THREE weeks clean! Still have symptoms...

[NeverAgain127]

Wow...toady is day 21.   I can't believe I made it this far.  

For those of you going through this process, I'll briefly recap:

1. No peak for me. It was a slow process of feeling better every day.
2. Still cannot sleep (take trazodone--gives me five hours a night)
3. Tummy troubles; I have irritable bowel syndrome, so this might take months to calm down.
4. Restless legs:  OMG!  This symptom just lingers and lingers.   Potassium and magnesium help a lot.
5. Pain:  All the pain is back, but I can't trust it is at normal levels.  Still, I'm starting to see a pain mgmt. doctor next week, probably for physical therapy.
6. The cough.  I've posted on other threads about this, but I developed a dry hacking cough at day 16.   Lung xray normal.   Doctor wants me to come in for a pulmonary function test.  I'll post results when I go...

I feel very....restless emotionally.  Not depressed, but just a feeling of uneasiness.  I realized that the oxycodone wasn't just numbing my physical pain, it was numbing ALL of me.   How did I not see how absolutely horrible my job is?  How abusive my boss can be?  How much stress this work is putting on me?  

I don't like what I'm going AT ALL.  I have been an insurance broker for 15 years.   Health insurance.  The bottom has fallen out of this market with the advent of Obamacare.  Employers are doing awful things, like making all employees part-time so they can cut medical benefits.  People are cancelling life insurance and disability like crazy just to be able to meet their monthly bills.  

A lone wolf like myself is a dying breed in this type of market.  Everything is controlled by big brokers, big wire houses.   The little guy doesn't have a CHANCE.  I need to get out---fast.  But what am I going to do?

This is overwhelming me.  It was so much easier to be blissfully numb and in denial.  My book of business is slashed 60 percent over what it was prior to 2008.  

Is 52 too old to start at new career again?  My sister-in-law was a professional musician (classical flutist) and became a therapist in her mid-fifties.  I have another friend who went to law school at 53.   So I guess I'm answering my own question.  

Sigh.  And then there is the state we live in.  I'm in the northeast and it is dismal here.  All the big locally owned businesses have packed up and gone away.  Its' just "for lease" signs amidst a sea of Taco Bells and Check Cashing places.  

So.  A lot of big decisions to make.   I won't relapse...I wouldn't have the foggiest idea of even HOW to get any pills, and I'm an incredibly stubborn person...and I want this.  To be free from these awful meds.

My BF has a daughter who got prescribed methadone for a problem with heroin.  Now she has to face getting off the methadone, and we found out she is using the heroin again.  Around and around...so many people suffering from addiction and dependency.  

A pray goes out to EVERYONE here who if fighting this.  It is not easy, but SO worth it.   My favorite quote, from Winston Churchill:

"Never, never, never give up."

Thanks everyone.  This community has been my life line.

Gratefully,

-Robin

[NeverAgain127]

I've been tested for celiac and it is always negative.   Still I think that gluten causes inflammation in the bowel.

Problem is:  protein molecules are so large that if I eat just pure protein, I get horrible cramping.   I have to sip chicken or beef broth very slowly.

Sigh.  This all is just so rotten.  I am really upset with my doctor for keeping me on these meds for so long.  Seeing him tomorrow.

[clogger70]

I am 74, had knee replacement two years ago July, and a total shoulder replacement surgery May 14. 2014. I came to this site because of the pain med issue, I have not had the problems that some have had but withdrawal is still withdrawal and I sure have learned a lot from this site. But all of the comments about tummy/bowl issues sure hit home for me. I suffered for years and was also anemic. Finally in 2009 found out I have Celiac disease. Allergic to gluten, a protein that is in wheat,rye,barley. It is the most miss diagnosed disease because it's symptoms are like all of the above. Be sure to ask Dr. about it.    

[NeverAgain127]

Thank you all so much for your wonderful suggestions and support.

I've had IBS (which my first husband--a doctor--told me stood for "I'm basically stumped" ) since high school. I suffered severe abuse as a child and my tummy absorbed the stress.

I've had half a dozen colonoscopies through the years, and am scheduled for an endoscopy/gastroscopy on 10/30 IF this darned hacking cough will go away.  Which is another thing my doctor wants to check me for...I had a chest xray and it was normal, but he wants me to come in to listen to my lungs and do a pulmonary function test.

I'm feeling depressed these days.   My job is really terrible.  Yesterday I found out a powerful man in the insurance community here stole one of my largest clients.    Absolutely nothing I can do about it, because it is "what the client wants."   (Which I don't believe; this business in intensely cut-throat...you have to watch your back constantly.)

I'm panicking because I'm in a commission-only job, I'm the breadwinner, and since coming off opiates, my production has been non-existent.  We are in for some rough times financially. I've got to figure out a plan, an soon.

I recognize that the depression and anxiety are part of the w/d's.   And I'll go back on Prozac if I have to...

Again, thank you my lovelies...

-Robin

[jethro733]

Yea Lulu I've been checked for that too, I've had one of those.  Chrohn's does not sound fun and I'd say I've just got one of the worst case of this that I've seen as far as stomach issues.  I've been through so many different tests I couldn't remember to list them all.  They even tried to put me on AD's... Once I was diagnosed a few months ago and I began it's cleanse diet I started to feel a little like I hadn't felt in years, within a few days.  Hungry and losing weight and still off with detox symptoms but could actually feel I was moving forward and after the cleanse was adding so many things to my diet I hadn't eaten in years.  It's a long process 6-18 months but I'm definitely feeling improvements.  

Anyhu's didn't mean to hi-jack your thread sorry NevaAgain, I hope things are going well for you today too!  The best thing I find for sleep is doing something physical in the day or whenever that's going to tire you out.

[jifmoc]

Never- funny, I go to AA, too. Did 90 mtgs in my first 90 days. I don't identify w/ alcohol either...BUT, I have learned that that doesn't matter. Our using is just a symptom.

[lulu747]

To you all-

Never Again I cannot add to what everyone has already said.  Only congratulate you on your hard won clean time and to cheer you forward- both with seeking a new career, and aftercare.  You're doing great lovely.  You would make a good agent (Film and TV)

To Jethro-
Have you had a colonoscopy?
What you are describing sounds an awful lot like Crohn's Disease which I suffer from and have since 2006.  It was hard for me to find a non-pharma way to deal but as of this month I am in total remission, and have been for one year.  I didn't leave the house for years because I was terrified to be without a bathroom.  I have to be SO careful about what I eat.  For me, restaurant food is a crap shoot...Pun intended.

It is really hard on the body and spirit to be constantly voiding the contents of your system.  You do not absorb nutrition properly and are always exhausted.  It infringes on work and social activities.  So please don't stop pushing until you get a diagnosis.  It took me nearly a year to be diagnosed and I was so so sick I nearly died.

To Pat-
If 50 is the new 30 and I am 36 does that make me 16?  Awesome!!!
xo

Lu

[jethro733]

To the others asking about stomach issues, yes it is completely normal after opiate use.  3 months use is not "only three months use".  Once you're hooked you will suffer the symptoms... Please don't freak out about what I'm talking about as you are not likely to suffer from it if you've never had troubles... Give your body the time to get back on an even keel before worrying about something extra...  If you want to help you guts stop eating wheat as it won't cause any harm on a side note.  

[VICourageous]

Time & Patience..The Physical will ease way before the mental..For me it took a few Years to come around..BUT I am a very LONG time X user of any thing.
If I knew then what I know now how much it ALL does to the Brain I would of never let this go on. When I was in school I just seen a egg being fried in a pan, telling us this was our brain on drugs..Well maybe they should of scrambled it!!! Ha!!!! Keep on Keeping..Ups & Downs for awhile.
Bless

[Ejm7263]

I go to AA. I love my group. I'm not really a drinker but I was told by someone with years of sobriety that most alcoholics did drugs even if only prescribed ones. He told me to use drink & drunk to mean anything I did to alter myself. It's working great. The NA close to me is scary too.
I suggest you try it. It's life saving.

[jethro733]

Yea I've been tested for everything under the mainstream sun.  Usually twice at least.

I've definitely got a gnarly Candida infestation which I've had for my entire life to be honest looking in hind sight, though it's only gotten out of control and completely unmanageable this last five or six years or so.  I've already diagnosed a number of my friends with this as the doctors here surely have no clue and just call it "Inflammatory bowel" and/or "leaky gut" when it gets bad enough and class it as an auto immune disorder with no known cure.

Very depressing stuff and I'd like to offer some alternatives to other people suffering from under the IBS umbrella term which really means "something is up down there but we have no bloody idea what".

[Ariel0894]

First of all, 21 days is amazing so congratulations!  I've been following your posts and I know that you have not had an easy time, with the withdrawals seeming very drawn out.  The other thing I wanted to share is that within the past couple of days it has dawned on me that I really need a new focus in my life; I feel that along with detox is coming this need for other transitions in my life.  I have a master's degree and have been in the same career for 15 years, but I'm starting to realize that there's another area of study I would like to pursue that would definitely change my career path.  The point is, no matter how old you are, I think that transformations in other parts of your life as you come off of opiates and come back to life again makes total sense.  Chances are we have been unhappy for years with what we were doing, but just numbed it all.  So now that you have more clarity, you're probably feeling a pull to do something else, and this pull is probably coming from a very authentic place.  I say go for it!

[Merri123]

It doesn't matter if you don't drink. You can still go to AA. Go go. They are great meetings. I always liked the speaker meetings do much.

Could the trazedone be causing some of your symptoms?

And you are never too old to do what you want in life. Go for it!!!

[nike123456]

Its normal to have these stomach issues with only 3 month of using oxycodone?  I really wish I never took these drugs.  My anxiety is full gear now

[PurrfectlyKrazy]

Robin, my mother started a new career as a CNA at the age of 57 so it is NOT too late for a new career.  Call some schools and have some pamphlets sent in to you so you can at least look at some career choices....and most schools have financial aid and night classes and/or online classes so it is easier than ever to switch to something else :-)

[PurrfectlyKrazy]

I had the same issues for over a month...it is fairly normal.  The opiates really do a number on our brain and on our tummy, abdominals.  It will take time but it will ease up....in the meantime try taking Zantac or something for the tummy......the stool problem is your body still pushing toxins out.  I wouldn't worry about any of it for a little while yet.  If you are still having issues at 30 days discuss it again ... but if your symptoms worsen think about seeing your doctor.

[PurrfectlyKrazy]

WTG on the 21 days.  It still takes time for a lot of the longer lasting symptoms to clear up BUT they do.  I feel better now (well except for that darned diverticulitis) than I have in a long time.....

[nike123456]

Question.

day 11 no oxycodone.  Still having really bad stomach issues.  I was taking 30mg a day for 3 month.  Shouldn't my stomach issues be gone by now?  Lower abdominal cramping and really weird stool.  is this normal?  I'm starting to think something else might be wrong?  When I was on the pills i was constipated every day.  And now i have nothing but stomach issues

[Pat1956100]

Jethro have you ever been tested for E coli or C Dif?  I had E Coli for a year before I was diagnosed.  It was while my husband was dying and my doctor just attributed my issues to stress.


Robin, you have been through so much and it sounds like you have some rough times ahead of you but just realize that 52 is not that old.  You are wiser and more experienced than a lot of the young know it alls out there.
Believe in yourself and you will be able to sell yourself.  
I am Canadian so not sure what working for a bank is like there but it sounds to me like you would be good at selling investments, mortgages etc.  You seem to have a really good head on your shoulders. 50 is the new 30.

[jethro733]

Those tummy troubles, if they are anything like mine are unlikely to go away without an effort on your part.  I've been clean for I'm not sure how long, over a year I think and I've been stuck to the bathroom for the better half of every day.  I had this before I got on the oxys and to be honest I just didn't care about the withdrawal because I felt screwed anyway.  A year on 60 mg a day, then when I finally started abusing it my use went through the roof.

You need to go and have a look at this site and do some research yourself on Candida.  http://www.thecandidadiet.com/   Mainstream medicine will tell you you have IBS and sorry we can't do squat and we don't even really know what the causes and mechanisms are...  It's just so frigging horrible to live with when it's really bad I'd like to help anyone else who may be suffering from this condition but not know it.  If you are unsure, as an option when you start the cleanse diet you'll know yourself by detox symptoms you may or may not suffer.

On topic, eight years of use will take some time for your body to re-adjust. Ditto what Jifmoc said.

[NeverAgain127]

I haven't figured that out yet.    NA is too scary for me.  Maybe AA.  I dated a guy for 5 years who had 22 years sobriety and we went to 100's of meetings...(except the closed ones).  I loved them...so spiritual, and full of support.   I'd be lying if I said that alcohol was my issue, so I just don't know.

Suggestions?  

[jifmoc]

Robin- everything you wrote, how you're feeling physically and mentally: totally normal. Remember, your brain will be detoxing for a long time...months. You aren't always gonna have the intense feelings that you have right now.

Most importantly...what's your aftercare?:)