Aa
Mother Methadone...
I FINALLY found this site last week, & ever since, my whole mentality has started shifting on me...
I am 23, almost 24. Ive been on opiates for 5 years now. Nobody knows cause, well, ive pretty much pushed everyone away over the years.
I was in the cyle of regular opiate use for about 3 years... Started with lortab/perc's, then of course graduated to roxi's/oxi's, then Mother H... about 2 yrs ago I started on methadone, & although it is MUCH easier & cheaper to deal with, the emotional/spiritual costs are of course no less... I have no empathy, no good emotion other than blind lush happiness, & of course fear of The Sickness. I used to be a very emotional-type loving & supportive of all those reduced to their knees, but my empathy hardened into apathy slowly over this sick course to where I almost welcome people home when they hit their knees now... sick.
so i moved here(FL) about 5 yrs ago & never really clicked down here, & the depression of being away from the life I knew led me into the hands of prescriptions. It just kept slowly going downhill, then my mother died at the end of 05, & ever since then ive just kind of been ignoring my internal battles.... until I found this board.
I take about 20-40mg a day now. MUCH less than I used to, but still miles from mothing... Thank You SOOO much for simply existing, this forum is a Modern Miracle & undoubtably has saved many lives, & hopefully possibly even my own...
I am 23, almost 24. Ive been on opiates for 5 years now. Nobody knows cause, well, ive pretty much pushed everyone away over the years.
I was in the cyle of regular opiate use for about 3 years... Started with lortab/perc's, then of course graduated to roxi's/oxi's, then Mother H... about 2 yrs ago I started on methadone, & although it is MUCH easier & cheaper to deal with, the emotional/spiritual costs are of course no less... I have no empathy, no good emotion other than blind lush happiness, & of course fear of The Sickness. I used to be a very emotional-type loving & supportive of all those reduced to their knees, but my empathy hardened into apathy slowly over this sick course to where I almost welcome people home when they hit their knees now... sick.
so i moved here(FL) about 5 yrs ago & never really clicked down here, & the depression of being away from the life I knew led me into the hands of prescriptions. It just kept slowly going downhill, then my mother died at the end of 05, & ever since then ive just kind of been ignoring my internal battles.... until I found this board.
I take about 20-40mg a day now. MUCH less than I used to, but still miles from mothing... Thank You SOOO much for simply existing, this forum is a Modern Miracle & undoubtably has saved many lives, & hopefully possibly even my own...
I, too, am in Fl and don't seem to connect to anybody here. that, in addition to personality flaws, history of depression, low back pain...all started my current cycle...and now I am hooked on Methadone (May God Save Me). I am totally powerless over this addiction and know exactly how you feel...I will pray for you and you do the same, please, because "we" are all "we" have...
allalone
allalone
..arent we all in FL?
:oP
how long, how much, & how old?
I know you feel powerless, I do too a lot/most of the time, but the deepest, DEEPEST most instinctual, hidden part of myself knows this to be untue... no matter how much I hate it.
Its inside all of us, sometimes the effort to find it tho is just too much...
Been coming to these boards much?
:oP
how long, how much, & how old?
I know you feel powerless, I do too a lot/most of the time, but the deepest, DEEPEST most instinctual, hidden part of myself knows this to be untue... no matter how much I hate it.
Its inside all of us, sometimes the effort to find it tho is just too much...
Been coming to these boards much?
been browsing for a coupla years...just now got the nerve to post...very helpful to find that I am not necessarily "allalone". How about you? are you new?
To answer your questions...how long? Opiates, in general, started cough syrup containing 2.5mg of hydrocodone/5ml--believe it or not!?!?! Started about 10years ago...got into some legal trouble...quit...then started again with Tramodol (not controlled/not SUPPOSED to be addicting) and it escalated from there about 6 years ago. How much? Usually about 40-80mg of Methadone will hold me for 2-3 days (I now only take it to stave off w/d and so I can function....not for the "high"...which I have NEVER gotten from Methadone).
How Old? I am now 41 year old female.
How 'bout you, what's your story?
allalone
To answer your questions...how long? Opiates, in general, started cough syrup containing 2.5mg of hydrocodone/5ml--believe it or not!?!?! Started about 10years ago...got into some legal trouble...quit...then started again with Tramodol (not controlled/not SUPPOSED to be addicting) and it escalated from there about 6 years ago. How much? Usually about 40-80mg of Methadone will hold me for 2-3 days (I now only take it to stave off w/d and so I can function....not for the "high"...which I have NEVER gotten from Methadone).
How Old? I am now 41 year old female.
How 'bout you, what's your story?
allalone
i just left FL, since i knew too many people with pills, etc. plus they DR's there were so easy to get RX from. I left my kids in FL with their dad (we're divorced) to come here to wisconsin. I have so much more support here. when i reached out for help in FL they pushed methadone like it was nothing (free @ the county clinic) i'm so grateful i never went. it's hard eough detoxing from 10 -15 lorcets a day.
i just left FL, since i knew too many people with pills, etc. plus they DR's there were so easy to get RX from. I left my kids in FL with their dad (we're divorced) to come here to wisconsin. I have so much more support here. when i reached out for help in FL they pushed methadone like it was nothing (free @ the county clinic) i'm so grateful i never went. it's hard eough detoxing from 10 -15 lorcets a day.
Well, I was new down here, & had friends who had scripts or parents with scripts always sitting around, & compared to where i used to live, EVERYONE was just eating them like candy, so I started too.
After about 2 and a half years of spending the ridiculous amounts of money to eat regular opiates, I switched to H for about 5-6 months a couple years ago. Never shot up, always snorted so therefore had to do a lot more. Around that time I started finding decent long-term methadone connects, so for the past few years its been almost exclusively methadone. Never even tried to stop once.
I found this board about 3-4 weeks ago, & since then i've become steadfast in my decision to stop. Ive been tapering since, down from 40-60mg a day to 10-20mg now. Losing weight, but started to feel my true self come back, too. We need to keep in touch.
Like I said, im almost 24, which is a strange period of life anyways, so im thankful i found this board, otherwise i probably would have continued to hide. YEs im new, you just replied to my first-ever post.
thank you & you are NOT alone. FL docs are evil.
After about 2 and a half years of spending the ridiculous amounts of money to eat regular opiates, I switched to H for about 5-6 months a couple years ago. Never shot up, always snorted so therefore had to do a lot more. Around that time I started finding decent long-term methadone connects, so for the past few years its been almost exclusively methadone. Never even tried to stop once.
I found this board about 3-4 weeks ago, & since then i've become steadfast in my decision to stop. Ive been tapering since, down from 40-60mg a day to 10-20mg now. Losing weight, but started to feel my true self come back, too. We need to keep in touch.
Like I said, im almost 24, which is a strange period of life anyways, so im thankful i found this board, otherwise i probably would have continued to hide. YEs im new, you just replied to my first-ever post.
thank you & you are NOT alone. FL docs are evil.
how long have you been using? how old is your kid? mine is only 2...but, he is the only reason I am alive right now!!!!
when did you realize that you had a problem? I didn't even realize until about 2 years ago...isn't that crazy?? I have an advanced degree...but I guess that doesn't mean I am, necessarily smart, hunh????
Good luck in Wisconsin...wish I could get the hell outta Florida...you are right, too many doctors willing to write whatever you want (I KNOW bc I am a nurse)!!!!
Keep your chin up...stay where the support is...AND KEEP YOUR STRESSORS DOWN---That is what always keeps me from saying that I made it to day 2 (which I never have...sad, hunh???) Oh well, enough about me...good luck again...
allalone
when did you realize that you had a problem? I didn't even realize until about 2 years ago...isn't that crazy?? I have an advanced degree...but I guess that doesn't mean I am, necessarily smart, hunh????
Good luck in Wisconsin...wish I could get the hell outta Florida...you are right, too many doctors willing to write whatever you want (I KNOW bc I am a nurse)!!!!
Keep your chin up...stay where the support is...AND KEEP YOUR STRESSORS DOWN---That is what always keeps me from saying that I made it to day 2 (which I never have...sad, hunh???) Oh well, enough about me...good luck again...
allalone
Tink,
Thats great that you have somewhere where you can receive real support, congrats to you for making the obviously-hard step of leaving your family & getting true help. How long have you been off?
Alone,
how long have you been a nurse? Do the doctors that you see writing scripts realize what theyre giving people?? Are they in it for the money, lazy, or just simply misinformed?? Thts the hardest part of this while fiasco for me to wrap my mind around, how someone could consistenly hand this sh*t out...
have you ever tried to quit? Does anyone around you know of your problem? Do you have any support?
Thats great that you have somewhere where you can receive real support, congrats to you for making the obviously-hard step of leaving your family & getting true help. How long have you been off?
Alone,
how long have you been a nurse? Do the doctors that you see writing scripts realize what theyre giving people?? Are they in it for the money, lazy, or just simply misinformed?? Thts the hardest part of this while fiasco for me to wrap my mind around, how someone could consistenly hand this sh*t out...
have you ever tried to quit? Does anyone around you know of your problem? Do you have any support?
2 girls 6yrs & 10 yrs. old. a week before x-mas my 10 yr old said she wanted her "old mommy back" she's older and remembers 5 yrs ago before this monster consumed "our lives" it does effect all of us. i honestly believed for a long time a was a better, more energtic super mom on the pills. my daughter proved me wrong (kids are amazing) so on x-mas day i called their dad told him my plans (he knew about my pill problem) and just up and left. like i said FL drs. are so easy, my doc sent me away w/ a 3month supply. which was gone in 28 days. anyways i'm 32 yrs old and have endomatrosis w/ chronic pain. but the price of these pills affecting my life just isn't worth it. i'm a true addict. when the pills are gone i would do anything else i could get. coke, crack, snort heroin. NO CHILD DESREVES A MOMMY LIKE THAT!!! and that's my motivation this time ( on my 3rd detox) keep your head up, i have family in florida (very judgemental) my family in wisconsin is supportive. I get my girls on March 9th from FL, and i want to be sober, and get this "monkey off my back" before they come.
i started 3 days ago, yesteday a took 4 vic 5mg, and today only 1 vic 5mg. i also started cymbalta 3 days ago, it's really helped w/ loneliness, thinking obsessively about pills. leaving was the hardest thing i did, but like a real dumb ass brought a 3month supply with me. and as usual the more i missed my kids, the more pills i popped (numbs the pain of reality) but i REFUSE to get caught up in the guilt trap, i'm moving forward with my plan.
P.S. it;s so nice to have others to talk with online
P.S. it;s so nice to have others to talk with online
Isnt the scariest part how long you believed you were SuperMom??
At least your curtain was pulled back before it went on for any longer... Kids really are amazing, so wise in a sense..
Dont worry though, you made the right choice after you realized this & that is all that matters. You sound like an amazing mother who just hit a bump in the road, & at least your children are young enough to where they will forget all about this after things have been back to normal for a while. 10 is a lot younger than 12-14. My sister (39 now) waited until her kids were about 12-15, & by the point, well, needle & the damage done...
I find strength in your strength & I wish you all the luck in the world, if your moving around & coming to these boards & fighting for your children, your heart & will are in the right place & the rest will follow.
At least your curtain was pulled back before it went on for any longer... Kids really are amazing, so wise in a sense..
Dont worry though, you made the right choice after you realized this & that is all that matters. You sound like an amazing mother who just hit a bump in the road, & at least your children are young enough to where they will forget all about this after things have been back to normal for a while. 10 is a lot younger than 12-14. My sister (39 now) waited until her kids were about 12-15, & by the point, well, needle & the damage done...
I find strength in your strength & I wish you all the luck in the world, if your moving around & coming to these boards & fighting for your children, your heart & will are in the right place & the rest will follow.
i've tried detoxing twice in the last 4 yrs., but my daughters sincere words really hit home. It is scary how "we think" we come across. I feel in the very beginning maybe it was somewhat true, i had energy, was fun, outgoing, but then it became Denial, b/c i loved the feeling so much, selfish i couldn't see past ME.
Thanks for the support, we are all on the right track, thats why we're here. And we all stumble and fall, i think being a mom helps give me the strngth to keep trying
Thanks for the support, we are all on the right track, thats why we're here. And we all stumble and fall, i think being a mom helps give me the strngth to keep trying
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