Mothers with Addiction and Me

[red_1986]

I just got home from inpatient treatment this afternoon, I have been sober over 130 days 42 of them in treatment. My mom is an addict as well, I do not live with her for many reasons but she is very suicidal so I went to stay the night with her but, I am home now because she gets drunk and high and yells and brings up the past (like I can change it) she dosen't care about what I am going through  because she has "been there done that" (to say the very least) Because of all the deaths I have dealt with I have the BIGGEST FEAR or losing my loved ones It is a bad fear. I am truly trying to practice a NEW way of living she won't let me forget the past, but at the same time she says how much she needs and loves me, how proud she is. I just don't comprehend her at all. My question is have any of you grew up in a drinking and drug enviroment and has did a 360 in life (or trying to) and loved your addict family yet they use still and down grade you and praise you in the same breath? How do you cope and still show that recovery is possible? What can I do to let my see I am sorry for my mistakes, I have a disease, (always will) I was very sick in it and trying to recover? How can I show her I love her yet, avoid her problems? Since my 2 little brothers died and I am the "BABY" she needs MY LOVE to survive. I am truly all she has left I don't feel I can give up and watch her die. I know I can't control her and her use, I just want her to understand and see I love and need her despite her disease of addiction. What would YOU all do in "MY SHOES" any input is appriciated. I want sobriety, God and to live, laugh and Love it is so hard, but I can't make the choice to use again it is not an option. I have used my "9 Lives" I don't want to die, I just want to HELP and Love, Not LOSE my moma. PLEASE SOME INSIGHT IS NEEDED I AM WILLING TO TAKE ADVUCE AND YOUR OPINIONS!!!! HELP!!!

[girlybuff]

Get yourself to an al a non meeting.  I am an addict and came from a home with an alcoholic father.  I go to AA AND al a non to learn how to deal witht he addict in my life without compromising my sobriety which comes first above all else.  

[Chi_Chi_Lover]

Exactly what Toxictome says. You have to take care of YOU. You can't let her drag you backwards you have come too far in the right direction for your life.

When your mother is yelling things at you it is the alcohol talking. Not your mother. No matter what bad things we do as Mothers we never mean to hurt our children I promise you that. But you are a grown woman and you don't live with her. So take care of yourself right now. I know you are worried about her because of all the deaths but you can't be responsible for her right now. You are in a very serious situation with yourself and being clean for 130 days. You have to nurture that sobriety right now.
Yes, I lived with an alcoholic father that was abusive to my Mother and sister. He died from Alcohol poisioning when I was 11. My sister and I do not speak because I missed an important day for her son a year ago. She will not get over it even though her son who is 26 is over it. She is 14 years older than me so I've looked up to her like a Mom my whole life. This hurts me deeply but I have to worry about me and my life right now,

Take care and glad you are back. I'd love to know your take on rehab sometimes if you can drop me a PM. I've gone from a 5 year pill addiction to being addicted to drug rehab/recovery information and peoples experiences with getting clean :-)

[toxictome]

Welcome home...it prol' feels good to be in your own space.
As far as your relationship w/your mom...she's an alcoholic/addict...and that is the booze/drugs talking when she is yelling at you then telling you how much she loves you. There is so much emotional pain in an alcoholics life.
My mom was also an alcoholic, but she sobered up the last 20 yrs. of her life.It is horrible to watcha loved one go thru the things alcoholics do. I also am a recovering alcoholic(17 yrs. ) but i started pills 2 1/2 yrs. ago. I think the only thing you can do is be an example of a recovering person...and you probably need to give her tough love..cuz if you don't she will drag you back into her living hell. Tell her you love her but you can't be around her if she is drinking or drugging. This is a tough one...but you have to put YOU first now...did you talk about this in treatment at all?? I'm jsut curious what they said...If you want to PM me, that is fine....
Stay strong...I know this is painful...but you have come so far...you can only save yourself....I will keep both of you in my prayers...
God Bless!!!
KEEP POSTING!!!

[nuredshuz]

Im so happy for you on your 137 days clean!!! Way to go!!! My family of origin is very dysfunctional.  My dad was an alcoholic and that family had many problems. They stretched into adult hood, im 43.  I dont talk with my siblings because they are full of hatred and have many issues.  I do talk to my mother.  She was raised in a really harsh alcoholic environment, but she never drank.  Her role was mostly to be controlling and codependant.  We never discuss my dads alcoholism.  Very taboo in dysfunctional families sometimes.  We skirt around the circumstances, but never talk about why the circumstances are the way they are.  A counselor told me that they are extremely toxic and Im better off without being involved with them.  You can have a relationship with your mom, but you might have to come to the place where you accept the one that she can have and greive the one you want.  You have to forgive her.  It doesnt mean you need to be codependant or let her hurt you.  But thru forgiveness you can have with her what you can have.  It might be shallow and that is ok.  I think its important to find that place of peace, forgiveness and boundaries.  I hope you find it.  It is not easy, but it can be done with work and healing.

[cathy5841]

hey, its me again.  did you make arrangements for aftercare?  thats is very important, especially with the problems with your mom.  please remember...TAKE CARE OF YOU
i am on your side
cathy

[red_1986]

Thank you for the support this fourm and everyones posts is why I have made it this long 137 days thank you for just responding REALLY!!! God Bless

[GoingToMakeIt]

Welcome back home. Sorry it isn't a better home coming for you. Stay strong. Help your mom IF you won't relapse. Be careful even of the mental drag on you.

[worried878]

I worry about my daughters drinking.....she does not live with me and is married and he is a big drinker too...but I will be there to help if the need arises

[cathy5841]

red, how sad i am for you.  i was that mom for awhile.  my family never used but i did and then my daughter did.  i then got clean and sober and my daughter continued to use.  it was really hard and as much as i loved her i had to use tough love.  it even got to the point she was not allowed to come to ur home.  i would mmet her for lunch and such.  she is clean now and thhings are great, but it was tough.  i dont really have advice...you can not reason with an addict.  but you have to take care of you...your sobriety is most important.  i am here anytime you need to talk.
cathy

[worried878]

sounds as though now you have to be her rock of gibralter...that would be hard for you...can you get her to go to a meeting with you and like then go eat mex or something...make a mother dtr night out of it?