Hello MiriamMM, Welcome to the forum.. I'm going to be blunt. Having a relationship with a active addict is nearly impossible while you live with them While over the computer/camera is Impossible due to the Nature of addicts. I would like to ask why you would want to involve yourself with a addict in the first place. Maybe look into why you do not want better for yourself. I do not mean to be harsh but active addiction is a lot of work for a lifetime.. If you insist start with AlAnon it is a support group of family members of addicts. As far as telling his parents I believe you will loose if you do A active addict will always put his/her addiction first.. take care of Yourself ok. lesa
Hi & Welcome.
Some ppl can do these types of drugs and nod out or get real wired up. We build up a tolernce to opiate pills and need more and more to get that "good feeling".. Sure it can start out recreational but Addiction is or will become a Brain Disorder sooner then later, meaning that it's is not about substance a persons uses or the amount or frequency use. Addiction is about what happens in a persons brain when they are exposed to rewarding substances or rewarding behaviors, and it is more about rewards circuity in the brain than it is about the external chemicals or behaviors that "turn on" that reward circuitry in the Pleasure part of the brain they call "mid brain " which is responsible for our survival. It can happen by Substances, Gambling, Shopping and even Chocolate, etc.. Lots of things bring Pleasure, and it is what one does when they get that rush of dopamine to that part of the brain that can make them become addicted.. Sooner or later the drug/other additive behaviors takes over and nothing matters as far as survival except to get the drugs or so fourth. People who are informed about the brains origins of addiction can benefit from understanding that their illness has a Biological basis and does not mean they are "Bad" people. Treatment of the person's w/ds symptoms is based on understanding how w/ds is related to the brains adjustment to opiates. Try to do some more home work and read up on Addiction & the Brain. It will show you how many Brain Neurochemical to Receptors get all unbalanced, or how drugs can interfere with the singles that go back and fourth in many other brain chems and so forth. It will help you to understand "why" some of us can become Addicted and others can do their pain pills right or as needed. Regardless these type of substance do something to many of those Brain Chems.
He, Himself, will have to really want to get Support for his Addiction. Until he excepts the fact that he has no more control over these, then there is nothing no one can do but only him. Keep searching and learning all you can about those Brain Chems and maybe you can show him. I know it has help me to be "scared straight" plus my meetings and church and some other types of support. I do wish YOU the best. There needs to be TRUST and COMMUNICATION in a relationship. Maybe he will stop and get help if he knows he is going to lose you. Who knows how far or deep he is in this. Like I said, do some more homework and find out all you can about Addiction. Also like Lesa said, those meetings will teach you so much too, but in a bit of a different way.
I wish YOU all the Best that Life has to offer! Off to Church I go!
Hi Miriam...as was said above, telling his Dad won't do any good. Your b.f. is an adult in active addiction; there is nothing his Dad can do.
Clearly you are a highly intelligent young woman. You have a good head on your shoulders and a lot going for you. As hard as it might be, please harden your heart, look out for yourself, and leave this man behind.
Wishing you the best~
starting a relationship with and addict starts with a lie and unless you a very very strong person you are in for a bad time, telling his family is bad idea its his problem and from what you have described your relationship is not much in my opinion the bottom line is he wants the pills more than you if he didn't then he would not be acting like an addict I know that sounds bad but its just the way it is.. do yourself a favor and tell him the pills or me and really mean it then let us know what the outcome is without telling his parents...
I think you know what the answer to your situation is what does your heart tell you.. good luck
Hi honey....here's a link to our "Living with an Addict" forum. Please read as many posts as possible, I think they will help.
Alcohol and cig use...I'm afraid since this is a long distance relationship, you only know what he tells you. What he wants you to know. We (addicts) lie, that's a fact. And if he really did cut down on the alcohol, he simply traded one addiction for another with the pills. And if it's not the pills, it will be something else.
Most young people don't think they have a problem...don't think they need help. We were all young once too. When you're young you can party all night, then go to work the next morning and function just fine. Or take pills all day and function just fine.
I hope you will notice the age of the members who have taken the time to talk with you. We are all in our 50's and 60's, and have been addicts a LONG time. So we know. There are so many Red Flags with your b.f., they are difficult to count. You would benefit greatly in checking out Al-Anon.
Truly, Miriam, we only have your best interests at heart. Please trust us. Hugs.
Oops with addressing that post to myself! That was to you, Miriam.
What kind of pills is he taking? Do you know the name?
It sounds like his use Is recreational but that could lead to problems. I don't think you need to tell his parents; it would probably just upset them and there's nothing they can do.
You need to decide where to focus and the focus should be on you and your happiness and comfort.
He'll lie as long as he's using. It's the nature of the beast. You can't fix him, you can't make him stop, and you'll never convince him he's doing the wrong thing. He'll think about stopping when his life becomes completely unmanageable and even then it will be a long haul.
Tell him how you feel about his drug use and what your limit is. If your limit is no drug use at all then there's your answer. You need to tell him you won't tolerate drug use in the relationship. Don't give ultimatums though; it doesn't work. Good luck-
Hi Miriam, I only have a minute, but what you're describing is likely "Oxycontin". Google it. I just had major surgery a few months ago, and was given this upon release. This is MORPHINE. That's what my bottle said. I got used to taking 20mgs twice a day very quickly. ANY Morphine is serious. ANY. So is 60mgs a lot? Yes. I took my last one Easter Sunday, and still feel just horrible from the withdrawal. If your b.f. is nodding off, he is likely taking more than 60mgs but of course that is only a guess.
Saying a prayer for your strength in this, honey! We are all here for you!!
Yes, you do know what to do. Go to alanon. We are here for you but all this analysis is not going to help you. Please get into action and go.
When my girlfriend and I got together she knew from day 1 that I was a very active alcoholic and she took that on. We lived together for a year. Tried to battle this daemon together. We both learned a LOT about each other AND about addiction. Both ended up in therapy and on crazy meds. Then I ended up in jail and she left for a while. I sobered up after 17 years, and she was right there waiting for me. We're a couple again, but not living together yet. Both sober. Both still in therapy.
It's DOABLE, but don't think for a second that it's going to be easy or even successful necessarily.