Addiction: Substance Abuse Community
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Avatar universal

I'm such a mess!!

I really don't know where to start! This whole addiction started 5yrs ago just for fun here and there! Fast forward now I'm in a real bad place over these stupid pills! The things I have done to get them is sooooo bad and I really don't know how to dig myself out! I've quite so many times yo just go right back (even worse) I'm full of soooooo much guilt that every night I tell myself I need help BAD just to turn around and steal, lie and let my whole LIFE fall apart over this addiction! I know aftercare is the key and I know my husband knows something is up because money is missing my lies don't even make since! I so badly want to come clean and I know I should but all the lies is something my husband will not get over! I do not work my job are my kids and I can't even handle the guilt from this nasty addiction to even care about my kids!!! I really need advise on what to do!! My addiction is norco 4-7 a day!!! PLEASE HELP
4 Responses
Avatar universal
Hi, welcome. Same story as most of us. I was up to 12 plus norco a day by the end. I tried, on my own, to quit on my own over and over and over. And I never could. I kept thinking there was something wrong w/ my willpower, that I wasn't strong enough. It has nothing to do w/ that. It all changed when I walked into a meeting.

So, are you ready to quit? Are so beyond sick and tired that are willing to do what it takes? First, flush what you have and block any dealers #s. Detox is part of recovery. There is no avoiding it. Just tolerating it. Get yourself into recovery asap. That's the ticket. I was so angry at myself for repeating that idiotic cycle, I finally had enough, walked into a meeting and never left. That was 2 1/2 years ago.

You can do this. You just have to take the steps. Hang in there and keep posting.
Avatar universal
I'm a stay at home mom also. I've been addicted to opiates for 3 1/2 years, usually 20-25 norco 10's a day. I hid it from my husband the entire time.

One morning I woke up and truly wanted to quit. I finally wanted to quit more than I wanted to use. The price I was paying had finally become too high. This was only 24 days ago.

It was the hardest thing I've ever done, but I finally told my husband the truth, that I'd been lying to him for years. So, I quit, I found an addiction doctor, I got on every online support group I could find, and I found a counselor. For the first time in years I had hope.

I'm finally learning to tell when my addiction voice is trying to deceive me with lies. I finally realize that feeling good because of pills is not actually feeling good, it isn't real.

Addictions are evil, they will lie to you and tell that it's too hard to quit, too scary. They will tell you anything they need to go keep you sick. Your addiction wants you to use no matter how terrible the consequences are. Your addiction has only one thing it wants, drugs. It cares nothing for you or your true happiness. It decieves you into thinking that you can only feel happy on pills, that you can only feel liked on pills, that you can only have energy on pills, that you will feel sad and depressed and bored if you quit.

Your addiction could not be more wrong. You will feel infinately better without the guilt and pain that your addiction causes. You will feel freedom.

So, my best advise it - ask for help. Face your addiction head on. You CAN get clean and stay clean. Don't let your addiction deceive you one more day by telling you that you can't. You don't have to live like this one day longer.

I'm so sorry that you're going through this. Stay strong. Prayers.

Avatar universal
You seem to want to quite and it can be done!  My husband and I are on day 9 and today I truly felt free for the first time in 3 years.  I can't believe the amazingly mood I'm in.  No craving, no more hot flashes, my energy is back to normal and I finally feel like me again that it makes me want to cry.  
We started with the Tomas recipe.  Three days are a blur.  We got a script for clonodine and lorazepam.  We went out and bought all the vitamins on the list.  However if I could recommended anything for energy it would be ginseng.  In the 9 days we relapsed twice and the second time we did I relazoned that I didn't want it anymore.  I felt as though it was a test for myself and I'm officially done.  You can do it!  We were on fentanyl up to 20 pills a day.  Now at zero, ZERO!  Go and change something about yourself, get a new hairstyle, something to make you feel new and just go for it.  If you're afraid of telling your husband than don't, but the suppprt will help.  Otherwise you need a good week to yourself to get over this crap.
Avatar universal
Hi and welcome to the forum......you have been given some great advise.....I am always amazed at some of the posts that our new members post....cristaljoyb  great post and a big congrats for 24 days clean....now jifmoc is one of our veteran posters  her advise is spot on.....the only way to do this wrong is trying to do it alone...it takes support.....first off try not to be scared it is always worst in our heads then it turns out to be...this is 1/3 physical and 2/3 mental so be ready to fight it out on both fronts... get prepared  I have razed 5 children so you just cant put that on hold.....put together ez meals for the kids and see if you can get some help from a relative or friend with the londery...the close will keep pilling up otherwise.....it is best to try to stay bizzy wile doing this.....I have said this a million times hear on the forum but it rings true...''you just have to be ok without being ok for a wile'' this should be your mantra for the next week or so....pick up a case of gatoraid  your going to need to force the fluids...imodium for the runs....and light ez meals for you ....your not going to want to cook....your habit is not that out of control as far as your dose goes so  the first 4 days are the hardest with day 5 being the turning point for most people make sure you got some music and vidios for the tv most people dont sleep  a big comfy blanket to roll up on the couch with will help....no reason to toss and turn all night and keep your husband up....We do home detoxs every day on here so ask all the questions you may have and let us know what symptoms are bothing you the most we have a lot of home cures....let us know when you want to start your no longer in this alone where here for you and look forward to helping you break free from the ''jail in a bottle'' may God be with you........
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