I don't know how to edit original post. I'm 25 yrs old, no WDs currently, just trying to see if people have stayed clean without a recovery system - by that I mean meetings/psychiatrist (I met with a shrink last week and he said he doesn't know anyone that has gotten off pills without suboxone and rehab but I refuse to take methodone or sub). I've opened up to my doctor, closest family relative, and want to with fiance after wedding.
First off........you have NOTHING to be ashamed of!
Secondly, it IS highly recommended that we get into some type of recovery after we w/d and quit taking drugs and alcohol. Are you attempting to get clean all the way around?
Thirdly...the dr you spoke to......is full of ****! Many people get off of pills without just "moving over" to another synthetic replacement medicine. That's a total farse...don't get sucked in.
If I can....may I ask how you lost 2 siblings? Did they pass away from addiction is what I'm wondering?
I was asking b/c if their passing was due to addiction, I was going to say perhaps you need to open your eyes. But that's not the case....and I'm very sorry you lost 2 people so close to you.
I guess I'm kind of on the fence with your situation? If using clonodine to help with the w/d are you planning on stopping now. If using the THC oil, are you planning on discontinuing it? Is it not possible for you to put a mood changing/ mind altering chemical in your body to feel ok? Constantly having to take the "edge" off....I'd start wondering where this edge is coming from? I stayed on dope for way longer then I should have and the first few months I felt so freakin uncomfortable in my own skin that I didn't know what to do with myself? I couldn't understand it? Aftercare or recovery helps people learn how to cope (withOUT the use of drugs and alcohol)....it also taught me how to grow up. How to make good decisions....how to think before I speak!!! (This was a big one for me :) IMO....stay clean from all drugs and alcohol for 90 days....readdress this topic then. What's 90 freakin days ..... it's a blip.....Stay clean long enough to give your body and brain a little time to heal and see how you feel at that point.
Hi, welcome. I just read through this thread. I agree w/ my pal Motye. I want to add that it's a well known part of being in AA/NA that if you work the program, the desire to use leaves you. I can tell by all your questions you are terrified of life w/o drugs. Good. That's where you should be. It also proves that you have a problem. Remember, non addicts don't struggle to go 5 days w/o oxy and keep it from their fiance.
No one would stay clean if they were missing drugs. I did what you did and boy did I want to try ANYTHING but go to meetings. I could get 3 days clean here, 5 days there. I think I once went two weeks w/o pills. This went on for years. I finally was SO sick and tired of that sheet that I just gave up. Totally surrendered. I have 3 years and 2 months clean. I could only do it w/ a program. You end up learning what's REALLY going on w/ you and why you are so attracted to using. It becomes a whole lifestyle overhaul. Again, no one would stay if it sucked.
Please get really honest w/ yourself. I bet you know the right answers if you are willing to look. Also, you need to tell your fiance. As a woman, I cannot tell you how infuriated and devastated I would be if my future husband held back something like this. It's so unfair and selfish. She probably knows something is not right w/ you anyway. They always know.
Of course it's your choice, but I cannot tell you how strongly I disagree w/ your choice to withhold that info until after your wedding. It's extremely manipulative and very selfish. What are you so afraid of?
It doesn't matter if you are getting married, getting divorced, having a baby, employed, unemployed, it's NEVER a good time to work on getting clean. We addicts make sure of that. That what our addiction tells us: "You're fine, you've got other things to do, it's not so bad, I'll just not use." Those lies keep us safe in our little bubble. They keep us from not facing what we need to face. I will just say, go, just go to your first meeting. Raise your hand as a newcomer and listen. Also, if I had a nickel for every time I "promised" I wouldn't use, I'd be a zillionaire.
Best of luck to you, let us know how it goes.
Thank you so much for the response, Lesa. It's nice to hear different opinions from those that I could relate to.
In the past 6 months I increased my usage so much that I started to realize that this behavior made me feel so bad about myself. I'm torturing my body. It hasn't affected those around me.....yet but I want to avoid that at all costs. I'm sick of taking them to feel great but then planning when to get more or take more, it consumed my mind. I'm 1 week clean now and I really don't have desire to use however I will remember the feeling they gave me from time to time but then I tell myself that I cannot chase that anymore.
I think someone not knowing the horrors of addiction could also be a not so good thing. I fear some people will not sympathize with people who "chose" to use like I did. I cannot make excuses for myself anymore. I wake up every morning with my body, health, working, etc., why should I not be thankful for that. I am planning on a NA meeting tomorrow because I want this feeling to continue (not wanting to use)...
I agree w/ everything Lesa has said. I am so glad you are going to tell your fiance. That is the definition of "man"ing up. And this I can promise you, if you work the program (NA or AA) you will lose the desire to use. I never thought that could happen to me. But it just kind of leaves w/o you really noticing. In any case, get thee to an NA meeting. You will feel so better being around all the people that have the same issue as you:)
MrjonesK.....you've been given some fantastic advice ALL from people that have been exactly where you are now. I had to come clean to my husband and 4 children and talk about scared....holy ****! What was funny though, was that they all already knew. That's how well I was hiding it.
I started N/A as soon as I could (about 3 weeks after starting detox b/c before that I was so sick I couldn't function) and I've never looked back. I have 3 years 8 months clean from opiates and suboxone and if it sucked....I wouldn't still be going! Future tripping is normal i.e., what about drinking at my wedding, going out with friends, etc... don't worry about that now....worry about today and today only! The gift I've been given of not having to worry about when my next dr's appt is, where is my freakin dealer (is he in town or offshore), how many do I have left.....fudge rupple....it was like running on a hamster wheel...round and round going nowhere!!!! My growth as a person stopped when I started using.
Keep on posting and let us know how it's going because we all want to see you succeed!!!
Go read Voo Doo Childs post......
Mr.Jones- Go to the NA meeting. Let us know how it goes.
It's been 11 days now, I had forgot the # this morning and got all excited when I counted on the calendar at work. Haven't been craving it, but do think about it and currently I am telling myself that I cannot chase that feeling anymore, it's not right nor normal life. I hope that I continue with this mentality, I want to be able to forget about counting days and forget about thinking of the feeing altogether. After work (motivation is a little low with that but that's okay for now) I have been going to gym and/or weddin planning. I hope one day I can be someone on here that is helping someone with advice and have has years under my belt. Oh and I have yet to go to an NA meeting although I don't want to go because I don't even want to speak of PKs and the feeling they gave me/I don't want to have this subject around me but I'm still interested in checking out a meeting. Thanks for reading and replying guys!
Mr. Jones- go to a meeting.