Hi Miriam, I've read all your posts so far. You need to go to alanon ASAP. You are completely enmeshed and over analyzing this. You will learn in alanon how to calm down and not focus so much on what the addict is doing or not doing. You will learn why you choose the people you do and how to put the focus back where it belongs, on your life.
I agree with jifmoc. It would not hurt you at all if you look all of this up like I suggest either. However, only HE is the one who has to do the admitting that he has a problem. If he keeps doing drugs it will only get worse! If HE can stop now and look ahead for a Great Future, drug free then that would be the fist step. The detox off of pills is over and then the work begins. Using for ANY reason at all is Addictive behavior besides what they are prescribed for and used as prescribed for pain if it is pain pills too.
It does seem like you did get some communication going, but as Addicts sometimes we will lie to cover our ash! We can not tell from here how deep he is into it, but I can say that the grass can be greener on the other side. For me there are so many reason that I stay clean, as far as my Health at my age mostly too. Also we reach a point where we are just sick of being sick. I wish YOU the best! Just know that when we use off & on it can lead to wanting or needing more & more. No looking back unless he gets some kind of Support going for his Addiction.
Take care of YOU always!!
Just wanted to comment on the last paragraph you wrote. No, it's not possible that he has it under control. I had a serious, serious addiction to pain pills and never stopped holding down a good job and being a decent partner and parent. But addiction to opiates is a progressive syndrome. Over the years, it ate more and more of my life, gradually lowering the quality of my work and my family contributions. This is inevitable for every opiate addict. No exceptions.
He's already lying to you and being deceptive on a regular basis, which is not part of a healthy relationship. And I can 100% guarantee that things will get worse, not better, if he continues to use pills. Even if he had seen the light and wanted to quit, he'd have an uphill battle re-earning the trust that's been lost. If he's still in the denial phase of addiction, you can expect your trust to be abused. That's just how it works. Unless you hear him proclaiming loudly and clearly that he's an addict and wants to quit, you need to think about walking away. Also - there are some really good books out there around addiction, I highly recommend reading one or two to give yourself a better understanding of his situation and mindset.
I see you have two threads going. Try to stick to one, it's easier for everyone to keep up with you. :)
Great advice from Ben!! Vic and Jif, too!
Alanon, Miriam, Alanon!
Read and reread the answers you've received here if nothing else. All are pointing you in the right direction, Sweetheart.
He is abusing these meds and possibly has an addiction. Sounds like his money is going to support his habit and he has been untruthful to you, He needs to take responsibility for this. You did not cause him to take them. Pain killers are not prescribed for stress but anti-depressents and anti-anxiety meds are. He doesn't want these cause they won't get him high.The constipation could be from high use of narcotics. Doesn't sound like he is being honest with you or himself and makes excuses, refuses help cause he doesn't want to quit. You would do yourself great justice to find someone who does not have a drug problem
Your man is an addict. He lies, deceives, denies and hides his use. Whatever he admitted to, you can be sure there is much more you don't know about. It is especially easy for him since you two live so far apart. Unfortunately, the drugs mean more to an addict than any person, place or dreams for the future. You two are very different. Break it off and find someone straight who will put you first and treat you properly.