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864885 tn?1240014394


I began Oxycodone for a spinal tumor, and it helped like nothing else for the paralyzing panic attacks that  have experienced since my husband left (3 years ago.) He is a psychiatrist, and knew about my problems, but promised me that I would never be left alone. Now I am totally alone without any extended family or even close friend (because I have been crippled with panic.) The oxycodone helped incredibly, the constant terror stopped, and I was able to move forward and start putting a life together for myself.

It's not working anymore.

The pain in my spine is almost non-existent, but the panic is as bad as ever. When I wake up in the (late) morning, I just lie there and cry. I don't want to move. I can't get dressed or do anything productive.

I'm broke and lonely, not qualified for SSDI (because I raised my 2 girls. Neither will talk to me anymore because of my sadness.)

If I stop the oxy, I will probably be a total basket case.
I have a 16 yr. old daughter and a small dog, who has been my life line.

I would greatly appreciate any replies.
21 Responses
Avatar universal
welcome...For me when i was addicted to lortabs..After my pain went away i continued to take them because of the energy, and just felt more productive...Then after a few yrs of having to take more and more to get the same effect, they actually started doing the opposite effects ...meaning , they were making me tired, I would get nothing done, and wasn't taking care of myself, or things that needed to be done....I also was getting depressed, and didnt' want to go anywhere , or be around anyone....Which was not the way it started out when i was taking them....I think this happens for many of us..

Are you seeing a doctor at all?  or taking any anti-depressents?

If you want to get off of them we are here to help you...god bless
864885 tn?1240014394
Thank you for your response.

I have suffered from anxiety, severe depression, and just incredibly bad luck. My husband of 21 years left (and left me with nothing.) My children are out of control, and if it wasn't for my dog, I would do myself in.

I have nothing to continue for except for my dog, whom I would not leave. Now I have addiction, on top of all of this.

I began training to prepare for a yoga-training program, but I can't pay for the program and, somehow, the yoga is the only thing that I can seem to actually get out of the home for. I just want to sleep for a long, long time.
864885 tn?1240014394
I take prozac 40. But I think that I am reaching an endgame quickly.
Avatar universal
Your not alone when your on this forum. I'm much like you except a dog I have 2 cats and very much alone. Not to mention my IRS troubles and the list goes on.  But I do believe in prayer and that I have inner strength that I will tap into to get me thru these bad times and to make sure my cats and I live well. You can do the same.

Take Care,
Avatar universal
The reason that I first picked up oxys was for anxiety. It's an odd, long story that I won't go into other than to say that I understand exactly what you mean when you say that the oxys made you better. For me, they not only made my anxiety better, they made EVERYTHING better -- for a while that is. The rudest awakening that I got when I realized that I had become physically addicted was that withdrawal would involve anxiety. The irony of it!

If you check yourself into a detox center, they will be able to help you with medications for the anxiety while you're getting off the oxys. Then, you can follow up with some outpatient stuff. I'm sorry about your family. As far as that goes, my recommendation is to get involved with NA and AA and find in those fellowships a family that will help you with your addictions. You're not alone in turning to opioids to fix what's wrong inside of you and your not the only to find that they mess up what's inside even more. Reach out, Annick... call a substance abuse hotline... there are people out there who want to help.

I wish you the best.
401095 tn?1351395370
yoga is wonderful...and there r tapes u can buy for next to nuttin....the Flow Series...Gaim makes it...starring tracey rich and ganga white...google it....it can take ur mind miles away and also help pain/anxity/depression and weight gain/3 tapes/earth, water and fire/...do sumpin that makes u feel good....yoga makes me feel good...plenty of other avenues....do u have alot of time on ur hands?  there r things u can explore to help that as welll
864885 tn?1240014394
Thank you for all of the responses.

I'm afraid to go into rehab and leave my dog and I'm actually trained (pretty extensively) in yoga. I'm just too scattered. I can't seem to DO anything. Anything that evokes the slightest hint of anxiety, I avoid like the plague.

I'm miserable and just want this all to end.

I thought that oxys were finally the answer to my uncontrollable anxiety (I have tried EVERYTHING.) The doctor began giving me Seroquel to control anxiety, which made me into a zombie. And valium, clonopin, etc. knocks me out before it hits the anxiety, so they're useless too. Oxys would be perfect if they weren't addicting. I'm angry. I've struggled with this **** for so long and wasted a ton of money on NOTHING. (Meaning therapists, psychiatrists, drugs.)

When I go even into slight withdrawal (1/2 hour late on a dose,) I can't breathe or move and I feel like I'm going insane. The effects of the meds start wearing off after 3.5-4 hours. The last two are painful (chills, depression, panic.) I truly hate my life.
Avatar universal
I'm going to suggest something that for an opioid addict is rather insane to suggest: it's opioid treatment for anxiety.

I have heard of people who have tried every medicine created for depression, which doesn't work for them, who are finally prescribed opioids (off label of course) for their depression. I only suffered with anxiety symptoms for a couple weeks before I turned to the oxys and found relief. I'm hopeful that, by the time I'm steeped in a recovery program and have finished with replacements, I will not have the anxiety.

All this all is assuming, of course that your oxy addiction is due solely to you trying to medicate your anxiety, something that can be very difficult for the addict to determine accurately.

I have come to believe that my addiction (though not active at the time) led me to have anxiety which led me to start self-medicating with oxys. But, if anxiety is truly at the core of your oxy dependence, not addiction, there might be a chance that you may find a doctor who would be willing to try treating it with opioids.

What is your using history? Have you tried drug counseling or NA?
Avatar universal
I understand about not wanting to leave your dog. Try to get out and to some meetings. They really do help and I always feel so much better after. The way you sound---you should get out to a meeting and meet some new people.

626605 tn?1302524071
Please hang in there. Try to get some kind of help. IF you have a DVD player I have a Yoga DVD I can send you in the mail if you are interested I only have used it once and I think you would love it. Please let me know and I would be more than happy to mail it to you.
Avatar universal
I sure do know how you feel.You are not alone.I too thought that the vicodin helped with the anxiety and they did now I am up to 100 mg a day and frozen with paralyzing anxiety.It has turned on me more ways than 1.I do not get a prescription so have to buy them off people and the cost is killing me.I am on 10 mg of lexapro a day and have been for about 2 months and I think that is making the anxiety worse.I have read a few horror stories about lexapro and I am going to start weening off that today.I am still using at the moment but getting things ready for a cold turkey detox soon.Like maybe tomorrow.I am scared to death but I know I have to do it.The guilt when using is killing me.I fear the anxiety is going to get worse and that scares the **** out of me.Every time I have cold turkey ed I don't sleep for close to 2 weeks and the anxiety and low energy suck the life out of me.Enough of my **** I just wanted you to know that you are not alone here.I hope things work out well for you soon.Hang in there.
864885 tn?1240014394
That is exactly what happened here. I have had SO MUCH trauma in my life, that I have not been able to function for a long time.When my husband left (leaving me with a ton of bills, two difficult teenagers and zero assets) I completely broke down. All of my coping mechanisms dissipated and I have not been able to get back on my feet at all. My children (16 + 21) see me as weak, although I have held the home together for them, went through cancer treatment absolutely alone, left med school to raise them, and have absolutely NO family left to turn to. I am about to lose my apartment because I can't keep up with the rent. My last vacation was in 1996, I wear the same stupid clothes every day (which are becoming ragged,) and can't even pay the **** co-pays on my insurance.

I can't cope. I don't know who would be able to.

The psychopharm put me on SEROQUEL for panic (I call it terror, because that is a much closer descriptive.) It made me into a zombie. I will NEVER take meds like that again, ever.

Here's the kicker: I have never used drugs EVER in my life, other than prescribed. Not even a puff of weed. The kids always made fun of me when I was a teenager, calling me goodie-two-shoes, etc.

Now I'm an addict. And I'm always sad, too.

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