James

[avisg]

Whats going on you can do it . When was your last meeting and therpy apt ?Are you using now ?

[stilltrying1965]

Letakos i will have to keep taking them but you are right im used to them so they dont realy have an affect on me i think iv been on them so long now thank you Letakos they could be the problem,,,,,,,James
scardmom thank you also thats a big problem for me also the mental side really ***** and i hate it. i have a refill on tuesday but will make an appointment with my doctor for anti deppressants as i only see my doctor once every two months thank you ,,,James

[cleanmom]

James i really am praying that you can continue along here with us in recovery. I love having you here and i really do agree that an anti-depressant may help at this point. I have just been put on one too because the mental side of this is kicking the crap out of me. You can beat it, we are all here with you doing this with you. We love you!! Stay strong, It is inside you, dig deep and pull it out!!
Luv, Jacky

[10356]

it can as it is a downer but as long as you have been taking them I would think you are accustom to them.. Do Not Stop them James You need them to help control your seizures...........

[stilltrying1965]

There is no shame in that and you are right my sister a need a lil help thank you Letakos

[stilltrying1965]

Does vallium make people depressed i have to take 60mg a day for seizures and other pills,,,,,,James

[10356]

I'm glad to read this James.. we all need a lil help once in awhile and there is no shame in this.. I'm Proud of You........

[avisg]

Good james I think that would really help ... Lots of people need them after

[stilltrying1965]

i tink i will go see my doc a cant live like this.A feel like iv got the whole world on my shoulders.Anti deppresants iv had them before,a think that may be a good idea,,,James

[10356]

This is what I do when  I get to feeling down I lurk and draw strength from others then post when I feel stronger.. I'm so grateful you choose not to use James.. If you are missing your family then contact them Have you spoken with your Brother ? I know my family thought I was a looser for a long time. they just never said it to my face but now every time I see them I prove them wrong.. You can get past this James and a antidepressant may not be a bad idea.. do you think you can speak to your counselor about how you have been feeling.. we also have to remember you are early in your recovery and early on it seems so overwhelming but it gets better.. it does get better and with spring around the corner this may help to lift your mood as I know you are knee deep in snow.. stay true to the Warrior you are my friend and you wil make it out the other side...

[bmdad]

I'm right there with you James. Like I said, I relapsed also and am depressed a bit because of it. I just find strength in that I'm now  5 days clean. No matter how negative things can seem there is always a positive way to look at things. Some positive things that you can look at is that you are clean, you have so much support here on the forum, you are trying things different such as NA/AA, you have Kim standing behind you, you are still succeeding, etc. Get a pad of paper and write down all the positive things you can think of. When you start to get down in the dumps, pull out that paper and read over them. Add to it as often as you can.
I also agree with Avisg about talking to your doctor about a anti depressant or try some supplements. It sounds as though you need something. At least use one for a few months or so to see if it helps.
You've got this James. Keep going strong.

Brian

[avisg]

thats ok we will hang out with ya read draw some streath from others we all need each other sometimes

[avisg]

ok how about taking to a doctor about an anti depressant sto get over the bad part is there any way to do that or a few supplements that work like one is that possable

[stilltrying1965]

i think ill stick around tonight i am also very deppressed and i hate it thanks for the support guys,,,,,,,James

[stilltrying1965]

Iv been feeling down these last couple of days A feel bad useless its much harder than the last time. Iv no seen my family for so long They think im a loser but i dont care. As long as i know iv no been useing.Wanted to yes but iv no money or probibly would have.But brian was also right i could have if i realy wanted,,,,,,,,,,,,,,James

[avisg]

YES you are!!!!!!!! If not your going to die. You cant keep living like this if you do you are going to die like this too. Then what is Kim going to do ? Stop pressuring yourself to talk just listen take strength from others successes.Together we can all build each other up alone we fall . Get back to the positive YOU CAN STAY CLEAN you just cant do it alone and great part is you don't have to .

[worried878]

hang tight James....usually if u can get some clean time behind u..things start looking up...u sound depressed....make sure u r doing all u can do to make this easier for u....keep posting..it helps  (:

[10356]

You sure are James.. I do not want to loose my Brother through that B itch and Kim needs you whole your kids need you whole and James you are at your very best when you are clean.. Please do not stress over not talking !! You can sit there quiet as long as you like.. but if you really want to talk and share You are going to have to take that leap of faith James and just do it. I do not think you would regret it You may just find understanding and support.. we never know till we try :) Glad to see you here and talking I have been thinking of you a lot lately.. warm love being sent directly to you....

[stilltrying1965]

A cant seem to talk at the meetings a just well clam up.And yes brian Kim is here but cant help me. And you are right i could get H if i realy wanted.Iv just had so much stress recently. The heroin scares me i think im going to lose my life if i go back. Thanks for the support avis, Letakos bmdad i am strong enough to do this arent i ,,,,,,James

[bmdad]

James...you are very strong. If you were weak you wouldn't have had 200 days clean in the past and you also would have given up this time around. I'm sure if you wanted to use bad enough you would have found a way to get H.
I know you are doing this for yourself first and foremost but I know how much Kim means to you so I know you are also doing it for her. Always remember what you have in her and also fight for her. You do not want to lose her. You have it in you James. You have already proved that. You keep fighting Buddy. You are fighting for your life and you know it. You don't want to leave your wife as a widow and your kiddos without a dad. You mean too much to them whether you believe it or not right now.
I relapsed myself so I'm right there with you. I'm on day 5 today. Do not let me catch you in clean time James. We can do this together. I haven't been able to sleep much lately so I'm up quite a bit. If you ever need anyone to message with at any time, you let me know. I'm here to help all I can.
You keep pushing forward and never look back. I'm pulling for you James. You CAN do this.
Best of luck!

Brian

[10356]

hey james.. I'm sorry I have been distant but I have been also dealing with a lot of stress.. Nothing james is worth the slow suicide you were on.. first she robs you of your dignity then your belongings then others.. then she takes your love and care and trashes it then she takes you from your family and they have no choice but to move on.. what is going on really james why do you say the aa meetings are causing you problems ? lets talk about it and find a solution for we both know going back as her slave is not a solution.. You are stronger then what you think.... letakos

[avisg]

You are strong .I know your first thought is to use but you have to relearn how to deal with stress without  the drugs /I know its very hard .It been over 2 years and when things get REALLY stressful drugs still cross my mind but with time you learn how to cope with the feelings.right now they are really raw .You have to keep yourself off the roller coaster .You know if you don't sooner or later you will lose EVERYTHING you don't want to go that far down James you might not come back out .Where is Kim is she with you right now to talk to about this .?

[stilltrying1965]

Im sorry. I have not used only coz i have no money or i would. Avis i had a meeting on tuesday aa,people are causeing me problems every where i go Im no as strong as i thought i was........James