Aa
I'm toast, nurse awaitng admin meeting
I haven't had the meeting yet, but I've been doing some reading, and I will probably have no choice but to go to a rehab. Vicki is right. Diversion is in question. Although that is not the case. I'm sure that I have been completely investigated today, and they will see some things that are less than perfect. I had surgery over the summer and was off work, could harldly walk. Came back to work happy to be there because my time off had lost us so much money. I wasn't even full time before the surgery, but my husbands benefits were so bad and the kids were needing this and that medically, plus my follow up care etc. I decided to bite the bullet and work full time with four children. I prefer nights, I've always worked nights and you get more money for working nights. All the kids are in school now, so I really could sleep during the day. I was taking less of the medication for my surgery, and new that if I kept myself really busy I would feel like I needed less prescription drugs, and my foot was getting better. The money was coming in, the stupid process of changing insurance hassel had been completed and our family was ready to thrive again. I have blown it. I am done for. My kids will have to live with shame of Moms stupidity. Is there anyone out there that has successfully hidden the whole rehab, reason for loss of job, thing from the community? I don't know weather to go in and totally defend myself, or just give in. Truly, I am doing better and taking less medication. My mood off the pain killers is better because I am less depressed because our lives are getting better. I really do think I am on the right path, but did screw up at the hospital. I did casually apply for a case manager position with a past floor nurse coworker to get myself off the floor and away from the drugs, but they were not hiring at that time. Of course, the co-worker did not know all of my motives for getting off the floor. I told her it was that I didn't want to be on my foot for 12 hours, that I could not do pt care as effectively anymore. So truly I am trying on my own, and do think that I can save my family from certaind destruction. I need to get off the floor, and get some counseling, and agree to random drug screening, but I do not believe the adminstration will be so kind. Like I said, I have read the processes and policies over the internet for disiplenary, and recovery for nurses and it is truly bleak. I can produce my at home prescription, but only copy of the prescription because of course, I am out of the medication until the 27th. I have gotten really good avice here a couple days ago, does anyone else or the same people want to give advice furher? I could really use it. joyagain
Add to our little stars??? Good Lord!!
Well,at least you're on my case now and not Joy's....
Well,at least you're on my case now and not Joy's....
Hey Joy, honey......start a new thread and we will get on to some serious support for you!!! This thread is getting old and big and just bleccckkk!
Zulli~ Back at ya!!
Janet~ Your uncle's story is tragic. Sadly,it happens. I don't believe that was the case here. I really don't...
Joy~ How are you now? Do you want to start a new thread?
Janet~ Your uncle's story is tragic. Sadly,it happens. I don't believe that was the case here. I really don't...
Joy~ How are you now? Do you want to start a new thread?
Its not about town size.. I understand embarrassment. If there is a NA meeting in a town that small, then you have people with alot of strength to help. Is the choice to not go to NA to save face?? Not reasonable, at all... Understandable, maybe, just the part of having to put yourself out there. You have 2 choices. Show people you are strong and do what you need to, to get better. Or be humiliated by continuing your actions and people just see a burned out addict. Id take the NA meeting and some strength. I grew up in a town of 2500, I know how it goes. Im sure her situation is spreading through the community already. So what would going to NA change? People already are starting to find out. Its not a big deal. People will forget in time.. They will forget easier if the right steps are taken. Remember I grew up in small town Idaho.. I know how they work. My da was an addict in a small town and I was a teenager in that town. i know the way it works..
When you live in very small towns it is hard to go to something like NA or AA. Heck even if I lived in a town of 25,000 I think it'd be a lot easier. But little towns .... everyone knows everyone and everyone talks to everyone about everyone else.
I had an uncle who passed away last summer after a long fight with Parkinson disease. About 6 months before he passed he had a hip replacement surgery and was sent to a nursing home to recover. He never left the nursing home bless his heart. He was a wonder caring, passionate person who was the only father figure I had in my life since my father and mother divorced when I was in 1st grade. My father was a mean and viscous drunk who beat on my mother. Just to let you know how I felt about my uncle.
He had his surgery and was giving oxy contin and was using fentenyl patches after his hip replacement surgery. He continuously cried and complained of pain over and over. We just couldn't figure out why he was in so much pain with all the meds he was taking. He had a horrible time and we did not think he would ever get better after his surgery. He finally did but we are talking over a course of several months of severe pain.
Right after he passed away a male nurse was arrested for stealing drugs from patients at the same nursing home. He was found slumped over in his car in the back of the nursing home of an overdose. He came clean with the police about his scheme to get and take meds from the elderly people in that nursing home. My uncle's name was on that list. He had taken meds from my dear elderly uncle who suffered endlessly after his hip replacement surgery. The story even get worse, this nurse had also done the same thing at a nursing home in the same city 16 months prior to that. He was found in his car in the same condition that time. He was punching holes in the fentenyl patches and squeezing the liquid out and smoking it and of course he was popping who knows how many oxy and other pain medications also. After his first offense he was put into a program offered here in this state for doctors and nurses with drug dependency problems. Probably something like the ones others are mentioning above. I am sure there are a lot of nurses who use this program as we know how many people are addicted to prescription drugs and how easy it is to become addicted. I also attend NA with a nurse who used the same program.
For me the whole truth in the get go would of made me have more compassion for someone who would do this then someone who wrote only half truths in the beginning. I am in no way saying that I could have done it any better than you did. I am sure it was a very stressing, sick feeling to even start to write. I just think from my eye with what happened to my uncle it would of been a lot easier to stomach had you come clean in the beginning. I am not trying to put you down or make you feel bad. But it is hard to stomach this for me. I am really trying to wrap my mind around this. I know to well what addiction does to people and what control it has over us. I did things that I think no one should ever forgive when I was using. I hated my self and the shame and guilt are still hard for me.
The other thing that sticks out to me in your story is that your wrote that you were not going to run out to the local NA and come out there. I think this would be an excellent way to start recovery. You did what you did because of addiction as we all did the things that we have done. But I don't think I would not be putting down the local NA fellowship for the fact I am ashamed of my actions. There are some very prominent people who attend NA and I am sure they have guilt and shame also. But the difference is that they are standing up fighting for their recovery and are not afraid to do it no matter who knows. There are some great NA fellowships out there and they have so much to offer. Ego's will get us no where, but recovery will.
He had his surgery and was giving oxy contin and was using fentenyl patches after his hip replacement surgery. He continuously cried and complained of pain over and over. We just couldn't figure out why he was in so much pain with all the meds he was taking. He had a horrible time and we did not think he would ever get better after his surgery. He finally did but we are talking over a course of several months of severe pain.
Right after he passed away a male nurse was arrested for stealing drugs from patients at the same nursing home. He was found slumped over in his car in the back of the nursing home of an overdose. He came clean with the police about his scheme to get and take meds from the elderly people in that nursing home. My uncle's name was on that list. He had taken meds from my dear elderly uncle who suffered endlessly after his hip replacement surgery. The story even get worse, this nurse had also done the same thing at a nursing home in the same city 16 months prior to that. He was found in his car in the same condition that time. He was punching holes in the fentenyl patches and squeezing the liquid out and smoking it and of course he was popping who knows how many oxy and other pain medications also. After his first offense he was put into a program offered here in this state for doctors and nurses with drug dependency problems. Probably something like the ones others are mentioning above. I am sure there are a lot of nurses who use this program as we know how many people are addicted to prescription drugs and how easy it is to become addicted. I also attend NA with a nurse who used the same program.
For me the whole truth in the get go would of made me have more compassion for someone who would do this then someone who wrote only half truths in the beginning. I am in no way saying that I could have done it any better than you did. I am sure it was a very stressing, sick feeling to even start to write. I just think from my eye with what happened to my uncle it would of been a lot easier to stomach had you come clean in the beginning. I am not trying to put you down or make you feel bad. But it is hard to stomach this for me. I am really trying to wrap my mind around this. I know to well what addiction does to people and what control it has over us. I did things that I think no one should ever forgive when I was using. I hated my self and the shame and guilt are still hard for me.
The other thing that sticks out to me in your story is that your wrote that you were not going to run out to the local NA and come out there. I think this would be an excellent way to start recovery. You did what you did because of addiction as we all did the things that we have done. But I don't think I would not be putting down the local NA fellowship for the fact I am ashamed of my actions. There are some very prominent people who attend NA and I am sure they have guilt and shame also. But the difference is that they are standing up fighting for their recovery and are not afraid to do it no matter who knows. There are some great NA fellowships out there and they have so much to offer. Ego's will get us no where, but recovery will.
Can you schedule an appt next week with a doctor before your insurance runs out? I would look into some anxiety and depression help..see if they can screen you and find something that works for you. From your words there is not much that can be said here now, at the moment you have accepted this and are processing it. Which is great...one of the next steps is the depression you feel can lead you back to active addiction. I know you are worried about your career and family understandability so, but these are moments you lay the foundation for your next 40 years. Depression is a very natural cause of quitting the drugs that doesn't quit when the physical pain does. Some of us try 5-HTP with great success. I would love to go to a doctor but I don't have insurance so I am stuck with herbals...but you do, I hope you take advantage of it.
Good Luck
Good Luck
Dont worry, my family was never pleased with whatever I did. Addiction or not. I have found that if they dont like me for who I am, then I dont need it. Hold your head up, and if they ask tell them. (if you are comfortable with it). Then say with a strong heart, I am doing what I need to do to get better for me and my family. Then smile.. Thats it.. Stay strong, for you and your husband and kids. They are the people that matter now...
Check this out... I have had an idea.. You are a nurse, yes.. Im sure you are a good one, yes.. Here it is.. You may not be able to work for the hospital again, thats ok and understandable. You have a very unique opportunity here. Listen up.. First get some good recovery time under your belt. Then look into working as a nurse in a drug rehab program.. You have a very unique experience with addiction and nursing. It would be a benefit to addicts to have a nurse working in rehabilitation that has actual addiction experience. Sun is always shinning. You may not be able to work in the nursing field you were in, but this idea may be a thousand times more time fulfilling. You would always be working on your recovery while helping others cope with the issues you have great experience with. See, I can be positive. And kiddo... I have never doubted you or questioned your motives. Im just seeing an addict in a place that is very hard. Think outside of the box and success is yours. They may not want you in the hospital's nursing that deals with narcotics, who cares... But I can promise that the tools you will soon have can never be met by a nurse without the addiction experience.
Do not get discouraged! I would tell the board that the EAP was not brought up to you as an option and that you are willing to do a 4 year program but you need to work. Are you in a union? I would file a grievance against the termination by the hospital/ it will seem very whelming at first but as you put it i need to work. The drug screens are random you are usaully assigned a color or symbol call in to a hot line and if yours is called have a certain amount of time to go to a lab and give a sample. In minnesota at the end of 4 years if you meet all conditions all stipulations are removed from your liscense and it is like the whole thing never happened. The board needs to help you get your job or another one back in your current place of employment. remember addiction is a disease thye have to make accomodations for people with disabilities and illnesses so they will have to for you also. a lawyer may be necessary to force the hospital to work with you especially if they are saying one thing to you and another to someone else. it stinks having to wait. When we make mistakes we just want everything fixed right away. please hang in there however long it takes and think of the big picture. You screwed up but you deserve a second chanvce anyone does uless they prove over multiple times that they are not rehabbable. what state do you li9ve in you do not need to tell me this if it makes you uncomfortable. monday will come soon enough. Amy
Friv and Liv~ Here is my opinion on this whole thing. I think you're making this more about YOU than about Joy. It's called transference.
She's been badgered enough already! Be it with your so called love or not...enough already,okay? She gets it,I get it, everyone gets it. You're not the only two who have been "talking" about this. Yes,she has been stuggling for a long time. This is not her first "rodeo" as someone mentioned! Let it go now and let her move on. The same thing keeps being said over and over...let's think of something new to say!
She's been badgered enough already! Be it with your so called love or not...enough already,okay? She gets it,I get it, everyone gets it. You're not the only two who have been "talking" about this. Yes,she has been stuggling for a long time. This is not her first "rodeo" as someone mentioned! Let it go now and let her move on. The same thing keeps being said over and over...let's think of something new to say!
What I see here is a very long frustrating 4 years that could end up with really no career at all even if I am an acceptionally reahabilitated (but still an addict I know) nurse. I think I would feel not really a whole nurse after this, just sort of a nurse that blew it, never proud of myself again. Maybe these are the questiones I should have for the person on Tuesday? That first lady was just so discouraging.
The BRN just called me back to say "now are you sure?, because this is for nurses who are serious about this program it is four years long ya know." What kind of comment is that? Anyway she turned out to be someone who referred me to another number, and of course, that lady is out of town until Tuesday. So there for now, whatever, not questions answered. ughhhh.
Yes, I have tried all day to contact the Board. They wll be closed on Friday. I'm hoping they call me back before the day is over. I have contacted the Diversion office specifically with only voicemail. Also, I called my previous Nursing Director and asked for a meeting with her and the CEO. (not denial!!!) I had been reading the nursing board stuff, and it sounds like even considering my offences, they (my employer) could have sent me to their eap counseling, of course reported me to the board, but taken me off the floor and placed somewhere else of course away from narcatics. I would be in the diversion program, but still working for them. The Board says that is an option. They(my employer) did not choose that. Then I was referred to HR who told me that I cannot "grieve" a termination per their policy. I had to try that approach. The Nurse Director said that she thought I said that I had tried the eap program through the hospital already, I did not say that. I didn't even know that it was available. If I would have known that was available to me for free and I could tell the hospital what was going on and keep my job of course I would have done that. I had been looking for counseling if all you remember in my previous posts. None of it matters now. Sorry friv and liv, but i think that would have been a good program i.e. employee assistance counseling for addiction, Removeal from the nursing floor, drug screens, and more if I failed that then kick me to the curb, but I had been there a long time, and there is no where for my family to go. This is a small town. Another thing that happened today is one of the docs that I worked with at the hospital saw my brother in his office and took it upon himself to mention that I was no longer working there. I had my Mom calling me (who lives here as well) and my sister texting me within no time. All the while I was trying to call the Board. I needed another day or two before I said anything to them. They never come over or try to ask if I need help for anything, it's always been me helping, but I'm sure they would just love to here what happened and will be around in no time to relish in my imperfections. They have never been good to me. I can't wait. Go ahead and critisize me for this post, but I really have not where to turn for income. We will be out of money any day now. yes my fault I know this, don't need to tell me again. But I will try to continue to put food on the table. As for the family (Mom, sister, brother) they are so unsupportive of anything I've done like go church, not let my kids watch certaine things on TV, the list goes on and on and on, I will only tell them thay I took norco before work, they did random drug testing, and of course I failed so was then fired. They is enough dirt for them I'm sure that they will feel better about themselves. I get constantly ridaculled (sp) for my what um more sheltered raising of my children and my lifestyle. I have chior tonight and I don't think I can even do that anymore. Do they know? I know they will accept me more than anyone, but I will not be able to sing I will bawl and disrupt the whole practice, and then everyone would know. It sure would be therapeutic to sing though and be around them. oh well. Thanks all, I do hope the Board calls me back today.
Have you called the board of nursing yet? if not please do so. Drug programs for health care workers are set up for their benefit. If you agree to self report and go inot a program and be monitored maybe your present job would have to keep you. There will be some protection built into it for you as well as for the hospital. And while things look bleak now you have not ruined everything for your family. Your husband and children love you all they want is a happy healthy wife and mother. In the long run you may have saved your family by admitting your addiction ad seeking help for it. Make sure the board knows that you ahve to work you will need your old job back or a new one and that you are willing to be compliant with whatever treatment and monitoring program they gi ve you. Lynne
This forum is such a help to me. I think I want to stop reading because it makes me think about the pills, but it also makes me see alot. I think I need to keep reading. Thanks guys, just for being around. I may have given in if I hadn't been reading this forum.
get this book ASAP
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B002VIABYE/ref=kinw_myk_ro_title
it explains everything.. really.. please trust me
u r loved
brother Frankie
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B002VIABYE/ref=kinw_myk_ro_title
it explains everything.. really.. please trust me
u r loved
brother Frankie
As we all have said over and over, none of this was to hurt. I dont want to hurt anyone, believe me I did plenty of that when I was using. Over time i've learned that beating around the bush doesnt help. I will always be blunt, and I will always say how I see it.
Joy, Please see that my words are not to hurt you, or make you cry. You scare the shi* out of me, for you. It breaks me in half to see such a hardship happening to a person. A hardship that can be avoided. The past is the past, Im not judging for you past. My past is 10x worse. I know that the future can be greatly effected by our thoughts. Actually it is 100% effected by our thought's "now". I know you know you were wrong, blah blah blah.. You know that. I guess Im just saying is your current thought process needs to change. I know its alot of sorting out emotion from action, and its very hard. I copied and pasted one of your statements. Take a day or two then read what I copied that you wrote. Does this sound like a rational statement? Does it sound safe? does it sound like a person that has thought out their issues wrote it. That statement made me pull out a paper I wrote a few years ago. It said almost the same stuff. That I didnt hurt anyone, that I really did care about others, that It wasn't me forging a script it was me doing what i had to and if it really was going to hurt anyone I wouldn't have done it. I will try to scan this letter to my page, read it. It is scary how similar it is. After I re-read your post and my letter, it sank in how close you are to total destruction. I was there, I was there and in deep. It took arrest, and a loved one getting sick from my drugs to make my cycle stop. It doesn't have to go as far as it did for me. I am being hard, and im not giving hugs. But I can say I may be giving you one of the deepest felt hands i have ever offered to anyone. Your story is my story, if I can protect you by handing you reality, that is my intention. I wish you could feel that instead of anger. But, I will take anger if this stays on the fore front of you thinking and recovery process. I see no need to point out your faults, I am sorry for that. But If sections from you are omitted or you are being told that something will be ok when it's not, I will tell you. How bout I just be a bit more soft spoken about it. Friv and I, have talked and this is all saying we are scared as hell for you.. and are willing to be the bad guys if this is the one tiny thing that keeps you true to yourself and sober.. This is with love, Im sure from both of us. Recovery is very important to us, and its just as important to share it and our experiences. Ask friv... You story will lend a hand to us staying sober. Thats the way recovery works, we help each other inadvertently. It works, and thank you for your help in my recovery..
Joy, Please see that my words are not to hurt you, or make you cry. You scare the shi* out of me, for you. It breaks me in half to see such a hardship happening to a person. A hardship that can be avoided. The past is the past, Im not judging for you past. My past is 10x worse. I know that the future can be greatly effected by our thoughts. Actually it is 100% effected by our thought's "now". I know you know you were wrong, blah blah blah.. You know that. I guess Im just saying is your current thought process needs to change. I know its alot of sorting out emotion from action, and its very hard. I copied and pasted one of your statements. Take a day or two then read what I copied that you wrote. Does this sound like a rational statement? Does it sound safe? does it sound like a person that has thought out their issues wrote it. That statement made me pull out a paper I wrote a few years ago. It said almost the same stuff. That I didnt hurt anyone, that I really did care about others, that It wasn't me forging a script it was me doing what i had to and if it really was going to hurt anyone I wouldn't have done it. I will try to scan this letter to my page, read it. It is scary how similar it is. After I re-read your post and my letter, it sank in how close you are to total destruction. I was there, I was there and in deep. It took arrest, and a loved one getting sick from my drugs to make my cycle stop. It doesn't have to go as far as it did for me. I am being hard, and im not giving hugs. But I can say I may be giving you one of the deepest felt hands i have ever offered to anyone. Your story is my story, if I can protect you by handing you reality, that is my intention. I wish you could feel that instead of anger. But, I will take anger if this stays on the fore front of you thinking and recovery process. I see no need to point out your faults, I am sorry for that. But If sections from you are omitted or you are being told that something will be ok when it's not, I will tell you. How bout I just be a bit more soft spoken about it. Friv and I, have talked and this is all saying we are scared as hell for you.. and are willing to be the bad guys if this is the one tiny thing that keeps you true to yourself and sober.. This is with love, Im sure from both of us. Recovery is very important to us, and its just as important to share it and our experiences. Ask friv... You story will lend a hand to us staying sober. Thats the way recovery works, we help each other inadvertently. It works, and thank you for your help in my recovery..
Hi Joyagain,
I have been interested in this post bc I can relate very well to being an addict in health care. I am not a nurse but a therapist doing home health. My addiction was fed mainly from stealing meds from my patient's. As a health care providers this was a very hard thing for me to to fully admit and judgement can be very harsh from many people bc my job that I spent my so many years doing with compassion and caring so much for my patient's turned into causing them harm. I struggle with this very much and cannot believe I did such a thing to them. I did try to not steal from people in severe pain and and tried to make myself feel better by knowing they didn't use them every 4 hours and could get refills if they needed them, but the truth is I took what wasn't mine and I know that people did suffer bc I took their meds or replaced them with a generic OTC pain relief med and left them to deal with pain When my addiction was active I justified it all bc I just needed to pills to live. I got some harsh comments when I admitted this on here several years ago. I have addicts in NA who have robbed people at gun point and stole to maintain their addiction who think that I am worse than them bc I was a professional stealing from my vulnerable patients.
The thing is that whatever you did for your addiction you have to come to grips with in time. You did these things because of your addiction. You can be a wonderful person who is an addict. In active addiction there is POWERLESSNESS. All of us have stolen and lied to get our DOC. One addict is never better than another.
The thing that concerns me is what are you going to do from now on? I had been caught many times and was devastated so many times that I would lose my job and license. Things seemed to work out in my favor sooo many times and I truely believed this was rock bottom and I would never pick up again. I did every time. I tried to change jobs so I wouldn't be around pills but found other ways to get them because it was my addiction, not my job. It wasn't until I was ready...I basicly wanted to kill myself...that I took the steps that I needed. I go to NA, see an addiction specialist. told my doctor, told my family that I am finding my way out.
I am 7 1/2 months clean now and am around opiates almost every day that I could pick up in a heartbeat. I don't want them now. I have a strong support group and am not so much concerned if people judge me harshly. This is not the way that I planned things. It is what it is and I can only change my today. My goal in life is to leave this world a better place, and I got some catching up to do! I am now responsible for my addiction.
I am so sorry that you have to go through this. Please get as active as you can in getting help for your recovery. This needs to be your main focus. You cannot change any of the rest. I am sending you good thoughts and strength to get through this. Hugs, Corey
I have been interested in this post bc I can relate very well to being an addict in health care. I am not a nurse but a therapist doing home health. My addiction was fed mainly from stealing meds from my patient's. As a health care providers this was a very hard thing for me to to fully admit and judgement can be very harsh from many people bc my job that I spent my so many years doing with compassion and caring so much for my patient's turned into causing them harm. I struggle with this very much and cannot believe I did such a thing to them. I did try to not steal from people in severe pain and and tried to make myself feel better by knowing they didn't use them every 4 hours and could get refills if they needed them, but the truth is I took what wasn't mine and I know that people did suffer bc I took their meds or replaced them with a generic OTC pain relief med and left them to deal with pain When my addiction was active I justified it all bc I just needed to pills to live. I got some harsh comments when I admitted this on here several years ago. I have addicts in NA who have robbed people at gun point and stole to maintain their addiction who think that I am worse than them bc I was a professional stealing from my vulnerable patients.
The thing is that whatever you did for your addiction you have to come to grips with in time. You did these things because of your addiction. You can be a wonderful person who is an addict. In active addiction there is POWERLESSNESS. All of us have stolen and lied to get our DOC. One addict is never better than another.
The thing that concerns me is what are you going to do from now on? I had been caught many times and was devastated so many times that I would lose my job and license. Things seemed to work out in my favor sooo many times and I truely believed this was rock bottom and I would never pick up again. I did every time. I tried to change jobs so I wouldn't be around pills but found other ways to get them because it was my addiction, not my job. It wasn't until I was ready...I basicly wanted to kill myself...that I took the steps that I needed. I go to NA, see an addiction specialist. told my doctor, told my family that I am finding my way out.
I am 7 1/2 months clean now and am around opiates almost every day that I could pick up in a heartbeat. I don't want them now. I have a strong support group and am not so much concerned if people judge me harshly. This is not the way that I planned things. It is what it is and I can only change my today. My goal in life is to leave this world a better place, and I got some catching up to do! I am now responsible for my addiction.
I am so sorry that you have to go through this. Please get as active as you can in getting help for your recovery. This needs to be your main focus. You cannot change any of the rest. I am sending you good thoughts and strength to get through this. Hugs, Corey
so will you stop posting ? i don't want it, frivolousz21.... keep posting, we all need each other here ! and the same goes to livngr8ful...keep posting, please.
You are not being condemned. I wouldn't of wrote anything that I did until I went back and read your entire story. So we know this isn't your first time around the rodeo.
Everyone here loves you, and gives you deep compassion and will do anything to help you. I want you to understand that..no matter how many times you relapse you will always be welcome here and NA or wherever there is a group of addicts together for one common goal, the goal of quitting drugs.
Once I read everything you wrote, so understand I took a lot of time out of my day to read your story...so don't think I am coming here to put you down. If I write anything without the best picture possible then I am not giving you my best.
The reason I took that approach is because I know what it is like to be where you are....and where you were when you wrote what you did a couple days ago.
I know you would of never let any of this happen if Vicodin wasn't controlling your life. I know you are a great person who is trapped inside of this disease and is dying to get out.
but I also know you are now standing on the line. From your posts, your recovery started a while ago with many relapses, I can only image your guilt and shame is enourmous. When someone came at me like I came at you, oh man was I pissed, so mad, but I knew they were right, it was my own feeling that I was mad about not the person helping me. For many addicts it never ends until it's to far.
you sure don't want your kids to see you kicking drugs in county because you stole pills from your work. That is why I wrote what I wrote, because your there Joy, this is it, you still have your kids and family, but I want you to know this is it, you have to be told how serious this is, this is no longer Joy has a problem with vicodin and she needs to taper down and quit and move on. You could relapse again and again and quit in 2 years, and never touch it again, but you might be living in a one bed room apt, your parents, friends, or maybe the shelter. That's why I am telling you this. I don't want that to happen. Those are realities for MILLIONS of addicts.
I know its hard Joy, just writing this makes me cry, I am a grown man I don't cry much :) Because I have to ask how the F did I get here? How did this happen to me? How did I become this person? This can't be happening. It is so hard to accept that this is where we are...only recently have I accepted that I am a drug addict, after 8 years of different vices I finally came to grips with being an addict.
AND FINALLY MY RECOVERY HAS STARTED. This week I handed 200 bucks over to my gf to save for a house...that is not me, that is not possible, but I did it.
You hit a cord with me because I am walking in your path.
with much love, you can do this..just let go and be free.
Everyone here loves you, and gives you deep compassion and will do anything to help you. I want you to understand that..no matter how many times you relapse you will always be welcome here and NA or wherever there is a group of addicts together for one common goal, the goal of quitting drugs.
Once I read everything you wrote, so understand I took a lot of time out of my day to read your story...so don't think I am coming here to put you down. If I write anything without the best picture possible then I am not giving you my best.
The reason I took that approach is because I know what it is like to be where you are....and where you were when you wrote what you did a couple days ago.
I know you would of never let any of this happen if Vicodin wasn't controlling your life. I know you are a great person who is trapped inside of this disease and is dying to get out.
but I also know you are now standing on the line. From your posts, your recovery started a while ago with many relapses, I can only image your guilt and shame is enourmous. When someone came at me like I came at you, oh man was I pissed, so mad, but I knew they were right, it was my own feeling that I was mad about not the person helping me. For many addicts it never ends until it's to far.
you sure don't want your kids to see you kicking drugs in county because you stole pills from your work. That is why I wrote what I wrote, because your there Joy, this is it, you still have your kids and family, but I want you to know this is it, you have to be told how serious this is, this is no longer Joy has a problem with vicodin and she needs to taper down and quit and move on. You could relapse again and again and quit in 2 years, and never touch it again, but you might be living in a one bed room apt, your parents, friends, or maybe the shelter. That's why I am telling you this. I don't want that to happen. Those are realities for MILLIONS of addicts.
I know its hard Joy, just writing this makes me cry, I am a grown man I don't cry much :) Because I have to ask how the F did I get here? How did this happen to me? How did I become this person? This can't be happening. It is so hard to accept that this is where we are...only recently have I accepted that I am a drug addict, after 8 years of different vices I finally came to grips with being an addict.
AND FINALLY MY RECOVERY HAS STARTED. This week I handed 200 bucks over to my gf to save for a house...that is not me, that is not possible, but I did it.
You hit a cord with me because I am walking in your path.
with much love, you can do this..just let go and be free.
That took alot to say what you both just relayed to the forum. Some true humility..And darn it Joy! you got your post in before I got a chance to finish this one but thats ok..I'll continue it below :)
I fully understood the message you guys were trying to convey but I think everyone felt the timing was not right for that type of approach. This was one of those times we didn't need to remind her on an hourly basis how her addiction has threatened the stability of her home..She admitted that more than once in the midst of the words you guys were focusing on... A time to let her absorb the consequences that have walked in her door because of some bad decisions she made..
She has a plan, lets support her path forward as she has made the steps to do something about it..We are all friends here. Striving for the same thing :)
And Joy,,good job with the post above..You will make it..You've got what it takes :)
I fully understood the message you guys were trying to convey but I think everyone felt the timing was not right for that type of approach. This was one of those times we didn't need to remind her on an hourly basis how her addiction has threatened the stability of her home..She admitted that more than once in the midst of the words you guys were focusing on... A time to let her absorb the consequences that have walked in her door because of some bad decisions she made..
She has a plan, lets support her path forward as she has made the steps to do something about it..We are all friends here. Striving for the same thing :)
And Joy,,good job with the post above..You will make it..You've got what it takes :)
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