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Is putting money in commissary considered enabling? drug addict friend locked up

I don't know how true it is how easy to get drugs behind bars or try to get a buzz off of mixing things that can be bought in commisary.  Its not his first stint being locked up.  I can't trust him that he won't use the money to keep in touch with his drug buddies.  Would you consider putting money in commisary enabling knowing theyre  an addict? I could really use advice on this.  I know he can only help himself and the less enables, the better.  Thanks
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495284 tn?1333894042
COMMUNITY LEADER
I wouldnt do it.  Commissary is a privilege, not a right.  He is there for a reason and the less he has the better right now.  So he cant have a phone card or pop or candy.  He lost that right when he did the crime.  Let him see what having nothing is about.  Hopefully he will decide to make some changes and turn his life around~
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Avatar universal
I hope so too and that this time will be a wake-up call for him
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3197167 tn?1348968606
Speaking from recent experience and LOTS of history with a loved one in my life.....I would advise you NOT to put money on his books.  I have TONS of alcoholic/addicts in my family (immediate and extended).  Even with my many yrs in Al-Anon and being a recovering addict myself, my husband and I STILL put money on one of our loved one's books while in federal prison.  I was against it after "initially" making sure he had stamps, money for a few basics that "indigent status" doesn't provide.  But, continuing to put $ on his books became a HUGE point of contention between my hubby and myself.

I DO consider it "enabling" because my loved one WAS making phone calls and making contact with people he shouldn't have been.
If we prevent them from feeling ANY of the pain that is brought about as consequences for their actions, we are enabling, imo.  Our loved one is out of prison as of Feb 8th, in a half way house and has already relapsed in less than 60 days.  After 14 yrs of loving this kiddo......I'm at (yet again) a new place.....I'm done....really done in yet another way this time.

I've said it before.....and not having a husband educated on codependency and addiction is a constant brick wall for me......but if you have a choice, independently of another person in your life.......I would NOT do it.

It's hard.....it's REALLY hard.....but so are the broken promises and broken heart YOU end up with in the end.  My (once again) promise to myself is to ONLY believe the ACTIONS.....and not the actions "while incarcerated" ever again.  Cause those words and actions while incarcerated change when freedom is gained....and that's truly the REAL test of our choices and actions.  
Sorry to run off at the mouth about this....but I'm currently REALLY hurting about this topic right now and re-setting my boundaries....I am once again reminded why it's called "tough" love.....cause it's REALLY tough NOT to enable some you love.
Bless you for caring.....and so glad you know the difference between "equipping" and "enabling" and truly "needing" something vs. "it'd sure be nice to have such and such".  Cheers to you for allowing consequences to speak for themselves~      
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4522800 tn?1470325834
OHHH Cleanks..You just made me cry..How sad...I will send a prayer out for the BOTH of you...
vickie
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Avatar universal
HI  im with Sara on this one   take time to see him but dont support him
....................................Gnarly................................
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495284 tn?1333894042
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