weak and taking more. I have given them to my husband today and he forbids me to take them unless I'm in tears from my head. He's terrified of meds and is such a huge support system. I just want to be done. I contacted 3 therapists to seek aftercare and none accept my insurance. Anyone else feel like it's you vs the world?!
I feel very foggy today, I took 2 because I had a massive headache-but I think it's stress related. Just soaked in my Epsom bath and now I am crying in bed. I missed you guys and need you now more than ever. I seriously think if I don't quit now, these things will kill me.  
13 Responses
Avatar universal
Honey, don't be so hard on yourself you took the medication as prescribed by your doctor and your husband is holding them for you. I have had migraines in the past and they are horrible, I am sorry that you are having them. Have you figured out your triggers, I know red wine, nitrates and msg are a no no for me and my time of the month can bring them on as well. You can get through this!!! God Bless you and I hope your head feels better soon
Avatar universal
You made me cry even more :) I have found the barometric pressure is a huge trigger and pms. They won't put me on the pill because I have such a huge family history of cancer, they'd like to avoid adding to that by messing with my hormones. They have decided to try amitriptyline at night. I'm praying so hard it works. I just can't do this anymore.
2083449 tn?1381354708
Hi Kimby, your situation is very tough. Trying to live with chronic pain. I had migraines years ago, and I know how awful they are. I think you are doing the best thing possible. The only advice I can give is to make sure you have a specific plan in place. Make sure your husband only gives them to you when needed and only in the amount prescribed. Don't deviate one bit. What is the prognosis for your migraines? Do you know what causes them and how to avoid it? Mine only lasted about 1 year and I haven't had one since. (Ha Ha, only a year). Here's hoping they will one day go away! Take care!
Avatar universal
Thanks!!! I was diagnosed with chronic daily migraines. I've had them since I was 16, I'm now 30. It's awful. I wish there was a light at the end of that tunnel but looks like I'm a lifetime sufferer. They said when I got pregnant there was a chance they could change-but they actually became worse :( it's so frustrating. My husband is so strict with them-and the hard part is when I get really weak and desperate for some, we fight. I try to convince him I have a headache and he will refuse to give me some. I turn into the boy who cried wolf. I just want to be able to trust myself to only take them when I have my migraines. They've become my crutch for all my anxiety and emotions.
271792 tn?1334979657
If you are taking them as prescribed then it is not a relapse. Relapse is a frame of mind as well as a physical act. If you are in pain and taking them when needed and having someone hold them for you than please don't beat yourself up.

You will never be able to trust yourself so be grateful that you have a supportive husband. Hang in there and relax.
Avatar universal
You can do this!!!! I've relapsed a couple times. Pick yourself up and start over! We're all here together!
Avatar universal
I didn't start off taking them as prescribed. I took 2 every 4 hrs every day until my 30 were gone. I got my new script now though and here we are.
Avatar universal
I don't know if they"ll kill you although of course they can,but I think that my addiction would much rather just see me have a long miserable life.
1742220 tn?1331356727
hey Kimby, good to see u here, but wish it was a happier reason for u.  I have migraines, and have relapsed many times, and recently, due to medicating migraine pain with Vicodin.  I have imitrex and that works pretty well for me most of the time, however.  it sounds so hard for you to have to convince your hub like that ... it just made me feel so bad for you that u have to be in tears.  migraine pain is bad!!!!  shouldn't have to convince someone to give u meds, especially when your in pain from migraine.  idk how else to handle it though.  at any rate, welcome back!  we love u kimby.  you will succeed!  I know it!
Avatar universal
Are you taking the meds just for pain or for pleasure?  There is a huge difference and you know that.  I think your hubby having them is giving up the control over them for the time being.  Are there ANY other options for migraines?  I have never experienced one, but have heard they can be very debilitating.  
Avatar universal
Pain. Pleasure. Stress. Anxiety. You name it, hence the addiction.
There are lots of options, however, most interact with my daily med. I'm really hoping this amitriptyline works. I keep imagining my life back when a bottle of 30 lasted me 6 months instead of 6 days.
God willing, I will get there. I need to. I haven't stopped crying since I first posted tonight. I keep refreshing, checking on you guys-I just miss me.
2107676 tn?1388973859
When I relapsed I found the pills made me cry.  It seems that once you have made the decision to quit it's really hard to be "happy" again when you are taking them.
Just know that the sadness will go away.
1855076 tn?1337115303
Migraines are so debilitating.  Almost all the women on my mom's side of the family have them.  I can remember as a small child how bad they were for my mom.  I started getting them a 14.  Mine were definitely hormonal.   Mine could last anywhere from several hours to several days. I always would end up vomiting.  Once I started throwing up, I knew it would start to ease up.  I did go on the pill but that made no difference.

When I got pregnant with my first baby at 29, they stopped.  Between then and the time I had my last baby at 38 I only had one.  I was pregnant and this one was dfferent.  I had no pain but I kept seeing what seemed like flashing lights.  I was driving and thought there was an amblance or cop car behin me.  Because I was so far along in my pregnancy, I called my OB and went to see him. They said it was an atypical migraine.  Then the stopped again.

From 38 to 48 I may have had a couple but nothing as bad as when I was younge. Then they started coming more often and and became more severe.  I was starting menopause and I started getting them more frequently and they were getting really severe.  My doctor thought when my hormone leveled off they would get bettr and they have.

My 15 y/o daughter started geting them once she got her period.  They eere really bad and she wasmissing quite a bit of school. Her could last for a day or even 3-4 days at timed.  She got one we just couldn't break.  They gave her fiorinal and after 5 doses, it finally broke.  But I didn't want her on that or on any of the other strong meds.

We metwith one of the doctors and he went over all the options.  We decided to try a supplement called COQ10.  It is all natural and has no side effects or interactions.  It can take up to 3 months to work, though we saw improvement much sooner than that.

She's been on it nesrly a year now and we have seen such an improvement.  I think she,s had 3 in the past year and none in the last six months.  You can get it at any pharmacy.  It's a little pricey so I try to wait for the buy one get one sale.  It might be something dor you to try.  The doctor said it eliminates them in 60% of the people using it and 49% see improcememt.
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