Mental

[bkrall]

Everyone talks about the what to expect physically from withdrawal, but what about the mental part. I have gone through withdrawal for different meds but not long enough to know what to expect on the mental part. My Pain Mgmt Dr changes my meds around about every 6 months and I am at the point where I am begining to wonder what to expect when I get off all the meds together. I have been on Kadian (still am) 20 mg twice daily along now with oxycodone 15 mg 3 times daily. I know it's different for everyone and wouldn't have gotten back on this stuff had I not needed 3 surgeries and now I am left with chronic pain. When I went through withdrawals about 5 yrs back I ended up with horrible anxiety problems is that something that ever goes away totally or is there something other then prescribe medication you can take for that. I have been on pain meds now for 3 yrs and want off this stuff all together. It's not managing my pain it's now just managing my life.....I would like some normalcy back in it and tired of living in a fog.

[onthefence]

no , i can take them or leave them, but cant say the same for my wife.....

[bkrall]

Thank you and to the others that have posted since I reposted.

Chronic pain is horrible, I feel for me that it doesn't really matter which meds I use, I am only receiving minimal relief from them, which cause you to take more then what has been prescribed.

The fact that I was up front with my dr's when this all started I think has gotten pushed back, I believe they think they are doing what is best and trying to find something that I can use that will work and not want me to take more then what is needed. I have been the one who asked to be taken off something I just asked them the last time I saw them which was about 2 wks ago to take me off the Morphine IR 15 mg and switch it to something else. I was using way more then I should and I felt the only way to stop that was to be taken off it, not too mention that I couldnt breath on it anymore.

I know that I am doing this to myself that I am hiding in the meds. Yes I work and take care of my family at a minimal. I know that if I continue to use meds I wont be able to stop and for me that is the scary part.

Part of the SCS is a psych eval which I have scheduled on the 15th of this month, I am a little scared as to what he may think of me. But my main goal when this all started wasnt to be left with being on pain meds they told me that the surgery was my last resort and it would help that fact that it didn't and my pain is worse because of the surgeries makes me mad. Again should I had a crystal ball and saw the future I would have remained with what pain I had and didn't use prescribed meds and lived on tylenol everyday, but I was in control and now I am not. As someone posted above that the opiates make you think you have more pain then you do, I saw that statement and felt as though he knew exactly what I had already thought.

So for me it's time to re-evaulate my pain. Find out if I can or can't do this without some help from something, I feel like I take them because well that is what I am supposed to do to function. This isn't living or I should say not the life I want to live.

[worried878]

All I know is bein a chronic pain patient with an addiction to boot///sux huge major hotdogs..and i fel ur dilemna

there comes a point when losing cotrol of ur life hurts worse than the pain..different type of pain..but it aches cos u fight to keepo ur person...while the pills u take to control the pain//fight against u the whole time
for me..tolerence grew..and i wasnt really using for pain anymore..only to function..i saw my dose increase//and it was very slowly for me...to the point where i knew that narcotics were not meant for long term pain control due to this very reason...i thought about my dose in 10 yrs?  20 yrs from now?  scary!

letting go is harder for a true chronic pain patient...we r prime candidates for addiction as pain causes fatigue and depression...i often relate addiction and chronic pain together in the sense that someone who has not experienced either/or...or both together..just can not relate..they can not relate at all,,,i rarely even talk about my pain to people..almost a secret//as my addiction was
Life is often not fair in what some r "blessed with" like addictive tendencies and a chronic pain problem to boot...but we have to let go when we begin losing our person...if we want to hang onto our person....i started looking into alternative methods of pain control..and actually found more relief vs the narcs...keep posting

aLSO THERE IS A GREAT CHRONIC PAIN FORUM HERE..I POST THERE SOMETIMES
yikes!  sorry for the caps yall

[dominosarah]

You will always be welcome here no matter what type of day you are having.......

[Beccabeccalynn]

Before anyone of us got clean we thought about life, addiction, hopes, fears, denial, acceptance etc... Then we took the next step we talked about on-line in person over the phone etc ... Finally we took our lives back or are on the process . Step by step day by day. We are all in a differant place in our recovery. Not all flaws are fixed by getting sober. Practicing tolerance of others teaches me acceptance and patiance. ( to bad it can't teache to spell)(lol) I havey contrary days as well and expect to still be welome here when I do .

[dominosarah]

Are you an addict?

[onthefence]

ppl are going to do whatever they choose no matter what they read on an internet forum,
and i am not 1 in a million , that is exactly the mentality i was talking about.....

[LateAugust]

Your post causes me a great deal of concern for anyone looking for help in their struggle for  fighting addiction.  I hope you will think about your words and the potential impact they may have on someone in dire need of help.  Drug abuse is  truly a life or death situation,  a cavalier attitude is no help to an addict.....   If the choice of using for pleasure with no repercussions  is so easy for you...  you are very fortunate  and  one in a million, PLEASE don't assume that is the norm.  Because it absolutely is not.

[LateAugust]

Your post was very honest,  and seems as you are searching for a better solution or way of life that you are currently experiencing.  I applaud you for your dedication in researching and finding the best solution for  you.  I will share, I truly believe the physical w/d or tapering or modification of drugs is much easier that the mental aspects of addiction as the mental addiction last a very long time....  much more so than the 3 to 14 days of physical w/d.  As you research the best means to facilitate your current desire to eliminate what drugs are currently doing to your life ,  and finding a way to manage your pain, I hope you will also include aftercare in your program.  It is so essential to acontinuing  healthy life that unfortunately gets lost in the physical w/d discussions.   Please know I wish you a successful journey on the road to the life you desire and deserve.

[bkrall]

And everyone else who posted.....I can't thank you enough for assisting me in this decision. I admit that I have overused on days. That is why I believe it is time to re-evaluate the pain med process. I knew when I was told that I needed surgery that getting back on meds was a bad idea for me, and I did tell my Pain Mgmt Dr and Surgeon that I had a problem before with pain meds, that this was going to be a battle on my end. I have tried to stick to the amount per day prescribed. When I was told about a month ago that I have been diagnosed with "failed back surgery syndrome" reality set in and I knew that my only option was to actually see where my pain level was really at.The only way to see is of course to not take them.I have been through withdrawals so I know what to expect but there has to be something whether it be a vitamin or mineral that you can take to counter act the anxiety issue. Xanax and Valium work but I too know those are habit forming, For me that (anxiety) is the worst.....I have been talking with Pain Mgmt about a spine stimulator and should the trial work then a permanent device would be implanted and I would hope that it does work and stopping the meds all together would be wonderful. For ppl who have never had chronic pain getting up in the morning is bad, but being addicted to these meds for me is worse then that. I know my personality, and I know the path that I am on is one that I swore to myself I wouldn't go down again, and I am here again feeling ever so defeated. I see Pain Mgmt in a week and I will tell them what my decision is, that for me after all these years it's time.

Again, thanks to all and will keep everyone updated on when I start and will advise if the stimulator handles the pain.

[onthefence]

some ppl cannot handle narcotics,   some can, it is, and will always be, a personal decision ,
of course na/aa ppl have to think a certain way and stick together, that is how they are comforted and are able to stay off narcotics, if they were to acknowledge that the loss of control that they have doesn't happen to every user whether it be for pain or pleasure,then the "steps" and philosophy of the program wouldn't work.
now i want to be clear here na/aa has helped many, many ppl, and for some it has saved their lives, because everyone is differen't and in diff. circumstances some ppl need that na/aa way or no way attitude. there is NO debate with these ppl, because for them without the retraining of the mind of aa/na would be death, or so they have convinced themselves so.any other way of thinking will be put off as "addict thinking or behavior" when it really comes down to no self control which is a mental issue that is real and not one to be ashamed of, aa/na is a way for these individuals to cope.  moderation in everything is the key   if you can handle it, but if a person is one of the many that cannot then they really should not consume any substances.

[dominosarah]

I agree with guv.......When the pain meds are controlling you it is time to get off them and reevalute.  For me the more i took the worse the pain was along with the anxiety.  I still have pain but i am able to control it with non narcotic options.        sara

[seahorse1963]

Eventualy everyone wants off the rollercoaster ride IMHO even if there is pain...the drugs rob you of so much, it's just not worth it IMHO of course...in pain but drug free :) only by the Grace of God!  I hesitate to say that because I may experience more pain but for today I'm clean and that's good enough for me :)

[guv338]

I stand by my previous comments.  The poster said "I have been on pain meds now for 3 yrs and want off this stuff all together. It's not managing my pain it's now just managing my life".   That is pretty clear that she wants to get off the train.

It has been my experience that the more pain meds you take the more pain you think you have.  It is the opiates way of taking over your life.  I am in no way trying to discount or judge her pain from this end of the keyboard.  I just truely believe that after being on meds for some time, it is a good idea to get off of them and re-evaluate your true pain levels, before deciding to allow yourself to get deeper into your dependance/addiction.  After getting off of them and all other Rxs and fighting through both the physical and mental ends of this battle, I have found that my chronic pain which I medicated for 12 years, is actually managable without the opiates.  Do I still have the pain?  Absolutely.  But I am having a much better life now that I am dealing with my pain on my terms rather than on the Rxs terms.  

And many of us have said, Take my will and life, Guide me in my Recovery,  

[ZJILLIAN]

I have to disagree with the above. I have been thinking about these different postings we get on this site and some of the advice that we give, especially about chronic pain.

I think how you manage your pain is a terribly complicated and personal decision. So I am very hesitant to tell someone they must get off of pain medication, especially when I have no idea what their options are and what the level of their pain is, who they are, what there situation is, and do not have a good medical history. There are so many variables in this decision. Certainly abuse of pain meds, taking more than is prescribed is a dead end and needs to be stopped. Certainly absolute honesty with your physicians is a must although extremely difficult. And a really good assessment of your pain management plan needs to be done with all the honestly you can bring to it.

The mental part of it is in some ways easier to talk about. Most of us experience mental distress of some sort--depression, anxiety, lethargy, even mania--but make it through this storm of emotions and are clearer and a lot saner clean.

I have had problems with extreme anxiety and agitated depression after getting clean/sober 15 years ago and after a lot of work found that a healthy dose of Zoloft which I still take has saved my life with no anxiety like that since. Although I continued to use and withdraw many times in the past years since then.

In any event, discuss this all with a good doctor. Get a good pain management plan and ask lots and lots of questions.

Keep posting and see what others say.

[guv338]

The only way back to normalcy is to quit it all.  The sooner the  better in my opinion.  You have been on the meds awhile but not an extreme time or quantity.  The mental part is difficult for sure, but must be conquered.  It just takes time and determination.  You can and will get thru it.  You must get it in your head that your done with the Rx and move towards that goal.  It may be a lot slower process than you like, but there is no way to shorten or to avoid the things you must go thru.  However, take it from a 12 year heavy OC addict, it can be done and it is well worth it.  Dont let the big Pharma cost you another day of your life.  I hope this is what you were looking for.  It will be pure He!! for a while, but quitting or relapsing can not  be an option if you want it to work.  You have to be stronger than the grip it has on you.