Oh God, Sarah. You mentioning she's already talking w/ Jimi and Janis...oh boy, that got me. She could tell em a thing or 8 about being clean that's for sure!:)
You can bet she wont put up with excuses from either one of them, if they dare!!! I remember trying that with her, ONCE!!! Thought i was master of that game and i found out real quick i wasnt!!!
I can imagine!
That's such a nice thought...imagining her kickin' arse up there...
OMG I gave her so many excuses and dam did she shut me down on several different occasions. The fights we would get into. All over the fact that at the time I knew more then she did (all while I was using) but I just could not get her to see things my way. lol Even early in my sobriety when I thought I knew something she would shut me down and I would always tell HER I was not giving up on her until she saw things my way. I'm sure u guys knew how that went. I would always see how far I could go with her.
The one memory I have of her is when I could not stop using and I kept relapsing and she finally told me that she could not watch someone she loved and cared about destroy their selves and that she had to detach from me. And she did just that for about a year. I was so mad at her for doing that but I find myself doing that today and I understand it now. The life lessons she has taught us.
Thankfully i was the nice one!! lol
U both were a-holes. lol Whenever I would get mad at her and id say if I lived closer id pop ya a good one she would say "u have one shot u better make it a good one". lol
I was very sorry and saddened to hear this this morning...havent been on in a couple of days.
This forum will be forever challenged to find someone like IBKleen. She was a needed fixture in many of our lives and will be greatly missed.
My deepest and most sincerest thoughts are with her family right now.
In my minds eye I see Bonnie as the ole Hippie she was Free flowing skirts with flowers in her hair She was one of the girls bathing in a famous photo at Woodstock although she was clothed :) IBK had a lot of experience behind her and knew how to put it into words I will always respect and love her for all she has done for everyone she ran across, myself included..
The very first time she set me straight I was so offended that I beleive I sent Sarah a message crying about it! Ha.... I was clean for over a year until I reinsured my back and had surgery! She set me straight again when I came back here yet this time... I followed through with what she said. She told me just a few weeks ago EXACTLY how it was and my comment back was " it stung, but she was right "..... SHE is the reason I am where I am today! De pushed me to a whole other level and there was just something about her where I wanted to make IBK proud of me. She told me she was! I know that when I have tough days that her spirit will be right here with me, still pushing me forward!...... And what I Beautiful thought of the Flower Child she is!
Bonnie Anne Hayzer was a very special person to me and, my wife also. we have just returned from a few days in the mountians and are just getting home.
We both feel devastated and at a loss for words. She helped so many here and has helped me personally on more than one occasion.
She thoroughly enjoyed football and made it possible for a lot of us to play our picks in a competitive way while in a clean environment. She really razed me about my inability to pick more winners than I did throughout the season but at the same time I think she kinda felt sorry for me also.
She will be missed very much.
Update......There will be no funeral as she was cremated. These were her wishes~
I am saddened greatly to hear this. It comes on the heals of my father passing away on the 6th. I am not trying to pull attention away from Bonnie so I will say...
She helped me tremendously and will forever have a place in my heart. I love that she was a part of Medhelp and that this thread is so long. It is a tribute to the love she put into this site. For this and many other reasons she is going to live on through the energy she gave.
I am so sorry to hear of your dad passing. Was he sick? Please talk if you need to as we are here for you too~
I've seen fire and I've seen rain
I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end
I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend
But I always thought that I'd see you again ...
Godspeed ms Bonnie ...
Sep 09, 2012
I wasn't around yesterday when my dear friend started this post and wasn't alerted to it until this morning. I celebrated last night at a candlelight meeting that was focused on those who have not found recovery and lost their lives. It was a very moving to listen to everyone and I was honored to celebrate there.
I don't know how to thank you all for your beautiful words. I feel like Sally Field at the Oscars and I am not good at this. I have been criticized many, many times for my style of help so this is new for me.
Each and every one of you is special to me and each of you keep me clean. You are all part of my recovery no matter how much time you have. The person with one day clean and the person with ten years clean helps me the same way. I am grateful to you all and for this community.
I stick around here because I was taught early one that you have to give it away to keep it. The people I surrounded myself with early in recovery gave themselves freely to help me to stay clean. I try and do that here every chance I get. And if I have helped just one person in the past five years then it was all worth it.
Thanks again guys. I think I will go finish crying now."
The above is a reply from Bonnie back in 2012. She will be missed for sure.
"we don't get to chat much but I wanted to tell you how proud I am of you and your recovery. "
one of our last conversations before I relapsed
she will be missed dearly
That was so Beautiful! Thank you for sharing!!
I'm still shocked when I see this.. miss you IBK things just will not be the same without you.. I hope you are sitting in the great outdoors listening to the best tunes up there ! love with more love
I am too, lesa. This has been so hard to bear. There was nearly DAILY communication with her and always laughs; there's a huge void now and the shock remains.
It will take a little while to accept and right now I need to grieve the loss of my friend. I'm thankful that our paths crossed, though, because she shared so much and I learned from her anecdotes. She knew more about addiction, recovery, and the strength of the human spirit than anyone I've ever known, heard of, or read about. I owe her.
She was very strong but, oddly, I felt protective toward her. I hope she didn't suffer or feel scared and alone. I hope she knew how much she was loved and I hope she's free of pain now.
I'm so sorry for your pain Vicki for all of our pain.. I wish I could reassure you that she is free and not in pain but I can say I believe there is more to us then this world and in the next I do not believe we bring our baggage with us. warm hugs Vicki
For me, the shock has worn off, and now the grief has settled over me like a 50 lb weight on my chest. She is in nearly every thought I have. I'm trying to remember all the laughs, and yes even the fights. Missing her so much!
I hope all your tears will be replaced with smiles in time~
Thanks lesa. I love your wisdom and you're always a comfort...
S.- I think we'll miss her for a long time to come, especially here where there are constant reminders; people quoting her on threads, her name under Top Answerers, her comments popping up on old threads...But it's the best way to honor her. Plus we have each other, thank God.
I keep opening posts, expecting to read one of her take-no-bull-sheet answers and it's not there. Oh boy, I hope she knows what an impression she made. And how much she is missed. I'm still in shock, too.
Ohhhhh...The Love just comes a shinning when we pull together.
I was listening to "WildFlower" by Skylark. Bonnie and I were very close in age and therefore laughed alot about our picks in music.
The Football season this year is going to be REALLY difficult for all of us that played in the Social form too!!
She will be so Dearly Missed.
Oh dear God, what an incredibly difficult loss. IBK was so supportive to everyone, including me, and I have tears streaming down reading this. May she rest in peace and receive the reward she so deserves for her service to life and this community. My condolences to her long time friends and family here and in the outside world.
Rest in peace, I will miss you so much, I just can't believe she's gone,,,
Only the good die young. I really believe that. Bonnie was such a great wonderful woman. She would hold your hand, give a hug, and give a swift kick in the butt when needed. All with LOVE. She will be missed. She was loved by all she touched so many.
When I see a shooting star I will say a prayer.
I have peps still asking for Bonnie so I'm moving this up for the weekend..
We met here on this forum and continued our friendship through FB . I was shocked beyond belief when a post popped up on my news feed. Sending prayers for her family and friends ❤️
Bonnie was such a fixture here. This is still so hard to believe...
haven't been here for awhile ,just learned of this.I got some tears too IBK kicked my butt when I needed it,gave it to ya straight and loved ya the whole time.Always felt she had come back from a lot but never went back,was a awesome inspiration.God bless you IBK for all you have done for others!!
When I first found this site IBK seemed like she had lived through many addictions and had all the answers and could provide them in a no non-sense fashion , I have found that many of the big names on this site comment like she did. she helped many lost souls including me may she find the rest she deserves and may we carry on the fight until our time is up.
love you Bonnie.. It will be awhile that peps will be asking about you..
It still doesnt seem real~
First off I offer my heart felt sorrow to all of Bonnie's friends and family. She has been a blessing to all of us. (to some a pain in the a++) when she would set us straight! She cared about us when we didn't care about ourselves. The world is going to miss a great Lady. I never know what to say at times like this so I'll just say I miss her. God Bless her
OH MY!!!! I havent been on here for a couple of months but something told me to check in....WOW....my heart is saddened.....May God keep her in heaven....Im at a loss for words
It's been one month and Bonnie's loss is still so acute. I think of her several times each day because something always triggers a memory; be it a song, a kitty, an event...a joke meant for mature audiences... haha Thoughts of her beat through my days like a heart. And I know I'm not alone...
I can not even look or hear the football without thinking of her also!!! I tell me Hub that she is so very missed around here and is so loved.
My she be smiling down at us all!!!!
I am at a loss for words, I haven't been around for a while and this news really makes my heart sad. IBK has helped me through a lot of bad times and NEVER put up with my excuses. She made me realize that I was worth more than my addictive self. She made me see the greatness in myself and never sugar coated anything. Yes she had her tough side but that came from love, her compassionate side far outweighed the toughness. When I was in severe pain one night early in my recover she PM with me thru the night to help me get through the night without pain meds. I will miss her and her kind words. RIP IBK my friend.
Love & Peace---Rick
Happy Birthday IBK I hope you are rockin it old school !! Love ya !
I just found out and my chest hurts so bad even though the tears are falling.
Bonnie never gave up on me and would PM me and tell me she was worried about me. She truly cared and I felt honoured that she loved me.
I can't believe it's been so long since I checked in. I wanted to check the football pool because I knew there would be so many familiar faces there.
I'm just so, so sad. She was a great lady. She wanted me to post on the forum again. I will try to soon.
I love you Bonnie and thank you so much for all of your words of wisdom and for loving me, no matter what.
Here's one of her last messages to me
I miss you Pat and worry about you. I think coming on and helping people will help you. Come on Pat. I will wait for you.
Love and Hugs...Bonnie
I was able to read through this thread today and I want to send love to all of my friends here who were hurt so deeply by this. You know who you are.
Thanks to all of you for being here and helping me and so many other people.
We never know how much we help but this thread is proof of how many lives Bonnie touched and how many she helped.
I love you all.
You are loved to my friend~ I am really glad to see you here. This will take some time to process but she is present, not in body form anymore but in spirit~
I just heard about her death and am so very sad for all of us. I truly liked her and although I did not have a close relationship with her like some of you..I read and trusted her words.
It's been two years since I read that Bonnie had died. I wish I had known her.
It's amamzing to look at all of the names of people that I came to love early in my recovery.....some that are still on here fighting (which IBKleen would've loved) and some are gone.
I can still remember her laugh and telling me what a stubborn @#$%^& i was!! I was so blessed to have her wisdom and her tough love. I loved that woman and i miss her~