Yes....it was all lies! Yes. ..you need to move on! He used you physically, financially and emotionally! Hes a selfish addict that is TOTALLY NOT in revovery. My suggestion would be to move on. DO NOT WASTE ANYMORE TIME ON THIS PERSON! Addicts are slick, liars, manipulators, and will use anyone who is willing. Only after some years in revovery have i been able to put these character defects.
I especially hate the way he claims your mother is part of the problem....be steals her pills and its her fault???
See this for what it is.....do not take his calls. Do not answer any emails NOTHING! More than likely he will try to slither back when hes run out of all options....you want to be a last resort?
Hi, your username is "heartbroken nurse." Interesting. You are a total caregiver in your professional and personal life. And the latter, to your detriment. I will only add to what my pal Motye said by saying the only work you need to do now is figure out why you are attracted to chaos, insanity and not getting your needs met. Alanon would be a great place to start. Addicts are completely unworthy of anything substantial unless they are clean. Period. You deserve better.
I totally agree with jimoc. You need to realize Your own role in this so as not to devote this kind of involvement with such a needy Person. He was not a good risk from the very beginning. Also, You have a Child so You MUST choose a mate wisely. Children learn what They live and Your Child must be Your priority. That being said I'm sorry for Your pain emotionally as well as financially. I have experience with Alanon myself and totally agree You should go there. You will learn what You need to know about YourSelf, about co dependency and enabling. Good Luck To You
Sometimes when we are already having the cups of worries as full we decide to buy a new cup of headaches. And it happens to the most of us. While the cup of worries is life and the cup of headaches is Love that may be accompanied with desires and what not. Just like life itself that can be beautiful if we work hard towards making it beautiful by learning from our mistakes, not repeating them and making better choices and sticking by them . All injuries or hurts take time to heal and it is okay to take rest at times but what is important is never stop making efforts towards all the ways that help to make your life beautiful. Things will start to make sense as the time passes and with patience you will be able to understand everything without even anyone trying to help you understand or explain to you. The life of this world is for once and it is not for ever not for anyone. Practice kindness but don't be fooled by people trying to take advantage of you. Parenting is not an easy job. But we have to keep trying to do the best while maintaining a great positive outlook towards life not only for ourselves but for our children too. I think blaming the outside forces does consume the energy that we can use to improve ourselves instead to make us stronger better and immune to all the negative forces outside that try to bring us down.
I just read a post on Facebook today and it said that if you do not love yourself you will find yourself chasing people that do not love you either. And I think it was a great food for thought to me for today. I hope it helps you too.
And sometimes there are times when we feel lonely and want to be loved in all the ways we deserve to be loved and that is the time when people may lower their standards and make compromises with someone they should not be. But it happens to most of us. So going into details of everything about what the person does or is doing and make yourself bad or weep over such actions is normal up to certain level . It is the earlier stages of healing. And I am sure you will feel better especially If you decide so without allowing thoughts that take you back to sadness. Check your thoughts, stay busy and occupy yourself with positive action. Have no time for whatever thoughts that try to make you sad. Enjoy your daily successes. And give your best to your children. They deserve it. And what is most important it to make efforts to not only stand up but this time stand up even much higher while maintaining a humble attitude and being aware at the same time.
Well, heartbrokennurse17, you are receiving everyone's comments and suggestions with an open mind and heart! That means you have a teachable spirit which MANY people do not have. It would be good to learn as much as you can about codependency in general. Not only could you attend Al-Anon meetings, there are also CoDA (codependents.org) meetings available. You can access A LOT of good information online. A really old, but fabulous book (imo) is Codependent No More by Melody Beattie. There is also this cool resource I just discovered where you can read a weekly reading by another codependent person and if you click on that person's story, at the bottom of that page are good links you can access there as well. Here's that link:
In Al-Anon you will learn SO much that you can apply to your entire life! I found that it helped me to know the difference between "equipping" and "enabling", how to detach with love, how to set healthy boundaries in all areas of my life, the three "C's"....I did not CAUSE the addict to do anything, I cannot CONTROL the addict, and I cannot CURE the addict. It's easier now to let my "yes" be yes and my "no" be no without becoming uncomfortable or unloving. I find that I use the tools I have learned in SO many areas of my life. What a blessing it has been for me over the years. Probably the best advice I rec'd when I was new and scared was: "Take what you like and let the rest go." And the other piece of advice I was given was to go to at least 6 meetings before I made a decision that "this isn't for me". One exception I found to that last one, I went to a meeting where the woman leading the meeting was WAY DOMINEERING and BOSSY and a total turnoff just to listen to her. And it was quite obvious she wasn't applying the principles of Al-Anon in her life.
We have another forum here on MedHelp for those that love an addict. I'll come back and post that link for you after I get this posted. Sorry to be so long winded, but as most people know, that's just "how she rolls"...haha!!
Blessings to you and your son, dear one~
May you have healthier days ahead that give you healing and hope.
He did you a favor. Count it as a favor. You really have to ask why after all of this sh*t. I've been in recovery for 9 years and wouldn't even deal with another person in recovery 0 in terms of a relationship- as you never know what kind of broken individual you are going to get. They are all broken. Stop trying to fix them.
I hope your tests came back okay as i know 1st hand how stressful that can be. I have a daughter who was diagnosed with breast cancer in May.
Everyone has given you excellent heartfelt advice so i really cant add anything new. I just wanted to let you know i am here for you also and that i care~