Addiction: Substance Abuse Community
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Avatar universal

Killin' Time (is killin' me...)

I'm floating in the hinterland of withdrawal, where my body is beginning to heal but my brain is still all kinds of messed up. That bizarre place where unloading the dishwasher seems so easy and so hard all at once.

So I ask you, you brilliant phoenixes which have risen from the ash of addiction. What did you DO with yourselves during this period? What worked best for you? I'm not feeling distressed or pitiful so much as just kinda...lost.

And I really want housecleaning fairies. Like, really-really.
18 Responses
1926359 tn?1331588139
I wrote a lot.  Took walks outside in the fresh air.  At about 14 days I got my butt into aftercare because that was when I first felt able to venture out into the world.  Then I engaged in life again.  I got into a vigorous routine of exercise, aftercare, and then a liver detox.  I focused entirely on my health and well being for the first 6 months.  Of course at the time I had no job, relationship, or dependents so was able to make it entirely about ME and my recovery.
I believe the secret to success is making recovery your #1 priority at all times.  It is what will lead you back to who you truly are and make you the person that you always wanted to be.
I did SMART recovery, CBT, and EMDR for PTSD.  I practiced yoga and hiked in the woods daily.  Then I opened my own business and threw myself back into work and engaging in the life I had always wanted but was too afraid to have.
So I would say yes, get into aftercare.  ASAP.
You know what they say about idle minds right?
Wishing you well...
8976007 tn?1413330650
to be honest, i read on here for hours at a time.  
just reading that other people were going through the same or worse than me helped.  plus it killed time.  

don't watch the clock.  i could swear that the arm of my clock actually moved backwards.  

started to feel better once i forced myself to get up and move
271792 tn?1334979657
What is this..a week or so into detox? Give yourself a break. Healing takes time. Try and stay busy and get your mind on anything but the detox. And, as I am certain it was mentioned to you, are you doing any sort of aftercare?
Avatar universal
I'm on Day 10. Thought it was Day 11, but apparently I can't count.

No breaks, only punish!!!!!

I kid, I kid.

I begin outpatient PHP tomorrow and will do that 9am-3pm, Mon thru Fri for about two weeks. That should shove me through the worst of the weird. From there, I'll either go to IOP or find a support group, along with maintaining appts with the doc. The fam and friends are on board, and some of them are addicts so they know where I'm coming from.
271792 tn?1334979657
No time like the present to get to work on yourself, right? So here is the link to find a meeting near you:

Avatar universal
Hi im with IBKleen you need to treat the disease this is 1/3 phyical and 2/3 mental for me and a lot of our members we have found refuge in N/A it will help you  deal with the mental part  and you will be around other addicts ...N/a has changed my life and will yours if you give it a chance the only way to do this wrong is to try and do it alone this is a we thing not a I thing keep posting for support we all want to see you make it...................................Gnarly.............................
Avatar universal
I'm sorry, I should have explained better. Outpatient PHP is basically six hours a day of both group and one-on-one therapy, the group being held with others who struggle with substance abuse. IOP is three hours a day. So for the next month or so, I will be learning about the disease, triggers, coping techniques, etc alongside other addicts. I've also got my NA listy-list already worked up, since I've heard many say that it's good to try a few different meetings to see which group feels right for you. But I won't explore that until I've finished PHP. 7+ hours a day of therapy and support feels a bit much right now.

I'm feeling a little frustrated, and I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because I was hoping this thread would become a brainstorm of sorts, a post for people to turn to for things that might inspire during those quiet moments when we do want to get out of our heads but could use a little help.
7163794 tn?1457366813
Aftercare, aftercare, aftercare!!! I cant say enough about what i chose which was N/A. My brain felt like pudding once i somewhat completed detox...i actually remember telling my husband i thought i had damaged my brain. As soon as possible i did the 90/90 mtgs...i cant stress to u enough how much relief it brought to my head!!!! Listen, listen, learn! My very first mtg, i stunk, i was sweating profusely, there were probably 40 people there and i had a "stay the hell away from me" look on my face. I remember when 1 particular woman spoke, she was looking right at me and talking about expectations. I felt like she was talking directly to me! It was what i needed to hear b/c ive gone back ever since!
Wouldnt hurt to maybe try the 90/90??? Just a thought?
Avatar universal
I'm not really sure how many more ways I can say that I have aftercare in place and will be exploring NA once therapy/support kicks down from six hours a day to three.

I think it's best I step away from this thread. Thank you all for taking the time to respond.
1926359 tn?1331588139
Don't sweat it girl-
Lot's of people just read your initial post and not all the answers so they would miss the fact that you are in aftercare.  Yes, I would say that 6 plus hours of therapy and group work a day is sufficient aftercare(:
This is why I included all the things I did to make me feel like a PERSON again instead of a walking zombie.
I am an artist that had stopped doing her art for years when I got sick and then addicted.  Art has always been my haven, my sanctuary- and so that was where I turned in order to heal.
Yes the support group and therapy helped a lot.  But it was the art that returned me to my humanity.  It gave me an outlet to work through what I had been through and gave my pain a voice.
Also, I'm not a God girl (sorry if this offends)
But I am deeply spiritual and feel the most connected to spirit when I am in the woods.
I spent a lot of time in the woods.
From reading your posts I can tell you have talent as a writer so I would suggest you journal this experience.
Pour it all out on paper and then either burn it, or keep it to reflect back on how far you've come.
Sometimes we feel like we're walking up a hill with a stone on our backs and not getting anywhere.  Journaling gives us perspective on how far we've come.
You are doing amazing.  I can feel your will and commitment across the interweb and it makes my heart happy.
If you take care of yourself, the rest takes care of itself.
3197167 tn?1348968606
First and MOST IMPORTANT.....congrats on 10 DAYS!!!!!!!  GO YOU!!!

What did I do for inspiration or during my quiet moments?  Well.....I didn't find MedHelp until I was 55 days in.....so let me think.....one of the first things I did was get all of my clocks outta my face...hahaha!  I mean I turned them over, covered up the digital faces, took batteries out...whatever it took...cause I used to "dose" (or should I say over---dose as in taking too many) myself by the clock and it was CREEPING so slow.  I just had to remove them from my site.

Then I listened to all kinds of tapes/cd's....Not just music...I mean recovery and spiritual ones, too...food for my thirsty soul.  I hadn't heard music thru the heart and eyes of a clean person for over 4 yrs!  I cried about everything....as I listened. They washed me....they began the healing process inside of me.  Then I started "binging" the heck outta my laptop and found as many funny, memorable, comedic or whatever youtube videos I could find.  I laughed until I had tears running down my face.
I hadn't laughed or cried for SO LONG!!!   It felt REALLY GOOD TO FEEL AGAIN!!!

I kept a journal right by me in my "withdrawal room".  I wrote how I felt ALL day long in it.....the realizations I was having; the physical things I was feeling; I compared the current day to the previous day so I could actually see my improvements; I wrote down any and everything that went thru my mind at times....I wrote it ALL down.  I love having this journal now.....I have gone back to it MANY times and refreshed my memory.  I usually cry when I go back and read it (grateful tears)....I truly have no clue how I made it thru those first 55 days....I was SO SICK....had serotonin syndrome....went on suboxone knowing NOTHING about it....had a wack psych dr that put me on WAY too much and I jumped off at 16 mg (way too high) also knowing NOTHING....I was SO sick....hearing music that wasn't even on...couldn't read....couldn't think.....so I didn't read....just used my ears and my eyes.

I also researched and learned all I could about opiate addiction...that's actually how I landed on MedHelp.

At some point, I felt like I could concentrate and watch movies.....I found a nugget of recovery wisdom in just about everything I watched....it's just what I was looking for I guess....cause my hubby sure didn't see/hear what I did...LOL

I've just read your all your past posts, "MadeToBreak"....and I think you have a delightful personality.....and I love your choice of words!!  You have a GREAT recovery plan set up....and once you start group and one-on-one and IOP....all you mentioned above....you will SOAR like a FREEBIRD!!!
There truly is a VERY bright light at the end of this tunnel....you said this about yourself earlier:
"I used to be this insanely confident creature, taking on any and everything with the delicious anticipation of life and all it had to offer."

You will be that again....and EVEN MORE.....Keep the faith....rock on girl~
1926359 tn?1331588139
Connie I love you.
3120424 tn?1347170032
I reorganized and updated my iTunes library and began to enjoy music again. I also did some light jogging.  One benefit was that I dropped cigarettes within a few months as well...they didn't taste good anymore (added bonus). It was scary but I loved how my new life was unfolding...it was like watching a 2-3+ month sunrise. Heck, it's still rising ;-)
Avatar universal
Hey there, congratulations on day 10, thats great : )
Oh, i must say, house cleaning fairies sounds like a wonderful idea, i try and find them often, but they never seem to be in my house : )
So anyway, please dont "sweat it" as Lu said.
I think your doing a fabulous job and you need to hold onto that !!
We are all still healing ourselves no matter how much clean time we have.
Sometimes we read posts and respond the way we think recovery will work for others, or sometimes  we dont fully grasp the question, or we miss things already said.
So dont stress ok, we wouldnt comment if we weren't trying to help.
So, i must admit i dont like N/A at all, it doesnt interest me, ive been many times and its just not for me. I come on here and get my support and that is what works for me.
I dont put myself in situations that will be negative to my recovery.
I will clear up though that i believe meetings do work for hundreds of thousands of people, its the reason so many are clean today and i will never knock it !!!
I just dont personally go to them.
You are doing as much as you can to see yhat uou dont fall and you need to give yourself credit.
When i started detox, i just sat around the housr on my phone talking to people on this forum, i cant tell you how much it helped and how much wiser i became : )
I tried going for walks around the shops to get some exercise and it did make me feel so much better.
Feeling lost is quite normal at day 10, we all go through it, confusion and questioning our very self became a daily struggle with me.
I wasnt sure about anything or even if i was going to ever feel sane again.
I got to 6 months clean and found myaelf again.
The biggest thing that got me through, was forcing myself to not think too far ahead and not thinking too much in general about anything.
Keeping my thoughts at bay, was crucial for me to get through the day.
I would say to myself, " today i feel sick, but thats ok because maybe tomorrow will be a good day."
Most days were bad, but i kept having faith thr next day
Avatar universal
would be better and my mind was set like that.
Its hard to explain, but training myself to think that way, is what kept me from loosing it.
I always tell people to take red krill oil or super krill oil in a supplement along with vitamin D with Calcium and a Mega B supplement.
Its all beneficial to healing the brain much faster in recovery, taking away depressive or confusing thoughts and giving you some energy.
Stay strong and please let us know your progress.
Take care : )
3074366 tn?1340776687
Hi everybody this is my first post to this specific throat I just wanted to say that I can absolutely empathize and sympathize for everyone's going through I myself have recently lost the ability to function due to having to go cold turkey off of methadone it's D1 and on a scale of 1 to 10 surprisingly and then a nine at the moment but I could use something to look forward to a friend or friends.... Plz I'm not at my social best but I'm a good guy.  I need support...
Avatar universal
I came on here for support. Everyone here is so great and supportive. I also try to stay busy it helps. I got a new job and noticed it helps keep my mind off of it a little bit but its still there. Itll always be there but hoping it gets better. Also be with family and friends it helps a lot. I know its hard but you can get through it. Good luck hun.
Avatar universal
And jinx is right. When u go thru withdrawls time seems to go by so slow. Cigarettes dont even taste good. But ive noticed it does get better after time. Being clear headed feels good and getting clean is a scary thing i know but its better than being miserable wondering where your going to get your next pill or high. Do it for you.
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