Just have to get this out...Some one please help me.

[monkey231]

I am so frusterated!  I tryed to just stop....HAHAHA....that lasted till about 5:00pm today then called up a "friend" drove an hour and a half to get some Diloudeds, my body was shaking and I couldnt breath, my legs were aching and I was freezing cold but sweating....I sat in the car with my "friend" the second he gave me the pills I crushed some of them up and snorted them.....Then I sat back in the drivers seat and started thinking about my little boy.  And how earlier that day I was blowing bubbles and he was running around the room laughing and clapping his hands togeather busting the bubbles.  I dont know why I had to leave him to go get pills.  What the hell is wrong with me?  What kind of mother would rather drive an hour and a half just to buy a bunch of pills then sit at home playing with her son.  I love my son to death, but Im starting to think there is really something wrong with me.  I cant honestly say that I give my son my best, and as much as it hurts to say it, my son deserves better than me.  Its killing me.  I've been crying for hours.  I love my son, I want to give him everything.  Why did I have to leave him today over drugs?  Im not that kind of person.  I grew up with my parents always drinking and doing drugs in my house.  I swore I wouldnt be that person.  But I am.  I hate myself.  Im ruining my sons life....And the worst part is that sitting hear thinking about all this, I should throw away the pills right now, and just be done with it....But instead, Im snorting more so that I dont have to feel this way....What the hell is wrong with me?

[wait2long]

dont you mean catcheic... NOT flmagi...LOL!

[house1]

I'm sure your heart is in the right place but your advice is scary.
I also agree with wait2long be careful.

[house1]

Hi MoM, sorry to read your post:
Question do normal people ever crush up a pill and snort it?
Question if you stop taking Tylenol or Advil do you sweat and freeze?
Question What does Hubby think about all of this?

You asked what is wrong with me?
Answer your a drug addict.
You asked What kind of mother would rather drive an hour and a half just to buy a bunch of pills then sit at home playing with her son?
Answer your a drug addict.

You said "I can honestly say that i give my son the best".
So your saying your sons best to raise him is an addict?

"and as much as it hurts to say it, my son deserves better than me".
Your son does not deserve to be second to your drug addiction but he is!

"Its killing me".
Your one very honest statement!!

"Im not that kind of person".
What kind of person is that may I ask?

"Im ruining my sons life".
Another truth, unless you get some help.      
                                                                                                                         What the hell is wrong with me?
The short version is that your an addict, do you want the long version?

You sound like a wonderful loving person and I'll bet your son is beautiful.
Whats his name?
How old is he?
What does his father think about the situation?

If you went to the doctor and he said you have cancer or Aids you would be really scard and wouldn't you do everything you could to stay alive and watch your son grow up?

Addiction is a disease just like Cancer and Aids and please try to understand the disease is just as deadly. Addiction can kill you!

I was an addict for many years and now I work at a Methadone clinic. They also use Suboxone and Subutex here to treat opiate w/ds.
There are many variables and ways to stop using drugs out there but you have to want help first. Nobody out there can help you make that decision not your childs best needs nothing it is you who have to surrender to your disease before you will stop.
If you keep going as you are what do you think is going to happen?
If you would like to talk I'm here for you anytime please dont hesitate to ask. We can even use IM if you would like to talk.
I think your a beautiful person but that beautiful person is being held hostage and she is scard and afraid. Your brain thinks it can no longer survive without snorting strong pain killers. Your brain is damaged and your thoughts are distorted because of it.
What are you willing to do for yourself?
Nobody else matters not your son nobody you have to be the one that wants help.

I'll pray for you

[wait2long]

yeah, you'll have no withdrawals because the dose of 25 mgs may kill you...25 mgs for a first time user is a dangerous dose and dangerous advice...
listen to everyone who has steered you right, stay away from the methadone...people have died by taking 1, 10 mg methadone pill their first time...25 mgs is just crazy advice for a 1st time user...your life is worth so much more than that...
there are much safer options available.

[catchiec]

Methadone is only horrible when people take it to long! It makes you skip all oxy withdrawal symptoms. Not everyone can afford a doctor or afford to take time off from work. I wouldnt be posting so adamently if I didn't know for a fact it works! it has worked for me, my bf and four of my friends that listened perfectly! If you do not take it more then 5 days you will not get hooked! they cost 15 dollars a pill and she only needs two of them. Why is everyone trying to make detoxing so hard for these people who need off quickly. You will not have withdrawals from Methadone if you only take it for five days lowering your dose by 5 mg every day. Meth will not get you high so there is no reason to become addicted to it. Methadone clinics keep people on it until they get hooked and thats why some people stay on it for a long time and end up with horrible withdrawals. Nothing will happen after five days of taking it except being able to get off both pills with out withdrawals in a matter of 5 days and all for 30 dollars. Again if anyone really wants to get off their is no reason not to try this. Please read what I said again very carefully
As long as you only tke Methadone for no more than 5 days you will have no withdrawals from it! I got off oxy's like this, so did my boyfriend and so did several of my friends. No missed time from work, no pain, no withdrawals, JUST YOUR LIFE BACK IN 5 DAYS! The people who tell you you get the worst withdrawals from Methadone are people who have been taking it for a while and become physically dependent on it. Even three weeks is to long to take Meth. BUT I PROMISE a thousand times over if you do what me and my bf and 4 of my friends did you will be done with pills in 5 days. 25mgs of Meth the first day, 20mgs the second, 15mgs the third, 10mg on the fourth and finally 5mg on the 5th day and then stop! You will be off both pills in 5 days and no withdrawals whatever. This is what works and the only way to get clean in 5 days without needing any pills ever. For anybody who tells Monkey that Meth has the worst withdrawal symptons ever, this is true only if you become dependent on it. YOU DO NOT BECOME DEPENDENT ON IT AFTER 5 DAYS DROPPING 5 MGS EACH DAY!  Monkey you will not have withdrawls and you will have your life back if you take my advice

[avisg]

i agree with cathy, methadone should not be used to detox from pills ......... it makes me sick that these clinics and doctors are using this to get people off of pills.you end up in a far worse situation  on the methadone

[cathy5841]

please dont even consider the methadone.  it is horrible.  if you go to a clinic you have to sign to do it for a very long time and it is absolutely awful to get off.  it has a verryy long half life, meaning it stays in your system for a long time and withdrawals can literally last for months.  horriffic withdrawals.  and to use without supervision by a medical pro is ludicrous.  just please dont.
cathy

[skippysizemore]

Skippy here, listen this is just another mind, mood altering drug to get addicted to. I am on day7 from cold turkey off methadone and let me tell you if I can go thru this ANYONE can. I mean it. go and read my journals you'll see. what helped me was these people on this forum and hot hot baths and vitamins drink Boost take One a Day vitamins for women 3 times a day drink plenty of water STAY AWAY FROM CAFFEINE and nicotine and sugary foods. anything that will give you a boost of energy stay away from believe me been there done that. get you some ativans or klonipins or tylenol pm for sleep. stay away from seroquel or xanax they made my skin crawl. I am no expert (yet) but I know what has helped me. Look up Thomas Recipe on google. He has the whole list. take care and i will pray for you.

[lnicole]

Monkey: i can relate to your story. im just beginig the decision to get sober... how are you doing now? keep us posted. your story touched me. GOOD LUCK AND BLESS YOU!!
CATCHIEC: how can i get on a methadone plan without insurance? ive heard theres a wait. can you give me any info on your situation? ive got 2 kids and cant be sick and im scared to death of w/d's. thanks for any advise.

[worried878]

I am sure that worked for u guys...risky to me...also she may not be able to get this methadone that easily...I would be very scared to do that monkey....do you have a doctor you can talk to or have you been getting all of your drugs on the street?....you know u have to do something soon...real soon...is there an NA group in your area?

[cathy5841]

methadone is a bad drug.  you are so much better not to take a drug to get off a drug.  avis is so right.  monkey you know i am here fro ya.
cathy

[avisg]

I would steer clear of methadone to get off of another drug if even only for 5 days .......
Ohhh know what reaction you might have to it ... or how quick you might get addicted to it ......

[catchiec]

As long as you only tke Methadone for no more than 5 days you will have no withdrawals from it! I got off oxy's like this, so did my boyfriend and so did several of my friends. No missed time from work, no pain, no withdrawals, JUST YOUR LIFE BACK IN 5 DAYS! The people who tell you you get the worst withdrawals from Methadone are people who have been taking it for a while and become physically dependent on it. Even three weeks is to long to take Meth. BUT I PROMISE a thousand times over if you do what me and my bf and 4 of my friends did you will be done with pills in 5 days. 25mgs of Meth the first day, 20mgs the second, 15mgs the third, 10mg on the fourth and finally 5mg on the 5th day and then stop! You will be off both pills in 5 days and no withdrawals whatever. This is what works and the only way to get clean in 5 days without needing any pills ever. For anybody who tells Monkey that Meth has the worst withdrawal symptons ever, this is true only if you become dependent on it. YOU DO NOT BECOME DEPENDENT ON IT AFTER 5 DAYS DROPPING 5 MGS EACH DAY!  Monkey you will not have withdrawls and you will have your life back if you take my advice.

[swtbreezie]

HI Monkey,
I'm sorry I haven't been onsince night before last.  I had to get my things moved and everything in order.  So I could get a pass to go out of state for 30 days to see my fiancee.  ai got it done and took off.  I am on probation, I got stopped 2 and a half years ago just before the deaths of my hubby and daughter.  I sure don't want anything like that to happen again.  I want to get this DWI behind me so I can move.  So I have to be good.  BUT, I KNOW you can do this, you have the want to we all can see that.  You have made the decision to stop you just need to go ahead with it.  I promise in a week you will say I went through hell but I wonder now why I didnt do this a very long time ago.  YOU CAN DO THIS!
Not just for your son but for you too!
swtbreezie

[toxictome]

Welcome to the merry-go-round of addiction. When you are ready...you WILL stop...you are getting your mindset in place..If the drugs don't kill you first, the guilt and shame will. YOU just  have to make your plan and stick with...
STOP crushing and snorting your pills..
Keep posting when the temptation gets too much..
YOU CAN DO THIS>>>and we will be here for you!!!
Good Luck!!

[wait2long]

What to expect?  well it really can depend on your drug of choice and how long you have been addicted and how high you spike your doses...
if your DOC is methadone- expect severe WD's for up to 6 weeks, depending on dose  length of time etc...

if your doc was percocets or vikes- a week or so.

if your drug of choice is dilaudid...i am not sure, you may want to do some research, i am not that familiar with dilaudid, i have done it, but it wasnt an all the time thing...

what is your drug of choice?
how long have you been using (addicted)?
what is your normal dose, how high of a dose do you take?
if you want, i can look some stuff up for you and maybe that would help give you an idea of what to expect?  dilaudid is a much stronger drug than most mentioned here , other than the methadone...so just let me know or shoot me a private message if you would like me to do some research for you so you will have some idea of what to expect...i'm here for you!!!

[catchiec]

I Told you get 2 methadone 40s. take 25mg the first day 20mg the second day 15mg the third, 10 mg on the 4th and 5 on the 5th and last day. You will have no withdrawals at all! end of story. Methadone for 5 days and you will skip all oxy withdrawals just dont tke meth for more then 5 days or you might become dependent on it.

[troubleinohio]

i cnt type well rght now (broken thumb/hand/shoulder injuuryy) but ur story really stuck a chord w/me. i once got up @5 a.m.        2 drive 40+ miles to the ghetto 2 get some pills (im a country woods person so the city is a huge turn off 2 me)). i felt so guilty & horrible knowwwing my 2 lil boyz were home in bed with their dad while momma was sneaking out gettng stupid pills

wish i culd write longerr but cant. just know my thughts R w/U and U can do this.

[flmagi]

This is what to expect from cold turkey. A really bad flu, which is something you CAN deal with. Do not be afraid of it. Embrace it.
First 24 hours off the pills, you'll get the shakes, cold/hot, and very tired.
Day 2 thru 4  will probably be the worst, restless legs/body, diarrhea, full body aches, sneezing, upset stomach, crying, depression, mood swings, sleeplessness, headaches, feel like your gonna die.But you won't.
Day 5 should be a turning point where you start to feel alittle better.
The lack of sleep may continue for a while. Each day after day 5 will get better. You'll have good days and bad.  But if keep in your mind "the flu" you'll get thru it, it will pass.
During these days you will get spurts of clarity that you haven't felt in a long time. Your head will start to clear. You'll find yourself laughing again....really laughing.
Make sure you stock up on supplies before you start. Push the fluids and eat something (you may not feel like it) but it's very important. Try getting some BOOST with protein and drink 1 or 2 daily.
Try the THOMAS RECEIPE or as much of it as possible. Look under my journels for it.
And make sure you have no none of your drug of choice (doc) around.
You will be free soon and it won't be as bad as you fear.
Keep posting, we'll all be there for you every step of the way.
Now, hunker down and get it done. The real world and good life is waiting for you.

[newgirl2708]

I'm rooting for ya!!
God Bless

[GoingToMakeIt]

   Monkey, you will get there. You are now seeing the bad side of the drug. This is a good thing. Pretty soon you will have more bad things than good and it will be easy to make that decision to never use again. When i saw how it ruled my life, I hated that. When I realized that I would put drugs over my wife. I hated that. But when I realized that I couldn't function without them. I said that's it! We all have a point when we have had enough of this circus. Yours is coming.

Don't give up on yourself. You are not the awful one. The drugs are.

[cathy5841]

fear of the unknow is perfectly normal...the comforting part is it will be over in about 7 days with the worst bein day 3-5.  you can do this. you just gotta be strong.  we will help you.
cathy

[monkey231]

Ok, this is it.  Im going to quit.  I have to, its rediculous now.  Im so tired of my own ****....Im thinking coldturkey.....I've gotten alot of different advice about different ways to stop, but I have the week off of work, my dads picking my son up tomarrow night and taking him to his beachhouse for the week....No excuse not to just quit.  I have to take advantage of this week free of work and kids....Can someone tell me what Im in for if I go coldturkey?

[worried878]

I was so scared as well....you know I had armed myself up for a nuclear explosion and it was not one...sure i felt flu like for a couple days  4-5   then all got better....it was not this awful shaking and vomiting stuff i had pictured....it was very do-able