In waiting room right now

[Plehdeen]

I have been here (doctor) before for loratab addiction. I have tried numerous amounts of times to quit and now realize I can't on my own. I am taking anywhere from 20 to 36 lt (10mg) a day. I take doses of 5 or 6 (sometimes 7) at a time. First as soon as I get up in morning then again at lunch, 3, then 5 and if I have around 9. My problem has gotten completely out of control. Going on 6 years now! I just celebrated my 30th birthday and to b honest there wasn't much to celebrate! I am so sick that if I don't have any pills my body completely goes crazy and it's gross and very painful. My stomach hurts so bad and my bones and joints hurt. On the outside I am well look very normal you would never know! My family has no idea- I guess I'm here bc I need to hear that someone else has lived through this. I have gone to jail, gone through all my savings, lost a child and ruined my marriage( not that marriage was worth anything bc he is the one who introduced me to the stupid blue pills that I worship) I have stolen from my own mother, lied lied and lied let men take advantage of me. I just don't think there is more hope for me if this fails. I'm tired and scared and miss me!!!! Someone please let me know you can survive this bc I will die if this doesn't end by either getting rapped then killed, or od. ;( needhelp

[Plehdeen]

Hey Ben I just wanted to know how long did it take u to detox? And how many days were you up for? Congrats on getting sober!!! Go you. I know how hard it was for you.

[Plehdeen]

Hey the suboxone is working great! I feel almost normal- no stomach pains, no runny nose, no pain in bones or joints, not sweating not aggravated. Feel great! R u thinking about taking suboxone?

[pitbullmom]

ur head will become clear sorry im at work. also the detox shouldnt b a prob if ur dr tapers u down slowly

[pitbullmom]

hi iv been on sub for 4 months. yes u will get addicted to it after 3 weeks or so . that being said  over the next week or so ur clear will become more clear u will feel like ur old self  BUT that will go away in a month or so. i didnt think i needed meeting i hav group meeting at my sub dr 2x a month i thought 4 hours a month was enough working on my recovery. its not. if we only put 4 hrs a month toward our addiction we wouldv never been high. i urge u go find a meeting see what its about im going to my 1st one sunday it cant hurt right? but i relized not going can hurt us. those people r happy. there has to b a reason. so i wanna find out what it is. i hope u will join me.congrats on taking the 1st snd hopefully 2nd step. -crystal-

[bamabred]

Hi gal,congrats on regaining your life!!I belive most of us have pretty much same story (bad part anyway),i"ve been holding morphine script in wallet for awhile till i read your post,so thank you very much!! GOD bless Danny

[Plehdeen]

Suboxone is doing really good job! What worries me is will I get addicted to it ? Anyone here been on suboxone programs, If so I would like to know how it has helped-or effected your life. I really appreciate any advice

[Plehdeen]

Not being smart when I say this but yes I know u can't get high while on suboxone. It's a mind game. I know that if I would of took those 6 that I was holding on to I would of felt a little high for maybe an hour and that's it! I woke up this morning and looked at my phone. I had 4 messages from people who want my money it's amazing how they act like your best friend but could care less about u- I'm not going to take any lts today. Just tired. Tired of blowing money, wasting time and gas, lying, stealing, having zero respect for myself. Just done!!!! I feel like today is going to b a good day ;)

[sher_bear95437]

I understand that you feel those things about yourself but you really need to turn that around, that will not be an easy thing either, you did those things because of your addiction not because that is who you are. I am struggeling with dilated, I too feel shame and guilt and disgust toward myself and there is nothing anyone can do or say to change those feelings at this moment. I feel like I don't even exist anymore, that who I "am" is no longer here. I miss who I was and what I was and what I did, but I know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, I know because I was clean for 12 years off of meth, so I do know this to can end. I am so happy to hear that you flushed the demons that you were hanging on to, that was a very wise and powerful thing that u accomplished. I bet it made you sick and at the same time empowered. Funny how those feelings can come together at the same time. Keep up the good work and stay strong, when you feel weak come here, go to a meeting do anything but go back. There are a lot of people who relate to what you are going through here and we will help you through it, because we may not know you but we all care and helping you helps us... Take care and love yourself and most important forgive yourself. Keep posting I would love to know what's happening with you .

[weaver71]

Didn't your doctor tell you the loritabs won't work while on subs? A nurse friend of mine was craving and took vics while on subs. She was so upset afterward. They didn't work and she felt even lower. Glad you flushed those and are seeking aftercare.

I found it difficult to completely let go of the pills. I had to come to terms with the fact that they didn't work anymore. I think you know what I mean. They kept me form being sick, but not well. I had a little conversation with my bottle. I felt like I was losing my mine. I told them goodbye and they weren't welcome around me any more. It's weird, but it helped. I guess I felt like I sent the pills away, because I couldn't leave them. You will get through and realize you haven't wasted 10 yrs. at all. You are going to be stronger, more caring and empathetic than you ever have been. You will one day realize that your addiction made you dig deep into the best you and have made you into an even better person than had you never used. I'm glad you keep posting, keep your recovery in the foreground and you will be encouraging someone else to stick it out. Good luck.

[optimus22mac]

I just saw that you did flush them! Must have posted while I was writing:) Good Job!!! That is a great step in the right direction!!! Very proud of you:)

[optimus22mac]

Hi:) I also want to urge you to get rid of those pills...more than likely, you will be urine tested while taking the suboxone, so you need to commit to taking only the suboxone...if you have lortabs in your urine, you may lose the opportunity you have been given from your doctor...

I know this is very hard, and you do need to commit 100%...Now that your withdrawal symptoms are gone and you are on the suboxone, you are probably feeling comfortable again...and that is why you need another type of therapy right now...like an NA meeting.  And hopefully you have cut all contacts also.  From what you said, you really want this....so flush those pills if you haven't yet.  They won't work anyway now that you have started the suboxone... You have given yourself a gift by quitting the pills... maybe you can go to a meeting tonight?

[Plehdeen]

IBKleen. Your right I just flushed them ;) and I am looking into getting other help. Thanks will continue posting

[IBKleen]

Hu, you need to flush those pills. they are calling your name and will continue to mess with your mind. They are your just-in-case and you shouldn't have one right now. You have made a positive step so set yourself up for success.

You have been through a lot and I DO know what it is like. I've been down all of your roads and they all had a dead end. You can do this but you will need to work on it. Suboxone is a great tool but it needs to be used in conjunction with a recovery program. You need to get to the source of your issues and learn new skills or you will find yourself addicted to yet another substance. Suboxone is a hard detox so if you work on other areas of your life you can prepare yourself for when you will taper from it.

I so want to see you make it and hope you will consider getting additional help beyond this board. But surely keep posting and talking here. Everything helps.

[Plehdeen]

Sher-bear thank you so much for your words. What are you struggling with? I will keep posting bc this is the only place I can talk freely about my problem and I find it very helpful to talk about it.

The addiction is so powerful!!! I feel like a piece of me is gone bc I miss the pills soooooo much. As much as I hate them I love the damn things. It's sick and sad to think about all the things I did for money to buy them (where I'm from one is 5 or 6$ a pill) god the things I could have! I blew through 4000 that I had from selling my car in one month!!! I "hung out "with gross men that gave me money just to get high!!!  I'm sick and cant even stand myself. I want to get better but I know this will b the hardest thing I have ever done by far

[sher_bear95437]

wow, some of what  you said in your post is so familiar, it brought tears to my eyes and relate so much. I too want me back, you are here trying to take your life back and you were at your doc office trying to do just that. It sounds like your doc is on your side, I have heard good things about soboxone and have heard of many people getting their lives back with it. I wish you luck and I hope that you continue to post and keep us updated on your progress. And don't feel bad if you slip, this is a real disease and one of the hardest things I have ever ever tried to do. So keep your head up and fight like you have never faught before to get you back, the rest will follow thats a fact.........

[Plehdeen]

Ok I'm new here so sorry ab the double post and stuff- IBKleen, the doc put me on 2 and a half suboxone films a day, have to take them every morning and I go back in two weeks, the medicine is working very well, yet there has not been one single minute I haven't thought about taking a loratab. I am holding on to the 6 in my purse like they are a million dollars!!! I know I should throw them but can't- I know this will b very hard! I'm sitting at work right now just thinking about all the money I blew! On average it was 100$ a day! And I don't come for money and don't make that much. I did anything I had to to get my fix. It's a strange feeling right now bc I'm usually on the street looking for my "lunch" around this time-but today I'm here talking with you nice people. I feel sad, lonely, scared, stupid, depressed I can't believe I did this to myself- I'm trying to stay positive but when I look in the mirror (I'm a cosmetologist, so mirrors all around) I could cry bc I wasted almost a decade of my life. I wish I could talk to my twin (who works with me) but I just can't. Family is not even an option for support with this. I just want to be ****ing normal!!!!!! ***** ;( """""

[Plehdeen]

Thd doc started me on suboxone yesterday and I read that this is what you are on- can u let me know how it's working for you?

[IBKleen]

Glad to hear you made it through the doc appointment. So what are your plans with the Suboxone program? What sort of aftercare did the doctor set up for you? Time frame?

Let us know. We are here to support you.

[pitbullmom]

great job i started sub back in may keep in mond u NEED therepy and meetings iv held off as long as i can from n/a but sub is not enough i need social help as well  every1 does

[Plehdeen]

Well doc visit went well- I'm now on suboxone. I started this morning and have not touched a loratab. ;) miss them very much. I have not gone a single day without them in five years. My next move will b to remove all contacts from phone. Thanks everyone for thoughts and kind words. Really helpful to know I'm not alone. Please keep writing back it helps so much. God bless and best of luck to anyone reading this who is suffering with any addiction. I will b back soon

[Ben727]

Hey. I can speak with some authority on out-of-control hydrocodone (HC, lortab, Vicodin) addiction. It's few-and-far-between that I hear of anyone on here who took a higher daily dose of HC than me. I needed at least 40 10/325s a day to feel normal, and did around 60 on a daily basis for a couple years. Overall, I was on them for about ten years total, with the addiction spiraling out of control in the last five. My cash burn rate was between $1K and $1500 a week, so I get that part too.

I have good news for you: I was able to quit them cold turkey about two months ago. I never imagined it would be possible, but I have to admit now that it is :) I looked pretty much the same while I was taking them as I do now (normal), and I was able to "fool" everyone while I was taking them. Man, was I just fooling myself! Life is sooo much better clean than it was using. I get so happy about the smallest things. I wake up feeling refreshed. I have real connections with people. None of this happened while using. Everything was an artificial high, which I administered to myself.

Why was I able to do it? Three things: Tell everyone. Cut off all sources. Get aftercare. These may not work for everyone, but if you do them, I guarantee your odds of getting into recovery and staying in it will improve! Post here often, it sounds like you're on the right track, more people are pulling for you than you know!

[Sonrissa]

Thanks, I though it was just me that read it wrong!

[meggsmom]

You definitely are not alone!  I've just recently started suboxone to help alleviate withdrawal symptoms.  It is gross and very painful for sure!  If you're tired of living life going up and down based on whether or not you have pills...you have to talk to your ER doc.  The ER is usually a good resource for obtaining recovery assistance.

Best of luck and keep posting!  This community is very helpful!!

[addictbysurprise]

You are not alone!  Reading your post reminded me of why I fought so hard to get sober!  I'm now 10 days norco free and it's still very hard, but life will only get better from here.  Tell your doctor everything.  Be honest with yourself and your family and spend as much time on here as you can.   You can do this!  Do not give up on yourself!