Major Xanax Addict

[cheerios]

I occosionally post but I read alot.  It's now been another few months of addition hell.  I keep upp-ing the xanax as I think I am completely up to my tolerance (could take more than 20mg on weekends).  It obviously leaves me very groggy and tired.  To be honest, I am so so sick of this.  I have a shrink but have lied and she thinks I am a total champ - tapering gradually - if she only knew that I had a huge second supply.  I am feeling so aweful that I think if I don't lower and get off soon, it might kill me accidently.  But how the hell do you go from such a high dosage to .25mg? which totally seems laughable!  I cannot even contemplate that amount! I can't believe I have done this to myself.  I am really scared as to whom I am turning into.  I keep saying "I don't have time" as I work full time and have 3 children but oddly I always seem to find time every week to get my script, get it filled in different states, and so on and so on.  Has anyone been successful - either ct or weening or tittering....

[steveo30]

mandapanda17,had some good advice,she's been there and had some major discomforts at 2.5 mg's.thats exactly what i take now
plus. my opiate problem which i wont get into now.good luck for real

[steveo30]

your going to have big problems if you dont have enough to taper or find a doctor that can help.your coming off of a large amount of benzos and that is dangerous if not fatal.if you've run out of options and your not feeling right(you'll know) get your self to a hospital where they can stabalize you,and most likely give you enough meds until you can see a doctor.dont try doing this by yourself.your dose is way to high.keep the phone close' i didn't mean to scare you but those are facts.i wish you the best of luck.keep posting

[Mandapanda17]

hi!

Your HAVE to go find a doctor that will help you taper, giving you enough scrips. to taper with. It may take you months to taper off of 6mgs a day IF thats what you are comfortable with starting at. I would really worry about your health and your safety if you were going to try and taper too quickly off of this drug. I don't want to scare you, but it can cause seizures and death if you come off a higher dose than 2mgs a day, cold turkey OR tapering way too quickly. If your current doctor doesn't want to do this, then go to someone else!! I had to switch doctors twice before finding one that would do this the way I wanted to. Look up the Ashton Manual on google, she talks about tapering off benzos in general, the good, the bad, and the ugliness of it. I'm telling you this from personal experience. I took xanax for 10 months and only EVER took 2.5mgs in a day, I had some horrible withdrawal symptoms when my first doctor tried to do a FAST taper! I don't want you to be miserable or have anything happen to you. ttys and lemme know what you think you're going to do. How many pills do you have left right now? Do you have any refills? xoxo

[steveo30]

if you cant find a doctor to help ,obviously you do'nt want to go to the one that your getting your script,then heres what i reccomend.what ever your comfortable with now,take off .5mg's for 5 days,and repeat this cycle every 5 days.this will take a while especially if your up around 8 or so .i've seen this system work
,and you will hardly notice the change ,but if you retract 1 time consider your self back where you started.i know people that have used this system,and took them almost a year to get down to zero,and they never retracted.thsts how many they started with.also they hardly felt uncomfortable through this period.i would never recommend cold turkey for any benzo

[cheerios]

Thank you everyone,
Well the day prior to Thanksgiving I knew was my last day to "take as needed" in other words overdose with the Xanax.  I took them all (except for 30mg left).  I must have taken 30 mg that day. WTH!   You see how I am?  Rather than keep them and taper I, just don't have control. Well I know with the little amount I have left that a quick taper is in order.  Yesterday, I was SO TIRED and yet had to host quests and cook / clean. Everyone looked so good and I stared at myself in the mirror after taking 10mg (which was my limit for that day) and I really tooked terrible.  My friends all told my I looked "tired" and asked if I was coming down with a cold.  I am even more exhausted today.  The only good thing is that, I will keep some here at my office so no more can I over do it.  I want off this stuff as it really no longer has any upsides.  Not one single one.  I thought it over.  What is good about it?  NOTHING. It was good for me for a year but no longer works and now I am so determined to get off.  I don't want these aweful tired eyes and people thinking I'm sick.  Well obviously the only good thing about it, is it will calm my w/d.  I will still to a plan like this:  MAX 6mg.  BUT only take 2mg IF I need them for w/d.  I am so ambien (when does nothing since its powerless over the xanax but will help me once I reach a very low amount).  I will be getting another 60mg on Wednesday the 3rd.  I will try my hardest.  MAX 6mg only with anxiety and if it turns out I need 7, that's ok.  I just know have a clue where I am now with my body because I keep flucuating up and down.  I need to be flat on my way down.  I am feeling like a have no blood pressure right now and will faint.  I swear (I say this now).  I would rather feel tired b/c I stayed up watching TV all night then be tired after sleeping 10 hours and taking 30mg in one day.  I am the pure definition of addiction.  But it will kill me. My kids are getting older and they are noticing.  If I can act myself again, I think it won't be too late for them to forget my addictive years.

Thanks Panda and Lmatt - did you taper of ct?  Congrats!!!!  Caffeine - I am drinking it all day just to keep awake.  You are right.  

I am so deep in the dumps and in trouble but will give it a try myself before spending thousands of $ which we definitely do not have.

Cheeries, and I am so proud of you.  

[lmatthews75]

I was taking at least 40 mg aday Xanax should be pulled from the market.  Get off as soon as you can if you cant do it get help to do it.  I have been clean for a year an feel normal again thank god!  I thought I would never be normal again through the first month of coming off of it but you can have your life back....stay away from caffeine to keep your blood pressure down as much as possible.  

[Mandapanda17]

sorry I never got back to you yesterday! busy..ugh! I'm happy the sub works for you, and that is awesome that you're going to start tapering xanax on turkey day! :) See, I'm already proud of you!! :) I was always tired on xanax too, its a tough drug to deal with. Let me know how your taper goes and keep in touch! I'm here often, lol :) ttys!

[cheerios]

Thank you so much for your support - I will make a plan and start on Turkey Day.  I hope by New Year's to be around 6 or 8mg.  And I need to mention that I am also taking subutex -maintenance for life since 2001.  I'm 2mg and have never abused that drug - it just wasn't appealing to do so.  I came off addiction to vic's on and off for 10yrs and the sub saved me but unfortunately I found out via the internet that benzos will still work even when on sub.  Hence, the reason I experimented.  I do admire that you were able to come off completely clean!  That is great!  Believe me, I was getting high at 2.5 mg along time ago and loved it (minus the blackouts).  but now I see pix of myself and I can't even recognize me.  I look so much older and always tired.  I reallly really need to be clean for my health and myself and kids. and hubby....
Its so very hard

[Mandapanda17]

hey, I've known quite a few on this site that have been up to 10mgs. Tolerance to Xanax builds up faster than any other drug from what I've read! I hope Bob641 comes on here to chat with you, hes been tapering off xanax for quite some time and started at a very high amount also, I think 9mgs a day. There are things we cannot take back, I wish I never would've taken xanax either, I also wish I never would've taken 20 10mg hydros a day either but...it happens and we find a way to get through it. Believe in yourself and keep fighting this, make a plan and take it one day at a time. that seem like a good place to start right? :) And of course you're going to be having me bothering you and checking on you to make sure you're ok. :) lol... take care and try not to stress to much, you CAN do this, make a plan!!

[cheerios]

Thanks - that's a good idea.  Don't know if I have the will power.  I am so afraid that I will o/d if I keep needing more - can you believe that it doesn't even do anything anymore, at 10mg?  Really - no high - just calms the nerves.  I should have never messed with this stuff - really.  Ambien would have been much better.  I'm afraid of my own self, too...

Cheerios

[Mandapanda17]

I'm sorry you're going thru that, it sounds like either detox, or being completely honest with your doctor are your options at this point. you CAN'T let yourself get to a point where you run out when your're on that high of a dose. 10mgs is a LOT of xanax. I took 2.5mgs daily at my highest point and even tapering off that was h3ll. I guess you could first start by trying to spead out the doses throughout the day and cutting back by a little at a time. I wish you the best and am concerned for you.

[cheerios]

I am on 10mg a day - all at once.  If I take a bit less, it's because I save them for the w/e so I can take more.  It's sick.  I really hate this.  Thanks for caring and reading.  Has anyone gone to a center in or around NYC/ upper NJ area.... My shrink had me on 6mg and then we went to 2mg in about 6 months.  But I went from 6mg for only one month and really really tried (may 2008) and then the refill was ready (from a different place) and I couldn't resist - I told myself "it would only be for emergencies".  I guess I felt so bad and guilty that instead of being strong, I collapsed into full blow xanax addition and almost doubled my daily consumuption!  WTH!

Cheerios

[Mandapanda17]

I know theres some people on here who have been successful, I myself was tapered down to .5mgs really fast, and then my doctor switched me to klonopin, because it was obvious to her that I have more of a long term problem with anxiety.I feel much more steady now. You may want to be honest with your doc... are you supposed to be at .25mg now? what are you taking now? best wishes!