Methadone is one of the worst Synthetic opiates out here, so there will be ups and downs. It takes time for it to physically get out of all the cells, muscles, organs and bones. The Brain chemistry takes the longest. You had been using for many yrs, so this part su..ks for us that have used too long.
Try you hardest to keep yourself re-directed and just tell yourself that you are HEALING..physically, mentally and spiritually. I will not even mention out here how long my physical took, let along my mental..However, it did take the mental more then a yr or so. I did c/t 3 meds and each one hit different areas of the brain in one way, and hit other neurotransmitters the same in another way. I can tell you what drug hit what areas, but I am sure you know. I was on a upper, downer and a all a rounder. Ha! My anxiety and anxiousness was on the moon and I was still rocking back in fourth at 40days. I felt like I was in outer space and nothing seemed real in my own world. Each day there was a new Light, we just do not see or feel that at first but others can tell. The re-bond pain will take its toll. The enorphines (pain receptors) are clearing out toxins everywhere, and it will take time for them to produce the natural chem to help relive the pain. I had more pain on my methadone then I did off, but it took some time for me to feel no pain all over.. My Dr told me back then, that as the brain heals all those receptors & transmitters, they will send off false singles to the body. He called it "Somatic Syndrome". Also, being that I c/t a Bezo with mine, that was one more reason the anxiety was on the moon. All of this affects the Nervous System and this takes time to heal too. Time, Time and Time is becoming a nasty word out here..Ha!! By the time I had many, many months in, I was so mad and thought I would of felt SO much better, I felt "Hopeless" too, but I was getting better, it just did not seem so. The good day will come and when it does it will stick around. The roller-coaster will shut down, then you might be on top of the ferriswheel looking down. Your feet will hit the ground and the park will close up for good. We just have to be careful because that monkey can jump right back on our backs. CIK used to call recovery, like peeling layers off of a onion. I heard them say that, on one of my Christians shows just the other day. Someone said on here back in 2012, "Do not tell you God how tough the Storm is, tell the Storm how tough your God is", something like that..lol=Lots of Love.
As far as the sleep goes, well that will take Time too. Make sure you have the room cool and dark. Turn off all lights including blinking ones. Put some lavender in your sheets & blankets when you wash them and put them on the bed. The smell will help relax you. Try not to fight it. A day came, months later and all I could do is sleep. I called it my catch-up sleep. (: Hang in and keep the Faith up, one day all of this will be behind you. The H was more natural, so it does detox out faster, but it is a harder craving. Trust us, you will get better!!!!!!! Keep us updated!
This is my first post and I thought it would give me space to write my story after the question part. I am a 31 year old mother of 5 kids (3 bio and 2 soon to be step), they all live with us. I am getting married 5 weeks from tomorrow and leaving for a cruise of the Bahamas a week from Sunday. I'm terrified I'll still be sick. I started using heroin at age 13, got clean in suboxone at age 19 and i stayed in subs for 2 years. I relapsed (was in a relationship with someone who was using). I got pregnant a couple months into my relapse and ended up in methadone in October of 2007. I stayed on it and got married to a recovering man and had another baby, he also took my son as his own. Well I'm 2011 he relapsed and about 6 months of me leaving and coming back repeatedly I also relapsed and quit the clinic due to my shame. I got clean again and restarted the clinic in 2/2012. I've been clean and in it ever since. My highest was 75mg. I tapered slowly and got some to 1 mg and took my last dose this last Saturday. My family dr gave me clonidine and it helped a great deal but I still feel incredibly weak, my body aches and I can't sleep. I've called off work thr last 2 days due to those things. I work in a treatment center...I know sounds strange but I went to college when I was on suboxone and got a degree and an amazing job. I. Ant go to work like this. I've been on methadone almost non stops once 2007...8.5 years. How long will it be till the physical stuff gets better? How about sleep? It's worth adding that my husband died 2 years ago from an overdose. My fiancé does not use drugs, never did, he is "normal", very involved with church as am I now. He was raising his kids alone. He's a good man and supportive where he doesn't expect me to do much now but he just doesn't really understand since it's a different life than he's ever been exposed to. He is providing me a life beyond my wildest dreams and I want so badly to reciprocate but it's difficult now. We have a 9 month old baby and I'm struggling hard to care for her due to my withdrawals. It's not as bad as I expected but the whole piece of not knowing what more is to come is the scary part. Any POSITIVE help would be appreciated. PLEASE NO NEGATIVITY OR DISCOURAGING WORDS. I'm aware of all the horror stories already and they already scare me. Thanks a bunch!!
Hi Jen and welcome to the forum...first off a big congrats to you for 6 days clean....from what it sounds like your doing great....as for your symptoms it is normal ... methadone takes around 10 days to 2 weeks to get out of your system so hang in there your 1/2 way threw the phyical part...as for the sleep it is always a issue and it can take a wile to come around...the ''energy crash'' from this drug is debilitating on it own so that and the sleep thing where my worst symptoms....you have been on this a wile.....over time this drug seaps into your fatty tissues and bone and will slowly leach out...it is one of the reasons the recovery takes so long from this drug...I spent 10 yrs on the pills b/4 methadone and detoxed from them more then I like to admit....methadone is in it own catagory hand down it is the hardest to get over...I was on it at 150mg for around 7yrs and 47 when I detoxed we use a formula to get a idea of how it will be that goes like this....how long you been on it....how high a dose....and you age will all factor in I was on it a long time at a high dose and was 47 the cards where stacked agenst me from the start...I remember the ''energy crash'' being so bad that I could hardly get off the sofa to go to the bathroom....it took a good 90 days to start to come around you do get better each week that passes but being dope sick for 90 days seamed unbearable... now your only 31 that will help a lot you where on a modest dose but for 8.1/2 yrs so it will be a grind....just know this ...everything you go threw will be so so worth it.....you dont even realize how much this drug effects you until your off of it...just know YOU CAN DO THIS!!!! and where hear to help if you have question feel free to ask we have several members how have successfully kick this drug and they will be by to help your no longer in this alone....we have another girl Rach that is just starting out please read the posts we have posted for her there is a lot of good information that can help you as well... I have helped a lot of people off this drug over the years and will be happy too help you as well.....keep posting for support....
Do you notice a "peak" withdrawal period during the 10-14 days? Or are all the days typically the same in severity. I know days 5 & 6 have been equally as bad and I'm hoping it gets a little better for the days to come. I have to return to work Monday which will be day 9. Also is wild emotions a normal part? I'm not sure if you are male or female or if that makes a difference in that part but I can't stop crying and I'm super sensitive right now and I can't stand it. Thanks for your response and support.
Also...I did read the other thread and found that helpful also. Thanks again!
Hi Jenr, Congrats , Sounds like you tapered slow and low, everyone detoxs a little different, mine never increased around day 10, Just stay taking your supplements, vitamins, and drink lots of water, take some immodium on your trip, for me the bathroom issues were the worst, it took awhile for my stomach to come around, but what you have to ask your self is how bad to do you want this, Gnarly always told me , you have to be ok , with not being ok for awhile, and thats what i told myself, he and others here are so helpful here, my best advice is to keep a positive mind set, dont let others or anything you read discourage you , from staying true to your path. God Speed,
Thank you! Congrats to you also! I just read your other update post! It's so good to hear someone who made it through like I do in here. Most other forums I came across researching are not helpful.
It's been exactly 1 week and almost 3 hours since taking my last dose and my emotions are on overload. I don't know what to do emotionally. I'm short tempered, emotional, and quite frankly I feel crazy. My fiancé and I are fighting a lot. He has no knowledge about addiction and doesn't get it so he's not very patient with me. Anybody else go through very severe emotions/mood swings with kicking methadone?
Hi Jen..first off im a dude...as for the emotions mine where off the scale to even a sad song on the radio would get to me.... methadone dont get you high persay but it does quit the world around you your emotions will be like a rollercoaster for a wile....it will level off with time but it has been a wile since you ''felt'' anything....how are you sleeping??? as for the days getting better or worst for me it was about the same for 2 weeks....it is not so much the severity of the withdrawal that makes this drug hard to quit, but more the long recovery time....as for going back to work it is a good thing for most people it gets your mind off how c rapy you feel...just know your winning this thing....every day is a victory and your one day closer to getting better.....Keep posting for support
Well it's good to know that the emotional basket case thing isn't just me and I'm a bit relieved to hear that even men experience it...however I wouldn't with it in anyone. I cry over songs on the radio also, tv shows, etc. I hate it. Last night I slept from 9-1030 kind of...was in and out of it while watching a movie with my kids. Then I slept from 1030-12 last night and then from 3-5 am today. I'm on clonidine...that blood pressure med...doc gave it to me the lowest dose .1 two x daily and it helps for maybe 4-6 hours each time I take it. I take it at night before bed and it helps for a bit. I hope my sleeping recovers fast cause I've always been able to get sleep. When I abused heroin some years ago I could always sleep as soon as the withdrawal ended...with any luck that's how it will play out this time too.
Hi Jen good to see you post....well your beating this thing one day at a time....it is ausum that your able to keep a positive attitude...it is the single best thing you can do....it makes the difference between being uncomfortable and suffering... suffering is a choice the next critical step is aftercare...there are many avenues a therapist...a substance abuse counselor the pastor of your church or 12 step programs...I have tryed most and the N/A progam has been the magic bullet...the meetings are only a hour long it is free and available to everyone it gives you some place to share where the people will understand and with time you can get a sponcer and work the steps.....I managed to stay clean for 3yrs with a once a week visit to my substance abuse conslor so it work somewhat but I still thought like a addict with the obsessions the compulsions the resentments and usually it was a recipe to self sabotage...N/A treats the addict and all the behaviors that go along with it it also has1 big promise......you will loose the very desire to use...something I thought was impossible....right now your in the jaws of withdrawal but as time goes by we get that yearning for that warm fuzzy relaxed feeling that comes from opiets...once you start thinking about it you can very ezly slip back into it even years later.. I work a honest progam hit 3 to 4 meetings a week have a homegroup that I chair the meeting and speak 2 times a month at the local rehab her in phoenix... it may seam like a lot but trust me...loosing the desire to use is huge for this addict N/A has given me my life back and it takes less work then using 24/7...just put the same effort in recovery as you did using and you will be fine....those that use aftercare stay clean those that dont keep coming to the forum over and over again to detox and start the whole thing over again enough said Google a N/A meeting near you and as always keep posting for support
I was super involved in NA from 2005-2008 (I got on suboxone in 2005 and learned I was pregnant in 2007 so they made me switch to methadone. Well I shared this in a meeting after being on it for awhile. I too was chairing meetings at thtat tjme, Doing step work, had a sponsor and a home group. Well I was suddenly treated pretty horribly and told I wasn't clean and that my clean time didn't count. My meetings dwindled down to 1-2 a week and I stopped talking to 90% of the people there but still had a small group who loved me anyway and stayed supportive and kind to me telling me to ignore the jerks. I went to a meeting a day for about my first year clean in 2005. I was super into it. Well my sponsor relapsed after my meetings dwindled and she was my biggest supporter so after that it went to maybe 2 meetings a month and eventually I stopped altogether. I live in a tiny tiny tiny town where the meetings are very small. Unfortunately women in the program here with quality clean time are almost non existent. The same 5 men sponsor almost all the other men who have a local sponsor. A lot of people reach outside our town for sponsors. However to get to a good solid recovering fellowship area is 45-60 from here which is difficult with 5 kids. I also work in the field. I am a substance abuse counselor so I gotta watch what I share because every time I have gone to a meeting even outside my area (maybe 10 times since I've had my job) I run into a patient or recently past patient so I keep my sharing somewhat surface level. I work for a hospital who knows about me being in methadone and its in my employee health record but my coworkers and supervisor don't know. I know it sounds horrible being a therapist and going through withdrawal but I've considered myself clean while on methadone and it really did give me my life back. I have a lot of shame in being who I am and going through this right now, it makes me feel fake or like a bad professional. It also made me apprehensive to reach out but methadone is a beast of its own and successful tapers are so rarely discussed and I needed (still need) experience strength and hope from people who have been there so I don't feel so alone. I have 1 friend who got off the clinic maybe 6-9 months ago. Well she's clean however she ended up in the hospital on an IV of morphine and delodid. She has been clean since and doesn't view that as a relapse for herself but I do know that I refuse to let that be my story so I don't put all that much merit in her experience as she probably drew out her suffering by continued opiate use while in the hospital (she refused to tell them she had just gotten off methadone). Saturday afternoon and evening wasn't too horrible physically, I was on my foot more than usual so maybe that's why. We shall see how today (technically Sunday) goes.Anyway it's 430am here in good out central PA and I've gone on long enough now so I'm gonna go lay back down and stare into the darkness as I hope to fall asleep for a little. thanks again for your continued support. It means the world to me.
Hello & Welcome!
Congratulations on getting your life back. Always keep in mind that it is your Recovery and yours only. How you do it is up to you. Bouncing back from Drugs, all depends on your age, health, how many yrs and how healthy you are. Like many other drugs, the opiates do a big chemical change in the brain. There is so much that goes on up there in our brain and all the wiring that gets unbalanced. This is the part that will take some time to bounce back. The physical is over way sooner then the mental, but we do feel more clearer headed each day. It is the after that we have to work on in order to stay clean. It sounds like you have been open enough and studied enough about Recovery. I know what they say about Subs & Dones at those meetings. I also do know that Methadone, in the past, was prescribed only for H users and Bone cancer patience. I am not proud to say, but I had been using recreational off & on most of my life. Was always able to walk away until I got hooked on the Hydos/Oxys that lead me up to getting the Methadone prescribed for pain. I did quit drinking yrs ago when I was on the dones and stuck to it to this day. I was a bit older when I finally realized that after 12-16 yrs I could not stop!! Got clean back in 2012 and it has been a whole new life at the age 56, now 60. There are so many ups and downs in life and this is why we need that Support at all times. When I went and got help they new nothing about the methadone, so I did not sleep for many days until I got the cloindine too. Could only take it at night. The sleep and anxiety was a big issue for awhile. I did start taking some natural vit/min that helped alot. Being that I c/t off of methadone, street bought adderral, (do not have adhd) and a benzo made it that much harder besides my age & health, at that time. Had a silent heart attack and did not know it and ended up with 2 stents. That right there is a big part of why I can not ever go back. There are many, many steps to staying clean. I too go to both AA/NA but not as much as I did. Studied alot about Addiction and the Brain in a more scientific way too.I turned my Recovery over to my Church and the work I do to study the word. This has been the biggest break though of it all. Just hang in and take it day by day, as you will heal physically fast but the Brain has to adjust back after the use of these pills.
Do NOT feel a-shame or Bad as that is the Bad guy trying to take you down. You did what you had to do to stay in Recovery off the H and now you want to be completely clean. That is a Big Plus on your side. Make sure to keep yourself re-directed off your pill thoughts as much as possible. Lots of changes will be made and you will feel so much better.
Sorry to hear about your loss. I had so many during my Recovery, but it just made me that much stronger, however, these Angels out here stayed with me through them all. We have to let those feeling out of our pocket and this is why support is so important, as you should already be aware of.
Stick around and let us know how you are feeling. God be with.
Well yesterday afternoon was a good day. I only took 1 clonidine all day at 5 am yesterday and I'm prescribed 2! Yesterday I was at a family 4th of July picnic and it may have been being busy or it may have been being on my feet more but I only had very mild back aches and that was it. I went to bed at 1030 and fell asleep around 1130 and slept till 5 this morning and fell back asleep at 6 after taking clonidine again but was up at 715 cause thr baby woke up for the day otherwise I would have slept longer. I woke up feeling good, rested and fairly comfortable just little energy and I feel drained. My emotions are in checkout but I'm sure that's not over unfortunately.. I'm hoping and praying that this means it will continue to get better and that since I did my taper slow like I did and went the whole way down to 1mg that the worst of it is over. I'm not gonna hold my breath but a girl can hope. Lol. Even if the worst isn't over having a little break in between is still much appreciated as it should help me re-energize to continue. No thoughts of using anything including methadone. One of my fears was of having cravings to running back to the clinic so for me that's a huge success that I'm not really struggling with it. Anyway...thsnks to everyone for their support. I should have mentioned in my last post in this thread that I have considered switching fellowships and trying AA once I'm physically better and feeling up to it. In my town people either do one or the other so if I do AA I won't have bitter feelings like I do with NA over how I was treated by most NA members in my area for being on methadone. And Vickie, I too am involved in church. I am getting ready to do confirmation classes so i can join the church I attend. My fiancé is a member and he is a deacon at the church, does Sunday School for the k-2 age kids and he also just put together our vacation bible school last week. We are very involved. That's a piece I never really had in my life before meeting him. We go to a small church with a lot of elderly people but they are very accepting and non judgemental. They don't know about my past or the methadone, I haven't seen a need to tell them yet and there wasn't an appropriate time to bring it up thus far. Maybe one day. And you are right shame *****...it is the bad guy. I think for me the shame comes from the contradiction between what I do for a living and how I feel presently. I don't let it consume me and j know it will eventually pass. My old boss who left for a new position just celebrated 30 years clean. He's one of my heroes in life and an amazing man who I still talk to. He once told me that once we overcome something it becomes part of our story and the shame typically passes but when we are in it its not our story but rather our reality. I really like the way he put that. Anyway, that's my update for today. Have a wonderful 4th of July to those of you who may read this!
Hi Jen.....well your beeting this thing we win this war one day at a time the phyical part should be letting up but the ''energy crash'' can last a wile get up to walmart and pick up a can of whey protein shake mix it is like 18 bucks the chocolate flavor is good it has the raw protein for energy and a boat load of amino acids to heal the brain drink 2 a day other then that try to eat healthy lean protein like fish our chicken breast baked....exorcise the best you can even walking counts other then that you just got to let it run it course you willl recover keep posting for support......
Hi, Jen and Happy 4th of July to YOU!!
You sound like you are doing really well.
I found I liked the fellowship of AA better than NA and I like their Big Book better too. Having your old boss to talk to is a huge PLUS...someone in real life you can talk to when you need to.
The shame will pass and a new FREEDOM will consume you. Being totally off any mind altering substance will reward you in ways you never dreamed of. "Just for today....." Keep on trucking Jen!
I have a ton of protein already so that's awesome. I was on a diet trying to make serious lifestyle changes as far as my health was concerned. Every morning I was drinking a protein shake. However as the taper got rough my sweet tooth came back with a vengeance. Pretty much from 4 mg on my diet went halfway down the tubes. Still eating good but also slot of bad stuff too such as candy and anything sugar. I've kept it in moderation but for me sugar is a drug and once inlet it back in I crave it. It's horrible. I'm gonna work on getting back on track with that. I eat tons of fish and grilled chicken breast and quinoa and brown rice and veggies and fruit so I suppose in off to a good start. Thanks again for all the continued support.
Thanks so much! I have grown a lot since 2005-2008 when I was in NA. There were a lot of good people but there was also lots of chaos and I think I may have found it attractive to watch and listen to. I wasn't into participating in the chaos but I still enjoyed it on some sick level I think. I always found AA boring. However I have gone a lot the last 5 years due to my job and I found them so much more therapeutic for where I was at that time. However I have always liked the NA basic text better and find it easier to follow. I'll get it all sorted out ;). Anyway...I appreciate your message and support!
Well it was exactly 10 days about 6 hours ago! Yay! However the physical stuff is back and it appears to be back to stay for a bit. I'm so uncomfortable constantly. I'm at work and sitting in my office impatiently waiting for 3pm so I can go home. I ache all over and the clonidine doesn't seem to help anymore. When I take it the symptoms don't seem to ease up at all. Is it normal for things to feel worse at day 10?
Hey Jen.....well as you can see this drug is very cyclic and out of no where it comes back with a vengeance...just know this is common with methadone try soaking in a epsom salt bath it really helps the body aches.....it is going to take a wile for your brain chemistry to reset itself just hang in there and as always keep posting for support
How are you feeling today Jen?
Gnarly is right about it coming & going. From my experience, I think it is the Brain trying to adjust back and it sends false singles to the Body. I had a Dr tell me this back in 2012, he called "Somatic Syndrome".
So happy for you that you do have that Spiritual Support. I have bee going to both for yrs now, but in my town I find that in AA I can talk more freely about Jesus. Sure I still can in NA & if they do not like it..oh..well. It is my Recovery and I have worked so many steps to get this far.
Anyway, hope you are feeling a bit better. Besides the bath, get under a heating blanket when you have those bone aches or muscles aches & pains too.
I'm feeling pretty crappy today...maybe slightly better but it's hard to tell cause of how it comes and goes. I felt crappy this morning but I'm a bit better now. Still feel bad but amazingly I slept pretty good last night.
Just wanted to add my support. You are doing really great so keep it going. You are so worth this fight~