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Avatar universal

Lets keep the open floor

I think the open question idea is a good one, but if someone else thinks different then I will stop, but anyway I did something last night that I think can definitely help anyone keep their mind off of drugs.  My girlfriend bought me rollerblades last night and we went out rollerblading around 9:30pm last night.  It was incredible, it was one of those things that I forgot was so much fun.  We had the summer night, cool air, and we were flying up and down the streets...... And the thing that was even better was that I was sharing it with the girl I love. SHE bought something that FINALLY made me realize I WANT TO BE SOBER!!! It was the most incredible feeling, I WAS FREE!!!! Well, that is my two cents.  I haven't been doing so well with the tapering, I found the "stash" oh boy, I have found out that the only way i can do this is to go through the hell, but don't get me wrong, I didn't eat like 15 vic's in a day, I just haven't been sticking to the taper as wel as I should be.  

Well, I hope all is well, and please post often today.  

GROOVY WHERE ARE YOU!!!! I HAVEN'T HEARD FROM YOU, OH, I BOUGHT MY ROLLERBLADES AT THE LIBERTY TREE MALL!!
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Avatar universal
dlm
Hi there, your suggestions certainly are helpful.  Thankfully, reading is something I LOVE to do, and it definitely helps pass the time.  The hardest part of detox was the fact that my kids just COULD NOT understand why I could hardly crawl out of bed.  I felt Soooooooooo guilty!  Well, now the physical cravings are easier to deal with, but the depression is the worst.  It's hard to even think about actually DOING anything except NOTHING!!  But I've been forcing myself to take walks (something I rarely ever did) and my husband has been takin me out to eat and stuff to get my mind off things.  Anyway, what is this recipe everyone keeps talking about, do you know??  Hope all is well.
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Avatar universal
I'm a reader too, could do it all day if they let me. The depression is bad, I know, but it will pass. I don't have the exact doses of the recipe but it is on one of the recent threads here. I take a a strong multi-vitamin and L-Tyrosone (1,000 mgs/day). Apparently if you add 5htp and some other things, it's even better.
This did wonders for lifting my depression. Apparently it helps your neurotransmitters repair faster. But also remember it will just take some time. After the depression lifts, you might feel lethargic or apathetic. And you still might have a lack of energy for a few weeks. But the more you do, the easier it will get. If you can exercise, do it. And give yourself time to heal. Pamper yourself.
I felt incredibly guilty that I was in bed so much, too. I couldn't walk from one room to the next without sitting down. Could barely move. But think of the gift you're giving them - you will be a much better mother when you're through all this, if you're anything like me. And that feels really good.
tracy
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Avatar universal
Hey Jesse,  I am doing well.  I am tired.  I've been on the graveyard shift at a risky located convience store.  All that may change tomorrow with my interview at the shipyard, FINALLY.
I hope I get into the apprenticeship program.  It is back braking at these stores.  I work at about 3 of them.  I work hard, and they tell me I'm "intelligent".  They love to have me around, except they pay less than a door to door vacuum salesman on commission.

I'm still on methadone.  I did drop 10mg last week.  With that and my xanax, I do okay.  I hope I do not start craving again.  I do not want to go back up on the methadone.  It is difficult dealing with cravings.  Money is a trigger for me.  I think about how easy I could be a dilaudid addict right now.  I miss the rush.  I am not romancing my old drug of choice.  I know I can never shoot another pill.  It would kill me.  I would not stop.  Our disease is progressive, dormant or active.  I have to remind myself of all the good things life has to offer if I stay clean and honest with myself.

Thanks for asking, Jesse.  We'll make it - one day at a time. Ava
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Avatar universal
GOD
Hey there!

Yes, I'm Doing O.K. -- THanks for asking!

It's been quite a weekend - Helping my Aunt move to a lakehouse here (Near where I live). Man, she has about enough furniture to furnish 3-4 houses... I jokingly told her that she'd need to buy the vacant lot next to hers to build a "Guest house" for storage... She smiled and said, "That's a good idea!"-- Oh ****, what've I gotten into here?!

O.K. better change the subject to relevant drug topic matter here:

It's been a couple of weeks without any drugs (Besides Ibuprofen) in my system. Yes, I still have Neuropathic pain that is a major *****, but I'm living with it like someone 250 years ago would have to handle it... With pretty much nothing in the way of drugs! (well, actually, they would have probably drank alcohol to get rid of SOME symtoms-- BUT that's what got me here, and did the nerve damage, so that's pretty much out of the question). Anyway, I had a great way tjo get my Ultram online for RELATIVELY cheap prices [$400.00 for 500 pills] but that just got out of hand... I mean, I just ended up taking 30-50 per day! I've gotta' say that I miss it, though. I was "Happy" and quite buzzed 24-7. I'm just learning how to live life with the little aches and pains that all the "Normal" people out there have been doing forever....

Oh well, that's MY rant!
How you feeling, Ava?

Bye,
Jess
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Avatar universal
You are sweet and I appreciate your comments so much. I'm glad you're getting relief. One thing that made me feel so guilty was that I spent sooo much time in bed. My oldest daughter even commented once that I'd be in bed sick all weekend because I always was. Not mean, just a fact. So to be up and normal means a lot to me. I say this so you'll know that once this is all past your kids WILL notice the change and be pleased by it. Mine says now she forgets I have a disease (to her the endo caused all this) because I'm not in bed anymore.
But also know that it takes weeks, maybe months to be past all the physical stuff. Not the detox, certainly, but you could face (I did) lethargy, depression, hopelessness, apathy. I thought everyone would be better off without me and my problems. I had zero hope for the future. It's hard to remember now how bad it was, even though it was only two months ago.
Taking the recipe really helped with all that. The l-tyrosone greatly improved my mood; the vitamins helped my energy. Gradually the fog and cloud lifted. Some days were great, even early on. I laughed again. Others I would cry nonstop. But it all passes and you even out. Just mentioned this so if it does happen to you, you can say that this, too, shall pass. Hope you're having a great night and the stomach isn't too bad. Soup helps a lot; chicken broth saved my life and gave me some energy back by replacing fluids. Stay tough and let me know how you are please.
tracy
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Avatar universal
Tex, I really look forward to talking to you , you really know what and how to say it....
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Avatar universal
DLM, glad to see you're feeling somewhat better. Those meds really help. If you can get through the detox you can really start recovery, and it sounds like you're there. Congratulations!

The suggestions about reading a book or watching a movie is a big help, along with the baths. I was withdrawing badly one time and the hours were much easier when I could distract myself, for awhile, by reading. It beats watching the clock. God, that sucks.

Roro, I didn't use when I was pregnant. My youngest is almost six and until three years ago, I only used when I got my hands on some, never every day. Once I started every day things got really bad. I did take some vics when pregnant for migraines, but that was prescribed and I was careful with it. My doctor said it was safer than Advil. I do feel tremendous guilt that for the first years of my baby's life, I was high most of the time and it shows. I hate that, so much. One of my biggest regrets, and I have many. But my comment was more that I'd do anything to get hubby in a good mood so he wouldn't hassle me about getting my pills. Sick, huh? Now we're working on a healthy relationship. Can't say it's perfect as it's far from that, but at least it's honest now and I'm not doing anything I'm ashamed of.
I hope you're feeling better and congratulations on making it this far. You've been really strong. I know it's hard; could be the hardest thing you ever do. But afterward you'll already have been through one of the toughest battles ever, and the mental stuff, though hard, is easier knowing you made it through that. I hope you're feeling better today. Sorry it took my so long; I was out all day yesterday and had the computer off until now as it's been storming bad. Keep your chin up and don't feel bad to seek help from a doctor. But always remember how you feel at this moment; keep it hidden inside somewhere to bring out when you get too tempted. It works for me when the cravings hit; I never want that hell again. No pill or momentary pleasure is worth it. Hang in there.
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Avatar universal
Jonathan, if you have been off methadone for 3 weeks and using heroin instead, you can probably start the buprenex.  I agree with Mr. Michael on that.  I am methadone, the half life is 36 hours.  So if you have been off for 3 weeks, the methadone is gone.  Good Luck
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Avatar universal
My body reacted the same way with dilaudid and various narcotics.
If I only shot 2mg of dilaudid, I had energy to clean my house and then shoot another 2mg, it just gave me energy.  If I shot 4 to 6mg, I was good for nothing except nodding.  I did not like that.  I liked using enough to give me the boost.  I still got the initial buzz when shooting, where you feel it from your feet to your head.  It cost me more money than I dare count.  It also cost me spiritually, my family, my career, and my daughter's respect.  Jessesarpy, most people who take Lortabs will tell you the same, they got energy from them, unless they took too much.
Good to talk to you.  Are you doing alright?

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Avatar universal
I have a quick question for you ..  I noticed in one of your posts you said you used to have sex with your husband so you can go out and buy more pills...  Been there done that...  My question is when you got pregnant did you still use and did it affect the pregnancy or baby after it was born???  That was my main reason for not having any more kis and I am 35 now and want more.....
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Avatar universal
7:30 am and wantto crawl out of my skin...my kids will wake soon and think oh another day mommy is in bed.....if the stomache thing would just go away now i know i can handle the rest
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Avatar universal
Thanks for posting everyone it is 3am and i am still awake.  I havent taken anything and am not planning too.  I am gonna do this no matter what....
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Avatar universal
dlm
I completely understand!!  The cramps are the absolute worst!  I finally went to Kaiser on Tuesday, this being my fourth day of detox (what fun) and they gave me clonodine and valium for the withdrawal symptoms, immodium (prescription strength) for the diarreah, and bentyl for the stomach cramps.  I'm doin all right I suppose, just take it one day at a time.  You CAN do this, even though it doesn't feel like it right now.  First, get through the hell week of withdrawals, (if you don't plan on doing it medically) then deal with the mental part of it.  When you take vicodin for periods of time (like me) your bodies naturally ability to induce pleasure shuts down because the vicodin is doing it for you.  It takes a little while for it to come back, BUT IT WILL!!  That's what I keep telling myself.  My suggestion is to tell your doc that you want off, and need some medicinal help to do it.  It will take away the "creepy crawly" feeling, and you won't feel the withdrawals.  Just mentally, but you can do it!!  Good luck, and if you want to talk, email me at ***@****
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Avatar universal
Congratulations! You sound good, glad to know you're feeling it too. Guess we did this at the same time, huh? Seem to remember that but my memory is kind of foggy from that period, haha.

Roro, stick it out, you're in the worst and will soon see the light. Don't slip once you've gotten this far, and keep posting. If you need to chat email me at ***@****
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Avatar universal
just wanted to let you know i was shooting up  a few prayers for ya, i to have been clean like tex3 for 3 months.
take it a hour at a time , watch a a few good movies or get a good book,  take some hot baths. the days will go by  quickly

peace!!!!!!!!!!!
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Avatar universal
hanging in there.  I hope it dont get worse...  this is bad....  thanks for posting
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Avatar universal
Sorry I went back and read and saw you can't taper. I couldn't either. If this is your first time to detox, it's not as bad as it would be if you'd done it many times. My first time, I was home free in three days, four max. So if you've made it through today, you have tomorrow (which might be worst day) and then Sunday, and by Monday you will feel human. If it's really bad, you can go to the ER. I understand they see this a lot and can help. The thing to remember is that as crappy as opiate WD feels, it won't kill you or hurt you other than the crappy feelings. Not like Xanax or something like that, which can cause seizures when you wd if you do it too fast. But that said, if you have xanax or can get it (or something in that class) it really does help get through the WD, as long as you only use it for these few days. I took phenobarb, which helped tremendously. A muscle relaxant will greatly reduce the leg aches and constant shaking. That comes from deep muscle aches. If you can't get stomach meds, take Immodium regularly. How are you right now? Let us know. tracy
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Avatar universal
Thanks Tessa, that really means a lot to me! I lurked here too even after I'd detoxed but before I was ready to post. How are you feeling? You'll know when the time is right. For me it wasn't even a conscious decision, or at least I didn't sit down and think about it. Just decided it was time and did it. But that was after months of hell when I destroyed my life. I guess all that built up and I knew the time had come. I had truly hit bottom. If I hadn't, I think it would be much more tempting to give in with the cravings come calling (someone here calls them "dragon whispers" - great name). Anyway thank you; you don't know how much that means to me.

Roro - you're in full WD by now, I bet. You will feel shitty for a few days. Once you make it to Day 3, the worst is probably past (unless using something with a long half-life like methadone). I know it's easy from here to say to deal for three days, but from where you are you're in misery. I hate to think of anyone suffering with that. It sucks so bad. I remember staring at the clock with my leg bouncing all over the place as the hours dragged by. Are you out of pills, so you can't taper or anything? Hang in there and I swear it'll get past. By the 4th you'll feel tons better and the WD should be past. You'll still have the lethargy and all that but not the WD itself. Are you taking the recipe? Immodium? Kava Kava? All those will help. Hang in there and keep posting.
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Avatar universal
well here goes its getting much worse....  i cant stand the cramps and my head aches, cant sleep i feel like **** but i am gonna stick with this pain.  I am holding onto the thought that it will get better..  I also got the shakes and twitches...  Dr. is on Vacation so iam doin this one alone cold turkey..  bye for now thanks for posting
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Avatar universal
I don't post much (very rarely), but I read everyone's posts everyday....That being said...  Tex3,I think you are a very strong and wonderful person.... If only I/we (all of us) could be as strong and determined as you....You are truly an inspiration! Keep posting!   Although I'm not clean yet, I feel the time is coming very soon for me, and your "words of wisdom" (as well as MANY others!) help tremendously.  Thanks ever-so-much for giving me hope!
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Avatar universal
One thing helped me through the darkest days, though it might sound trite. When I thought I couldn't take the hell anymore, I reminded myself that in a week, or month or whatever, that amount of time would have passed and I could either be a month older and still struggling with drugs because I gave in, and still be in a horrible place, or I could tough it out and I'd be a month older and be clean and through the worst of it. Now I'm three months older and I'm clean. If I would have caved during those early days, I'd be paying the price all over again and not reaping the benefits now. Make sense? You have to pay the price, one way or another, so best to get it the hell out of the way and move on. I reminded myself of that, all the time.
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Avatar universal
gwh:
money (or lack of) just isn't worth a panic attack. this is easy
for me to say, 'cause i'm not the one having a panic attack!

there is a way through this. you've been in worse spots ('cause of drugs) than this!

the best thing you can do with all this is not forget the way you
feel now. next time an oxy starts talking to ya' about how just a
few won't hurt ya'...well try to remember how awful you feel
right now!

don't really know what else to say...."everybody pays their dime
to hear the band!" i can't even begin to tell you how many times
i've been through exactly what you're going through...and guess
what...this is just the tip of the iceburg!

even though you ****** up here, i'm still going to love and care
about you and there just isn't anthing you can do about it! so
get an angel on your shoulder
kip
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Avatar universal
You've cut your dose enough that you're probably really going through WDs now. Are you planning to cold turkey it at home, or taper? If you can talk to your doctor and get a "cocktail" to detox it really helps. It includes a muscle relaxer, anti-anxiety, stomach meds, clonidine, and possibly a sleeping pill that's non-addictive (I took doxepin). This all helps tremendously because it basically masks your WD symptoms, although you still won't feel great and will spend the days in bed. If you can't do that, search here for the "recipe" which many use; it's vitamins and amino acids. I still take it and feel great. You're killing your kidneys with all the ibuprofen right now, so stear clear of anything with that in it. How are you doing right now? You'll get through this, but the mental stuff sucks too. Once you're through that, though, you'll feel like a new person. Your body has to produce its own endorphins again because the pills have taken over that role, so until that happens (a few weeks) you'll be depressed and lethargic and weepy, possibly. I was and thought it would always be that way. But it isn't, so have hope. Let us know how you are please. You'll find many caring people here.
tracy
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Avatar universal
I think you're okay on the bup. I used it a few times when I ran out of norco and was WDing bad. It totally took away the symptoms. After the bup you'll still have to deal with the mental stuff but as far as physical it's minimal. I also quit bup after months of use (for pain) and was fine, just kind of tired and depressed but nothing like after regular opiates. Good luck and let us know how it goes.
tracy
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