Here is the short version...lol, of how I got here!
(1 quick thing...for me the meaning of "clean" is not taking any pain meds, but I am in the process of tapering off Subutex)
I started using Percocet when I was 6months pregnant with my son b/c of kidney stones. (My son is now 6!) I have had 12 bladder/kidney surgeries and my kidneys were constantly infected or just going crazy. I had a C-section, which then everything got infected, so the doctor prescribed antibiotics and more Percs! Long story, short! I got hooked and when I went to the kidney docs, that was all I would get everytime, and since I liked how they made me feel, I kept going with it. It made me feel different, pretty, more energy, and a better mom! It finally got to the point where the doctor wasn't working there anymore and I got someone new! So I got a script from him once and then I was taking them so much, that I went to the Pcp too and just kept bouncing! Well, the pcp finally caught on and talked to the kidney doctor. The day I got the call from the Pcp, was the same day I left a message for the kidney doctor,telling him I am not taking this medicine as I should have and now I have a problem...(he never called back!) The Pcp said if you don't get help, the pharmacies are going to contact children services and other pharmacies and your name will be out there...the DEA is watching you! Well, as new mom, I had my son to worry about, so what did I do.... I found "friends", who had them, sold them, stole them, etc. And for 5 years bought them with any $ I had. So much money went to them that, my car got repossessed, I cheating on my husband (at the time) to get them, my son wasn't allowed in day-care, b/c I hadn't paid them! Try explaining those to your boss,hubby/wife, family??? Well within those 5 years, I divorced and still spent most of my paycheck on pills, the rest on whatever my son needed. In the back of my mind, I was begging to get caught, for someone to see my pain and reach out to help me. I was a single mom, on my own...trapped!
Then, I met my fiancee...oooh how my world changed! He had know idea of any of it for the first year and finally the day he caught me was the day I made my first appt with an addiction specialist!!!! I was so afraid he would leave! (During all this my ex, was threatening to take my son) and if that happened, my whole world would have died...I would have died! So, as you can imagine... I fought like hell to get clean and stay clean and I am very proud to say that I have!!! 499 days to be exacted today!!!!
I didn't tell anyone in my family until I was atleast 3 months in and that was so scary, but they backed me up 100%. And my fiancee has been the greatest! Sometimes, I think God sent him to me, to protect me and help me and in the end...love me! Some how, by the grace of God, even my ex husband stood by me and cheered me on. Though we both have move on and found someone new, we have become the best of friends, because he always knew that our son belonged with me!
I feel so blessed and so thankful at the same time, that I have such an amazing family and friends all the wonderful people here at Medhelp, who stood by me, supported me, picked me up when I was down and kept cheering for me! Without any of, I don't think I would have won this fight!
And to my son, though he is only 6, he has no idea that he saved my life! Because the thought of losing him, would have killed me for sure!
Thank you all so much for listening and all though we all may have different opinions about this conversation, just remember....we all have been there one way or another and we have won our fights, now lets cheer on other people and let them see that "You can win" and "You can survive" !!!
Take Care and I hope to have added a little inspiration to anyone going through the same situation!!!!