Addiction: Substance Abuse Community
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9518579 tn?1408019480

Looking for an end to liquid handcuffs

Hello I'm a 35male that was first on the roxy30s for 2-3years then in desperation to quit and still be able to work went to a methadone clinic....5years later here I am even worse than what I was coming off the rox30s. I recently got into a car accident, fell asleep at the wheel coming back from the clinic...lost my job due to the accident and now my wife and family are pushing me to detox like now. I went up to 105mg (when I could have just stayed at the 30mg when I first started)and now have got down to 45mg in about 8months now. I am in a panic, I have low testosterone out of shape and am putting myself in the darkest places I can imagine because of pain I have caused my wife and children for losing my job worrying about bills I know she cant handle herself. I could go back to work and really dedicate to lowering my dose and get my body ready for the battle that is to come. But my wife and family they just dont understand and just keep saying ur making excuses it is time to end this now. I guess my question is can I do this on my own physically and mentally.
64 Responses
4810126 tn?1503942735
Hi there & Welcome, welcome. :)

Thank you posting! You asked the ultimate question:

"I guess my question is can I do this on my own physically and mentally. "

YES!!!! You CAN ABSOLUTELY do this physically. Believe it or not the physical part is not the real difficulty. The True challenge lies in the long-term challenge to stay clean & find new healthy ways of dealing with stress/emotions & triggers without using.

Congratulations on getting down to 45 mgs! M'done & other opiates tend to consume our ability to stand on our own emotionally & lead us to feel hopeless & worthless. It's a lie! Don't believe it. You lived before without it & you can again. If you plan carefully & go into this with determination, Faith & the most positive mindset you can muster not only will you come out the other side of this but you'll be a stronger, wiser & more grateful person. You'll have to grapple with a lot of stuff you haven't dealt with before but you'll be opening up a life of possibility and self-respect for yourself. The thing is that as much as you might feel pushed by your loved ones, the primary motivation has to come from you. How much do you want this? How sick are you of feeling & living this way? Of that darkness? (Everything you mentioned struck a chord with me. I was in the same place for quite a while 'til I was just beyond sick of myself, my apathy & the clinic).

So, as understandable as it is fight that fear & doubt, my friend! You're in the right place. I couldn't have gotten clean without MH & you can too! Let us know what you think. We're here & we're pulling for you. :))
Avatar universal
Hey, beat- great that you wrote.  I don't know anything about methadone, but lots of others on here do and that help will start coming.  I am an opiate addict, tho so I know the hell that is detox.  Everyone has your story in some form or another. It's always the same story so you are not along at all!

What I can tell you is you have to be ready to quit because YOU cannot take what using does one second longer. If you try and detox quicker to please her, take a guess what will happen soon after.  You even said in your post your wife can't handle your bills. You are worrying about the wrong person. Yes, all the things you listed that you lost, not only are so so common, but are the consequences of using. You are living your consequences. But, for TODAY only, what do you want to do, really want to do. (Don't worry about tomorrow) Only you can answer that honestly.

Keep posting. And we've all been thru detox on here so you will get step by step support when you go thru it.
Avatar universal
Above that sentence should be you are not ALONE!!! (Sorry)
Avatar universal
dude , sorry your  going thru this. I feel you traded one addiction for one that was far worse thinking you were doing the right thing.i think methadone is far worse to come off than the roxys. I wish you the very best I do think some help from a professional to detox you properly would be if possible a wise decision. whatever you choose to do as far assupport is concerned this place is awesome.you ,ll hear I,m sure from some methadone addicts that know it better than I. we,re in your corner. keep coming back.  peace out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
1235186 tn?1549257619
Hello and welcome. Congrats on your taper you are doing awesome.
Stick with your taper. Yes begin to build your body up. Start exercising, eat a healthy diet, lean protein, veggies and fruits. Limit sweets, no alcohol,
Drink protein shakes.
Take multi vitamins, magnesium/ zinc supplements.
Have you been attending counseling and/or support groups?

Have your family look up methadone detox to educate themselves.
Methadone is synthetic and has  long half life. Therefore a longer, slower detox.
Keep up the good work. Don't be discouraged.
Keep the faith.
Avatar universal
Hi....well methadone is a monster to kick Tapering down to single digits will help  we have had members jump off as high as 120mg so it is doable I was at 150mg for almost 7yrs but tapered all the way down  methadone soaks into your bones and will mess with you for a wile the withdrawal last 10 day to 2 weeks then recovery is painfully long it took me a good 90 days to feel better you dont sleep and there is a energy crash that is debilitating as for a time line we have had members  who have got over it in 30 days  most people it is a 60 to 90 days to see the light you do get better as you go it is just slow keep posting for support and N/A will help a lot you only have to have the desire to get clean the mental side of this is harder then the phyical side  we will be here to help if you have questions please feel free to ask good luck and God bless  YOU CAN DO THIS......................Gnarly.............................
9518579 tn?1408019480
wow sitting here reading your posts brought tears to my eyes...to be able to relate is very powerfull emotion im feeling now because when I say I feel alone it is because I have not really been able to relate this world I have put myself in. Yes evolveru when you said you lived without them before that took me back to the times I was focused and in control of my body and mind....made me feel a spark of hope ignite. Gnarly man I have been reading your posts to others and you are inspiring to me to hear what you went thru was like hearing what Im going thru. and atthebeach I have started eating healthier and went for a jog well more walking but I went and did it. and saspan yes me and my wife found a place that is gong to take me in in about a week from now to detox. and jifmoc you are right i am not alone thanks to you guys.....At first i didnt know what to expect from this telling strangers my PROBLEMS but now after just reading your 6posts I have a new determination to BATTLE and BEAT this war i have created.
9518579 tn?1408019480
sry Im shaking so bad I tapped something I didnt mean to send... but I just wanted to say one more thing and that is THANK YOU for your posts they have all been very inspiring to me. I will keep you guys updated for sure and look forward to hearing from you guys in the near future. KEEP THE FAITH
4810126 tn?1503942735
Good Morning BNB :)

Nice to see you! It's amazing to discover that you're not alone, eh? (We here are like an extended virtual family. We are bound not by blood but by our common Struggle/goal, our experiences of being 'judged' elsewhere & by ourselves & all the trials & tribulations of our past & ongoing experience.) This is YOUR place. I was on M'done & Heroin before that for 30 yrs. & I never related to the world that I had 'fallen' into, either. I don't think that I could have gotten & stayed clean without MH. The support, compassion & wisdom [and the occasional kick in the a$$] are invaluable & remarkably powerful. This is true for many others here as well. There's  also great healing in supporting others.

So, what sort of detox are you planning? I ask b/c you're still on a relatively high dose (45 mgs, right?) My concern is, that although people jump off of high doses successfully, it is far easier with M'done to taper slowly & get quite low before you jump in order to get the drug out of your bones & tissues where it stores & minimize the symptoms of acute w/d & PAWS. What is the protocol that they're planning to use? How long will it take? I jumped off 28mgs down from 140mgs & it still was difficult. However it might be easier for you as you were on for 5 yrs. & I for 20.

How are things going with your family now? Did you show your wife this site & get her to read some of the threads? It might really help both of you to get her involved.

You Can do this -- We're in your corner & we're pulling for you! :)
1235186 tn?1549257619
So happy that you are feeling hopeful and not so alone.
I also wonder about the detox. How many days is it?
Many detoxes use suboxone.
But you can't start suboxone at 45mgs of methadone. You would have to
Be in acute withdrawal which would take from 3 days to a week to achieve
Even going to a detox you will still be detoxing from the methadone for quite a few weeks afterward.
Please ask them questions.
Your wife should attend al-anon or nar-anon it is a support group for the
Loved ones of addicts.
Have you been to any support groups or counseling?
Keep moving forward.
With support, honesty and a willingness you can be free from the chains and bondage of addiction.
9518579 tn?1408019480
Goodmorning to you evolver:) As far as things are goiing now I have been going every other day to the clinic yes at 45mg now so I guess it would be like im taking 22.5mg a day. Been doing that for a week now. and just one day puts me into this roller coaster of emotions that is very uncontrolling for me. But my wife found a place an individual who would like to help I see him the next day my wife has a day off from work. which is probably this next wednesday. I did go get the magnesium zinc calcium suppliments and am drinking nothing but vitamin water (revive) when all i used to drink was redbulls. should i stop the redbulls all together? also my mom gave me 4 clonodine and i took one tuesday (didnt get my dose that day) because i got so bad anxiety that I just kept thinking of how ashamed i am that im putting my family thru this...when the clonodine kicked in it was like instant relief almost. right now my plan is im educating myself and family the best i can for whats to come and ready myself for the battle that is to be fought and won. I am having a hard time with me inside my head. I DO WANT THIS TO END SO BADLY but my mind is my worst enemy and I feel with help from MH and this virtual family and of coarse my real family I have a really goood fighting chance at this. I just donnt think i have to time to taper or how long could i get to 25 or lower. Look forward to hearing from you. Thanks again I wish i could give you a virtual hug.....
4810126 tn?1503942735
Virtual Hug received & much appreciated. (Needed that! See? You're already giving back). I have to get ready to go to work right now but I'm going to try to write you back when I get in later or tomorrow morning. Others will be on to support you & I think that atthebeach gave you some excellent advice! :)

A Hug back to you, my friend! :) Keep posting & Hold Fast in your resolve!
9518579 tn?1408019480
heya athebeach tyfp....I guess for all to understand my situation that I put myself in is well I have been going to the clinic for 5years got upto 105mgs they let the addict in me get that high I dont understand that but finally got a counsler that really helped me this past 8months  taper down to 45mgs was so easy no proplems just dealt with the hot flashes and sweats every now and again. Im a service plumber been working non stop for the past 15+years me and my wife made ok money enough to keep a nice house for my 2kids and us. but I have never really worked on changing my routine was still the same get up drive my work van to the clinic get the pink stuff go to work come home  and help kids with homework etc....always been a good father..then they would go to sleep and I would still find myself doing things i did when i was using the roxys. I have not been able to sleep that much for past 2years now only getting 2to6hrs sleep a day. since i have been on roxys and the methadone i have gotten into 8 car accidents nodding at the wheel. when all i do all day is drive to places that need plumbing repairs anyway. Thank goodness they were all just minor accidents but enough to make insurance companies not want to accept me. And then recently 3weeks ago i fell asleep at the wheel coming back from the clinic rearended someone at 45mph no seatbelt there is a head imprint on my car windshield where i almost went thru it. my job found out and had to let me go. I could go back to work now but my wife and family want me to be done with this before i go back and really i need to get myself rite before i do because i could possibly hurt someone out on the road and myself if i dont get this under control. so here i am a day without my dose sitting at home worrying about how my wife is going to pay these bills but at the same time Im ready to put this deep deep scar in me as a reminder of what my disease has done to me and my family and be able to move on with a focused mind and humble heart. so as far as tapering goes what are my options you think I have to beat this asap to get back to what i do best and that is support my family. sry i just have all these emotions flooding me its like my eyes are opening and i am seeing for the first time of how bad addiction really is. Its like my wife is ready to put herself and our kids thru financial hard times to see me get better and that is so painfull to me, when working and supporting my family is the only real good thing i have done...and so in short money is hard for us but I have to move on from this asap and i know it is a slow slow process but there has to be a start to it. thanks again so whatever advice i can get from MH will help greatly. I guess one of the things that im having a problem with is that my family thinks i can beat this and be back on my feet in a couple of weeks no matter what i tell them. sry for the downer its just thats why it has to happen now....
Avatar universal
Hey Dude good to see you post I also came to the forum around 40mg the ez part is done but it is harder to go from 40 to 0 then it is to get from 105 to 40 so be ready to fight  I got stuck at 20mg for 6 friggin weeks but went from 20 to 10 without anything...Go figure...10 on down was ruff you go threw 4 days of withdrawal only to have to start it again just hang in there you can do this and we will be there to help keep posting for support...........Gnarly
9518579 tn?1408019480
crap I forgot to mention that the drs at the clinic put me on paxil. I have been on it now for a year or better for anxiety. they want me to take 20mg a day but after 2months i wasnt myself so i just quit and let me tell you that was a mistake I never got so enraged and angry in my life then sick to my stomache. so after day 4 i figured out what it was. so i took my 20mg dose and cut it in half. does anyone or has anyone experienced this drug paxil and how does this effect my recovery from methadone?
9518579 tn?1408019480
Wednesday is a big day for me...I go to see about getting into a detox/rehab. I'm so ready to get this started but at the same time scared to death. I don't know if it would be safe for me to rehab at home where i will be alone for most of the day. I have been going every other day to the clinic to get 45mg methadone for a week now dont know if thats helping me or not but the days i miss are getting more tolerable now sooo yea maybe it is. If possible i hope i could get some opinions on detoxing at home or under supervision of a detox facility your posts would mean a lot to me. Thanks
1926359 tn?1331588139
I am so proud of you.  You've had one hell of a journey but I can tell from reading your posts that your resolve is strong.  I have a good friend who I met in recovery that was a long time heroin addict and prostitute.  She almost died several times on the street and finally got on a M-done program.  When i met her two years ago at a meeting she was on 120 mg.  She did a fairly slow taper but has been free from it for a few months.  She did it at home after several attempts in a detox facility that was not very humane.  Her mom helped out and I talked her through it daily.  I'd done cold turkey in December 2011 from a high dose of opiates so I helped her through the basics.  I am really proud of her.  She said it was the hardest thing she'd ever done but not as hard as waking up in an alley with a needle in her arm and not remembering how she got there.
If your wife can help, and you can get extra support by attending meetings through out the process- I think your going to be just fine.  Slow and steady.
The fear is often greater than the thing itself.  Just take real good care of yourself and keep in your mind's eye that at the end of this you will have the greatest gift of all back- yourself.
I'm rooting for you.
1235186 tn?1549257619
hi is it just  a detox center or do you also stay for rehab?
did you ask them if they use suboxone or not at the detox?
how many days is the detox?

9518579 tn?1408019480
I go wednesday to find all this stuff out. I am writing down any questions you guys might think i need to ask them so i have everything covered when i go. Then will check in wednesday when i know so if there is anything else you think i might need to know would be very much appreciated. thanks again
4810126 tn?1503942735
Hey BNB,

I just sent you a PM with the very same questions that atthebeach just asked. I'd also ask about length of stay, exact medical protocol & if you'll be able to bring a laptop or mobile device with you to check in here. If not then you can let us know how it went you get back :)
Avatar universal
Hi  well I detoxed at home and it was more comfortable then a rehab  but only you know if you need to do this for many of us it is the first clean time in years it will all boil down to you...they help but only if you want the help go there with a open mind do what they suggest most facility's have N/A A/A C/A coming in get plugged into a 12 step program for me I do 4 meeting a week with N/a to me it is a cheep price to pay to stay clean keep posting for support we all want to see you make it..................Gnarly.....................
Avatar universal
beat,congats on your decision to get detox at a center. I,ve been there and you wont have any distractions from homelife. that's probally the best right now. you have to get well for yourself before you can help anyone else. detox at a rehab center for opiates usually is 4 to 7 days I imagine your detox will run a little longer with the methadone. is this just a detox or are you checking in to rehab for awhile?  most of the  time they will tale everything away from you no devices such as phones .laptops ,etc. probally need to get a phone c ard. I would recommend now by far I,m no expert ,but I would detox and not let them put me on any maintenance program, believe me you will be better off. aftercare is what you will really need to cocncentrate on after detox. cograts man keep on believing. peace out!!!!!!!!!!!
Avatar universal
Between finances and comfort, I detoxed methadone at home. My question is, "If you get real sick and are an emotional wreck, is it possible for you to leave your house and get a dose? If you have no access, Because methadone is such a long detox and your family is at home, I'd detox at home. I would go to a meeting first, find a counselor, and post here every day. We can tell you the supplies you will need and we can answer questions you or your wife may have. I'm glad I was home and glad I went to meetings daily through it. I was gonna skip meetings for the part so was most sick. They said, "No way! We'll bring a puke bucket and you bring a change of under ware." Now that's friendship and caring. If you do detox in a center and it's not very long, we can support you after and help you explain the phases to your wife. There's no wrong way to get clean, as long as you get and stay clean. Keep us posted on whT you decide.
4522800 tn?1470325834
Hello! I am a few days late here..Yes, Methadone is a bit longer then the other opiates to detox out..I did them both and went through the detox off of different ones throughout the years. My last detox was Methadone and 2 other meds. I would like to add that these meds knock down all the good Chems/Hormones in your whole body and Brain..This is what takes so much time to balance out.
I too think you can do it at home with Support from Family, Friends and hit those meetings. When I first came clean in 2012 off of 3 meds, I was a Big Mess for a very Long time..I had picked up some videos and readings all about the Disease of Addiction in a more Scientific way..My Hub and mom watched these and they are the ones that kept telling me to have Paitince, as this will take Time to balance out..maybe go and look this up and have your Family watch so they can understand Addiction..Addiction is a Disease that there is no cure but it can be arrested..SO go and hit those meetings while you feed your body some Good Vit/Min and Eat very Healthy too..This all will take time to kick in and start to work too. I wish you the best and Do Not Give Up!! Trust the Process as you will be going through a few stages as your Brain/Body starts to heal. Try to keep yourself redirected the best you can.
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