can you all get another one through this hell

[petsrule]

Like so many I have been reading the forum for quite awhile.  My usage was fentanyl (25) and vicodin.  I ended up chewing the patches and taking up to 12 vicodin a day. I got to the point I had completely withdrawn from life.  Trying to get the 'good' feeling that wouldn't come anymore.  This went on for about 4 months, the usage has been about 3 years but only the recent 8 months were uncontrollable.  I went through the 'this morning I am not going to do this' until fate took the decision out of my hands and my doctor quit writing scripts for me.  I had 3 patches left at that time.  I decided not to look for another doctor and take this as the sign "it's time".  That was 5 weeks ago.  I used the 3 patches to somewhat taper over a week.  Then hell for a week. I got a letter from my doctor that I had a script to pick up and I did.  It was 10 patches (12.5).  Well, guess what.  approx a  week later they were gone. Now I am on day 8 without and I have the same question that everyone here has asked "will I ever have energy again?".  I can say that I am enjoying the mental clarity but this lethargy is awful.  I hold on to the words here that yes, your life will get better.  I am 57 years old and what if I am to old to bounce back.  What if this is as good as I ever feel again.  I guess I am looking for answers and there probably aren't answers.  My whole being right now is one big "HELP".....  

[petsrule]

I haven't said Thanks to all who respond.  And I do mean Thanks.   I read and re-read at my crazy moments and believe me reading them helps.   Thank you all for the words. Bless you all.

[spider6]

Hi there and welcome!  I haven't been around much lately with all The Xmas hubbub and I'm just catching your story now.  Water lily couldn't have said it any better and one day soon those will be your words to someone else who needs support.

Just when you think you've reached your threshold of "better ness", you hit another marked point of feeling a change of "normalcy".   It really is worth it, coming from a person who hasn't been drug free since my last pregnancy 26 years ago!  I am 124 days clean today and I have tried COUNTLESS times to do this but so far this is the longest I have ever made it.   I am 55 in a couple of months so it really is doable for anyone.

I'll be following your story and sending hope, prayers, support and the insight for you to acknowledge your self-worth and embrace it and live your life the way it was meant to be lived.

You can do this, we're all behind you here.
Hugs.

[petsrule]

Just sounding off again. Holding on to the thought that I will get through this. I slept Christmas night only because I had some brandyand eggnog. Now back to not sleeping.  This could drive me crazy.  I dread the nights.   Then the days are hard.   I can only do basic things.  I am at the end of day 13.  I think I could have had major surgery and felt better.   What have I done to m myself.   I will do the time but I could go crazy. I keep reading the positive posts.   There are more positive things about not taking and I will not start that hell again,  and I had  reached that point, but  moments like this are hard.   If I had known this. ....

[waterLilly7]

It will get better friend, I promise you. It just takes that ugly word, "TIME" it looks uglier when you capitalize it. Everyone is different. I noticed milestones at intervals like 15 days, one month, 3 months, 6 months, 9 months, one year, etc and even now I am seeing them. Just when I thought, well, its been quite some time now, I guess this is as good as I am going to be, and then another wonderful old part of me kicks back in, and its like, "wow, I forgot about that!" Like, for example, I always loved to read. When I was so heavily medicated I did not want to read anymore, and then through withdraw I had no desire, and to just recently, over a year clean, I still didn't have a desire, but I totally forgot how much I loved to read. Last week I w as cleaning out a closet, and found a book I had purchased but never read, and started reading it a little, and before I knew it I was absorbed in it and appreciating reading again. that horrible anxiety monster was the absolute worst symptom for me, and it is completely 100 percent gone. I was so scared it wouldn't ever leave. Give yourself time and expect symptoms to come and go, and treat yourself well duing this process. Treat yourself and talk to yourself kindly with an inner voice. You deserve it.
hugs,
Lily

[ROSYouralright]

It can and WILL get better... Sadly, sleep seems to be the last thing to return and lack of sleep can make ya quite moody! Have you tried Melatonin or Valerian root.. Sleepy time tea??

[petsrule]

Just venting....  on day 11 and have had probably 3 hours sleep in as many days.  No energy.  If this is the rest of my life then crap. I think I'm tired and moody. Sorry. Typing didn't help so back to the waiting game. Happy Holiday.

[ROSYouralright]

Hey, CONGRATULATIONS on reclaiming your life! Their is FREEDOM in RECOVERY!! It's not easy but IT'S WORTH IT!! Yes, you will bounce back... It just takes time (a word you will come to hate) to heal after all the years of abuse we put our bodies through.. Rome wasn't built in a day!!
Hang in their and KNOW that it DOES get better!