Just tired of it

[Over it]

ohhhhhhh damn where to start, i have had numerous different injuries over the years mostly related to snowboarding(broken bones of all sorts,shapes and sizes) but thats not the problem, the problem started when i took my first vicodin.....haven never really done any drugs i knew that drug was my drug...put here on earth just for me. at first i could controll the intake of em...no problem, but 1 pill every 8 hours turned into 2 then 4 then all of a sudden i was eating 120 every week(strange how time fly's when your really high) before i knew it i was buying off the streets to fill in for down time,fretting a "half empty bottle"....i decided to do something about it so i just quite.......most horrible week and a half of my life......the broken bones were nothing compared to the withdrawals from the pills, **** i'd take a few broken bones now in trade for no withdrawals, that lasted for bout 8 months...i was doing really really good, then my wife got some vics prescribed to her and i thought i'd take a couple(strictly for recreational purposes) BAD IDEA, those couple i took that night started a chain reaction and before i knew it i was addicted.......AGAIN!! its now been 7 months of 10-15 10/325's a day, and i'm once again mentally over it, my wife and recently had a daughter....and being retired from snowboarding i stay at home with her while the wife works, i can not go through withdrawals while taking care of my daughter........she's only 4 months now, and i cant remember a day of raising her i wasnt high..."THATS F***IN SAD"  but true. i need to stop, what i am looking for is a weening schedule or something like that any suggestions would be great, thnx to all who reads this and replies as i prolly wont respond to replies but i will be reading, thnx again

[serenitysaves]

it's great to see you've made it through the first few days.  It's amazing how much suffering we will put on ourselfs.  I'm tapering off methadone and only in the last two days have I really felt the taper.  The game is on now.  I hate those mussel spasams.
anyway great job, take  care

[VOsRose]

Way to go!  I, too, am on Day 4.  It's a beautiful thing.  Good job!

Peace

[Over it]

i think the worse is over, i feel a lot better today, i got some good rest lastnight, bout 6 hours, god damn that was horrible, i still have rls but i can deal with that. the pain in my ankle has sky rocketed but i can tolarate that aswell, sometimes i wonder if the doctors do this to us on purpose, they have to know what this drug can do to people, i think i would rather deal with the agonizing pain of hardware in my bones then the horrible withdrawal symptoms. i ate this morning.....second time in 5 days, got some energy from the food and decided to go for a drive with my daughter, that was nice. the sun felt good, i am terribly parched though,completly dehydrated, is this normal? i would imagine so,figuring i sweated bad for 4 days, the whole c/t thing i dont reccomend to anyone,if you can taper it helps so much, after today i will have 110 pills to throw away :) i'm sure a lot of us say this but NEVER THE **** AGAIN WILL I DO THIS. thnx for all the support, it is nice to know i'm not the only person fallen to this drug, i will post progress and stsart posting on other peoples forums to try and help them,i think not only do people need thesupport but it will keep me in check aswell....thnx again
SNOWTARD

[Addicted2Pain]

Yes, the methadone does work! Take as little as you can...I'd advise one 10 mg a day, for three days. That will get you through the worst of the w/d's, and you will be able to take care of your baby.

I have done this many times, so I'm speaking from experience.

I get no high, so there's no threat of addiction.

I take so little there's no threat for w/d's.

They do work, I swear to you. I wish I had known about them the first 10 times I went thru w/d's.

[Over it]

i couldnt deal anymore, i took 1 pill lastnight and 1 today, i figure thats not that bad comin off 10-15 a day....sometimes more, i feel a lot better after taken just 1, i can actually eat, and i slept lastnight. i gotta go back and lay down now, i'll post again in a while hopfully after a nap.

THNX AND PEACE

SNOWTARD

[graceamongyou]

How're you feeling today?  The best thing about withdrawal is that every single minute you get through is a minute you never have to get through again.  And every minute of suffering, you are one minute, hour, day, closer to the end of w/d and feeling normal again.  With the flu, you can go up and down, but with w/d, you can be pretty sure that if you feel terrible on, say, Tuesday, by Wednesday at the same time, you will feel a little less terrible, and so forth.

As for the emotional component; I've seen grown men, outdoorsy types who are all about the macho pursuits, cry like infants and relive all the little hurts and sadnesses in the lives over several days during w/d.  Sometimes it happens and sometimes it doesn't, but the best thing you can do is just ride the wave of emotions knowing that you are safe and nothing bad at all can happen from crying too much.

[Savas]

If you can manage to get down to the E.R. or something like that if you're having a really hard time, do try to get the clonidine. It's helpful, and only a monster of a doctor wouldn't give it to you. But you should start feeling better after 3-4 days from your last pill.

Check out Fladdict's post on amino acids, it's helpful stuff and can help you to straighten out faster.

Oh, and what your doing is great, but most addicts don't find that suffering helps them with abstinence. So if you DON'T make it, try to use a more aggressive medication regime next time. Just not methadone!!! :)

[PrettyIs]

YES>>>Its going to get better soon!!!! You are NOT a LOSER!!!! Your doing great.... Don't worry right now about next month...Get through right now....**** happens...Life happens..your paying a price right now, feel better soon :)   I know how bad you feel. It is going to get better,promise....

[Over it]

this is horrible, no sleep again lastnight,can barly type now, i had to take 10 mg lastnight to stop RLS,just so i could relax for a while and prepare for today. looking,feeding and talking to my daughter takes my mind off it for a while, but as soon as she goes down for nap or sleep it fires right back up, i really have to get through this for her, **** me this is about her. my wife made a very good point last night, i have a surgery comin up in the middle of next month where i get some more hardware put in my ankle, and if i kick this **** now.......will i become addicted again when i'm taking meds after my surgery? and how do i come clean with my dr. and still manage my pain?(for those of you that have never had a screw driven into a bone....it hurts like nothing else for 3 weeks after) GRAAAHHH i just want it to be over with. i was watching t.v lastnight and saw a commercial for redbull, the one where the super hero is in his apartment and the women screams from the street for help,the super hero opened his fridge to find he had used all his redbulls,so he closed the window and went back to his coutch ignoring the womens cry's for help........thats what i feel like when my daughter cries.........i'm such a loser for doing this to her,my wife and myself. anyway at this point it can only get better right? i mean this is day 3, tomorrow will be bad then it should start getting better right? i gave those methadones back to my buddy, i cant trade one addiction for another, this all has to stop

PEACE
SNOWTARD

[lhb]

Whatever you do, don't use methadone as a detox aid; it's much harder to get off of than what you're currently on.  I don't understand why anyone would choose CT unless they run out of meds.  Tapering is hard enough.  I'm three and a half weeks into a taper down on hydro.  The first two weeks were very hard, especially the fatigue and the stomach churning anxiety.  I'm at 20 mgs. now and feel pretty good.  I would never have made it CT, my daily dosage was too high.  Wait until your 24-36 hours into it; nobody "deserves" that kind of pain.  Be nice to yourself, it's "punishment" enough to have to learn to live without the drugs.  Peace.

[wait2long]

i used methadone for withdrawals off a 25-30 percocet a day habit, but then i was addicted to methadone (stayed on it too long) and i wished i never touched the stuff, it is the strongest, longest acting drug i have ever taken, you could break them in half and take just a half when things get bad, but then try to skip a day i wouldnt take anymore than 5 mgs at once,  and i wouldnt take them any more than 3 times in a week and no longer than a week, then throw the rest away...if you thing the withdrawals are bad from vikes, they are 10 times worse and 3 times as long from methadone...i have heard of people still having withdrawals even 56 days after their last dose of methadone, its definately helpful with withdrawals but tough to kick if you get addicted....if you do use it....PLEASE, PLEASE, be extremely careful....

[Over it]

i dont have access to clonidine........maybe you could just fax me some? :)  seriously though this is day 2 and its not as bad(so far) as it has been in the past, i think i might be able to do this. i'm really emotional which is a first, is this normal? i am not used to bing so emotional....kinda strange, its prolly the first time i've cried since i found out i couldnt ride any more(like 4 years) kinda felt good...a lil. anyway my wife seems to think its all in my head, and the more i try to explain to her, the more it seems to her its in my head. like i said before i love her with all my heart she gave me the most wonderful gift anyone could ever give when she gave birth to my daughter, but god damn she's ignorant at times :) the mental part is starting to set in, the"i cant beleive i did this' AND " how the hell could i do this to myself and family" any suggestions to keep my mental at bay? besides weed? (that stuff bugs me out) i dont drink so that wont work, and i cant just sleep because i have to take care of my daughter. meetings are out of the question due to my somewhat popularity from my previous job, i cant be seen there. this forum really helps out a lot more then i thought it would, i was just looking for answers to questions at first but its a great place to vent to people that have been there or are there. i have one friend that has been through this and he's trying to help, but i dont want to take the methadone he gave me cause i dont want to trade one addiction for another, which is what happened to him,although his life is ten times better now then when he was snorting 5-80's of oxy a day.......its just not for me, although i will hold on to em just incase. what i did last time was this,
1. stopped c/t
2. colin and bowel cleanser twice daily
3. 2 multivitamins a day
4. ate and drank gatorade as much as possible
and on the 4th night around 3am after i hadnt slept for 3nights i took 1 norco,woke up the next day and felt good, the w/d were gone but i was the most fatiqued i had ever been in my life, was a chore just to take the garbage out and required a 5 minute rest half way to the street.anyway ima do that again and see if it works.
thnx again for your posts Jackie they really help

SNOWTARD

[VOsRose]

A friend of mine's husband died in April from a methadone overdose.  He was taking it to try to get off of opiates.  Don't do it.  He had taken it before, but this time it killed him and he didn't take that much, either.  He died in his sleep.

You can do c/t.  I'm going c/t today, also.  Hang in there.  I'm about to go get in bed and watch some tube and chill.  It's not that bad.  Good luck!

Peace

[JRG]

Please don't use the methadone unless it is supervised by a doctor. You would be much safer using subutex than methadone. I hear what you are saying about the taper but you just have to convince yourself that when you go down a dose then going back up is not a option. I have tried tapering before and it didn't work but this time I know it has to. I have not went up any since I started tapering. It is more a mental game than a physical. Try the cold turkey and see how it goes. If it doesn't work then do the taper. Do you have any access to clonidine? It is a blood pressure med that helps a lot with w/d symptoms but it will make you tired and dizzy if you stand up too fast. Just weigh all your choices because everyone is different. I couldn't do cold turkey. I have been there and done that and it didn't work. I almost had a nervous breakdown but some people come through cold turkey with such success. I wish you the best in whatever you decide.
Take care and God Bless
Jackie

[Over it]

on a lil more positive note, and as twisted as this might sound, the withdrawals reminds me i am alive, when your on 15-10's a day ya kinda forget that. it might not seem like much but that tells me there is light at the end of this cold, dark tunnel.

[JRG]

I just wanted to let you know that tapers can work. I started weaning down a few weeks ago. I started out taking 10 10/325's a day and would cut 5mg every three to four days. I am now down to 60mg and while it is not painless I am fully functional. I have taken nothing but a multi-vitamin daily to help me through this. Cold turkey will be h---- but it can be done but if you can taper it would be a much softer landing.
Jackie

[Over it]

thnx jackie, but i think i'm just gonna try cold turkey, like i said before i need to make it as bad as possible to make me not want to go through it again. i think thats the only way i can learn. i feel if its easier i have a higher chance of relapse, to where if its hell i wont want to go through it again. the trick is gonna be not givin up, as easy as pills are to get it makes it harder to stop abusing them,  i just need to function enough to take care of my daughter....thats all, its not about me its about her, if it gets to the point that i cant function then i will taper......but it is hard to taper when i have 110 norcs in my stash, i fear if i start again on a taper regimen that i will lose controll and be right back where i was....am. AHHHHH LIFE!!!!! gotta love it :)
p.s does anyone know about methadone? will it kill the withdrawal symptoms? and is there a risk of addiction there? i have a bunch of em a friend gave me, he said they will work as a receptor blocker for withdrawals?
SNOWTARD

[Over it]

well i though about it lastnight(a very long night) and i figured something out, i'm gonna just go cold turkey, i deserve what i get and i think if i go through it bad as possible it might help me from relapsing, so today is the day, i've read some people have heart attacks from detoxing, but i dont think i was  on enough to have that happen. a friend of mine gave me a handful of methadone tabs and told me it would stop the withdrawals completly.......true or false? i have not taken one any of em yet as the withdrawals are still tolerable and i am still able to function for the most part. its cool to know i'm not the only one who see's this as an issue, my wife tells me its not as bad as i think it is.......lolololol,(knowing she'll never know and pretty much will never understand) and as much as i love my wife, she is ignorant to this whole addiction thing(the word addiction makes it sound so damn ugly) although i could never admit i am an addict...i will admit i have a "problem".  i have forgot whats its like to be sober, when i was working all my friends were stoners and drunks and i use to look at them and feel pity cause they needed that crutch in life to get them through to the next day, or get them through that day anyway, like i said before i never really did drugs, got stoned a few times but thats it, never drank,never did anything and now all of a sudden those same friends i use to look at and feel pity for, now feel it for me and look at me like i'm the druggie, thats rough to say the very very least, my wife has the day off today i think i ill go sit in the nice cali sun for a while, that might help me for today.
thnx for the posts it really helps and YES i will keep posting

SNOWTARD

[VOsRose]

Diaudid is scary good stuff.  They gave it to me when I had kidney surgery several years ago.  I had developed allergies to morphine and demerol, so I guess that's what they turn to.  The rush was incredible (the second time - the first time it scared me to death).  That is what started my descent into this last addiction hell I've been in.  I will never let them give it to me again - even if they're cutting my leg off!  They gave it to me (i.v.) in the hospital for a week and them sent me home with a prescription for pills.  You would really, really think doctors would know better.  I take total responsibility, though.  I was not in nearly as much pain as I told them I was and didn't need ANYTHING to go home with.  Such are the lies and manipulations of addicts, huh?

You can do this.  Take the advice of others on here who have.  I could tell you my story and it would blow your mind, so I won't.  Just know this...I was on an INCREDIBLE amount of Lortab 10/500 for over 3 years (the last time) and HAD to go into an in-patient detox for medical supervision.  I was too sick to keep any of the medications they give people to ease withdrawals down.  I threw up, violently, for 3 days.  The only medication I had was phenergan (by injection).  My doctor there, who is the head of the department, told my fiance I was the second worst withdrawal he had ever had.  THAT was sobering.  However, I went in on a Monday, starting getting really sick Tuesday, and by Friday was back to being fiesty, got in an argument with a nurse and checked myself out!  My fiance, bless his heart, convinced me that was a bad idea, and I ended up staying in until Sunday.  I came home, was so weak I could hardly move for several days, but pushed myself to do things.  On Sunday I could barely lift my arms to wash my hair - the effort required an hours rest after.  By Friday of that week we rode our motorcycles across Houston to go out to eat.  The point is - it IS possible at any cost!

I relapsed about a month ago (well, almost 6 weeks now) and, for some unknown reason, have kept the level at "prescribed" doses.  I had a couple of days I realized I had taken 12 and immediately backed it down.  How I had the fortitude to do that, I'll never know.  You see...they were put on earth for ME!  Anyway, talk about bad timing.  I'm getting married in 3 weeks, September 1.  I am determined to be free of this addiction.  I have been active on this board, read every post I could - I've been devouring them.  I was hesitant to post at first, but have found it very therapeutic to help others with what we have learned.  I am going c/t today (after a very bried tapering) with the help, love and support of my fiance.  The beautiful thing is, I'm so excited about it.  Not the withdrawal...those suck.  I'm so excited to be getting my life back.  It felt so good to be sober.  I have EVERYTHING to look forward to and live for.  I want to live life, experience everything it has to offer, with my head clear and my eyes wide open.  Stay with the people here...they will help you more than you can ever imagine!  What a beautiful group of people!

Good luck, buddy.  I'll be here posting as I go through this (hopefully not horrible) detox.  Find your inner strength and determination.  It's there, I promise!

Peace

[beachtowel]

As my drug addiction grew in strength over the years there were certain drugs that made me feel like superman.....
Smoking pot was the first big one for me and it was the drug that allowed me to smile to really smile for the first time as a young adult..........
Then Heroin a few years later was a drug that I fell in love with.........many years later in the late 90's I found my true drug Dilaudid or Fentanyl injections.................
Just thinking about it today I can taste in my mouth and feel the warmth and rush of shooting Dilaudid or Fentanyl directly into my blood stream and how great it made me feel..........

I could walk into a room of beautiful models and know that I could pick one and leave with her or do anything else for that matter.........I was superman on these drugs...
I also felt and thought that these drugs were put on this earth just for me personally..........

[lady_m]

I am a firm believer in tapering, ,but it is one of the hardest things to do.  Addicts don't have control, that's why we're addicts.  The only way I could do it was to have my husband hold them and give me the amount I needed to take.  Sure I felt like a child who had to be supervised but I didn't care - it was the only way I could do it.  If I would have had the willpower to take only what I should I wouldn't be here right now.

I had withdrawals so bad I have begged to be taken to the hospital.  A horrible, horrible thing to experience.  But when I tapered and then quit I didn't miss so much as a single day from work.  It was the way to go for me.  And like you I am a parent - I have a 2 year old and a 3 year old.  The world doesn't stop for you when you are going through withdrawals, especially with taking care of your kid/s.

If you need an idea of how I did it, let me know.  Like Beach said. I think not responding to future posts would be a mistake.  The more involved you are the more successful you will be.

[beachtowel]

Welcome to the forum and not answering posts or writing future posts I think would be a big mistake on your part......
Your post was compelling and honest the two things that I enjoy reading.........

Yes I agree the content can be hard as addicts living in insanity we all do some vile and insane things but that is what addicts do.........

Never quit fighting towards recovery.......it took me 37 years to get to recovery and that is a lot of wasted years but what makes me feel good is I can take a total negative and make a positive from it and finally understand and no what I want to do with my life and  fortunately still have some working brain cells to achieve my goals.........

Good luck to you.......

[marcatj]

i just went c/t using clonidine, and had almost no withdrawals.  it's a wonder drug....

look at some of the past posts today and yesterday about it.  you can quit - just like that - and not go through the mess of w/d's without it.

you gotta stop though dude.  and you really should get into NA or counceling to make sure you stop for good...

good luck,
mj

[fishmeal]

Hi this is pre-written for new people… hope this helps:

It’s good to come clean with your doc concerning your desire to get off.  Ask him to prescribe clonidine, (not klonopin), and ativan.  These will help with sleep, RLS and anxiety.  These are best to try before formal detox and drugs like Suboxone.  I had to do formal detox because I tried everything else, including alcohol to get off and nothing worked for me.  Keep in mind that when you try… make it a good one!  Have some time off of work if you can… maybe a four day weekend or more.  Make the last day of work without any drugs, because the first day is usually the easiest.  Try your best to get clean and stay clean because the other methods require more potent drugs and you have to come off of those.  I am still on Suboxone and am a little worried about that… It does work well but the jury is out on, “At what Cost.”  I also learned while in detox, that the mind can psychosomatically create pain to “get’ the drug.  Another was that healing while using opiates greatly diminishes.  I would have sores on my hands that would take way too long to heal.
Best
Fish
I have to say this from the bottom of my heart,  Please do not keep playing around with these drugs they are very powerful ….. kinda like heroin in a pill and just as hard to get off once you attain the, "addicted" status.