Addiction: Substance Abuse Community
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1926359 tn?1331588139

Just back from Er

Oh Man guys.  I'm in rough shape.  I just got back from ER because I am now bleeding profusely from my bowel.  They think my endometriosis has spread there.  I have to wait for an endoscopy and I STILL do not have a confirmed surgery date.  I refused pain meds in the ER.  I am trying to tough this out and only take the one pill at bed time so I can rest but this is F-ing HARD!!!!!  I need that surgery so bad.  I need a light at the end of the tunnel.  I feel so alone even though I am surrounded by love and support.  Even my parents who went through detox hell with me and helped me get into recovery are having a hard time understanding why I won't just take the pills.  I can't seem to explain to anyone just how scary this is.  Waiting for surgery was how I got hooked in the first place.  I have fought so hard for everything I have.  I can't lose it.  I can't.  I guess I'm just asking for some prayers here.  I'm so scared.
14 Responses
3197167 tn?1348968606
I so understand, Lulu......because I, too, got majorly addicted lying I bed awaiting insurance for a much needed surgery.  But you know what?

You were in a WHOLE DIFFERENT place mentally, physically, spiritually and relationally back then.  Many details of your life are different...you have healed and recovered in A LOT of areas during your 2 yrs off meds.

It was my understanding that your dr. prescribed Dilaudid 4 mg TWO times/day....right?  Then why not take them "as prescribed"....you have a new partner....a new love.....someone to hold them for you and care for you.  You aren't the same you in so many ways....give yourself some credit for your growth.  Aren't you taking some hormones or something to stop the bleeding so they CAN to surgery?  When can you see your own surgeon in that other city?  It's important......maybe they can move up your endoscopy AND your surgery, eh?

I know your fear.....but remember.....fear means false emotions APPEARING real......they aren't really real......and you are being proactive as possible.....agreeing to take your pain meds 2X/day is exactly what the dr. seems to think you need.  Please be gentle with yourself......hopefully you can get this show on the road and put this behind you.
5347058 tn?1381188426
I'm so sorry you are going through this and will be praying for comfort and a speedy recovery for you. There are times when pain meds are needed, whether you are a recovering addict or a 'normal' person. There is no shame in this. If you are in that much pain, you may have to break down and take just enough to be semi comfortable. Put a plan in place. It sounds like you have a wonderful support system. If you have to take pain pills, have one of your family members help you. They can hold them and help ensure that you don't get tempted to overdo it. I know you are scared, and this is a very scary thing, but there is no sense in being in excruciating pain. It's not healthy, and in the long run it will impede healing, and wreak havoc on your physical and emotional well being. Whatever you decide, we will be here for you. Feel better soon Lulu!
480448 tn?1426948538
I agree with ariley 100%!

Sending you prayers and support.  I'm so sorry you're struggling with this so much.  I'm surprised the hospital didn't admit you?

Please keep us updated!  Thinking of you!  XOXO
1926359 tn?1331588139
Thanks ladies.  Can't stop crying.  My partner holds my pills.  It's hard for him to understand why I will only take them at night because he sees me suffer...And I didn't know him when I was addicted.  Even though I talk to him all the time about that dark road and my fight back.  
The hospital didn't admit me because I didn't want them to.  And despite the bleeding my counts were normal.  I have a slight temperature and they told me if it increases or I start vomiting then to return.  Because my endometriosis is nasty but not life threatening....Ya know.  All they would do for me in hospital was give me pain meds and I would wait and wait for a surgeon to see me.  As I didn't want the pain meds and my surgeon is in another city, I thought it better to be at home where it is more comfortable.
Avatar universal
Ariley is right. Taking them when youre truly in pain is not bad. Its not like youre taking them to "feel good" you are genuinely hurting. Take one or even a half and try to fall asleep. I hope u feel better:) I will pray for you
Avatar universal
Prayers sent your way . Stay strong
495284 tn?1333894042
i have to agree with airley and clean here.  You are torturing yourself right now and have a medical condition that does require pain meds.  As clean said you arent in the same spot you were a couple years ago.  You have your partner that holds the pills and you know that this painful condition is only temporary until surgery.  Please Lu, take care of you right now.  It is harder to be fighting this than taking those meds as prescribed.   Sending you comfort my friend~
2107676 tn?1388973859
You are in my prayers.  I am just back off meds that were prescribed for an abscessed tooth that I still have but it's not as painful as it was.
The pain was really severe (I'm not good with pain anyway) so I had to take pain meds when the pain got out of control.  I found that the longer I waited to take them, the longer it took to get the pain under control so I bit the bullet and took them as prescribed.
I have barely had any withdrawals this time.  I may have to take them again as I have to see a dental surgeon in 9 days but if I need them I will take them.  Suffering like that was just ridiculous.
I hope you listen to the great advice you were given here and keep us updated on how you're doing.
1926359 tn?1331588139
You are so so right.  I am taking hormones to stop the bleeding.  It's been 6 weeks and the vaginal bleeding has almost stopped, I am still losing bloody tissue every few days.  The rectal bleeding started 4 days ago.  The pain has not subsided.
Here in Canada wait lists for surgeries and endoscopies are very long.  I am at the very top of the list.  I am calling my surgeon tomorrow to tell her about the new developments and I am sure she will do all she can to get me in ASAP.
I KNOW I am in a totally different place than the last time.  I KNOW that I have not been abusing my meds nor do I have ANY desire to abuse them.  I realize I am talking myself into this fearful place and I really just need to let it go and take care and trust myself.
The doctor wants me to take the pain meds more regularly (4 mg/ every 8 hrs) but I literally feel so sick and panicked taking them and going to work.  The pain is bad but bearable during the day as long as I take extra strength tylenol every 4 hours and try not to over exert myself.  So I am going to stick to night.  I will take one.  Then I will evaluate my pain and if needed I will take another.
It's just with all this medical trauma and the pain and suffering it takes me back and triggers all the awful things I went through before.  It's just so visceral you know?  
I think that pain is almost as isolating as addiction.  

Thank you all from the bottom of my heart for your kind words and support.  
1235186 tn?1549257619
Aww huni I am so sorry you are having such a hard time right now.
I am praying for your comfort, peace and healing. Praying that your surgery
Can be scheduled very soon. This is an emergency situation there should be
Some protocol in regards to that.
I am so happy for you that you have some much support and love on your home front.
Take care of you. You are doing awesome.
Keep the faith,
Hugs, Debbie
Avatar universal
Lulu, I too have REAL pain that gets so bad I can't sleep or sit. So I broke down and started taking the tramadol 50mg the dr gave me to take until he can do the surgery the 28th. I take 2 a day trying to just take 1 and amitriptyline at bedtime.  I don't think I will need another one tonight. I was afraid to take the meds also. I have 6 1/2 months clean from hydrocodone 10mg. I sure don't want to go through that again. The pain can drive you crazy and make you do and say things you wouldn't do otherwise. So try to stay comfortable. God Bless
6990909 tn?1435275816
Hey sweet lady - there is no shame in taking prescribed meds when you are going through some very traumatic medical issues.  You know that you will be having your partner hold them and are being very responsible. I wish you the very best.  I am sending prayers for comfort and strength to you.  
1926359 tn?1331588139
Awe you guys I don't know what I'd do without you.  I get understanding here that I don't get anywhere else and it is priceless to me.  Please know that I am so very grateful for all of your support and prayers.  Right now my pain is slightly at bay.  I am worried about tomorrow as it is a big week for me at work and my energy so low from pain and blood loss.  I will take all your words and keep them in my heart for strength.  
Avatar universal
U can do it.prayers UP for ya girl..
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495284 tn?1333894042
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