Aa
Lost but looking for me again...
Ok so here I go...Ive been lurking for months! Even feel like I know many of yall! (yes, I'm from the south...lol). I am starting day 1 without any Norco! Been taking up to 20 a day for the past 6 months. I have been taking the demon pills for about 2 years! I can't do this anymore. I started with real pain from my husband (now exhusband) pushing me out the window of our house! I kept taking the pills to deal with the emotional pain of my shattered life. I have 2 awesome kids who deserve ME back! So here I am, have not taken any today and won't take any. I have 5 in my nightstand that I keep yelling at. I won't take them as I hate them! I figure if I can't quit with them right in front of me then I can't quit! They are everywhere in this little town. I am a single mom of 2, a cancer survivor, and a good person so I know I am better than these stupid pills! I am doing this alone so I need all the help, encouragement and honesty that yall can possibly give me! My name says little girl but that is my size not my age! I am 38 years young and weigh less than 100 pounds. I am naturally small as I eat everything but I know 20 norcos a day is way too much for this little body. I dont want to die! I want me back! Can yall help me find me?
Great choice in turning down the meds...you sound smart, willing, and realistic...you will go far! Congrats on your 'baby steps!' :o)
HELLO..Julie and I were just talking about you...She said she heard from you..Great..You know you are our Pride & Joy on here...You have 13 days Ya!!!!! AND so sorry you got sick..BUT Great work and Strength to turn down the meds...AND Wonderful Information about the meetings..You are soooo Beautiful and just full of so much Inspiration..Us girls are going to get together some time..It is in the Future for us..You just hang in..I hope you are feeling a bit better today..You go Girl..Ya!!!!!!!!!
vickie
vickie
Hey y'all! I've been getting a lot of messages checking on me. I honestly didn't think people would still want to know about my boring life! Lol. It will be 13 full days in one hour that I have been clean! I had the flu during all this which then turned into pneumonia because I am a smoker! Pulled muscles in my back and chest from coughing so the doctor offered me Norco and cough syrup with codeine!!! Im not going to lie, my mouth actually watered but I said no thanks! I've worked too hard to get this far! The physical is over but the mental is coming on strong! I haven't fixed my hair or put on make up but I have managed to get dressed and go out in the world! Baby steps, right? I am still attending recovery 3 times a week and loving it! I dont want to say I got this because I work at it every day! I have everyone here to thank! I could never repay yall for believing in me when I couldn't believe in myself! I would not be clean if it were not for everyone here! Thank yall from me and my kids for saving my life! I hope as I grow that I can pay it forward and help others! My new life has just begun and so far, I'm loving it!
Sissy
Sissy
Hi, Im new here but I have been reading the messages. Im so proud of you! I never thought about the gabapentin for your legs good idea. I think thats one of the biggest reasons I havent gotten the nerve to try to stop, becease the restless legs was the worst part for me. I would lay down because I was so tired but then would have to stand up and walk all around the house or outside because I couldnt be still. I hated it! Still praying for you!
I am so happy for you! I am just picturing you happy, with your children discovering yourself again. You are simply amazing!
Sissy...,.I struggle to find words to comment on your thread, and anyone who knows me here knows I have no problem usually finding a LOT of words.
Your thread made me laugh, made me cry, especially the part about the meeting, and your sharing with your kids, made me smile, and made me cry some more. I FELT as though I was going through these experiences right along with you. I FELT your pain, your joy, your resolve, I felt the weight lifted when you cried with a simple human touch...letting you know it's going to be okay. People can speak volumes without every saying a word, and that's what happened at your meeting. Sounds like a WONDERFUL group!
THIS is how it's supposed to be. You are doing everything right, and then some. I'm just so flabbergasted at your resolve and your willingness to TRY whatever you have to. You ARE an inspiration, truly.
Keep doing what you're doing, I'm anxious to follow your progress. You should be SOOOO proud of yourself. You are "all in", and that will lead you to freedom. I will pray that you feel better and better every day..keep posting!
The flu is a bummer for sure, but in a way, I think it will help a little with the remaining w/d symptoms, because you won't know what symptom is coming from which, and that may help you not focus on the symptoms as much.
God Bless You sweetie...thanks for sharing your story, know you touched me deeply. I feel drawn to you as a person, it's hard to explain, but even in your typed word, your personality and wonderful spirit shines through. The people in your life are lucky to have you around. And now they're going to get the REAL you, no more NUMBING with the pills. You are a beautiful person.
Your thread made me laugh, made me cry, especially the part about the meeting, and your sharing with your kids, made me smile, and made me cry some more. I FELT as though I was going through these experiences right along with you. I FELT your pain, your joy, your resolve, I felt the weight lifted when you cried with a simple human touch...letting you know it's going to be okay. People can speak volumes without every saying a word, and that's what happened at your meeting. Sounds like a WONDERFUL group!
THIS is how it's supposed to be. You are doing everything right, and then some. I'm just so flabbergasted at your resolve and your willingness to TRY whatever you have to. You ARE an inspiration, truly.
Keep doing what you're doing, I'm anxious to follow your progress. You should be SOOOO proud of yourself. You are "all in", and that will lead you to freedom. I will pray that you feel better and better every day..keep posting!
The flu is a bummer for sure, but in a way, I think it will help a little with the remaining w/d symptoms, because you won't know what symptom is coming from which, and that may help you not focus on the symptoms as much.
God Bless You sweetie...thanks for sharing your story, know you touched me deeply. I feel drawn to you as a person, it's hard to explain, but even in your typed word, your personality and wonderful spirit shines through. The people in your life are lucky to have you around. And now they're going to get the REAL you, no more NUMBING with the pills. You are a beautiful person.
Amby, thanks for the support! I see that you are new here. Go to the top of the page where it says post and you can post your own story so that others can help you. We have people who have been on subs. I wouldn't be clean today if not for everyone here! You can ask questions about your symptoms and they will help you! Thanks again symptoms and I hope to see a post from you soon!
Hey there! I saw ur posts, and wanted to let u know that u are one tough little chic!! Hopefully ur feeling almost normal by now! :) I know what u were going thru, and mind u that u may physically still feel better but not completley mentally! So keep urself busy all the time! Play with ur kids, go take a walk, anything! I was on perc 30s for 4 years and was put on suboxone when found out I was pregnant, well (subutex) at the time, anyways my doctor cut me off after a year of being on the medicine I'm on day 8 and feeling pretty bad! I've withdrawaled alOt so I knew what to expect, my daughter is now 6 months and she made me have such a different outlook on life! I want to be done with drugs for good! Please keep posting, if u ever feel tempted or depressed just come here and talk to us! :)
Paige, that is one thing I have never been told before, that I make a girl wanna flush her pills! LOL! That one is gonna stick with me!
Vickie, thanks so much. I read that first post earlier today and I didn't realize I was falling apart at the beginning of this journey! If you and Julie hadn't of responded to me then I don't think I would have done it! Yall literally saved my life! I have realized in recovery group there is always something that just hits home for me. It seems like everywhere I look there is something that pertains to me at that moment. Even my fortune cookie said Time is the wisest counselor!
Julie, you are so right! I toom my first pill and my daughter was a little 12 year old girl who was busy playing. Now I have a young lady who is taller and bigger than me and all grown up looking! I can't believe what I might have missed. And my little boy, who us thankfully still mommas boy, was a 7 yr old cute little boy. Now he is like a little man. He opens doors for all girls and carries their bags. Just the little gentleman! I could not be more proud of my kids and the best part is that they are both proud of me too! Sometimes, life is just good!
Julie, you are so right! I toom my first pill and my daughter was a little 12 year old girl who was busy playing. Now I have a young lady who is taller and bigger than me and all grown up looking! I can't believe what I might have missed. And my little boy, who us thankfully still mommas boy, was a 7 yr old cute little boy. Now he is like a little man. He opens doors for all girls and carries their bags. Just the little gentleman! I could not be more proud of my kids and the best part is that they are both proud of me too! Sometimes, life is just good!
Sissy.....you make a girl wanna flush her pills! i just love hearing that you are feeling better!! im so grateful i got in on your story just in time to see you start your journey! you are doing SO GREAT!!
Paige
Paige
Sissy you have come along ways since the night FourJays and I was with you..5 days already..Wow that is hot stuff...I have been going to both AA/NA even If I have not had a drink in 8 years..I learn my tools in recovery from both..I have been going for 7 months and the meeting to night was just one of the hottest yet..It is like when you go there is always a message there for you..You could be thinking about something all day and Boom.It hit you..It either comes from the reading in the beginning or through some one else..I got two messages from 2 people who just shared there experience tonight..It is so nice to be around clean people who know that life does get tough..You are OK the crying is something every one does now and then..You are not Judged there but Loved..I am very Proud of you..You are just ticking away in time...
vickie
vickie
You make me laugh out loud (better than crying again, right?). I'm glad you threw away the pills too. I don't know how long it takes before a person should be able to say "no" if offered a pill. I'm sure it's different for everyone; to be honest it would still be hard for me. I just make sure I am NEVER in the situation. ALL of my sources have been cut. My doctor knows, my family knows, everyone knows. Aftercare IS huge and what qualifies as such is different for everyone. IMO your support group is definitely a source of aftercare, as would be seeing a counselor. The type and amount needed varies by individual. The Walmart story is hilarious - your 14 year old has got your number girl. See, she went and grew up on you there a little while you were distracted by the pills - aren't you glad you wont miss another minute of it? Your appetite will come back. It's only been 5 days and I'm sure the flu is a big part of this too. The fact that food is sounding good to you is a good sign I think. Just make sure that you keep up the Boost, and other fluids until you can get some "real" food in you. Maybe try with something small, like crackers or toast; and then go from there. You can write a novel any time - no one is complaining. Have a great night - keep it up and keep feeling better :)
Julie, thanks so much! I could never repay you for all the support and for believing in me! I really didn't know if I was ready but when everyone starting pulling for me then I just ran with it! I dont feel great yet but I do feel great that I am doing it. Does that make sense? I gotta say that yall were all right about getting rid of the 5 pills that I had. I really thought I needed them here just to prove it to myself but I think I would have taken them before the 100 hour mark! I am so glad that they are not in a place that I can get them! I dont think I am strong enough to not accept one if it was offered tho. Is that normal? Do you ever get to where you can say no or am I already supposed to feel that strong? I know I won't go searching for them tho.
I hear everyone say that aftercare is huge. I know once the depression starts creeping in that aftercare will be my best friend. I just wasn't sure if the recovery group is considered aftercare. It consists of all addictions from alcohol to shopping. I would like to start seeing a counselor once I go back to work and get insurance as I haven't dated in 2 years and think I need one on one help before I take that step! The funny thing is that the pills have been the love of my life. I haven't even thought about a man since I found the pills. And I was at WalMart today and some guy walked by, he wasn't the best looking but boy did he smell good and I started following him around the store! My 14 year old daughter said, watch out! Momma is back! I just died laughing! LOL! I knew the pills took away the hurt and sadness but never realized they took away my laughter! I laughed so hard at her comment that I actually snorted in WalMart!
So what about my appetite? Will it come back? I usually always eat when I am sick, might be all junk food but I eat so I figure that part is withdrawals!
I have to quit posting because I try to just say thank you and I end up writing you a novel and I do all this on my phone! Lol. Sorry for the novel and thank you for being you!
I hear everyone say that aftercare is huge. I know once the depression starts creeping in that aftercare will be my best friend. I just wasn't sure if the recovery group is considered aftercare. It consists of all addictions from alcohol to shopping. I would like to start seeing a counselor once I go back to work and get insurance as I haven't dated in 2 years and think I need one on one help before I take that step! The funny thing is that the pills have been the love of my life. I haven't even thought about a man since I found the pills. And I was at WalMart today and some guy walked by, he wasn't the best looking but boy did he smell good and I started following him around the store! My 14 year old daughter said, watch out! Momma is back! I just died laughing! LOL! I knew the pills took away the hurt and sadness but never realized they took away my laughter! I laughed so hard at her comment that I actually snorted in WalMart!
So what about my appetite? Will it come back? I usually always eat when I am sick, might be all junk food but I eat so I figure that part is withdrawals!
I have to quit posting because I try to just say thank you and I end up writing you a novel and I do all this on my phone! Lol. Sorry for the novel and thank you for being you!
Sissy-
I don't even know what to say - I feel so proud of you it makes me get all choked up. And now that's twice you have done it to me in 5 days - and didn't I already say I'm NOT a crier, dang it!!!!
I am SO happy to hear you are feeling better. In my opinion the meeting decision is up to you; there are no "rules" here. Whatever it takes to make YOU feel confident with your sobriety and get the support you need. Have you looked in to where any are held in your area? You could always go and check one out. If it's not for you then just stay with the 3 times a week group and see where it goes from there. The really great thing is that you HAVE already become part of a group in just these 5 days. And don't worry about the "pretty crying", I think that's a just for TV thing anyway; I mean who looks "good" with red, swollen eyes and nose and . . well, you probably do :)
Keep it up . . . you are quite an inspiration!
Julie
I don't even know what to say - I feel so proud of you it makes me get all choked up. And now that's twice you have done it to me in 5 days - and didn't I already say I'm NOT a crier, dang it!!!!
I am SO happy to hear you are feeling better. In my opinion the meeting decision is up to you; there are no "rules" here. Whatever it takes to make YOU feel confident with your sobriety and get the support you need. Have you looked in to where any are held in your area? You could always go and check one out. If it's not for you then just stay with the 3 times a week group and see where it goes from there. The really great thing is that you HAVE already become part of a group in just these 5 days. And don't worry about the "pretty crying", I think that's a just for TV thing anyway; I mean who looks "good" with red, swollen eyes and nose and . . well, you probably do :)
Keep it up . . . you are quite an inspiration!
Julie
Thanks Paige. I will be saying the same to you soon! I believe in you! I really think the flu has helped me because I know that if I did take a pill then I still wouldn't feel better so it has helped. Kinda crazy but it works for me!
sissy.......you ROCK!!! that is all i have to say my new friend!! Congrats on 120 hours clean!!
Paige
Paige
Hey y'all! I am gonna brag for one second...I am coming up on 120 hours clean. I know it's 5 days but 120 sounds better! Lol. Ok. No more bragging. Im feeling a little better from this flu/withdrawal! Have no energy and a low grade fever but better. I wore my little white surgical mask and went to recovery again. I still can't get the nerve to talk tho. I tried tonight but it went like this...Hi. I'm Sissy and i am an addict then all i could do was cry. Not the pretty, innocent, feel sorry for me cry but the blubbering, ugly face, snotty nose, can't breath cry. Will i ever be able to talk about this or will i always look like a crazy woman?
I still haven't managed food so am sticking with Propel and Boost. Im starving but nothing sounds good to me. I sure hope i get past this because i am ready for a big steak, loaded baked rater, fried okra and sweet tea! Geez that sounds so good!
My other question is do i also need to go to NA or AA if i am already attending the recovery group? I plan on going 3 nights a week. What do yall think?
I still haven't managed food so am sticking with Propel and Boost. Im starving but nothing sounds good to me. I sure hope i get past this because i am ready for a big steak, loaded baked rater, fried okra and sweet tea! Geez that sounds so good!
My other question is do i also need to go to NA or AA if i am already attending the recovery group? I plan on going 3 nights a week. What do yall think?
Thanks - and BTW you ARE a person to look up to. You see all those things you did; the lies, the money, I did those things too. Lots of addicts have done those things. Opening up about it all adds even more accountability, a strong motivator for you, and really inspiring to a new person reading your story, wanting to quit.
Julie, you were one of the first to teach out to me and I could never repay you for believing in me! Telling my friend was so freeing! I really thought she would end our 20 year friendship because I have told her countless lies. I have watched her daughter while high on pills! I am not proud of the things I have done but I am proud of me right now! Her giving me that hug just broke me! Poor thing will have to wash her hair thanks to me crying on her shoulder! Lol. She will make sure I am accountable! I even gave her my debit card because I know the craving are getting worse! I am calling my doctors and pharmacy tomorrow! I will not leave a stine unturned! I have to beat this just to prove to myself that I can do it! God bless all of yall that take the time to help people like me! Nothing less than than a Hero on my eyes!
Vickie-thanks again for the encouragement! I dont know if I should be anyone's inspiration! I am fighting this fight just like everyone else! I am 2 hours away from 100 hours! Wow! Didn't think I would go it. I am learning that a lot of this is a mental game. I have been married twice and have a teenage daughter so I can play mental games! Lol.
I want everyone who thinks they are too far into this addiction to know the real me! I have told countless lies to get my pills...have justified my actions to myself...have spent money that should have been for food for my kids...have lost a job over pills...have lost friends...have been hospitalized for my liver shutting down and hid my pills and took them in the hospital! I am less than 100 pounds and could take 30 pills a day and I know that I should be dead! But I'm here! I am fighting this with all I have! I lost myself along the way and to be honest with yall, I really missed me!
Sorry about the novel but I feel better getting that off my chest! I am not a person to look up to! I am just sick and tired of being sick and tired! Thanks to all of yall who have helped me believe in myself when I had lost all hope! Yall are my Hero's!
I want everyone who thinks they are too far into this addiction to know the real me! I have told countless lies to get my pills...have justified my actions to myself...have spent money that should have been for food for my kids...have lost a job over pills...have lost friends...have been hospitalized for my liver shutting down and hid my pills and took them in the hospital! I am less than 100 pounds and could take 30 pills a day and I know that I should be dead! But I'm here! I am fighting this with all I have! I lost myself along the way and to be honest with yall, I really missed me!
Sorry about the novel but I feel better getting that off my chest! I am not a person to look up to! I am just sick and tired of being sick and tired! Thanks to all of yall who have helped me believe in myself when I had lost all hope! Yall are my Hero's!
Hey - so good to hear from you, and that you told your friend everything - that is huge! Doesn't it feel so great to have that burden lifted? The stress of it alone.....It keeps you accountable too; which is just another way to help keep yourself on track. What a bummer about the flu, but at least you are getting it over all at once, right (good timing like u said)? You stay positive and you will win this. and I LOVE:
"I refuse to say Why Me so I am Saying Try Me!"
You are doing this! And you got the 100 down....
"I refuse to say Why Me so I am Saying Try Me!"
You are doing this! And you got the 100 down....
Oh Sissy you are too funny..We would have a blast..."Try Me" I like that..Hey and great way of thinking like that..Oh it is just a bad case of the flu.Well it is both..Oh you are a tough one..You are doing a Great Job..I still give this thread the thumbs up..It is one of the best ones I have ever read..Look at the new ones that you inspired all ready....Keep on keepin.... Hey them women are probably waiting for you to come back...
vickie
vickie
Hey y'all! Im still hanging in there! Been sleeping most of the day! Dibjist keep telling myself that this is the flu not withdrawals to try and keep the cravings away! I confided in my best friend of 20 years. I was scared to death as she is all about anti-drugs! She hugged me and told me she loved me and that WE would get thru this together! I cried like a baby! I needed that hug more than anything! Im still hanging in and fighting this! I have to win so I refuse to give up! I believe that everything happens for a reason so I believe God gave me the flu to cover up the withdrawals! I figure not much more can go wrong so bring it on! I refuse to say Why Me so I am saying Try Me!
Have an Answer?
You are reading content posted in the Addiction: Substance Abuse Community
Is treating glaucoma with marijuana all hype, or can hemp actually help?
If you think marijuana has no ill effects on your health, this article from Missouri Medicine may make you think again.
Julia Aharonov, DO, reveals the quickest way to beat drug withdrawal.
Tricks to help you quit for good.
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
