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I've Been Nauty...:-(

Ok.  So for the past two weeks I have taken pills three times for pain that I just could not stand anymore.  I haven't taken more than 10 mgs at a time allowing no less than 72 hours between doses.  I have no problems after taking the pills--no cravings or anything.  Am I playing with fire?  I think I know the answer, but I think this is my way of confessing out of guilt, but I am also afraid.  can we take pills for pain and not be dependent or addicted.  I see that this is the way I should have been taking them all along.  I never needed to take them everyday.  Been clean since Oct. 28 2007 with one 2 day relapse in early December.  all through this time i have had a bottle of pills in my drawer.  Is my mind F*****g with me?  because I am thinking things like.......I'm not an addict because if I were I couldn't have these pills for months without taking them....If I were an addict I would have taken them all.......argggggg.  I have never asked for help or advice from anyone on here, but HELP   I don't want to screw up.  Im so confused.  I don't know if anything I have just writtten makes any sense...........I know I am not the favorite student in the class here on the fourm, but I need support.  thanks.

Nauty..............
11 Responses
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230262 tn?1316645934
definitely playing with fire Nauty, you know that =)   Id hate to see you go into full blown relapase with that bottle of pills you still have in a drawer. Id flush 'em. Hang tough girly!!
xo xo xo  
Helpful - 0
352798 tn?1399298154
So how are you doing today? Hopefully you're back on track without too much interference from w/ds. Let us know how you are feeling.
Helpful - 0
306867 tn?1299249709
Hey girl, we are all in this boat together.  All I can say is, I sooo regret my relapse and having to deal with this all again. You haven't done much damage so far, so quit while your ahead . Get back on track. I know pain can be so awful.  I got home from work today and literally could not walk.  I took 3 Advil and put my heat pack on. I don't know what your pain is, but it might just be screaming at you to take it easy. Baby yourself a little more. You don't want to get back on that rollercoaster.  Were here for ya !   Hugs   Mary
Helpful - 0
352798 tn?1399298154
Naughty, i am proud of you for admitting this. What a good step to take. Do i think you're playing with fire? You know the answer yourself. I believe that's why you even mentioned it. I can so relate to pain and wanting it to go away. For me, the pills are not an option. The most I've done for pain is to take Flexirl and Ibuprofen. It worked pretty well, too.
I also want to say something just to you. I have seen a change in you the last couple of days. Your posts are more compassionate toward others. Keep this up. I like it.
Pyromania is a bad hobby.:)
Don't play with fire, please.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
ur situation and mine is almost exactly alike....i too have legit pain and had a script here that ionly took a few of (few meaning 6)....it is  a hard decision......i finally had to flush mine ...there were somedays i thought about taking more than prescribed and somedays i was cool.....i was afraid of the bad days....i dont have to be the one to tell u this but i will ..yes  u r an addict.....isnt that what brought u here to this forum to begin with? think about it naughty.....ur like me ur stuck in nothing less than a hellish situation and i feel for u........i know how u feel....im confised myself but i know that im a addict and having a script here may end up ruining mine and my husbands whole recovery....the pain does get better ...for me i have to take my mind elsewhere u know....at first i thought i was just gonna die but i have found ways to deal with pain.....u would be suprised at how much a walk can effect your pain tolerance.......helps mine alot....but i still have those days that i cant even get out of bed but i choose to not take anything........u know in your heart what u need  to do naughty...either way i love ya....u have gave me such good advice throughout my w/d and recovery......u mean alot to me and i always look forward to your posts......u know what u r capable of........
Helpful - 0
390416 tn?1275185087
Your mind is f***ing  w/you...i would get those pills out, out out!!

I have to agree w/ what IBKleen said...that's how it works..it is cunning, baffling, and POWERFUL and when you LEAST expect it..you will be back riding that merry-go-round!

Thanks for being honest..
that takes alot of courage
and it's our secrets that send us/keep us out there!!!!


Helpful - 0
199177 tn?1490498534
You know what I am going to say , when I had my relapse in aug ,I really thought I could do it .I was in soooo much pain ...But when I really got honest with myself I was using my pain yet again to use .I did not abuse in those three weeks but I could see it coming excuses to take one more . I wish there was a middle ground ,but i cant seem to find it .
I am proud of you for coming telling us . You need to toss the pills (you know this )  You can do this ...... believe in yourself :)
Helpful - 0
325131 tn?1227184781
Once an addict always an addict. I don't know how to spell all the words and too lazy right now to get the webster. But they say the disease of addiction "Is cunning baffleing and powerful" Just when you think you can use safly you are looking back from where you started , saying what happened.
Only a small percentage of addicts, alcoholics make it because of our "STINKING THINKING'" It sounds like you are having a case of that.
I'm sorry but the answer to "am I playing with fire" is , what you said YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HONESTLY THIS A.M I WAS SO MISSING MY HAPPY PILL. THEN IT OCCURED TO ME THAT I HAVE TO FIND NEW WAYS TO MAKE ME HAPPY. .
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I think you know the answer,my answer is I think your playing with fire darling.You know whats right,those thoughts are the devil (or addiction)talking you  back to his side.Do not play with fire you have come too far.Good Luck
Helpful - 0
271792 tn?1334979657
Morning!

I can only speak for myself and my disease. It talks to me. It tells me I have pain and it tells me I can use responsibly. I did that for so many years and it never worked. I just kept doing it over and over and tried all sorts of things and ...nope. One turned to two and two turned to one hundred. Eventually that one I took one day, turned into a two year run.

We are not martyrs and there may a time when I will need something for pain. At that time I would have to have someone lock them up from me and dispense. I could not have them in my hand or in my house.

I don't know what kind of pain you are dealing with, so I don;t know what to say about alternative pain methods. But I am sure there is something you may not have tried yet.

It is always quiet here on Sundays, so be patient and others will come around.

Good to see you are talking about this. It's a big step, and a healthy one.


Helpful - 0
372416 tn?1242665752
So tell me.  You didn't have any cravings for more after you took just one?  Did the one give you a buzz that you missed?

I wish that I were disciplined enough to take only 1 now and then.  I often think about it too in fear that my pain will increase to the degree that I'll give in and try just one.
Helpful - 0
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