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MY FIRST DAY

so here I am! Again.... It gets old I know but I worked last night and I woke up today to start fresh ! I did take my last one at 7 this morning but here I am again. I deleted my contacts for good , I made sure after I got ready to look and see if I had any floaters around and I don't so I am here dedicated to change and I will . I'll say it one more time, of course I'm scared but I do really want this. So let the long road begin ... Thanks to everyone that has stuck by me and put up with my stubborness. I do also work tonight and tomorrow night so therefore that will help hopefully! Just pray for me!
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Avatar universal
Awe drakeb, I'm do proud of you. And it isn't stubbornness it is addiction. But addition needs to be stopped. You are ready and you can do this. Remember most of it is mental. Keep your head in the game, you got this!
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Avatar universal
Hey your trying. You took the steps you need to this time. Make sure there are no text messages too. You can do this. You know the drill.

Good job and good luck.
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Avatar universal
Good luck and God bless.
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Avatar universal
Thank you ! And I know no text messages either . contacts completely wiped out! Its crazy I'm doing this but I'm ready. Just gotta think positive and roll wiith the punches
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1742220 tn?1331356727
rooting and praying for you, wishing you luck and strength!  :)
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Avatar universal
The failure would be if you didn't keep trying! Good for you drake... we are all pulling for you.
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Avatar universal
Thank you ! I'm starting to really,feel like crap
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11318065 tn?1462984479
Hurray for you on the decision to stop!!!!  You will feel like crap!  There is no getting around it!  But it will pass and you will be on your way to a new life!  You can do this!  You already got rid of all your contacts and that is a big step! Just keep hanging on and keep posting!  We are all routing for you!!!!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Thank you so much working tonight i can't wait to get home at 6 in the morning and sleep! That'll be a little while for me to not feel miserable I really feel so bad but I think its because I knew I was gonna stop so I really did it to myself this last time but I'll get thru it!!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Can anybody tell me how to explain to a non addict what it like to be an addict... Its hard but how do you explain this?
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Avatar universal
I don't know that you really can... but it is good that you are going to try!!!  To me...at this point in your addiction... the best analogy is that you know that without the meds you know that you will feel 10 times sicker than they have ever felt in their life and you have this continual voice in your head reminding you that if you just took ONE more you could avoid/stop it.

We have this voice of fear and doom that just doesn't shut up and we have to find ways to drown it out. The pills are the easy way....and it keeps telling us this. It lies too beause there is a way to make it stop and that is to reject the pills and the voice.

Of course none of that deals with the other voice... the one that tricked us into starting in the first place. That is a different story for everyone...but the best way to deal with that is to share it with someone else.
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Avatar universal
Thank you for that I'm coming to grips that i do need to share it with someone close to me comsodering that no one has known but at the right time when I'm ready. I mean it will maybe make it a Lil harder for now unless I somehow get to aftercare meetings and help but I'm confident in doing this and I will definetly make it this time!
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5986700 tn?1380791380
Hi drake, glad you're back. Never stop trying no matter how many starts you have to make.  

Being an addict is like being in love or infatuated with someone that's really really bad for us.  Everyone has experienced something like that.  You know you should get away, you try but it's innate, you're hard wired to this person and you may live your life being miserable with them til you die.  

Hope this one's the charm sweetie. We're all here for ya!  Hugs
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Avatar universal
Thank you I have real bad anxiety but I'm just trying my best not to think!! And I feel extremely SICK ALREADY and I felt naseaus last time bit nothing like this I keep gagging and stuff its terrible! But I got this!
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Avatar universal
3rd times a charm
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11532111 tn?1421549858
Great to see you to give it another shot hang in there
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Avatar universal
Hi Drake, great to see you here!
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Avatar universal
Thank you , definently will!!
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5986700 tn?1380791380
Sweetie, that's the stuff I would think about while I was detoxing.....omg...it's getting worse each time I f*ck up!! ......it was enough.  The last few years (yes years), of my bs I would wake in the dead of night suddenly, breath pulled from my lungs as I would shoot straight up in bed and I'd have this fantastical moment of absolute clarity what I was doing to myself and I would immediately go to that sinking gut, racing heart of realization feeling...omg! I'm so scared what have I done!?  

I started to have physical ramifications (bowels), not cute.(and I'm cute!) lol.
That scared the sh*t out of me! Pun intended!!

Make this the charm honey...we're here.  Hugs
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Avatar universal
Hahaha. And yes I plan on it. I can't wait to just get home and sleep! I have a question so late night I told my roomate I have trouble sleeping cause I know what's about to come and she said she has something called methacarbomol has anybody ever heard of this she said it will relax me to help me sleep and so is this heard of and is it okay to use during a process like this? I want to make it easy as possible with knowing what I'm facing
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5986700 tn?1380791380
I've not had experience but it doesn't look desirable, just another substance, kind of a scarey one too.  Check it out when you get home.
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Avatar universal
Shoud I not take it? Is it addictive or anything I jus wanna sleep
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5986700 tn?1380791380
I can't tell you what to do, I wouldn't take it.  You should know the sleep thing is prob the worst of detox in the long run...it is likely the last thing to come back.  Don't let it get you down. Sleep when you can and don't think about  it when you can't, it's counterproductive.  The one thing I know is not addictive is gravol...take a couple of those if you must, it might make you groggy enough to get a couple hours. Hugs
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Avatar universal
Okay yeah this sux I can feel my heart beating thru out my whole body and just the anxiety  
Helpful - 0
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