Aa
Jumping and need help.....please
I have really been struggling. I posted here a few weeks back trying to taper off of 45mg oxycodone. I got down to 25-30mg at one point but got anxious and depressed and eventually gave into to cravings and physical withdrawals I was having, blew the taper, back up to 40mg, out of pills today and jumping. I am terrified and in a very negative place emotionally. I feel like I will never be able to withstand what I am about to go through. I have no health insurance and no doctor, so I have no access to things like Xanax or Clonodine that may help. Pretty much all I have on hand is immodium and gatorade, planning on taking hot baths as well. I barely have any money so I can't afford to buy vitamins or anything else. I've gotten a lot of info within the past few weeks from some wonderful people on here regarding home remedies for withdrawal, really I'm just looking for some words of encouragement, because I know what I am about to go through is going to be hell, and I am starting from a very, very dark place.
Ariel-
I hate to tell you doll, but Tramadol IS an opiate. It is a synthetic opiate with an AD kicker that binds to your GABA receptors like a benzo and is HIGHLY addictive.
Don't take any okay?
As for tapering. If this is what you want to do then do it. But you have to be committed and disciplined. I know that personally, I do not have another cold turkey withdrawal in me. I have done it twice and am not at all sorry I did because I was in dark places and needed clarity. This time around I am tapering once I am cleared post-op and I will go very slow. But- I have to. And my dose is not high and I've been taking as prescribed and will follow my doctors prescribed taper with my lover in charge (as he has been the whole time) of my meds. Honestly, if I could jump cold turkey and just be done with it I would but I need my body to be strong and healthy and not set myself back in terms of healing.
The choice is yours doll. It doesn't matter how we get clean, only that we do.
I CAN tell you that cutting your dose in half is not tapering. You will still have w/d and you will be prolonging them. A successful taper is done slowly, with stabilization time at each drop. If you do taper I would suggest you get set up with aftercare asap to ensure success.
Whatever you decide, we are here to support.
Lu
I hate to tell you doll, but Tramadol IS an opiate. It is a synthetic opiate with an AD kicker that binds to your GABA receptors like a benzo and is HIGHLY addictive.
Don't take any okay?
As for tapering. If this is what you want to do then do it. But you have to be committed and disciplined. I know that personally, I do not have another cold turkey withdrawal in me. I have done it twice and am not at all sorry I did because I was in dark places and needed clarity. This time around I am tapering once I am cleared post-op and I will go very slow. But- I have to. And my dose is not high and I've been taking as prescribed and will follow my doctors prescribed taper with my lover in charge (as he has been the whole time) of my meds. Honestly, if I could jump cold turkey and just be done with it I would but I need my body to be strong and healthy and not set myself back in terms of healing.
The choice is yours doll. It doesn't matter how we get clean, only that we do.
I CAN tell you that cutting your dose in half is not tapering. You will still have w/d and you will be prolonging them. A successful taper is done slowly, with stabilization time at each drop. If you do taper I would suggest you get set up with aftercare asap to ensure success.
Whatever you decide, we are here to support.
Lu
Thanks everyone, your concern and support have really helped me stay in a more positive place. Last night was difficult in terms of just feeling really antsy, twinges of joint pain and some stomach cramps, but I managed to knock myself out with a 50mg tramadol and some cold medicine. The tramadol seemed to help a lot but unfortunately it was the only one I had. I assumed it wouldn't set back the detox because it's not actually an opiate. Today has been manageable, just feel very cloudy and kind of like I'm coming down with a cold or some kind of bug. I'll be honest, I am still feeling conflicted because I've had it in my head all along that I really wanted to taper my way off. I keep thinking that if I just cut my dose in half and then taper from there, I can still manage to come off but without any really severe physical discomfort. But I know everyone will say at this point it's probably better to just power through, and I know that does make sense. Thanks again for all of the love and support and I'll keep you posted.
Hi well I read you post and you sound ready this is 1/3 physical and 2/3 mental be ready to fight it out on both fronts the best thing you can bring to the table is a positive attitude it will get you threw this you have been given some good advise si put it to good use if you can swing it a case of gataid will keep you hydrated also rent some movies it will keep you buzzy there the night most people dont sleep try to get out and exorcise even if it is just a short walk as for the symptoms a hot bath takes care of a lot of them just hang in there and and keep posting for support May God be with you.............Gnarly
Hey sweetpea...just checking in on you. Hope you got some rest last night. All of these wonderful folks have been giving you great advice and support. Just take it a minute at a time. Honestly, stay out of your head and do not focus on how crappy u feel. Keep your head busy...you have already been given this advice, but I just want to repeat it. Crank your music (I would try and keep it upbeat, cuz your emotions are gonna be a bit whacky here soon), watch funny tv, go for walks, read, post. If you lay there worrying about how u feel or how u may feel...time will stop.
Keep it up girl - you CAN do this!!~!!
Keep it up girl - you CAN do this!!~!!
You'll remember who you were quicker than you think. And if you get yourself into a solid aftercare program, which, BTW is pretty much mandatory if you want to stay clean- then you will become a person you only DREAMED you could be. I accomplished more in my first two years of being clean than I had in a lifetime. Wait, that's not exactly true let me explain- I accomplished more that was TRUE to my authentic self in that two years than I had in a lifetime. And even with my recent health setback that has rocked me for nearly a year and forced me back on opiates to deal with debilitating pain, I STILL work that recovery and feel growth in myself.
I gained something in detox and then recovery that I had never experienced before- unconditional love for myself. You see, I've always had so much love for other people, regardless of who they were or how they behaved, but I didn't have much for myself. I was a perfectionist and a people pleaser, and despite my put together attractive exterior, I was a HOT MESS on the inside. Going through my addiction, humbling myself and seeking help forced me to examine old modes of thinking that led to destructive behaviour and low self esteem. I won't ever go back to that place because I know something now that I didn't know then- my own value.
I want this for you, for everyone....Because once you learn to love and accept yourself without condition, you can do anything.
I'm gonna hit the hay but please check in and feel free to PM me if you need anything. I'm bedbound for at least another week post-op and my inbox is always open (:
Bless-
Lu
I gained something in detox and then recovery that I had never experienced before- unconditional love for myself. You see, I've always had so much love for other people, regardless of who they were or how they behaved, but I didn't have much for myself. I was a perfectionist and a people pleaser, and despite my put together attractive exterior, I was a HOT MESS on the inside. Going through my addiction, humbling myself and seeking help forced me to examine old modes of thinking that led to destructive behaviour and low self esteem. I won't ever go back to that place because I know something now that I didn't know then- my own value.
I want this for you, for everyone....Because once you learn to love and accept yourself without condition, you can do anything.
I'm gonna hit the hay but please check in and feel free to PM me if you need anything. I'm bedbound for at least another week post-op and my inbox is always open (:
Bless-
Lu
Thanks so much for the support and the suggestions. I had actually been following your posts recently since I saw you and I were on similar dosages of oxy. I was actually prescribed hydrocodone for chronic pain from 2009-2013, probably took about 30mg a day of that, then last year it became percocet and got up about 45mg. Not sure if it will help me at all that although I've been dependent on opiates for 5 years, most of that time it was hydros and the percs only escalated past 20mg or so within the past few months. Anyway, I get really scared of how bad the w/d will be, but I'm just going to let go of it because 1) It's totally out of my control and 2) I'll probably be more motivated to stay clean if I focus on healing. Thanks again for the encouragement <3
Thanks Lu! Yeah, I told my best friends recently that I missed myself, and they said "so do we." I can't wait to be me again....recently I had started asking friends "what was I like back then", trying to remember who I was, it's amazing how I just got so lost, and I can't wait to have "me" back again. Thanks so much for the encouragement! <3
Hey Ariel-
You got great advice above. Listen, it is NOT going to be as bad as you think it is as long as you surrender completely. I think it's really hard on people when they fight the process. Just be okay with not being okay for awhile because it means that after this your life is going to change for the better. And it's worth it AND SO ARE YOU!
I jumped off 150 mg of oxy/nalexone/hydromorphone after a YEAR of tapering. I'd started on high doses of Fentanyl and hydro after having 3 surgeries in 3 years. I tapered and I was miserable while I was doing it. So finally I just had enough and jumped. That's a pretty high dose and it wasn't pretty. But I had clonidine, and all the vit/min and great family support. That was also the night I found this forum which was and is a Godsend. I have to tell you that while the physical aspect was rough (I was very sick for 7 days with the peak at 72hrs) I felt AWESOME emotionally and mentally. Do you know why? Because I could FEEL again and it was incredible. I had been dead inside and I no longer recognized myself and it was amazing to get myself back. I'm pretty cool, and I had forgotten all about that (:
You can do this. I know you can.
We're all here cheering you on!
Lu
You got great advice above. Listen, it is NOT going to be as bad as you think it is as long as you surrender completely. I think it's really hard on people when they fight the process. Just be okay with not being okay for awhile because it means that after this your life is going to change for the better. And it's worth it AND SO ARE YOU!
I jumped off 150 mg of oxy/nalexone/hydromorphone after a YEAR of tapering. I'd started on high doses of Fentanyl and hydro after having 3 surgeries in 3 years. I tapered and I was miserable while I was doing it. So finally I just had enough and jumped. That's a pretty high dose and it wasn't pretty. But I had clonidine, and all the vit/min and great family support. That was also the night I found this forum which was and is a Godsend. I have to tell you that while the physical aspect was rough (I was very sick for 7 days with the peak at 72hrs) I felt AWESOME emotionally and mentally. Do you know why? Because I could FEEL again and it was incredible. I had been dead inside and I no longer recognized myself and it was amazing to get myself back. I'm pretty cool, and I had forgotten all about that (:
You can do this. I know you can.
We're all here cheering you on!
Lu
Hun,
We've been together since the beginning on this and I know how scared you have been. I'm going to tell you the most important thing you need to know...take the information you need the most....and ignore the information that scares you. What happens to one person may be a completely different experience for another.
We've given you all the tools we can to help you out and i KNOW you can do this...just remember two things...don't hide away....post your feelings, let them out AND don't dwell on how bad you feel...do anything you can to take you out of your brain....find the things that make you smile, make you laugh and go for those things. Take those lovely walks as much as you are able. Soak in a good hot tub....heck, if you are lucky like me and you have a friend who understands call them and gripe your heart out...your friend can take it. Do what it takes and hang in there. You know you can PM me any time you like. I'm not well I know but I am popping in here for 15 minutes here and there so I will get back to you.
Much Love
We've been together since the beginning on this and I know how scared you have been. I'm going to tell you the most important thing you need to know...take the information you need the most....and ignore the information that scares you. What happens to one person may be a completely different experience for another.
We've given you all the tools we can to help you out and i KNOW you can do this...just remember two things...don't hide away....post your feelings, let them out AND don't dwell on how bad you feel...do anything you can to take you out of your brain....find the things that make you smile, make you laugh and go for those things. Take those lovely walks as much as you are able. Soak in a good hot tub....heck, if you are lucky like me and you have a friend who understands call them and gripe your heart out...your friend can take it. Do what it takes and hang in there. You know you can PM me any time you like. I'm not well I know but I am popping in here for 15 minutes here and there so I will get back to you.
Much Love
You poor thing. I was on 40 mgs a day of oxycodone, and I tapered down VERY quickly to 10 mgs. I don't think it was worth it. All it did was give me early w/d's...when I jumped from 3 days of 10 mgs a day, it was STILL hell. In retrospect, I could have jumped from 40 and think I would have felt just as horrible.
YOU. CAN. DO. THIS.
I am 52 years old and took oxy for 8 years. EIGHT FRIGGIN' YEARS!!!!! I exercised every day and thought I was the queen of Busy. Little did I realize I was acting like a fool. I got fired from several accounts (I am a broker) and I was like "Why? I didn't do anything wrong?" Now that I look at it, I was floating on a cloud while talking to people about things, and I was not acting normally. I'd talk about things that were inappropriate, like how much I loved rock n' roll from the 1960's or 'OMG, where did you get those shoes??" I was an AS.S. And I couldn't see it.
Now, I'm 19 days clean. It was awful. It is still pretty bad, but I'm getting there. I can drive now, I can work....somewhat. The back pain that I took the oxy's for is back and it means BUSINESS. I still have diarrhea every morning, and eating is an adventure in cramps.
But I did it. And honey, if this old hippie-chic can do it, YOU can.
The advice here is excellent. You are going to be sick. Accept it. It is no different than if a really bad super flu came through town and knocked you down for 2 weeks. What would you do? You'd hunker down, stay in bed, keep hydrated, heating pad on tummy, all that stuff...that is what you're going to do NOW...with a couple of added touches:
1. Listen to music. As LOUD as you can without the police coming. Make it stuff you REALLY, REALLY like. I love St. Vincent...her song "Help me" is amazing....or Alanis Morissette. All that emo-stuff that talks about pain and survival.
2. After 3-4 days, try to walk a little bit. If you can't because of diarrhea, that's o.k. Don't beat yourself up...you do the best you can.
3. I wish I could be there to take care of you. Just get off this bad stuff and be DONE with it.
If you can give us more details, we can help you better. Was the oxy prescribed, or did you get it from a friend/dealer? Do you have pain or did you take it get high? NO judgements here. We are all in this together.
Come on girl, show the world that you're a strong person...you can do this. It's gonna hurt bad...but it is PAIN WITH A PURPOSE. Imagine that you're giving birth to a NEW YOU.
Keep posting...post every day, as much as you need to. I just said a strong prayer for you....Good Luck, sweetie!!!!
-R.
YOU. CAN. DO. THIS.
I am 52 years old and took oxy for 8 years. EIGHT FRIGGIN' YEARS!!!!! I exercised every day and thought I was the queen of Busy. Little did I realize I was acting like a fool. I got fired from several accounts (I am a broker) and I was like "Why? I didn't do anything wrong?" Now that I look at it, I was floating on a cloud while talking to people about things, and I was not acting normally. I'd talk about things that were inappropriate, like how much I loved rock n' roll from the 1960's or 'OMG, where did you get those shoes??" I was an AS.S. And I couldn't see it.
Now, I'm 19 days clean. It was awful. It is still pretty bad, but I'm getting there. I can drive now, I can work....somewhat. The back pain that I took the oxy's for is back and it means BUSINESS. I still have diarrhea every morning, and eating is an adventure in cramps.
But I did it. And honey, if this old hippie-chic can do it, YOU can.
The advice here is excellent. You are going to be sick. Accept it. It is no different than if a really bad super flu came through town and knocked you down for 2 weeks. What would you do? You'd hunker down, stay in bed, keep hydrated, heating pad on tummy, all that stuff...that is what you're going to do NOW...with a couple of added touches:
1. Listen to music. As LOUD as you can without the police coming. Make it stuff you REALLY, REALLY like. I love St. Vincent...her song "Help me" is amazing....or Alanis Morissette. All that emo-stuff that talks about pain and survival.
2. After 3-4 days, try to walk a little bit. If you can't because of diarrhea, that's o.k. Don't beat yourself up...you do the best you can.
3. I wish I could be there to take care of you. Just get off this bad stuff and be DONE with it.
If you can give us more details, we can help you better. Was the oxy prescribed, or did you get it from a friend/dealer? Do you have pain or did you take it get high? NO judgements here. We are all in this together.
Come on girl, show the world that you're a strong person...you can do this. It's gonna hurt bad...but it is PAIN WITH A PURPOSE. Imagine that you're giving birth to a NEW YOU.
Keep posting...post every day, as much as you need to. I just said a strong prayer for you....Good Luck, sweetie!!!!
-R.
Thank you, I did go for a walk in the woods this afternoon which helped my mindset immensely, I have both epsom salt and sea salt ready to go, and my attitude is positive for the moment, just trying to stay distracted. Thank you for the suggestions and support!
If you can take some Epson salt bath then that would be good because Magnesium is a great detoxer, then go lay under a heating blanket for the body or bone aches..I too came clean a lil over 2 yrs ago and each month seemed to be a new healing stage and you can feel it both physically and mentally.. I did however come off the Methadone with a Benzo and one other med. Plus how many years you have used drugs plays a big role on bouncing back..Just make sure you drink TONS of water..Try adding some lemon and a small dash of sea salt in your water..I heard this will help keep you hydrated. The Mental for most is the worse but if you can keep your self busy that world be good..Try hitting some meeting right now..Push yourself to go and you will feel pretty good for at least that hour..Ha! The Sun, Music and Walks or Exercise does bring up those happy chems/hormones in the Brain that we have suppressed while using..Just try to stay re-directed the best you can on how you feel..I went out to meetings from sun up to sun down and I was SO sick as my Anxiety was on the moon..It was when I got home is when I got to isolating myself besides going to the meetings and that right there will bring you WAY Down Emotionally..SO push-push and push your self and try to eat very healthy so you can get your vit/min that way..Plus Protein powder is a good one when you do not want to eat..It has the Amino-Acids in it and tons of vit..Mix this with some berries because berries are a great antioxidant. If you have any Calcium, Magnesium, Potassium and Ds try to take them at night too, as they help relax the muscles..You can find food that works good too..
Just stay on your surf board and ride the wave..soon you will be walking on the beach feeling the sand between your toes. Keep a Good Positive Attitude and learn all you can about Addiction and the Brain. I wish you the best.
Bless
Just stay on your surf board and ride the wave..soon you will be walking on the beach feeling the sand between your toes. Keep a Good Positive Attitude and learn all you can about Addiction and the Brain. I wish you the best.
Bless
Thanks....Yeah, kind of figured it will be hell, which is why I'm terrified. Afraid I will wind up in the ER or the psych ward. Got the chicken soup and gatorade ready to go. What was your dose when you jumped off?
I've been where you are, a little over 2 years ago. I am not going to lie, it was hell. I couldn't eat, sleep and was getting sick every 15-30 minutes, I lost 20 lbs in one week and was very weak. I did manage to stay clean for over a year, then I was hooked on other kinds of painkillers. I should have gotten help, so I cannot stress this enough, go to rehab/NA/something. You do not want to end up where I am, trying to quit for the 8 or 9th time, and it only get harder. Make sure you are also drinking plenty of fluids and get some chicken or veggie stock to replenish some of your strength. Good luck and I hope you succeed.
Thanks you guys, your responses were exactly what I needed to help shift into a more positive mindset. I feel better now, went for a walk in the woods with a good friend, managed to scrounge up a little money and got a few more things at the store, epsom salts, soup, fruit, more gatorade and some night time cold medicine, I figured maybe that will help some of the body aches. And.....just took my last pill. Will definitely be posting periodically for support from here on out, it's amazing what a difference support makes. <3
Hi Ariel, you've gotten some good advice above. Stay strong, focussed, and positive. Try not to anticipate anything. Take each symptom if it comes, and as it comes. Do not just sit around or lay around and watch the clock. Try to stay as active as possible. Get outside and breathe the fresh air. Talk even a short walk outside. That will really help clear your head, and help with fatigue. The more you can do, the faster time will pass.
You can do this! Keep posting as much as you want for support. Take care, and best wishes.
You can do this! Keep posting as much as you want for support. Take care, and best wishes.
I'm on day 36. I to had no access to any medications. It is totally worth it. I go to an AA meeting everyday. I have a sponsor, who also did opaites, close support from a few women at the group & everyone on here. Keep posting we're here for you.
You can do this. If 38 days ago anyone would have said I would be here now I would not have believed them. I could not imagine I could do this but I am.
You can do this. If we did you can. We're here for you.
You can do this. If 38 days ago anyone would have said I would be here now I would not have believed them. I could not imagine I could do this but I am.
You can do this. If we did you can. We're here for you.
Breathe. You ned to calm down and get yourself into a positive place. You are negative right now and that is not going to help you. Walking away from the pill demon is good thing. You will spend all your money and effort and stress running around town looking for a pill. You are about to start the first day of your new life. Congratulations!
To be honest, you are not jumping from a very high dose and your withdrawal (physical) should not be all that bad. Use all that you said you have and in a few days it will all be over.
Make certain that you have no way..no contacts...no nothing for you to be able to reach out and get. Erase all phone numbers, etc.
Hang in there. Post when you need to and whatever you do, just don't use.
To be honest, you are not jumping from a very high dose and your withdrawal (physical) should not be all that bad. Use all that you said you have and in a few days it will all be over.
Make certain that you have no way..no contacts...no nothing for you to be able to reach out and get. Erase all phone numbers, etc.
Hang in there. Post when you need to and whatever you do, just don't use.
One last time....you are a strong woman who has a lot of determination inside her. Find that determination and hang onto it with both hands. You CAN do this!!!!
p.s. You've got the gatorade too....so 3 symptoms basically taken care of...the worst ones...drink tons of liquids...gatorade and regular water...make sure you do not dehydrate okay?
Hi hun
I'm so sorry that things took a turn for you but it isn't the first time for one of us and it won't be the last.
Luckily you have the immodium which is THE wonder of the elixirs....one of the worst symptoms is the running back & forth to the bathroom.
What you need is a good healthy dose of you can do this. Yep, it isn't going to be fun...I'm not going to sugarcoat it...but I'm also going to tell you that a lot of the supplements and other suggestions do not work for everyone.
You have immodium, you have a hot bath, I assume you have towels and a heating pad.
Use the hot bath, towels and/or heating pads wrapped around your legs for the RLS...just make sure you don't have any sores or such on your legs first.
My question....is there a neighbor or friend who can loan you $5 or $10. If you can afford to get the epsom salts (a big bag is really cheap) that will help so much with the RLS which is the next worst symptom.
Other than that you keep telling your mind a few things.
1. This is just like having a nasty flu.....
2. Be okay without being okay for a little while
3. You've got tons of people here who will listen to you.
Use any homeopathic recipes you may have received and already have in your home.
The thing is....you CAN do this. You really can. I did not have most of the symptom suggestions that were listed here when I did my W/D. I didn't have the epsom salts, I did have my normal vitamins, I had some muscle relaxers and medicines that I normally take but I didn't have most of the other stuff and I survived and you will too.
Use us hun...use us....whenever you are feeling horrid and can manage to post come post. Talk to us....talking was the best medicine for me.
My prayers will be going long and hard for you. I'll ask God to try to ease things up for you. I know you are in a dark place right now but you need to try to put your mind in as good of a place as you can. Watch lots of comedies...keep your mind as busy as possible because symptom watching makes it worse.
We're here for you okay. You are safe in here with us and you are loved.
xox
I'm so sorry that things took a turn for you but it isn't the first time for one of us and it won't be the last.
Luckily you have the immodium which is THE wonder of the elixirs....one of the worst symptoms is the running back & forth to the bathroom.
What you need is a good healthy dose of you can do this. Yep, it isn't going to be fun...I'm not going to sugarcoat it...but I'm also going to tell you that a lot of the supplements and other suggestions do not work for everyone.
You have immodium, you have a hot bath, I assume you have towels and a heating pad.
Use the hot bath, towels and/or heating pads wrapped around your legs for the RLS...just make sure you don't have any sores or such on your legs first.
My question....is there a neighbor or friend who can loan you $5 or $10. If you can afford to get the epsom salts (a big bag is really cheap) that will help so much with the RLS which is the next worst symptom.
Other than that you keep telling your mind a few things.
1. This is just like having a nasty flu.....
2. Be okay without being okay for a little while
3. You've got tons of people here who will listen to you.
Use any homeopathic recipes you may have received and already have in your home.
The thing is....you CAN do this. You really can. I did not have most of the symptom suggestions that were listed here when I did my W/D. I didn't have the epsom salts, I did have my normal vitamins, I had some muscle relaxers and medicines that I normally take but I didn't have most of the other stuff and I survived and you will too.
Use us hun...use us....whenever you are feeling horrid and can manage to post come post. Talk to us....talking was the best medicine for me.
My prayers will be going long and hard for you. I'll ask God to try to ease things up for you. I know you are in a dark place right now but you need to try to put your mind in as good of a place as you can. Watch lots of comedies...keep your mind as busy as possible because symptom watching makes it worse.
We're here for you okay. You are safe in here with us and you are loved.
xox
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