I posted : )
Still some unanswered questions on your part it seems, and I don't blame you.
Angel, I am very sorry for your loss. And I hope you get some of the answers I was talking about. It all just seems sort of fishy ya know?
Again, my heart goes out to you for loosing your Mother.
read it....and thank you for putting your story out there for others to learn from.
sorry about your mom :-(
thanks.. and yea, you're right.. there are alot of unanswered questions.. doesn't really make much sense if ya really take a close look at the picture from 'an angle'..
That's pretty much a message to all addicts, though.. It's a really hard thing to lose someone you love, so just imagine if our loved ones lost US.. I could just see my kids standing above my casket crying so hard, if something should ever happen to me.. God forbid, but it could, and that's why all of us need to stay CLEAN...
Now it's just a question of what we're all about to do AFTER we recoup from getting OFF of drugs/medication or whatever it was that continued to control our lives.. (Plan making and discovering truth about ourselves and remaining clean is our biggest step)
I'd like to share that journal with everyone here for the simple fact that it may make us think 'twice' before 'going back out' and relapsing.. Our bodies can only handle so much torture that we give ourselves through drugs and other things..
Love you all!
Definately...there has to be a plan....I am going to continue to go to AA(been going 17 yrs.) , get therapy, get family therapy, and tell my story to others so they can share my experience, strength and hope. Been sober (17 yrs. from alcohol) then started vics after 15 yrs. I think there is a difference between the 2 , but i didn't hit bottom w/ the vics..but i did w/ alcohol..but when my gut tells me that something is not good for me(unhealthy relationships or what ever it might be...) i need to follow my gut and get a handle on it...before i get emotionally, spititually and mentally bankrupt...and then seek out something to take the emotional pain away. Alcohol is the BEAST to me..and if i hadn't stopped the vics, who knows where that would have led... I came to my senses beore I started sliding down that slippery slope. I know i can't do any more mind altering substances....oh, does that include chips and popcorn? lol Haven't read your post yet...but i will...thanks
I almost forgot.. LOL..
this is the crazy part.. But I gotta tell ya this!
The day my sisters, my brother, and I went to the funeral home before the parlor embalmed my mother, I demanded to take a look at her body and do some investigating prior (I was a cop IN THAT TOWN THEN, TOO! :D).
I walked in, seen her lifeless body lying on that dang table, so I started to turn around and run back out, but my husband grabbed me and said, "You need to get your *** in there and find out what happened!" My mom was only 54 yrs old, to top it all off!
I went in, got up close to her face, and there was severe bruising on the left side of her face- could have been from the 'pulling' because she was 'gone' for two days before her 'EX-bf (the one who GAVE her the patch)' found her!
This is where it gets tricky!
I noticed indentations on her right breast where she'd been wearing the patch, POST MORTUM, but there was NO PATCH THERE! hmm.. who found her? her ex.. Who gave her the patch? her ex.. gee.. now I wonder where that patch could have gone to?? duh! lol.. so, I raced back to her house to find the patch! My sister (who's a lawyer and teacher) had been a teacher at a prison for over 10 years and had alot of experience in 'law' and criminal forensics, helped me find it- I put a pair of rubber gloves on, searched through the trash, and 'what do ya know'?? There was a dang 75mg patch in the trash that her boyfriend HAD to have taken off of her body AFTER he found her on the floor, and he buried in the trash!
Okay, what did I do from there?? Called the Sheriff's office, made them get down there right away, and had them take the patch for analysis to BCI (Bureau of Criminal Investigation) lab. (Fingerprints, how much of the drug was left, etc..)
I got a call two days later from the sheriff himself- denying me the investigation! He said, ""You'll just have to accept the fact that your mother is gone!""
Nope, sorry can't do that.. I'm too dang determined to do that.. lol
So, I contacted another investigator from Wheeling,WV. He gave me some more tips on how to investigate the entire thing myself, and I did!
My mother's ex went into her house, seen her body there, got scared $#!tless, so he tore the patch off of her body, rummaged through the house a little to make sure there was no more evidence, erased all of the messages off of her answering machine 5 days AFTER my mother's funeral (I had already recorded all of her messages on her answering machine anyway, so he wasted his time THERE), he took her car, went to his house, etc etc etc)
I had it all figured out in NO time.. :D
Still, with the coroner (who is above the sheriff) denying us the right for an autopsy (scan of her skull, etc etc), I contacted the media from 100 mile radius of the whole county! LOL.. hehe.. There were 18 different news channels ALL OVER the story! :D:D
Today, the 'ex' is gone- he died from cancer just 10 months after my mom died.. He's lucky, because he was just about to go to the pokie for manslaughter!
So, to this day, my mother is a perfect example why we ALL have to stay clean, no matter what! do we want out kids to be making our funeral arrangements? NOPE..
Stick with a program, get a sponsor, work the steps, help out the newcomers, and live life to it's fullest because none of us are guaranteed our next breath! :D
I don't fret over the death of my mother, although I did at first, but there's nothing I can do about it- things happen for a very good reason.. I'll learn of that reason in time, but 'til then.. I'm keeping clean!
:D.. Hope this at least helps out a little.. Love to all!