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Avatar universal

Is this mind over matter?

I'm now missing my 2nd day of work b/c of no lortabs left. I need to get through the w/d part before facing reality again, but no way in the world can i put myself into a hospital (which is probably what i need to do). I hope to God that I can face going in tomorrow. Thankfully, I have a great friend at work who knows exactly what I'm going through. Funny thing is with this LT addiction, I'm trying to convince myself that it's just a mental addiction. I once took a pill out of my purse and put it in my pocket,and forgot to take it. Wouldn't you know that 20-30 min. later, I felt a little High??!! I wish somehow that i could pop a tic-tac and mentally think it was an LT. That was just a one time event, but right then and there is when I realized that just the "thought" of taking one gets me a little rush. Yesterday I took 2, and I have one left, which I will probably take today,I'm guessing. That's a big cut from the usual 6 to 9 that i take a day. I can't taper at all. Yeah, so I made 3 LTs last 2 days, but that's not the appropriate way to taper. Any feedback would be appreciated. Thanks!
54 Responses
Avatar universal
If you're not in medical danger (like seizure) I would just quit; to me, tapering (and going from 8 to 2 is more than just tapering) is very painful - I mean that literally.  You have to constantly exercise self-control and that's pretty damn hard once the w/d really sets in.  So you have this incredibly strong person (an addict??) holding it for you.  Hmmm.

Why drag it out? 8 to 2 is making you sick right?  My guess is that as soon as the 2 wear off you will be sick until you take the next 2 the next day.  So you're going to feel sick until you completely quit and get it over with.

I hope I don't sound judgemental. I don't mean to at all.  If I had a friend who would give me some, I don't think I could turn it down.  (That reminds me, how can she honestly be an addict and give her pills away.  I would NEVER do that if I was using.  I would lie and say I was out, too. Duh.)

But I feel better this afternoon than I did this morning.  Honestly.  And I'm thinking it's only going to get better from here.  Can you say that about tapering?
Avatar universal
I reread my post and don't like the preachy tone of it.  I just want to say that I am talking only about tapering versus cold turkey.  Like Pixi said (she's obviously nicer than me) it's your decision, no hating ourselves (or others).
Avatar universal
I went out for theraflu but decided against it because it has antihistimine and decongestant and both of those have given me terrible RLS before.

But here's the funny part:  I feel embarrased looking for all this "recipe" stuff.  I'm thinking, why is this more embarrrassing than the things I did to get drugs?  Doesn't that seem ironic.

Now here's something I feel guilty about:  I had a few close-calls in traffic.  I must have had these before and not been aware of it.  And with a child in the backseat.  It can be hard not to hate myself for some of the chances I've taken.  I don't; I just wanted to get it off my chest.

Here's a good thing about being clean:  I was sociable with people and afterwards I wasn't asking myself if I had acted like an idiot.  Tomorow I have a teacher conference and I am thrilled that I don't have to hope she doesn't notice my eyes.

Thanks
Avatar universal
No need to regret sounding preacher like. I know that the cold turkey thing is probably a better choice, but the thought of never having a lortab again could send me spinning into orbit mentally. I don't know if i'm ready to deal with that now with the other issues I have going on in life. But i appreciate your input. This site was a blessing for me. Good luck to all on your next day w/out. I'm not sure what i'm going to do now. Taper or not? That is the question.
Avatar universal
Sorry you cant take the theraflu,it really helps me although I dont even need it tonight.You already sound so much better.I know what you mean,when I asked the pharmacist about tyrosine, he acted like I was asking for oxy or something.Must have been my guilty concience.Keep up the good work.We can all do this together.
To everyone else,Thank You,Thank You Thank You.You are all an inspiration whether you are using or not.

There is a beautiful site that i go to when I feel up,down or in between It has meditative applets with soothing music among other things.Just type in Ishaahs inspirations.I hope everyone has a peaceful night.
Avatar universal
Well you said a mouth full.Welcome to our little part of
cyberspace.We are all addicts of some kind as you can tell.
Come join the fun.Life is only beginning for you,that is once that little demon,mindfuckingames start to hit ya!Sounds like you know it all to well.Post as often and as long as you like,hell they can't get rid of me here.Remember to just post where you like.There isn't enough threads for everyone to post their own,so just break in one and tell us all about that nasty Hydro habit you have.I only say that because I to have been down
this road before.Once again,welcome.
                               bmac
Avatar universal
Day 2 was way worse than day 3 which I am finishing now.  Today has been up and down but all in all, much better than yesterday.  There's tons of w/d advice here and the things I've tried have helped alot: vitamins (recipe), long hot showers (I don't have a tub), and at night (only at night) I'm taking benzos.

BTW, how do you totally chem-free people sleep at night during your first few days???  The restlessness drives me nuts until I take enough other stuff to pass out.
Avatar universal
Crunch. WOW what a post. Couldn't be more right on with the "ideal" drug.
I thought the same way. Wow, I can get f^%#$% and go to work, go shopping, ect. No problem, its prescribed, and I am in pain. Then you take more, more......

You will find alot of support and answers here. Way to JUMP right in. Your post pretty much summed it up for alot of people.
Chezz
Avatar universal
To you question. WE DONT.
Just jokin around. Withdrawls are different for everybody. I haven't had it at all this time. No going back now.

I remember a couple years ago when it happened(RLS). I was up all night, legs still going in the morning. Try to walk to make em feel better. Nothing helped. And the whole time I had no idea it had anything to do with the medicine. When I didn't have any more pain, I just stopped taking them. I didn't know about w/ds or anything.

I hope it gets better for you.
Chezz
Avatar universal
So are you saying that the mental part will never go away? Dear God, then I'll go write up a prescription now and stay on them for crying out loud!! I'm nothing but a bundle of nerves right now, and the thought of facing work tomorrow w/out them is making it worse. I guess it's the anticipation of getting on w/out them. I feel like i need to just do it,and stop thinking about how bad i may feel. Maybe it won't be that bad, but so far I haven't had too bad of the physical w/d, just the pacing of my apartment, and bouncing knee while sitting here typing. Hey, what is that recipe that everyone is talking about? I was looking through a bunch of comments, but i couldn't find it. Thanks for replying bmac!
Avatar universal
Hello. I'm new here; found the site thru a google search for "quitting hydrocodone". And what a nice place it is! It's great to find some tangible evidence that I'm not the only one with shakes, aches, cramps, fatigue, blah. I'm finishing up day 2 of CT, coming off prolly 60-100mg of hydro a day for about a year and a half. I'd been thinking about getting off it for a while now...but something (usually a fresh scrip) always came up. Oh, it started out so innocently! Whee! A friend of mine, who has a shady doctor, was prescribed Lortab 10's pretty much whenever for a bad back. And one day, I'm all like, "yo, can I have a couple of those?"

The **** just sneaks up, man. We'd go grocery shopping, and I'd pop a couple. They made everything so...interesting! No more than two at a time, four in a day, max. Back then, my tolerance was nice and low, and if I took more, I'd be hurling like mad. Eventually, you discover that if you take some Dramamine along with your pills, it cuts the vertigo and nausea to nil without killing the "wow!" of it all. Then, for a while, it becomes a normal part of your life. The "dude!...I'm ****** up!" part goes away, and being high is just a part of your daily routine. You wake up everyday, dose yourself, and go to work. Repeat dosage when some work-related incident pisses you off. Frusturation melts away. You do your job, you do it well, you make the tall dollars, you're high as **** the whole time, and *nobody knows!*

I think hydrocodone stuck me because it's the only thing I've ever tried (and I'd been looking for years, believe me) that would **** me up enough to make life tolerable, without ******* me up so much that I was unable to function effectively. Benzos? Can't think straight. Speed? Gotta sleep sometime! Pot? Waaay too much paranoia. The pills, though, man, they were absolutely perfect. Specially once you graduate to the hand-compounded 15/100 capsules. (I live in a small town that has a pharmacy that actually still makes its own pills).

Anyhow, eventually, for whatever reason, the supply isn't as steady, I've started to run out for more than a day at a time, and the **** I think about when I'm out begins to get kinda creepy! Your heart starts to race when you walk past a pharmacy. Those lucky, lucky techs! Gawd, if I worked there, I'd be in heaven. Maybe I could stick it up...

You know, **** like that. Not really serious, but enough to make you shiver and ask yourself, "am I...an addict?"

Hell yes. And I'm one of the lucky ones, judging from some of the habits I've read about on this board. Some of the battles that have been fought and won by the residents here make my w/d look like a walk in the park. And knowing that others have the strength to fight and crush demons far bigger than mine gives *me* strength.

God, I'm tired. I feel like HELL. I need to go to bed, but the thought of waking up and heading to work without...you know...just beats me down like a ton of bricks. If I sleep, the the morning will come too soon. This SUCKS, sweet merciful **** this ******* sucks.

But anyhow. Sorry for carrying on, I'm usually quite shy. Thanks for reading, thanks for the support, and here's hoping I can get to a place where I can start giving back to this neat-o community.

-c
Avatar universal
Keep thinking that it is mental.Because the physical part will past and you will be left with the mental addiction we all have/had.As for the pill in the pocket.I remember going to the RX and just paying for them,I felt that buzz.Take a couple and before they hit my stomach I was mentally high already.That's that mindgame thing I have talked about before.It is so true that
addiction is 99% mental and 1% physical.You know that a week of physically feeling bad will go away especially when you use the
Famous Thomas recipe.That will give you back the vitamins and
minerals your body needs.When the mental thing gets to you
come here and tell us,cry,scream,yell,do what you need to
get better.That's why we are all here.You are not alone.
Welcome to addiction!!!It sux sometimes but it can teach you
something also.
                         bmac
Avatar universal
No the mental part won't last forever.I am on day 41 and the mental part is now to a minimum.As for the recipe it is listed below by hippy under the post the recipe plus sept 30.It will
help more than you can ever know.It gives you back your HEALTH.Something drug abuse steals from you.If you still can't find it,ask for it someone will list it again.It gets listed atleast once a week.I bought all of it at my local GNC store
and it was $29.00 total.Get it and start it now.It will help with
that mental **** as well as the physical.Also hot baths,walks
anything to get your body and mind off of addiction.
Hippy,Skipper and JSmith02 are the ones that led me to the recipe and it works.Hang tuff and don't let your mind tell you you can't do this.I am a very weak person and I beat this
so you can't be any weaker than I was.When things get tuff,post.
As many times and as long of a post as necessary.We are here to help you.You are not alone for a minute.Find that recipe.
                              bmac
Avatar universal
How I feel for you. I tried this weekend to stop, well I was out of Pills (that would be Norco's) My last one was on Friday morning, I was taking about 1000 to 1200 mgs. a day. By Sunday I was in the ER I told them what I had done, What they did was horrible, The gave me a shot of morphine and sent my body into a whirl, the Dr. had no clue, he then prescribed me twenty Norco's and told me to get help. I will tell you the withdrawls are horrible, I could not take it, I have an appt with my P.C. Dr. today hopefully she will help. I have read this forum for the past month and it has given me the courage to stop. I know I can do it, I was even thinking of a Detox center. Thanks for letting me get this out. Wish me luck!!
Avatar universal
Thanks for the Wish, trust me I need it. Norco's are a hydrocodone 10mg's/325 pain killer, i graduated to them because the vicodin 5/500 gave me headaches. Be careful on the Lortabs, even though you feel you have it under control, taking even 3 a day for an extended amount of time can cause sddiction with bad w/d's.  I know how you feel, it has taken me two years before I told my husband, who has never had any controlled substance in his life. He wants me to get help, but in this little town you have to BEG. Be honest with you PC He/she can help. and you should do it soon. once your all the way gone, it amazing how manipulative  one can be. Good luck to you Steph, and keep me posted.

Laura
Avatar universal
This thread has been very inspiring today.

I did take a long hot shower and it helped for a bit.  And I went to the store and got some of the vitamins (including calcium).  I'm drinking tea to try to stay warm.

But I STILL FEEL LIKE S$%@!

I need to make some business calls and stuff but I just can't.  I can't even open my e-mail.

Day 3 was never this bad before.

Is it because of the other stuff I took last night?  1mg xanax (I don't use this all the time) and trazadone.  I've got klonapin; should I try that tonight instead?

I also took Wellbutrin today. And plain tylenol and advil.

Do you can see, I'm taking everything EXCEPT the thing I really want.
Avatar universal
Good luck to you Laura. The more that I am reading this, the more I see that my addiction isn't as bad as many others out there, and I just need to bite the bullet and get this shitty thing over with. I'm sorry that you had a bad experience at the ER. What are Norcos anyway? I really am feeling like I am going to end up getting more lortabs today, and I just want to be done with them already!! I want to be back to the person I was before I ever started using them. I'm 30 yrs old, and I know I could have a great future,but these are controlling ,my every move. I should do what you're doing, and go to my PCP, but I work at the medical facility that my Dr. is at, and I don't want my co-workers to see the diagnosis listed in the computer as some sort of drug dependency.  Feeling a little trapped at this moment, but with all the support on here, I'm thinking that I can do this. Good luck again, and thanks for responding.

Steph
Avatar universal
I am on day 3. I have done this before but it is worse this time.  I still had the RLS last night.  I took 1mg of xanax and a trazadone and then slept but had a hard time getting up this morning to get my daughter to school.  Now I'd like to go back to bed but am trying not to.

I am totally alone - no one knows.

In the past, the mental part did really get much, much better.  I just enjoyed the clarity so much.  But then something always happens to trigger severe pain (bad discs) and I can't resist some pain relief, which always goes too far...

I have never been to a detox place, but know people who have.  I am skeptical that they are somewhat just out for money.  People seem to go back over and over again.  If insurance pays or you can afford it, maybe it's easier that way.  But I just see people relapse just as much as those who do it at home.  Just my .02.

Does the recipe really work for the RLS?  That is my worst problem right now.

Thanks for listening.  I hope some one will reply.
Avatar universal
Laura, I am happy that you are finally seeking help from us and your doctors to get off the pills. Like you, I had a habit the size of Texas, I was taking over 1000 mg of oxycodone a day, which is even stronger than Norco! With a big habit like we have, we should be in the care of a doctor while withdrawing. There are plenty of good doctors out there who understand this disease and the process of withdrawing from painkillers, and can really help us by giving us meds and monitoring our progress. Also, we then feel we are accountable to someone other than ourselves and the wonderful people on this forum to go through with it, and get clean. Even though I don't post that often, people like BMAC and Synderella and Jessesarpy and others have really been an inspiration to me. People are out there struggling with the same things you are, feeling lonely and alienated. Don't rush recovery, take it at your own speed. Don't expect to feel perfect the day you decide to stop, but just hang in there for the process. Sobriety is a wonderful goal to strive for, and unlike Norcos which take everything and give less and less euphoria, sobriety is the gift that keeps on giving. We no longer have to live secretely, ashamed of punishing our bodies and our souls and the souls of everyone around us, and no matter what happens, you are taking the first step by coming here. Congratulations!
Avatar universal

For me day 3 and 4 are the true hump of the physical stuff, so take heart you are at the worst of it now it will only get better and that is the turth!!!

Jsmith02 gave me some good advice once on the leg thing.  Try taking  calcium (sp).  I am not sure exactly why this works, but it worked for me, and I looked like I was trying to be a rocket at night in bed.  Also, you have probably noticed that your legs seem to hurt.  The best thing during this time of your w/d is to take HOT baths or HOT showers.  Don't knock it until you have tried it, I can not over state how much better you feel during and after.  Once you are past the bad part of the physical stuff, then I added just some small leg exercises at night.  

Just think you are not going to feel any worse physically than you are right now, and I take it you are not using right now, so if you can make it through the worst part, I believe you will have the strengh to go on ... Your victory is certain just the date has yet to be set...

God Bless
Avatar universal
You sound better yourself!I hope so.Being straight is a wonderful thing.The body is a great thing,it heals it's self.
Given time that is!Let us know how you are too.

Laura 34,
The first steps are the hardest to deal with,The physical part ends in a week or two.The mental part is up yo you.If ever I or
anyone here can help you,post on any thread.Because of the limits on new threads we must just post where we can.Don't be afraid to say the things that you need to say.What you are going thru hurts mentally and physically.We know this,we are either going thru it or have gone thru it.There is nothing you could say that hasn't already been said before here.So post on and
keep us informed on your journey!!
                      bmac
Avatar universal
The rls is the worst part of all this.The theraflu really seems to help me if I take it at night after the most important thing (a hot bath) This is day 4 and I am feeling better this afternoon than I did this morning.Every hour is better .I keep thinking about all of the things I can do now that I couldnt do while using.I was always afraid to leave town,for fear I would run out of pills..always afraid to run out no matter how many I had.Always afraid in general.Try to think of all the good things that will come from your decision to stop.Keep posting,it helps to get it out.

pixi
Avatar universal
You and I must be just sitting with our computers doing our withdrawl and not much else today, huh;-)
Dammit, I forgot to get theraflu when I went out.  If I can make it out again, I will get some.
I do think of the the things that are better without narcs.  One really good thing is my vision is SO much better.  This might not be an issue for those under age 40 but it's huge for me.  While using, I can barely see at all in low light.  On the other hand, I got a good look at myself in the mirror this morning and it wasn't pretty, as they say.
Thanks for the encouragement.  I hope my day 4 will be better, like yours.
Avatar universal
Reading your post really brings back to me what day 3 and 4 were actually like.  I am not a very strong person sometimes so If I can make I know you two will.  I wish there was some way to reach out and make it better faster.  I know hearing how great things are going to be sometimes sounds hollow when you feel like hell, but in less than 24-48 hours you will start to get the first taste of life again.  All I can say is that if I can do anything just ask, and say one last time you are closer to the end than the beginning - hang in there - you are waiting for yourself just around the corner...

Rob
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