Addiction: Substance Abuse Community
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Avatar universal

Just found out

my stepson has been an addict for several years, we had no idea, he doesn't live with us and he's been on his own or living with friends, or staying with is mom in FLA for the last few years.  Apparently his mom knew but chose not to tell us, so we've been giving him $$ over the course of the last few years to go towards helping him, and now we find out that was all a lie.  He called the day before heading to Rehab in FLA, hey dad I'm an addict have been for years, I have a chemical imbalance...so he's now in rehab in FLA, and we are left trying to figure out what happens next and feeling so foolish for having never known this was going on.  How do you ever believe them again??  He is going to come back to a bad situation, we think his girlfriend is also using, to the same friends, etc.?  He called after a few days of being in rehab, said it was no big deal, he's watching movies and eating?  so we are led to believe he's not taking this seriously at all.  -- my husband isn't sleeping, and blaming himself - not sure what to do.
2 Responses
7163794 tn?1457366813
Not sure there's much you can do???  To me, it doesn't really sound like he's taking it seriously, but, you never know. Perhaps he's trying to keep it light so ya'll don't freak out?  

Perhaps you two should check out Al-anon...they have it for N/A and A/A....the people in these rooms were right where ya'll are now and can help you to sort things out.  Don't look for something specific....b./c there probably isn't anything there. But you should put up some guard for yourselves when he gets out.  Make some boundries.

Also, very possible this will get moved to drug/alcohol treatment topic line so watch in your e-mail if they move it.

Good luck to you both!
Avatar universal
Hello amd.  I certainly do understand the shock and awe you and your spouse are experiencing right now with this news so fresh. The best thing to do is take a great big step back and a few deep breathes. Your stepsons addiction belongs to him alone. Feeling stupid, guilty, tricked and uninformed will only keep you guys emotional and unable to move forward with what needs to be done. I wish you had stated your stepsons age and drug of choice but in general, a detox facility is providing comfort drugs, meetings, exercise. I imagine it is a bit easier than detoxing home alone. In any case, if you feel he is bound to relapse if he goes back to his Florida home, and you guys are so inclined, why not have him come up north? There he will be out of the drug loop. He will have to mend his relationship with his dad and earn back the trust he has lost. He can continue attending meetings and you can go to the al-anon meetings which are for people dealing with addicts. It will show you how to help him and most importantly, where to draw the line. It seems this is his best shot. Wishing you all the best.
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