Thanks to you who answered me

[chaddavis333]

Look, I know there are other people on here who are suffering so much, so I really appreciate everyone who responds to me. I have always had the health anxiety, but it seems like something has made it worse. I am assuming the pills. The thing is that i was still taking them, when my problems started. I got what looked like a small shingle on my neck and shoulder area. About 3 or 4 days after that, is when I started having problems. Everry since then, i was convienced that the shingles got into my brain and causes menegitis. It put me in the physc ward for a night because of,the sucide thoughts I was having. Never wanted to, but after a week of No sleep and other stuff, I was desperate for it to stop. That's been over 3 months ago. The night I was in there i got no pills, so i haven't taken any since. I keep obsessing between menigitis and bipolar. I am,41 and never had symptoms of bipolar. I have a cold,sore that keeps coming back so,i think,i,keep getting it. My doctor assured me even if i,had it, and it was gone, it would have shown up in the mri. I know this is an odd place to post a this, but my life is a he'll right now. Very depressed and anxious thinking I have this disease or that. Could,all this have been thrown into motion by those pills?? I,mean it was loperamide, which i used to,get off other normal,opiates. When should i start thinking it was something else? Someone posted last night, that I,have ocd,and I guess with all these thoughts i, must have. I am trying to get into a shrink, but most of them are not available until after the first of the year. Will,someone please help me?? I can't live in this hell much longer. Its ruining my job and my life.

[Pat1956100]

Hi Chad
My heart does break for the hell you are going through.
Sara is right, please seek help.  It's the only answer for you. You have to find out why you think the way you do and feel the way you do.
Is there a crisis line you can call?  Anything to get you to see a psychiatrist quicker?
I understand the anxiety that you are feeling and hate to see you going through this.  Get some help.  The sooner the better.

Hugs
Pat

[chaddavis333]

I just got back on here today and read everyone's responses thank you so much for being so kind and for caring about me even as a 41 year old man I can not read this without having tears in my eyes it mean so much that people care

[VICourageous]

We all care for you!

Reading a post like this, even over 3yrs keeps me intact with my own issues too. Today was not a good one, but it will pass and only I can make it happen.

I got so much from DS & Gnarly today, just by reading what others say.
SO..Read & Listen...YOU will come out of this. Sure we all have are ups and downs, but this is life!!

Congrats on your time and do not look back!
Don"t let that stinken-thiken get you in trouble by using excuses to find something else to escape from yourself. This is what most Addicts do and it takes a lot of work to change this!!!!! Hang in there.

Bless

[gnarly_1]

Hi Chad.....well I agree with the above posters....but here is my spin on it.....you never felt quit right in your own skin...you have suffered these problems for a long time and like a lot of addicts you took things into your own hands and self medicated with the opiets and your addiction spiraled out of control...N/A first step  '''we are powerless over our addiction and our lives have become unmanageable'' you fit this bill to a tea....it can take months to recover from a 3yr addiction it took me  90 days to even see any hope.....check out your state run mental health care they should be able to get you in  it is time to face down the prison in your own mind you dont have to live in this bondage  but it will take work on your part..........................Gnarly...............................

[dominosarah]

I copied and pasted my response from your last thread........
Hi Chad........You have been doctoring and doctoring trying to find something wrong so they can fix it.  Here is the deal......there is nothing medically wrong with your body.  We have been trying to tell you this.  Noone is going to fix you except you.  Make that appt with the shrink and keep going back.  Talk until you cant talk anymore.  You have created your own living hell and only you can leave that place.  The shrink cant do it for you but he/she will give you the tools you need to find happiness.  You know i have always been there for you and i will continue to be and you also know i am going to tell you what i think straight up.  It is time Chad, for you to finally release those chains that are binding you.   Congrats on your clean time!!!  I am proud of you~

[VICourageous]

Dear Chad.
I DITTO the above!!
I will put this up here the best I can.
I do not feel right sometimes either and it has been over 3yrs. Now there are many reasons. One is that I have used drugs and booze off & on for over 40yrs. Started at 14 and ended at 56. I know I will never know what 100% normal feels like. I know at a small percent, I did some damage to my brain chems.I sometimes ache from my head to my toe. I have Hormonal issue that are driving me crazy. I had a small heart attack during my fist week of detox..(we think) and have 2 stents put in. I lost both my parents and dog and other family members & friends, all in a 90 day period when I only had 18m in. All of this has put a bit STRESS factor on my life. HOWEVER, All these things were masked with pills for yrs too. Except my losses. These losses sent me back into a detox stage (sort of). I feel sick sometimes, so I try to figure out why by doing some research. Then if it is bad I head to the Drs and maybe even 2-3 different ones. I am now reaching the age 60 and I have to consider the Age factor here too! My Boredom can cause depression, so I try to get out.
I guess what I am saying here, is that most of this I did not feel until I got clean and sober. I had been masking so much mentally & physically.
I will say that, as more time goes by some thing get better. My Brain might not be damage, but Older Age! I can fix my aches and pains with a otc or natural remedy.
This is why I go to meeting too. Not just because I used, but to talk these things out. I go to Church and talk with the Preacher. I can be my worst enemy if I stay in my Head!!!!
I do feel better, in a lot of ways clean/sober, but it takes some Time to get used too. No more synthetic energy either.

So try to get on with Life, get out of your Head and do some Good things. Things that you enjoy too.

Listen to all the ones above this post. I think YOU need more Time to find your balance still. It could take up to a yr or more.
Be Safe, Be Good and NO looking back!!!
Bless

[Krissy_123]

Imodium is actually very addictive,it hits all the opiate receptors in the spine and gut. So if you're taking 20 pills a day you will have "physical" w/d's. Rls,insomnia,body aches,diarrhea....but no it doesn't cross the BBB,so you don't get the mental w/d's per say. But your body going through the physical w/d's is hard on the mind. They also last a lot longer than opiate w/d's.

[ImInAwe]

Just thought I would put this out there that loperamide isn't addictive in the traditional sense... It is an opiate, but the molecules are too large to function as one, meaning you can't get high from it, and it would only help opiate withdrawal symptoms in the GI track, i.e.-diarrhea, upset stomach. Any other symptoms are in your head(a psychological addiction), because the chemical literally cannot cross the blood-brain barrier. It can't reach any receptors outside the stomach. If you take it for a long time, your stomach can get used to it, so that when you stop you'll have unpleasant stomach issues, but that's it. I hope that reassures you some.

[chaddavis333]

Thank you everyone. It just feels so wierd this time, like something isn't right. In have never been this bad, but thanks to everyone for caring

[spider6]

IMO, anxiety and OCD are symptoms of depression ....depression that's gone untreated for a long time. What happens when issues go untreated for lengths of time....they get worse.   You are and have been spinning out of control for months.  If you have suicidal thoughts, then you definitely should be under a medical professionals supervised care and why you aren't since your doctor knows ALL your concerns is beyond me!

You NEED professional help.  You're not going to get it here on this site. At most you'll get spiritual and emotional support and encouragement to seek real world help.  You have spent (wasted in some eyes) oodles of cash, time, emotion (distress, fear, anxiety) trying to find something "wrong" that just isn't there......(only in your mind).......your "looking" for something sick is actually making you sick.  

My daughter just went through this exact thing this summer.  I myself have gone through this a couple of times throughout my own life.  So...I'm not being insensitive, I have experience in "h*ll.  

Right now ...Mr. Google is not your friend and someone should give you an intervention from the "net".......I've said it before, if you must look sh*t up.....use your powers for good man, and look up something point positive to your queries and not the other end of the doomsday spectrum .......do you have any other outside interests or hobbies?

NOTHING changes baby, if nothing changes .....RIGHT?

Get up and don't look back.  Hugs
((((8))))

[Krissy_123]

I did that for 11 years. I always took Imodium inbetween my oxy scripts. When I finally quit everything last November it took me a few months to start even feeling remotely normal. No sleep,anxiety and depression. I lost a ton of weight. But we do get back to normal. It just takes time,I do hope you can get into talk to someone though. Are you going to AA/NA meetings? They really help me.

[chaddavis333]

Yeah all the test came back ok, but I keep thinking what if...I abused opiates of all kinds mainly tramadol and bucks on for 3 years. When I didn't have any, I used the lope to keep the withdrawals at bay. I did this back and forth for about 3 years, until I finally had to have the lope or I would go into withdrawal. I was popping handfuls of the stuff. I finally, after 6 months got it down to 20 a day. That's when everything started. The lope is very addicting

[Krissy_123]

Was this before the opiates as well? Or just the Imodium? I looked Back through your story but didn't see what type of opiates you used and for how long? The opiates can cause anxiety and deppresion. But what's going on with your thoughts of being ill constantly isn't deppresion. But it can be anxiety. You feel like you're living in helll is deppresion,but you're only feeling that because you're scared you're constantly sick right? From what Ive read all your tests have come back good right?

[chaddavis333]

Before life was great. I slept great, had no issues, played with my kids and everything

[Krissy_123]

No I don't think the pills are causing these thoughts. I really think you have hypocondria. This is a real disease. You are convincing yourself you have all these diseases to the point where it's making you mentally ill. Also if you have had a cold sore yes it's going to continue to come back. But it won't hurt you. Everyone gets them. If you have shingles they would be big blisters all over not just one sore. I feel for you when I read your posts,it's easy for me to just say to you this stuff isn't real,it's in your head. But that's the point right there,it's in "your" head. The only way to get help for it is to talk to a proffesioal ALOT! Not just once. Like 3-4 times a week maybe. The imodium didn't do this to. What was life like for you before the imodium?