Life gets harder after drugs

[stilltrying1965]

I would like to tell ya all somthing, my life is getting harder after getting clean. I dont know why but things seem to be different. They are making me feel like im all alone in this fight im in. Things area lot more difficult than i thoght they wou ld be by that i mean i find my personal life is not going to well.Meand Kim used to be so close and so in love but the drugs have destroyed that. And withot Kim well im nothing with Kim i was everything so the drgs destroyed that thet destroyed my marrage. Im trying hard to salvage my marrage i need Kim and wont be able to live mylife without her. Did druge end yo realashonship as they are destroying mine James.  PS can a marrage survive after 13 years of drg abuse im praying it can

[stilltrying1965]

I want to thank you all for your kindness and support. Im going to look into the link Lizzie lou gave me Thanks Lizzie. My life and marrage is still not going to well but i will do anything to make my marrage work Im happy about one thing i did not use so thats the only thing that made me happy although i came so close to losing my clean time. Iv never found life so hard as i am now Thanks again for all the support ,,,,Jamers

[avisg]

James Lizzie gave you a great resorse plz use it . It may help you rebuild your life so you can have the reationship with Kim that I know you want

[vicki595]

James~  Please follow Lizzie's advice. Also,stay in touch with her. She's a wonderful resource!

V.  xo

[vicki595]

James~ Listen to Lizzie...She knows what she's talking about.  I remember her writing about her daughter in law. She turned Heaven and earth to save that girl and it worked!!


And I read the notes from that guy/gal harassing you.  What a creep!!  But,James,who cares. It's just a computer screen and he's bored!!

Love~Vicki

[LIZZIE LOU]

james...

PLEASE read my reply above.  THIS THERAPY WORKS ! ! ! !  

[stilltrying1965]

Its time i took in all yo have said on this thread. Im trying hard to win my war against drugs and also deal with my past You have all been so nice to me i realy dont know how to thank you all I consider each and everyone of you as a a part of my family. But i will tell you all i have never felt pain like this before. I feel like i owe you all my life if i could deal with my abuse i think i would be more than half way there Thanks guys and gals ,,,,,,James

[LIZZIE LOU]

http://www.peterbowes.net/

james and kim...

above is the link to a psychotherapist in edinburgh who uses EMDR.  please copy and paste the link and click on the EMDR tab and read.

my daughter in law was a victim of childhood molestation and has carried this with her emotionally for years.  it was not until i was told of this new treatment and sought out someone who uses this, that she was able to start reclaiming her life again.  like you james...she choose to abuse drugs to try and deal with the pain that she had carried.  like my daughter in law...i would not be surprised if you were diagnosed with PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder).

the EMDR therapy is cutting edge...VERY fast in getting results...and can usually get through in a matter of months, what could take years with traditional therapy and counselling.  

please look into this james...it could save your life ! ! !  if you have any questions regarding this...i'll be happy to try and help.

[narla]

James seeing a counsellor is the only way to deal with how you are feeling,At first it will seem like your world is crumbling around you but as you work through your feelings and emotions you'll gradually come to realise that you can get through all the pain and be a much better person.Hang in there James and you must get back to working on yourself and your own self esteem.Wishing you the best in everything-

Denise

[pharma9]

I understand both your pain Kim and James pain...It must be UNREAL..He does not have the drugs to block it out.
Neither of you should suffer such pain..
I just hope James gets the professional help he needs and if he comes back here maybe we can help as well.
Gosh o golly I feel for both of you .....my heart is heavy thinking about your problems.
Maybe james will come around soon and realize his value to all of us.
Sending love and best wishes to both of you.

[LeaAnn807]

James, do you realize how powerful it is and what it says about you to be addicted to heroin for YEARS and then to beat it the way you have?  That says a lot about your character.  Those nasty people did not take that from you. They didn't get your soul.  You still have so much to live for.  Now please, go back to the counselor and get the help you need.

Kim, please take care of yourself!  You and James are both precious to everyone here, and we want you guys around!  I hope that all this gets worked out and that you are feeling better very soon!

[pharma9]

James....we all love you dearly on this site.
Kim loves you as well,but so do we.
There is something about you that we have all grabbed and hope for your happiness.
Please accept that we all love you and you are very worthwhile.
You have done the very very most difficult thing for yourself and Kim and all of us by quitting the drugs and you are so worthy of happiness.
Do not feel inadequate for you have done the greatest thing that you could do.
Be proud and confident for we all love you.

[avisg]

James not getting on its not going  to help either of you .You have to get back into therpy and I would serously reconsider going na you need a strong  support system that u have not been getting .
Kim,
we are her of you as well rig ht now you have to put your health first .You can not take everything  else on right now or its going  to effect you health negatively .

[dominosarah]

No we didnt know he wasnt seeing his therapist but it makes even more sense now.  All we want is for James to take back his life and no longer live like a prisoner to those monsters.

I am also very concerned about you too Kim and i just want you to know that we are all here for you also.  You are important to us.

James will get back on the computer when he is ready.  

[vicki595]

Kim~  No,I didn't know that about the therapist. Any idea what's caused this decompensation?  It's certainly frightening to read about and I can't imagine how he's feeling.  He needs an intervention here,I think.  Can the kids help?

V.  xo

[stilltrying1965]

James has  not seen his therapist for weeks i thought you all new Sara thanks for your kind words but when James went to leave idid not mean for good only a day or so but James being James staid away all week and would not talk to anyone and he is stuck in his childhood.I wake in the night to find him curled up on the floor beging not to be hurt anymore. I beleive this is him as a child so sad to see those bastards should be hng for what they did.He needs to  see a apeacalist for that as my ilness is getting worse . Now i cant get James back on the computer Kim

[SophieShine]

James the 12 steps are gonna save your life....

[avisg]

ahhhh now it make more since .James you have to find a way to come to grips with your past and find a way to move forward .She can not constantly remind you of what you already know .She needs support for you as she has given you.Its your turn to give to her.
If you cant move on then there will be a serous problem .She can not spend every moment reassuring you that she loves u .You either know it or not . Do you think she would have stayed with you threw all of this if she didn't ?
I have to agree with ga I think James needs far more support then the counselor can give .
I think you need to rethink some more aftercare .

[vicki595]

Yes,Kim.  Talk to us anytime.  Is James still seeing that therapist?  I think he needs to give her a call...today.  He's stuck in a bad place...she can help.

Vicki  xo

[dominosarah]

Kim, thanks for clearing this up for us as we were not understanding where he was coming from again.  You have to take care of you and this sounds like it has just gotten to be too much.  You cant be his parent.  I know you are dealing with your own illness and need support for that so please feel free to come on and talk with us too.........sara

[GA Guy]

I usually preach aftercare as a general thing. I believe that many people can benefit from addiction therapists and counselors. However, there are people I see who I believe need to work the steps offered by 12 step programs. Honestly, I think they would benefit anyone (and I mean non-addicts as well). James you need to come to grips with his past and get into the future. There is something that heals the soul during the step process. There's a huge relief of guilt when we clean up the wreckage of our pasts. James, get to some meetings, find a sponsor, work the steps, and heal your soul. The body is healing on its own...the soul needs a little help...good luck my friend.

[LeaAnn807]

Hi guys!  My first husband and I were both addicts and using while we were married, and it can tear a marriage apart if you let it!  We were together, in all, almost 16 years, and it was very sad.  But you don't have to end like that.

James, Kim obviously loves you!  You guys have a lot going on, so you just have to believe it and go from here!  Kim's health is not good, so just focus your attention on NOT USING, and that will probably help her more than anything else!  Are you two in counseling?  If my husband and I had done counseling we would probably be together now, but we refused any kind of aftercare!  

Please do whatever you have to do to stay clean and healthy.....BOTH of you!!

Hugs from across the "pond"!!!

[stilltrying1965]

Hi all,its Kim. Im just going to type this on james page rather than log off and back on. We have been going through a really bad patch just now as you all know. James has become so paranoid, insecure and obsessed with the fact that he thinks i dont love him because of what happened in the past.He carries the whole worlds problems on his shoulders too. It got to the stage that if i went anywere he would constantly phone me to see how long id be.Or he would think i wouldnt come back if i went anywhere. All he talked about was how could i love him when all these things had happened. I done everything i could to prove that i did love him but nothing was ever good enough. We had a lot of other problems too but all he cared about was how could i love him. He just couldnt accept that i did and just leave it at that. He went on and on and it became the only thing he would talk about or be interested in while we have all these other problems going on. Eventually i asked him to leave for a few days and he was back and forward but hes back again. I told him i had other worries to cope with instead of having to constantly reassure him, it was driving me mad. I dont know what wrong with him or what caused this. He has always been quite insecure but nothing like this, so we will just have to see what happens. Iv told him that it has to stop or its going to cause serious problems and i hope it does as i do love him but cant handle the obsession he has just now. The doctor isnt interested she jst told him he was being obsessive and to stop it so im at a loss now, as i say all i can do now is pray he gets a grip of his life as i dont know what else to do. Thanks to all of you for your concern its really appreciated. Iv been quite ill as well so that didnt help either as i could hardly get out of bed some days and couldnt even type. Thank you all.......Kim

[avisg]

i dont think kim would hold that against you .She has stuck with u for years I cant see that .she has here own illness as well that has to be taking a major toll on her she has to take care of her and needs your support sometimes.

[SophieShine]

James, there's NO way Kim stopped loving you coz of what happened in the past, something else must have happened.... and I don't think Kim stopped loving you.....
You are a strong man James, you know it... Dig deep down and find that strength to keep you going.
James, you are a survivor not a victim!